Terrorific Twos

I'd recommend either this book http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081...

or this one http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Love-Difficult-Discipline-Coop...

Both are good reads and I think have what you're looking for. HTH. :)

I read a book by John Rosemond called "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" and it has lots of good advice for keeping your head and remaining in control of yourself and hence the situation. I don't recall if he discussed whining, but it's possible. Perhaps look into that in addition to checking her hearing. My son's pediatrician says the way they check hearing is by seeing if the child notices softer noises. Not like a doorbell or the phone ringing, but if someone opens a door in another part of the house, does your daughter notice it and know what it is? Does she hear someone walk up behind her? Stuff like that. If it's not a hearing difficulty, then she may just be challenging you, which is what 2-year-olds do. Good luck! My son's about to enter the Twos himself, so I'm glad I read Rosemond's book first - it's helped me already to have greater self-control.

I speak with my childs doctor about having her ears checked. She may have an ear infection or need to have tubes put into them because she is having trouble hearing you.
G.

Have you actually gotten her hearing checked out? If she says "huh" over and over again when you use anormal tone it is possible she is not hearing well. Two is a very usual age for children to have ear infections frequently that can cause them to have hearing issues. The same thing happened with my neice, we all that she was a little whiny and stubborn and it turned out her ears were hurting and she had to have tubes. I know being a single parent can be overwhelming but sometimes the simplest solution is the best. Make an appointment with your pediatrician and rule out any medical issues. If that is not the problem then look at yourself, usually children that age act out because that is the only way they can get your attention. Being a single parent and having the sole responsibilty of the entire household on you gives you even less time to yourself. Your daughter senses that stress in you but unlike you she doesn't understand it. Parenting is tough and unfortunately doesn't come with a handbook. Hang in there.

If she keeps saying huh when you use a normal tone of voice, maybe she needs her hearing checked? Unless it's only when you are telling her to do something she doesn't want to do-then that's just selective hearing-most toddlers have that, not to mention husbands. lol. You might tell her that when she is whining you can't understand her words when she whines like that-if she wants something she can talk like a big girl.
It's a mommy's secret that as much as we love them we sometimes don't like our kids, it's very hard but it happens. You are not a terrible mother, you are very normal. Last week when I heard my 4 year old yelling at her 2 year old sister I decided I needed to change that. I told herd that I was going to try and not yell anymore and that she didn't need to yell at her sister anymore, and that if I yelled she had should tell me that we don't yell in our house anymore...and she has. We all get frustrated and lose our mommy cool sometimes, just continue doing the best you can and say lots of prayer for your daughter and for yourself! God bless.

I have s on that does the same thing. His is just plain stubborness and I've started only telling him things once. If she's acting like she really can't hear you, then I'd consider having her hearing checked. Has she had any ear infections?

Bless your heart - I think we all at times don't really like our kids all while loving them :-) Have you had her hearing checked? She may whine because she doesn't hear well - I noted you said she responds with "HUH" when you use a normal tone of voice. Good luck and God bless

A., I TOTALLY feel your pain!!

In fact I got on here today to ask advice about my "two year old woes," but you already had! My daughter is 27 months, and she wants us to reapeat EVERYTHING she says. If she says something and we don't respond, she says it over and over until we actually repeat the word back. I know it sounds silly and not that big of a deal, but as a SAHM of her and an 8 month old, it gets pretty exhausting to have to repeat back to her everything she says!! If we don't do it, she whines and says the word over and over.
I feel bed, because I don't know if this is just how she is learning or if I should just find a way to nip it in the bud. I was a teacher for 5 years before I stayed at home, and I still don't know how to handle this one.
So I thought I would just let you know that there are others out here with you trying to raise our babies, loving them as much as we can, and trying to do the right thing!
On the other hand, I think I will post this...:)
Hang in there,
L

