Texting Two-timing??

Good advice from Eliza, Lil2, and Tiffany.
If you are hiding you are not being honest and what kind of person does that make you?
I know she is young but this is when you learn lessons, set patterns, and develop character. She should pay attention to these things. Ideally both boys know about the other one.

Are they both "boyfriends" or just guy friends.

There is not enjough info for me but from my experience....my daughter has a lot of guy friends (not boyfriends) and she communicates with them as much or more than she does her girl friends.

The only time I have questioned her, is when the guy friends come here on weekends to hang out and I know they have a girlfriend. They have chosen to be at my home vs with their girlfriend. I have learned that the girlfriends actually know the guys are here.

They are only teens and these is not permanent relationships. They are learning how to get along and have friends.

As a mom, I'd butt out on this one.

I think as long as she is being honest "I am not just dating one guy" and "Not kissing any" and they know that, she is just being courted. Once she takes the next step with one of them she needs to let the others know. Most importantly she needs to be truthful to herself and I would talk with her about that. But as for the telling her to stop with the "two-timing" She will either get her heart broken or figure out on her own if it is right or wrong.
Most of the time, what we want to "save" our kids from is what they need to experience the most:)
You sound like a wonderful Mom, and she sounds like a great little lady, Keep it up!
Good luck,
E.

Without more information for certain than you have provided, it is impossible to say if there is an ethics/morals question or not. Without knowing what they're texting about, nor how much the new boyfriend really does know, it's all conjecture.

If it were me, I would just say something to her like "Be careful that you don't shoot yourself in the foot with texting both of them. Make sure that they're clear on what their relationship is with you and what the expectations are, so that you don't end up losing both of them to a misunderstanding. They're both great guys and I would hate to see all of you hurt." And then I would leave it at that.

If she's not being honest about it with her new boyfriend, then its deceptive which equates to a form of cheating. If she's not being upfront and tell her old boyfriend about her new relationship, then its deceptive and leading him on.

Ultimately, its her decision to make... simply because she's too old for you to tell her how to proceed. However I think you are right to try and steer her towards being honest and trustworthy in her relationships with men and expecting honesty and trust in return.

So here is what my opinion of cheating or two-timing is. Anytime a girl cannot tell her boyfriend what she doing (involving anything or anyone) then she is cheating, being dishonest, lying, etc. If the boyfriend will be terribly hurt by the knowledge of these communications (or whatever else) with another boy, then she is cheating.

That being said, as a parent, this is your opportunity to teach her to be honest not just with boys, but in life. If she is going to hang on to two boys, then they have the right to know. All she has to do is be upfront in the first place and not be exclusive with anyone. It is a lot easier and completely opens the door to whatever communications she wants to have. If she is not willing to do this then she needs to let the old boyfriend know that she has moved on and sorry.

I know it is hard to do but if she looked at it from the other perspective, as though it was her that this was happening to, then she would understand how bad it hurts to be "led on" or "lied to".

Teach her to be honest. It is YOUR place to do so. She is a teenager, she gonna be mad at ya anyways. That is what they do. This is a parenting moment, not a buddy moment.

Good luck!

I would listen to the mom inside you and tell her to quit playing games. Men do not like women who plays games and when both of these men find out, she may just end up loosing both of them.

Dear Mom,

It's two-timing if the boys don't know about each other. If she hasn't made up her mind, she should just say to both boys, " I want to see other people.

Blessings.....

Well... personally, 17 is really young to be developing permanent relationships. She still has many years to date a lot of guys. I would think she should be encouraged to have casual friendships, date lots of guys. Then she won't be two-timing. She's got plenty of life to live.

my sister and i were just talking about old boyfriends and one of mine came into conversation. he had the habit of hanging on to one girl while looking for the next. i wasn't even in love with him, but i still despise this kind of behavior and dislike him for treating me that way. you said "the mom inside me wants to tell her to knock it off." you are her mom. don't try to be anything else. it's your job to teach her to be honest and straightforward in relationships, even at 17. if she and her boyfriend have agreed to date exclusively, she needs to stick with that agreement or tell him otherwise when/if she feels like doing things differently. good luck!

I would tell her that if she ever cared for the past boyfriend, then she should care enough to let him go. Keeping in contact with him is cruel.

She may also be trying to decide WHICH boy she loves the most. I would tell her if she wants to text both of them, then they need to know about each other. Having multiple men "court" women has been done for ages, but they KNOW about each other.

From one teen mom to another, it's very difficult to know when to but in and when to stay out of certain issues that pertain to our teens. Me being a single mom of a 16 year old daugher, I find myself asking myself should I say something or not, especially when I overhear her conversations on the phone and she says something that might not be pleasing to my ears, I'll wiat until she gets off the phone and I'll talke to her about it. If it's something that I think really should be addressed I say what I have to say. I approach her in a caring and concerned way, such as I don't mean to pry but I want to tell you how I feel about this and I don't think is right. Morals are very important and they carry them throughout adulthood. Just tell her what you think and how you feel, sometimes they really do listen when we think they don't hear us. Good Luck, my prayers are with you...

I have a daughter who's 18, and a son 20, so I know how ubiquitous the texting thing can be. That said, at this age, you have to believe you have raised her with the values that you wanted her to have. Talk to her and keep the lines of communication open, but don't judge her or tell her to knock it off. The reality is that kids constantly text EVERYONE all the time. There may indeed be nothing to it, and she will feel like you are unfairly accusing her and don't trust her judgement.

