Terrible Threes?? - Scarborough,ME

Updated on November 12, 2013
S.T. asks from Scarborough, ME
4 answers

My second son is 3.5 and I would say in the last few months he has put me on the "questionable sanity" list. I hate to complain about my child but it's almost every day he is doing things that surpass my patience and understanding. I'm hoping this is just a phase (terrible three). But sometimes I wonder if it's me not finding an effective way for dealing with the issues. He's what you would call head strong. He wants what he wants no matter what you say or what you do. Oh course he doesn't get whatever he wants. And there is where some of the head butting comes in. He has never been a child you could "redirect" even when he was younger. He is very independent more so than his older brother is and was. The independance isn't bad of course but his unwillingness to do anything that's not on his terms is where we run into the problems. For example when he is playing with something like a puzzle or plato and he's all done I will ask him to help clean up and he won't I ask again and then tell him he needs to help put away toys that he plays with. Sometimes he helps but more and more it just ends up being a battle. Here is another example: we live in a safe neighborhood with no through traffic. And I am always right there with my 3 year old when he is playing outside but one day while riding his scooter an older boy rode by on a bike heading toward the main road which is about 8 houses down. My son took off after him. I ran after him asking then screaming for him to stop but he kept on going. The older boy stopped and turned around but my son kept heading toward the main road (which is always very busy and cars go very fast). I sounded like a crazy woman screaming and screaming at him to stop which he finally did just before the main road. He wasn't fazed at all that I was still screaming at him about the danger. He laughed and started to scoot home. I had to pull him off his scooter to listen to me. I know that was being rough but seriouly at the moment I didn't know what to do to make him understand the danger.
I'm just at a loss of how to work with him so that that every day is not resulting in me screaming and him being sent to his room again and again.

What can I do next?

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

3.5 is the pinnacle of awful, really. When my oldest was 3, I was so convinced that I was raising a sociopath and future serial killer that we went to counseling. She assured me that really, he was just 3, and totally normal.

My sanity saver was the book "Raising Your Spirited Child." It was such a relief for me to know that it wasn't me, he really was "more" than other kids - more stubborn, more intense, more needy, more everything. It not only validated my perceptions, but gave me perspective and coping strategies that were enormously helpful.

I can tell you that he became a new kid when he was 4 and has become easier and easier with every passing year, but I think a huge part of that was that the book made me understand his temperament better so that I was able to better anticipate his quirky needs and respect his limits. He's 15 now and still is my biggest parenting challenge, but he's a delightful person whose company I really enjoy and is a person who I would like even if he weren't my son.

Hang in there, it's 99% his age and it does get better.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.E.

answers from Wichita Falls on

As the parent of a headstrong child, I can tell you is gets worse before it gets better. The trick is to make whatever it is you want them to do seem to be their idea. Give options whenever possible (like "would you like to clean up so we can have snack or would you like to put up your toys so we can go to the park?" Mine is fiercely competitive, so making it a game sometimes works (lets see who can put away their laundry fastest).

Mostly, choose your battles carefully. Is it worth the fight?

3 moms found this helpful
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C.P.

answers from Harrisburg on

I suggest "love and logic" books. They have one for toddlers (up to 5) it's an easy read and very easy and effective to implement. Good luck

1 mom found this helpful
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K.N.

answers from Boston on

Whoever said the twos were terrible hadn't dealt with threes! Totally normal -- but totally aggravating.

Another vote for "Raising your Spirited Child." A lifesaver! For what it's worth if you can get your little one on the same side as you, once they hit 4 life gets better. Mine is now 20 and, really, she's wonderful (though at times still a little bit of a handful).

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