Terrible Twos - Winter Park, FL

Its pretty common for a 2 year old to act as if they are in control. Teaching manners, and rewarding patience is a good start. Sometimes I just let my 2 year old have her tantrum to teach that she won't always get her way. And when she's done, she's usually ready to cooperate.

you know, it is normal. what's not normal is for people to think it isn't normal. we all have heard about terrible twos, and your friend being a single mom i am sure is trying her best
mine won't go that far like your friend's kid but i have mine say, no mami don'[t dance if i start dancing to a song. it actually makes me laugh and i do it more so they know who is in charge
i have mine ask for water, i bring in their sippy cups, and they start having a fit no i want the orange one no i want the blue one no no mine mine. once it gets that bad i out two sippy cups on the floor and walk away.
or the best one; (i have twins and they both do this), they have a doll in their hands, holding the doll pretty well, then look at me right in my eyes and drop the doll on the floor and then first they say it nicely mami pick it up pelase, and i say no, you do it, and the second time it's a scream out of this world mami pick it up pick it up. so basically they're tesing their boudaries. well, what do they bget. instand timeout. after timeout you see them going right to the doll still on the floor and picking it up themselves.
yes it is normal every pediatrician will tell you that. and i hope she gets the strength to just let him pitch a fit if he has to. TELL HER TO INTRODUCE TIMEOUT. mine hate time out but boy do they cooperate afterwards
good luck
V.

My son was like this, and still can be. He's 4 now. I can tell you, from my experience, and i bet it's also like that with your friend, it's purely our fault because we do everythign for them. In the beginning, and my family also does this to him, whatever he would ask for, he'd get. Mommy, help me with this, can u do this for me, blah blah blah.... and well, me thinking he's small and still can't do these things, i'd give in adn do them. Well, it wasn't good because it taught him that Mommy will do anything and everything for him and he doesn't have to. In turn, it feels and also sounds like he's a complete boss, and well, he really is. I do agree with someone's comment though and started to get my son to ask me to help him and do things for him if he said please and thank you. He has gotten a lot better. And now anything he says, he's very polite and always says please and thank you. He still asks me to do a lot of things for him, but also at his age now, i try to teach him and make him understand that he is big enough to do many of these things and he's slowly getting it. It's a tough habbit to break, but it will get better. She just has to realize that she needs to stop doing absolutely everything for him. My son also doesn't like it at times if we laugh or talk or sing, or whatever, and yells at us to be quiet, that he doesn't want to hear it..... well, we just let him cry if he doesnt' like it because that is definately pushing the line. If i were you, i would bring it up to your friend and say that he's not like this with anyone else, and that he's abusing his mommy adn all the privilages that she lets him have. If she doesn't start to change this, he'll grow up into a teen that won't even put a dish in the sink, and i'm sure she doesn't want that. Good luck to your friend!

Liz

It's not normal and I know where you are coming from. I had a friend single parent with a two year old and he was the same way got what ever he wanted when he wanted it. With single parents they tent to spend alot of time pleasingthe child because it's just them that they forget or loose sight that there needs to be disapline. Something must give. But I know it's hard to talk to your friends about their children you feel like your breaking a boundry. Maybe you know someone else who could talk to her. Or hey there is always Nanny 911, lol

I HAVE SEEN THIS B/F I PERSONALLY DID NOT GO THREW IT THANK THE GODS BUT I HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S DAUGHTER IS 5 AND SHE IS STILL LIKE THAT. I THINK THAT IF YOU ARE HELPING TAKE CARE OF HER SON IT WOULD BE PERFECTLY FINE FOR YOU TO TAKE HER ASIDE AND TELL HER THAT HE DOESN'T ACT LIKE THAT FOR YOU AND ASK HER IF SHE WOULD LIKE YOUR HELP IN GETTING HIM TO STOP. IF SHE WANTS YOUR HELP GO WITH THE REWARD SYSTEM IF HE IS GOOD HE CAN HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL(EXTRA TIME AT THE PARK OR TV TIME)IF HE IS NOT THEN HE GETS NOTHING NOT EVEN THE THING HE IS DEMANDING. AS FAR AS THE LAUGHING TRY HAVING HIM LAUGH WITH HER AND SEE IF THAT WILL HELP THEY CAN HAVE LAUGHING CONTESTS AND SUCH. I HOPE THIS HELPS AND GOOD LUCK

E.,

My aunt became a single mother when her husband left when their daughter was two. My aunt spoiled my cousin rotten. We thought it was because she felt guilty, but I think it's just her personality. Her daughter grew up to be a very sweet girl, but she still has little respect for her mother. That probably won't change until she has children of her own.