mama, has it occured to you that she may not actually be able to hear you well? have you had her hearing checked? does she speak at an age appropriate level? if all that is OK, then get down on her level, or sit her in your lap, where she doesnt feel threatened, and explain to her that you cant listen to her when she is whining, that you need her to speak to you in a nice voice so you can help her. I have 4 girls and I have found that the sooner you start talking to them like they are intelligent enough to understand you and communicate with you acceptably, at an age-appropriate level of course, the better! and be consistent, whining is kinda hard to break them of, but it is soooooo worth it! good luck!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! I also struggle with this (feeling like a bad parent for yelling, so does my hubby) but try to remember you are only human. That being said, here's what we try to do (and it doesn't always work). Take what you like and best of luck to you!
1. You have to try to keep steady and firm, try to remember that 2 years is not a lot of time to figure things out in and it's not personal. I always try to remember that (it's hard!) and instead of yelling, give her consequences that really sting (as in losing her Tinkerbell movie - she's 3 and totally obsessed). I will even walk away to collect myself, and sometimes that alone gets her to listen. Do whatever you have to - count, walk away, breathe. But if you do yell, forgive yourself. It happens to all of us. (Then when things calm down talk to your daughter. I say I'm sorry for yelling, but also explain what happened. She usually apologizes, too.)
2. Be consistent. Your daughter is testing you (and it will probably get worse when she's 3). Try to be consistent (we struggle here). Have a set consequence for fit throwing (going to her room, losing her favorite things one by one). You've got to hit where it hurts with the punishments (and no earn-backs, the only use this to excuse tantrums by "earning it back").
3. Head her off before the fit starts. When you see the lip drop of you can tell the fit is gearing up, distract her. Be silly, dance, make faces, bring up her favorite cartoon or food, or talk about something she likes - anything you can do to get her mind on something else. Count and make it a race - "Can you get this done before I get to 10?".
4. Being a mom is a constant battle to anticipate what they need and what's going to send them over the edge. Give lots of warnings about potential problems. With my daughter, we will say something like, "Ok, when we get home, there's isn't going to be any playtime before nap b/c we went to the park. So no fits, ok? Just get in, get ready for nap, and we'll do ---- after you wake up." I used to teach preschool and know that transitions from one activity to another are the worst times for breakdowns. So try to stick to a routine and give lots of warnings about changes. Use a timer for cleanup and work together (make it a race) or see if you can clean up blocks before you finish singing "Twinkle, twinkle".
Ok, so that's some of what we do. We also yell, threaten her with unreasonable consequences, pull out our hair, get mad at each other, and sometime question what we were thinking to even have kids at all. Just kidding. :)
Anyway, hang in there. You may not win every battle, but as long as you win the war...Have a glass of wine after she goes to bed and look at her baby pictures (to remember when she couldn't talk or throw herself on the floor...) GOOD LUCK!

Please have her hearing checked. I have a daughter who was diagnosed with a hearing loss at 19 months. Early detection is key in helping these children cope with their loss. She is now 17, a Senior in high school, academically equal with her hearing peers and college bound in the fall. There are several deaf kids at her school that are not academically equal with their hearing peers and it breaks my heart, in most cases this is because there was not early intervention with speech therapy and language based learning. Also because these kids need to be pushed to keep up with their peers, you can't let them use their disability as an excuse not to do, learn or try something. My daughter signs with her deaf friends, however, she reads lips and speaks with her family members and other hearing individuals. This has equipped her to be able to communicate with everyone. She's had to work hard to get where she is and I am so proud of the young lady that she has become.

Hearing is not like turning a radio up or down. There are several frequencies across the sound board and sometimes it's hard to detect because you know they can hear something. Well, what may be happening is that they can hear parts of speech but not others. My daughter could not hear speech, however, could hear you clapping your hands. The clapping of the hands was loud enough at a frequency that she could hear slightly that she was able to respond. She cannot hear anything without her hearing aides (she is severe to profoundly deaf), however, with the type of hearing aides that she has, she is able to respond to noise because these aides take the frequencies that she can't hear at all and turns them into ones that she can slightly hear. This allows her to respond to the noise and her brain has even figured out what sounds mean what (it's amazing how God created our brains to be so functional).

