Terrible Tantrums - Milwaukee,WI

Different kids do different things to "get even" with their parents for telling to do things they don't want to do. My kids chose to jump up and down and scream and cry. I made them jump up and down and scream and cry long after they wanted to stop. I made them do it until they were really, really, really wanting to stop. It stopped the tantrums. Sometimes they got swat for not continuing to jump up and down and scream. It caused them to stop.

You can't make a kid throw up. But you can call the people that say the child is perfect and tell them to clean up after the perfect child. If dad is the one that says the child is perfect, let him clean up the mess. I would, however make sure the child is clean and not sick. I would wash his face very carefully, probably several times and I would certainly put him in the shower or place him on a chair and wash his hair with a spray faucet at the sink (if you have one). I'd tell him that when he throws up he is speading germs and you must make sure he is clean and sanitary. I would make sure to tell him that you must wash the germs off his face and hair that wouldn't be there if he didn't throw up.

You can be the mom psychicologist and make sure his tantrums are rewarded with something he really doesn't like. Be sure to make him do what ever it was that he didn't want to do when he got mad and threw up. You have nothing to throw up on an empty stomache.

ETA: I just read the post by Barb K. She is correct about shocking them back to the real world. When my number 2 was about two or 2.5, he got mad about something and started to scream and cry. I let him scream and cry for about an hour. I told him to stop several times and he just ignored me and kept it up. I picked him up and tucked him under my arm, went to the frige and got the pitcher of cold water out and took him to the kitchen sink. When he saw what I was going to do, he immediately yelled, "No dad. No dad. I'll stop. I'll stop." I told him, "Then stop." He stopped and I put the water back in the frig. I told my wife and she later said it worked for her too. All she had to do was threaten the cold water and he would regain control and stop the tantrum.

Good luck to you and yours.

I was also going to suggest a squirt bottle. Just a nice squirt in the face will get his attention and stop this behavior. Let him know you are protecting him from vomiting.

What needs to happen is you AND his father need to sit down with him during a calm time and have a conversation about the word "No".

Explain it is not a punishment, it is not a judgement, it is the answer for that situation.

I also would explain to him, if he vomits, he will have to clean it up AND he will be grounded for the rest of the day.
No TV, No electronics, and sitting in his room, "quiet and resting for the rest of the day, since he was so ill he vomited. "

Your husband needs to have a conversation with his son and explain this behavior is NEVER acceptable.. And that only babies act like this.. If he wants to be treated as a baby, that means, he will lose a lot of his current privileges.

Then the 3 of you need to talk and ask this boy, what is the best way for us to tell you NO that will not upset you? Is there a code word that would be better? You seem allergic to this word and not sure why. Lets come up with some phrases and words that work better for you.

In the meantime, any time he does a behavior well, or helps without being asked, has a good orining or event, Tell him you noticed his good behaviors.

"Boy I liked how you kept calm when you were not the first in line."
" I like how you shared your pencil with that boy."

"Thank you for helping e carry the dishes.. "

Keep this up, so he will realize it feels good to get the positive attention instead of what he perceives as only the negative attention.

I am sending you strength..

Of course you get the look of defiance - you are the voice of discipline. He's probably doing it for your benefit. I think it's for the reaction he gets.

Next time you get ready to tell him no to something, I'd tell him hold on. Go in your room and put on a rain poncho. Then come out, tell him no, let him vomit on you, throw the poncho on the floor and walk away. Don't even speak to him. He knows what to do - clean it up. BUT he gets no reaction from you whatsoever. Because that's what he wants - a reaction.

Even if he doesn't clean it up. Leave it for dad. Pay no attention whatsoever. Who cares if he walks around smelling like vomit? I bet he does!

It's his "thing;" leave it ALL to him!

Or, I just saw he doesn't like water on his face. Be standing there with a glass of water. When he's done vomiting, through the glass of water in his face and then walk away. You'll definitely get his attention.

It sounds to me like your husband is the one who needs the psychologist.

What does he expect you to do, B.? Let your son do anything he wants?

If you give in to your son to keep him from vomiting, he'll grow up to be a monster.

Is your husband arguing with you in front of your son over your telling him no? Or is it just about how you deal with the vomiting?

If it's about any discipline, you have a real problem and you need to get your husband to a family counselor who can get him to understand that two parents have to stand together in front of their children. Get a male counselor so that he will listen better. If he's not willing to go to a counselor, try your ped. Call and make an appointment that is for "behavioral concerns" - they'll schedule 30 minutes for it if you explain that when you make the appointment. Get a sitter for your son - you don't want him at this appointment.

If your husband is angry because of the way you deal with the vomiting, send your son to his dad when he does it. Let dad deal with it. If he doesn't want to, perhaps you should let him have vomit all over his shirt so he has to smell it for a while.

I read an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal a while back that talked about dealing with tantrums. The gist of it was that a way to teach children who have terrible meltdowns to control themselves, is to practice their tantrums with them. It said to start by having them stand instead of laying on the floor. Tell them to yell and jump and have them do it over and over. Remind them that when they feel a tantrum coming on, especially going to the store, etc, to remember not to lay down on the dirty floor. The next time they have a tantrum, if they lay on the floor, tell them that you have to take them home and they can't have fun because they have to practice their tantrums. Once they get to the point that they aren't laying down anymore, then practice jumping up and down without yelling. That's the next thing they have to cut out - the yelling.

The article says that the more you have them do it (when they aren't actually having a meltdown) the more you take the tantrum out of them. I wonder if doing this might actually prevent him from throwing up. You might try it. I'd do it every day if I were you, just to see if it lessens the vomiting episodes.

I do want to tell you that children can sense unhappiness and stress in a marriage. That might be exacerbating the vomiting he's doing.

You and your husband are the first ones who need the counseling. Please do this - it will help everybody.

Dawn