Now my aunt is re-married and has a 4-year-old boy. Her son is just as spoiled rotten as her daughter was. I should also mention that my aunt is a very intelligent, educated woman. It's true that toddlers go through these phases, but sometimes they get away with too much. You can tell because the children behave with other people, but not with their own parents. My aunt is very sensitive and she is more concerned about hurting her son's feelings than she is about teaching him to have manners. We all made excuses for her when he was 2 and 3, but he'll be 5 in Feb and he still bosses her around and cries at every little thing and tells her not to laugh. He has difficulty getting along with other kids at pre-school because he is so sensitive. It's partly his personality, but his mother has catered to this behavior, thus reinforcing it.

My mother tried talking to her sister about it, but she became very defensive and it caused them to have a rift in their relationship. So I guess my advice is just to be careful about this topic. He may grow out of it. He may become a holy terror. It's hard to tell at this age.

If you decide to share your concern with your friend, try to do it in the most diplomatic way you can imagine. Try to think of how you would feel if someone called your parenting skills or Sophia's behavior into question. Maybe you could just tell her that you know his behavior is normal, but it drives you crazy. Try to equate her situation to your own and tell her it makes you dread when Sophia will be that age. Maybe even ask her for advice on how to prepare for it...just to get the conversation started, not sounding like you're attacking her but that you respect her.

Okay, so I'm no expert, but that's how I approach my aunt and I'm the only one she really talks to about this stuff. Of course you know your friend best. I hope this helps. Sorry for being so long-winded.

Good luck!

-T.

I have a PRECIOUS little boy who just turned two in Sept. He is very obedient and super happy. And he has just started this "No laughing Mommy" phase. I almost laughed out loud when I read your note - just because I can see my little boy saying the same thing!
Now, obviously your friend should not allow her little one to tell her what to do. But much of this 'bossiness' is really her son testing his authority. She should pick her battles - b/c most of the time it is empty talk. But she should know the difference btwn testing and defiance. He may not act like that for anyone else because he doesn't have the same relationship and doesn't have the same need to be loved (feel loved) or test the boundaries from someone other thaan his mommy.
Also, there is the little matter of the 'terrible two's' - there is a reason that MOST people have SIMILAR problems when their children are in toddlerhood.
As for the no laughing matter ... I have noticed that (in my son's case) usually it's when I am laughing AT him. Harmlessly,of course, like when he tries to act like an adult or when he says something I think is funny - BUT HE THINKS IS VERY SERIOUS. So I try not to laugh at him.
Now, if he is telling me not to laugh if I'm just laughing at a movie or something - I just tell him that I can laugh and its not his responsibility to tell me not to. He doesn't always let it go at that, but ... I make it clear he is not the parent.
Try to take it easy on your friend, though. She is going it alone and is just treasuring the best loved person in her life. A tangible memory of her husband. I can only imagine. :-(

Wow! I have seen this before and the best thing to do is let her dig her own hole. She will realize it whwn it is too late. Sometimes talking to someone who has been through something like her, losing her husband and having to depend on other people is difficult but it's no reason to spoil your child to the point where no one else cannot stand to be around him. If I were you I would try my best to keep away, especially if you have small kids that can watch and learn. I apologize for being harsh but it's reality. If you have tried talking to her and opening her eyes and she still has yet to realize what else is there left to do. Have you tried to intercept and tell the child he is wrong...I would. She needs to nip it now before it gets out of control. Good Luck to her!