Although we might not think this is correct behavior, it may be perfectly innocent and fine. Unless you've read the texts and know that they are inappropriate, you should trust your daughter. And, if you've read the texts (oops!) and think they are inappropriate, you still need to let her decide her own rules, with the background of 17 years of your guidance.

She's old enough to know this is right or wrong for her, and only she can judge that for herself now.

It's hard to stand back when you see something you think is going awry, but at this age, you have to let them fly on their own and make their own mistakes.

Good luck, it's not easy!

Call her on it. The only way you can guide her is to guide her and be sincere and bold. How would you treat a close friend that wasn't your daughter? Make her think about being in their shoes or let her figure it out the hard way when she loses both.

It depends on what the intentions are.
If her intention IS to flirt around with both boys behind their back, then that is dishonest.
If her intention is just to be friends with both boys, then I don't see what the big deal is.
If her intention is she is confused... then she is confused and is not sure of both.
If her intention is to manipulate them emotionally (which I doubt), then she is a very mean girl.
If her intention to keep it secret from them is that she knows they will be jealous (for no other reason than them being boys), then I can understand that..... and essentially, she does have a right to have other guy friends/Buddies.... just because a girl is "dating" a guy it does NOT mean their entire social life ends... and that they cannot have guy friends or guy buddies.

I can understand her in a sense... I have had boyfriends which the relationship broke up... but I and they always remained platonic/good friends afterward. Even though each person then had other relationships. The thing is, I don't see anything "wrong" with that.... UNLESS there are emotional attachments still.
If there are emotional attachments still or physical attachments.... then, that is not right nor fair to the current relationship... and the person should not be in a monogamous relationship with someone else.

Next, we women can have friends of all genders regardless if we are in a relationship or not. BUT... as we know, some men are highly and irrationally "jealous" of any other guy, even if it may be a platonic friendship. So, does that mean that we women have to cut off ALL friendships... just because our current "boyfriend" can't trust or can't understand that we should not be so controlling? I mean, some guys can't even handle a woman/their girlfriend having other female friends. Thus, the woman has to keep it "secret." Teens go through this too. There are a lot of TEENS being controlled in relationships too.
It is very different if one is married or just dating. And if the relationship/friendship is sexual or not.

All the best,
Susan

but none of these are permanent relationships. she doesn't know yet which one she likes more, so she's just taking her time. the ex is off to college, and him and her are still into each other. she just doesn't know. this does not predict her future. i'd actually be happy that she's just not settling, she needs to find out what she likes.
it's not called two-timing unless married, and hopefully she won't get married anytime soon. this isn't even 'new age' thing. my generation did this, granted to texting at that time, but we talked on the phone with exes and currents, and sometimes dropped the current for the exes, if those felt right. you know what i mean. i think you should talk to your daughter about how it feels to have the heart broken, to take her time, but when she knows which one she'd like to be with she should let the other one know. that is it.
i think. just my opinion

Well... she's only 17. I would hope neither of these relationships is/was too serious. I can only imagine that over the course of the next 5-10 years she'll date numerous young men, and not all of these relationships will be serious ones. I really don't think the new boyfriend can expect that she will only talk to him. I'm sure he talks to/flirts with other girls. In my opinion, it's normal and healthy for teens that age to flirt, and if that keeps them from getting into overly serious relationships (that they are probably not emotionally equipped to handle very well), then so much the better. Not to freak you out, but it will probably get worse in college! I remember dating 3 or 4 guys at a time in college - none of them seriously, just going out on dates or going to parties with them. And despite all of that, I have been with my husband for more than 10 years now, completely faithful the whole time.

I would just let your daughter do her thing. =)

I don't know how much you have already said to her, but I would sit down with her and let her know that while you don't want to involve yourself with her relationships, this (one conversation only) is your opinion - If she is still friends with the ex, that is okay, but the new guy needs to know about it, and the ex needs to know about the new guy. That honesty is really the best thing, and if her relationships are healthy, she shouldn't need to hide anything. If she is afraid of hurting one or the other by ending it, she also has her answer, because what if they found out about the other - they would be hurt even more.

Just talk it out with her and make sure that she sees both sides. Then, nothing more, unless she comes to you. She is 17 and learning how to deal with relationships. You can guide her, and help her see all sides of it, but you can't make the decision for her. I don't think that you should be a "buddy", but she should know that you are there, and that she can talk to you about those things. This may help solidify that relationship, and teach her what your values are as well.

WOW! I have been in your shoes several times. I have 3 Daughters 21, 18, and 17. I always say if you have to keep a relationship a secret that relationship is inappropriate! It is good you are aware but when you butt in too much she will eventually keep it a secret from you too. Give her the advise but step back so you can still know whats going on, or she will shut you out of her life.

Back when I was dating, at first the whole point was to go out with as many people as possible so you could figure out what you liked and didn't like about various people. It took a LONG time before ANYONE entered into exclusive relationships. And even when some people started doing this, a lot of times an exclusive dating arrangement would fizzle and burn out within a month or two. It takes a long time to find Mr Right. As long as she hasn't told them she is being exclusive to one guy or another, she's not doing anything dishonest. And you can bet the guys are seeing / texting other people, too. I had several suitors before I accepted my then boyfriend's (now husband) proposal of marriage. There's a time for playing the field and sorting through the available choices.