I wish you luck and hope that hearing about my daughter does not make you afraid of having her hearing checked. If you have any questions or would just like to talk, please respond. I also have some more advice on behaviour modification if you would like to hear it.

Good luck!

My son is terribly stubborn and whiney. Although he doesn't respond to my quiet voice like your daughter does, he also will not stop the whining - it will get worse. So, I send him to his bed. I calmly tell him that I will not listen to him until he has a happy voice (that makes more sense to him than telling him to not be whiney). At first he wouldn't go to the bed on his own. So, I would give him the instruction, wait a few seconds to give him a chance to respond, and then pick him up and carry him to his bed. Then I would leave the room, reminding him calmly that he could come talk to me when he could do so in a happy voice. He'd come out of his room and I'd take him right back in and remind him again. This has taken a lot of persistent and patience on my part, and I'll admit that I don't always have that. Some days I give in and yell, and that always makes it worse. He's learned to go to his room - no matter how upset he is - when I tell him, and we are making progress. As for putting him in his room, I do want to add that I didn't care if he played or whatever - it wasn't necessarily punishment but a separation to encourage a better attitude and to let me calm down.

If is not her hearing then it's probably her age. Girls seem to go through whinny stages, some worse than others. Try to keep yourself calm and you'll make it through. Hope things get better but I'm sure they will. Good luck!

maybee she has wax buildup in her ears, my daughter had this problem on and off for years, she still does sometimes..it makes it hard for them to hear..which makes them frustrated and whiney and of course youll get frustrated repeating yourself. Then she wont understand why you seem mad and get upset and whine more because she cant help it she cant hear you. have you noticed she is wanting the tv turned up, or scootching close to that or the radio to hear..or similar things? If so you can get a simple ear solution and bulb, it takes a little work and if the wax is hard a few days, but use the solution and warm water twice a day and it should loosen it up of this is the case.hope this helps :D

C.

Hi A.!

I've been there too..I have a 3 year old daughter and when it comes to behavior I can highly recommend:

Dr Sears' THE DISCIPLINE BOOK --great, thoughtful, specific advice, and authored by a well-known, highly respected and honored pediatrician and his wife, a nurse; and they are the parents of 8 children. They have been through it all!

Also, you can check out their website: www.askdrsears.com .

I have several Sears' books from THE BABY BOOK to Family Nutrition! I highly recommend them!

Hey A., proudly join the ranks of mom's of a 2 year old. LOL....your best defense is to learn the art of "tuning out". If you know your daughter is ok, you've spent quality time with her, she has toys, been fed, etc...then you MUST learn to tune out the whining....we all have done it and Mom's everywhere will continue to do it.....it's part of how we remain sane....good luck....R.

First off- you are not a terrible mother. We all have this feeling when we feel like we can not do anything but yell. I have three children, I know I have. When they whine, I say to then that I can not understand them when they whine. I make them go into another room, take a deep breath and come back to me with their request without whining. It takes a couple of times, but they get the hang of it. And your little one can understand what you are saying and doing, just because she is 2 does not mean she can not.

Then to the huh thing- She may just have selective hearing. But, you may want to have her ears checked out just to make sure. If this checks out, you need to sit her down and talk to her about you not liking the fact that you have to yell. She needs to listen, and if all the background noise is a problem, then you can eliminate that until it is no longer the problem. Usually this works well because they do not like to miss their favorite things on TV.

I hope this helps!

Tell her you don't listen to whining and you can't hear her when she is whining. Then ignore the whining (that's the hard part). : ) She will find out that to get your attention she has to talk in a normal voice.

So who is in control here? I sympathize, I was a single mother too. Are you sure she isn't having hearing problems? If you have checked that out, then explain to her you will say it once and won't repeat yourself. She wins when you yell. Be sure and explain that you will expect her to respond appropriately to what you say without repetition. When she doesn't respond then take appropriate action. This won't be easy, but it should resolve fairly quickly. Hang in there and remember, you are the parent. Don't let her have control. If you set the environment, she will actually feel safer and the behavior will stop.