Terrible Two's - East Hartford, CT

Thats a tough age- they dont call it terrible twos for nothing!
I used to just take her outside- sit in the car and remind her of all the fun she was missing out on eventually it passed.

Hello M.,

As you know, they don't call it the terrible two's for nothing. I had a boy and because boy's tend to be physically more aggressive and wild--I basically did not eat at a restaurant, go on a plane, or go shopping other than one stop--i.e. stop at counter and buy lipstick--from ages 18 months until three years. I could not take the stress of that sort of behavior so I just did my errands late at night when my husband was home and focused on knowing that it was really a short amount of time when this was going on--I think for girls that stage is much much shorter.

Hope the helps and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

W. Woody

Stay at home mom, mother of a 6 year old boy who makes money from the comfort of her home so that she can be available for him.

I would start with this...when you are going somewhere explain to her ahead of time where you are going and what is expected of her (behavior, voice tone, listening ect). Let her know that if she isn't on her best behavior that you will leave after her first warning. If she doesn't listen or behave give her one warning and if it continues leave immediately. Even with a full cart of groceries walk out of the store. My husband and I have left resturants and stores because our 2 yr old couldn't behave. My son knows now that if Mommy says to behave or we will leave then he behaves.

Any time my 2-year-old son throws a fit in public, I take him home right then and there. I have left grocery carts filled up with our week's groceries.

She knows you'll tolerate it. The fact that it embarrasses you means nothing to her. If its at all possible, don't take her out to places where things need to get done. I haven't taken my son out to since since we went to Red Lobster with my parents almost a year ago. It was embarrassing and I told him I'm not taking him out to eat anymore.

It's really hard for kids to control themselves but, at the same time, you can't battle with this all the time. Make sure she's neither hungry, thirsty nor tired when you take her out. That's a big key. But, before you go anywhere tell her a few times - or more- what is EXPECTED of her. And, if she doesn't cooperate and help mommy something must be taken away. My son likes to watch the frieght train go by on Saturdays. So, I tell him "No train" if he's not a good boy. A new thing now, he loooves laundrymats. We have our own washer and dryer but one day I needed to dry a rug and I took him with me. He was amazed at all the washers and dryers. So, that's my new reward I use to teach him that good comes from good. He totally understands now that misbehaving will lead to him reading books in the house and being cooperative and as good as a 2-year-old can humanly be means going on adventures. I also work full-time so I remind him that I'm actually very tired and cancelling the laundrymat at 9AM on a Sunday morning will not be hard for me. LOL!

I found when my two year old starts going crazy on me I just give him a hug and calm him down that way he can tell me what's wrong with him and when he does calm down I find that he is ethier hungry or just plain sleepies like he tells me chocolate milk and his blankie and he is good to go.
Try finding out what? and why? she is acting up trust me they can tell you everything you just have to try to understand them
( thier language).

i know it can be hard, but try not to let it bother you. that's what she wants the most is to see you get a rise out of it. believe me you are not alone.

I guess I must be the weirdo on this topic because when any child has done that with me my attitude has been ,"Kid, you're embarrassing yourself, not me". My older daughter tried it..... no good..... the younger is just starting it. I'm even calmer now, it's funny. I just totally ignore it. They stay with me, don't actually do anything, all they're doing is ranting and raving so I let them. I don't care if they get on the floor and flail about. It gets shorter every time until they finally quit because it didn't work. I have never left a store over a tantrum. EVERYONE knows kids do this, don't sweat it. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised especially at the support and knowing looks you'll receive from grandmas and other moms.

You should explain to her before you leave the house " If you do not behave you will not go with me." then when you get to the store parking lot tell her again before you even get out of the car. If that doesn't help then you should leave her home the next time you are going and she will get the picture.
I did that with my daughter who is now 5 and it worked. I will say I am going to the store and she will get her stuff on and then I will tell she is not going with me because she doesn't listen, she would cry when I leave and she got the picture and knew she had to listen when she wanted to go with me.

Hope that helps and good luck

Do you discipline her in private?

One thing you may want to take into account is WHEN you go out in public. Are you going right before nap time or lunch time when she could be getting tired or hungry?

I know it is not always easy, but try and schedule any trips out either right after breakfast or right after her nap time. She will be happiest and more agreeable when she is full and well rested.

Also, when you go out try and schedule enough time for yourself to do the errands. If you are running around trying to fit ten errands in thirty minutes she will pick up on your anxiety and it will make her anxious also. Try to keep yourself calm, relaxed and happy while you are running your errands and it will keep her calm, relaxed and happy.

If necessary, do as the others suggested. Explain to her what is going to happen and what is expected. Tell her "Mommy has to buy groceries and I need you to sit still and cooperate, so we can get back home and read a book or play a game." Let her help you while you shop. "Mommy needs milk, do you see the milk?" "Mommy needs three cans of corn, can you help me count three cans of corn." These activities will keep her from getting bored and be a learning experience also.

Don't bribe with treats if she behaves. All she will hear is "treat" and it will just cause more issues when she doesn't get it.

As a last resort, leave. As the other person said, a few times of this and she will realize that you mean it.

Good luck!!

My son went through that. Awful screaming and crying in public, throwing himself on the ground. Having been a nursery school teacher for several years I was prepared for this, but it was still rough coming from my own child. I eventually learned to ignore it or to take him home. If you're out doing something fun for her, like playing at the park, then give her a warning. If that doesn't work, pack her up and take her home. If you're out doing what you need to do, like grocery shopping, and she throws a tantrum, strap her in her stroller. I've left my son screaming on the floor in an aisle while I walked around the corner (and peeked over making sure I could see him the whole time, of course). He saw I wasn't getting upset or giving him what he wanted and came running right to me and apologized. Sure I got those dirty looks from people that just said "can't you control your kid", but I ignored them. They call it terrible twos for a reason. Your daughter is just testing her limits, and yours, and learning that her actions can manipulate the world and people around her. It's normal. Relax, breathe, and remember that most of us have to go through this at some point. And when she does behave, drown her in praise. Maybe once in awhile tell her she can have a special treat when you get home if she behaves the whole time you're out. It may not seem it now, but this will pass. When she learns to express herself and her feelings better she won't be so inclined to throw tantrums. Then all you have to worry about is being asked "why" every five minutes. ;)