I have a three year old son who thinks he is the boss as well. I guess the general concensus is that while it is a perfectly normal phase to go through- just like temper tantrums- you have have to help your child to grow beyond this phase or else it will continue. I find that my 3 year old is very sensitive to people laughing at him too. It hurts his feelings. Just as it would any adult. The key is to try to build an emotionally resiliant child who knows that its okay to laugh at yourself sometimes. We try playing the "make each other laugh" game. This helps him to know that if he does something silly- others will laugh- and that's okay! As far as the bossiness- I have found that teaching my son that he is in control of some things, while not in control of others helps with this. We play games such as "Let's see how much Tommy can do..." where I give him a task and see how much he can do before I help him. Can he pour his own drink? Can he make a sandwhich? Can he put on his own shoes? Can he help mommy out? This not only helps me to see where he is developing, but it also helps him to feel like a Big Boy when he does things all by himself. It encourages independance, but let's him realize his own limits and that when he reaches them- he must still ask for help from mommy in a nice way by saying " Can you please help me...instead of.."Help me now!" Normal? Yes- Can you help him to get past it? Definitely!

I went through that with both of my boys. it was not that severe to where i couldn't laugh. how does your friend react to it? when my kids would request something without asking please, i would say "excuse me but i don't think that is how we ask for something" or i would tell him that i will not listen to any demands if he can't say the magical word (please). it was hard to break him of the habit but after not getting what he wanted he would remember what i am looking for. Sometimes i would keep saying " i can't hear you, i only hear little boys when they are speaking nicely". when he screams at her to stop laughing does she punish him? if not maybe she should try a timeout or another punishment that he does not like. but first i would try asking him why he didn't want me to laugh. then explain that laughing means i am happy and why doesn't he want me to be happy?

E.,

Your friends son reminds me of my son. I didn't realize how much I was spoiling him until he was older. I recently spoke with a child therapist and she told me to give direct commands (clean your room, take off your shoes, etc.). When he doesn't listen, give him one warning, then follow through with the consequence. I'll admit it was hard at first and he got worse before better, but it was worth it in the long run.

Goodmorning,

I too have a friend who has a little on that is running her around but I explained to her that she neeeds to nip it in the bud before he gets out of hand. I can see why your friend may let him get away with alot of things because of the loss of his father but you must explain to her that this type of behavior is not healthy and needs to be addressed before it gets to the point where it can not be controlled. My son now seven lost his father in Iraq in 2003 and he had a hard time imagine what he would be like if I allowed my grief and guilt to run the way I deal with him when he has a behavior problem. and my son did not meet his father we both were in the military and never got a chance to meet back up. sit down with your friend and really talk to her, tell her she doesn't want to be one of those mother's that is afraid of her kids. when he goes to school how will she deal with any behavior problems? he thinks it's ok to talk to her like this. hope my little sob story helps

D.

Say this with me: Time out! This is a bad habit and will only get worse, he will not grow out of it. It is rude and manipulative and this is what makes rude and manipulative MEN. It can be cute once maybe twice but anymore than that must be stopped quick, fast and in a hurry. Good luck with telling her this.

if you are close to her and care about her son you can say something, because you love them.
my daughter is not two yet but i have been taking care of other children the last 6 years and i have younger siblings which i lived with and was the primary care giver for sometime. not all kids are like that and if she doesn't do anything about it it will be more than just a stage. we let my sister run the house when she two and now she has real problems when she doesn't get her way at nine. we are trying to reprogram her.
it is okay to let your child cry it out or have a tantrum. she can do lots of research on how to handle those situations but she must do something. let him cry when she laughs and he see he won't get her way and get over it. good luck and she is lucky to have support.

Hi , E. ...

Um ... YES , I think every toddler is this way !!!!
My little girl is a good girl and we discipline ( with time outs and losing privileges , etc ) her as consistently as possible , and yes , yes , yes , she is still a bossy little thing ; we even feel she runs our lives sometimes , too. :0)

I guess It's possible that due to what she has been through she might be letting him get by with a bit more than she should , but honestly , this does sound normal. It's what you DO with it that makes or breaks , I think.

For example ... when my husband comes home from work , we literally must fight , it seems , to be able to talk to each other ... ( she is used to all the attention being soley on her ) ... and gradually , we have worked with her to let us have a chance to talk a bit , but yes , she would say things like " Stop talking Momma ! " LOL

Maybe the Nanny 911 book would help your friend. It has lots of helpful tips. :0)

Best of luck to your friend , bless her heart.

~ A.