Terrible Two's

Hi D..

I sympathize with you so much as I'm going through the EXACT same thing with my 2 yr old daughter. I really dont have any advice to give you other than to say you're not alone! Dont you wish there was a parenting handbook that came with them?!!

Lots of luck to you!
H.

D.,
First thanks for being honest. All of us yell at times but not everyone is willing to admit it. :-)

Please keep in mind, he is ONLY 2. He doesn't understand. Secondly this is a STAGE and he HAS to go through it. He is testing his limits and yours. It is how he learns so if you establish yelling now this is what he will learn as your response.

There are tons of books and I read them all I think with my first child tryin to figure out what worked for my son. The one that worked and still works at age 9 and my daughter at age 5 is Magic 1-2-3. I highly recommend this book. It is very sucessful and takes the yelling part out of it. (Although I still do end up yelling my counting if the kids are really being loud and obnoxious.)

Just try to relax and be patient. This is just the beginning. Don't expect more out your 2 yr old than he is capable of.

Blessings.
M.

I put time-outs (or in the mist of whinning we call it quiet time) in effect before I yell. I tell my son to go to his room and he will finish dinner alone if he can not behave at the table with us. When he continues to act up then I remove him from the table, give him a time out (time equalivant to his age) and allow him to come back after the time out/done crying. At bath time I would attempt to do the same, finish the bath as quickly as possible, and put time-out in effect.

If you have not already started, it's a great stage to work on those manner words like please and thank you. My son has to ask using the word please with what he wants before he gets it. If it was a whinning tone, I would refuse to give it to him. (As long as it was something that could be withheld). If he cried, I would allow him to do so. After a few minutes he would calm down and then be more willing to ask. Frusterating...YES...but the outcome is wonderful. It makes you feel wonderful as a parent to hear how well behaved and polite your child is at school and while out to dinner.

Someone told me recently that you don't judge your children's behavior by how they act when only you are around, you judge them by how they act when others are around. I'm not saying they shouldn't be good at home as they are at school, but their behavior away at home reflects more of your parenting than when you are at home. If they know they can walk all over you, they will think that they can do it to everyone and will try. If they know what their limits really are, they will normally only try to push those limits at home. As a parent this is a hard thing to grasp because you want your child to be good for you like they do other people...but then again wouldn't you rather know that they are good for others rather than bad and troublesome?

Best wishes and hang in there! Enjoy the good times and praise them with hugs and kisses and excitement...:)

I feel your pain LOL! It's very difficult, but I kept repeating to myself "action not words" like a mantra--you really have to give him a consequence for disobedience, rather than telling him over and over until you yell. Words really do not "sink in" at that age. Think about what he is whining for and try to do the OPPOSITE every time he whines. They will eventually stop doing it if it doesn't reward them in any way (and getting you to yell can actually be a reward, because it makes them feel powerful that they can get you upset, and it's negative attention but still attention). I say "eventually" because they don't learn it right away!
For example if he's asking for another cookie, take away the one he already has, or tell him he's not getting any more cookies for a whole day because he was disobedient...
I'd tell my daughter "I don't understand you when you talk like that, can you use your regular voice?" and I would NEVER give her what she whined for. It takes a lot of self control, so make sure you are taking care of yourself as well. We're working on her interrupting me now, and it is the same idea, and very hard to not get frustrated and snap at her.
Hope that helps!
Lynn

I have two different ways that I deal with tantrums. If my daughter seems to by crying because she is tried or frustrated I usually hold her and hug her and she usually stops. If she seems to be doing it to be defiant because she wants something I told her she can't have or she is not listening when I tell her to stop doing something, then she gets a warning. I say "this is your warning, if you do it again (or if you don't stop screaming) you will sit in time out." If she does it again, I put her in the time out chair in the dining room. This seems to accomplish two things, hopefully she is learning that screaming will not help her get what she wants but more than that, I also tend to be a yeller and it gives me some time out from her so I don't have to yell. When I have yelled at her in the past, I've actually heard her yell at her cousin that way and sometimes even me so I try really hard not to do it because I don't want to teach her to react that way. It was a real wake-up call for me when I heard her doing it - I got to hear what I sound like from her mouth. The time-outs haven't stopped the tantrums but they make it much easier to deal with. I try to remember that she is still learning how to control her emotions and its my job to help her learn how to deal with them in appropriate ways. Hang in there, hopefully he will pass through this phase quickly!

I have the same problem! My daughter is almost 20 months and the terrible two's have started! She completly ignores me until I'm screaming and blue in the face, then she usually still ignores me! I have started time-outs in the corner. They seem to work.

D.,

My daughter is also 2 and she is throwing major temper tantrums. I am in exactly the same situation that you are because my daughter's daycare teachers say that she is great at school but when she gets home she turns into a real terror. She whines and cries constantly when she does not get her way and won't listen to anything that I say. My doctor told me that she is realeasing her frustrations when she gets home from school and that I should try time outs with her. I have tried making her sit in her bed until she calms down and taking things away when she whines and starts throwing a temper tantrum. This has started to work a little bit. When my daughter doesn't listen to me telling her "no" then I start to take things away until she understands what I am saying. Sometimes it works and sometimes she throws an even worse temper tantrum. Hope this helps!

Your son is trying to test the boundaries. And, at this age, he is trying to figure out his emotions. When my daughter was 2 and started tantrums, I would go up to her and speak in her face (loud enough for her to hear me but not yelling) and express the words that she was feeling. "You're mad, you're mad, you're mad because you can't..." Or "You're sad, you're sad, you're sad because I won't let you..."
Then I would say "it's okay to have these feelings and when you are done let me know and we'll talk."
This gives the child words to the feelings that are being expressed and let's him realize that you hear him and understand him.
Good luck!

once I asked my son if he liked to aggravate mommy. He didn't know what that word meant so he just stopped and looked at me. I explained to him what it meant and he liked knowing the meaning of a new word so now every time I use it he stops aggravating me. I always try to use those kind of situations for learning. It has helped me alot.

D. - I think Michelle's advice is great. I use the same book, and agree that it is very helpful. I don't know why, but counting works! He may be a little young to completely understand, but he will in time.

One other suggestion, this works with both of my kids. If you see a tantrum coming on (you will learn to spot them) Stop what you are doing for a minute and give him a hug, have him sit on your lap, etc. I know it is difficult - trying to cook dinner, do laundry etc, but it does help and only takes a minute.

Hello, I totally understand what your going through! Its very stressful when they ignore and don't want to listen. My daughter since shes been going to her dads, her behavior has been very different. She thinks she can do whatever and not have to listen. Because he does not discipline her when she has needed it. She also pulls his hair, and bites him! Another problem is she will drink so much of her drink , and not finish much of her food! She will stuff her mouth so full at times, and I have repeatedly told her to stop it. I am nervous one day she is gonna choke! If she doesn't get something when she wants it she'll nage and nage until you give it too her. But what I do when she does that if just ignore if she has already had it. She will not finish her food and then maybe 5 mins later want more food! I tell her no I am not giving you anymore food right now , because you didn't finish what you were supposed too! So she gets the same thing later on if she didn't finish it! My daughter also acts different when my MOMS around! I don't let her do that for long though. Whereas my mom is more giving to her since its her Grand-daughter. I have told her to knock it off , because when my mom tells her something sometimes she throws fits alot! But its because she has been giving her stuff when she don't need it. I also told her if you keep doing that she is never gonna take you seriously when you tell her something!