TERRIBLE 2'S!

Find and read "Taming the Spirited Child: Strategies for Parenting Challenging Children Without Breaking Their Spirits" by Michael H. Popkin.

two year olds are going through a stage of development called autonomy vs. shame and doubt. They are learning that they are separate from their parents and that they can make their own choices. And this is actually a very important thing for them to learn b/c if they don't they learn to be doubtful of their ability to make choices. That's why you get the "terrible 2s" Parent asks child to do or not to do something, child realizes that they actually have a choice in whether or not to listen to parent, and child exercises that ability. So, the best advice I have, based on child development, is to give him choices. But they have to be choices that you are good with. So, the choice between clean up and playing is not a good one to give. Instead, if you want him to clean up, ask him if he wants to clean up the toys or the books. If you want him to go to bed ask him what pajamas he wants to put on before he gets in bed. If you want him to stop hitting his sister, ask him if he wants to play at the table with playdough or with crayons and paper. The choices you give HAVE to be acceptable within your boundaries or this won't work. And you also have to be able to follow through... so make the choices simple and also try to make it fun, and he'll be more likely to comply.

Hey B., Ihave a 4yr. Old that would make you happy that you have yours. His 2's were HORRIBLE. I learned that yelling doesn't help. Keep a calm voice, talk to him explaining things he understands mire than you think. Also, try time-out with him facing the wall after you explain what he did wrong and why he is receiving the punishment. Then, you can also try talking away his favorite things for a small peeiod of time. This will make him start to think about what he is doing because he always wants his favorite stuff. And also, if he loves to be outside like my son did use that as a form of punishment too, no outside activities for a day. This will take a few weeks before he gets it but if you stay consistent it will work. And make sure you are treating each child equally. He's gonna be jealous cuz he's use to being your only baby. Find things for all three of you to share so that he sees that its fun and he is included. Also, take time for you and your son alone you know quality time while the baby is sleeping this will let him feel special and have your full attention for a specific time everyday. Don't forget to talk and discuss with your 2 yr old. It really helps. Good Luck and God Bless you and your family. W. D.

wow... what an oppositional child... i am worried mine will be too... only because i am so strong willed.
so to help....
i would get to a therapist soon... just for some behavior management info... but also... search the web...
there is a great book called
"Try and Make Me" by i think Dr. Ray Levy
.... anyway it works wonders... that is if the parent will do the leg work. Persistance and routine will pay off huge... so i hope you have the energy and then of course wish you the best of luck... Lord knows i am going to need it all soon too.
best wishes -mb

B.,

STOP YELLING! that gets you nowhere! Your 2 yr old is obviously expressing his feelings of jealousy but more than that he is demonstrating his fear of being forgotten. The new baby is no doubt gaining most of your attention. That attention used to be given to him alone. Now he's sharing your love and affection with this new person whom he did not invite into the family! Do you understand?

Spend quality time with the 2 yr old while the baby is asleep. Make a mental note as to what is going on in the household when He decides to do something he shouldn't do. Where are you when he's jumping onto his baby sister? What are you doing at that time? He's doing everything he knows to do in order to gain your attention and love. Bad behavior gains attention more easily than good behavior!

Notice when he is behaving well and compliment him with hugs and kisses, affection/attention. Pay closer attention to the good than the bad behavior. And be patient with him. yelling solves nothing more than creating more bad behavior!

Good Luck.

Could it be you and his father need to spend some spaceil time with him. Maybe he just needs to feel he is an inportant part of the family, allow him to help you with baby sister and other easy jobs around the house. Take him out to Mcdonalds once and a while by himself and you.

Hey B., believe me there is hope, we thought we were going to beat our youngest to death before he was 5...not literly of course, but he was ALWAYS doing things that he knew not to do and didn't care if you were watching. It was almost like he wanted you to see it...he stated backing off when he was 5 and by the time he was 8 he was pretty obedient. We worked very hard to bend but not break his spirit. Now he's 21 and quite an amazing young man. Just stay consistant and be patient. He's got to learn that you are the authority and over time that he will alway have authority in his life, coaches, teachers, bosses. that was a hard lesson for our son to grab onto....but he finally did and he's doing great. Good luck...R.

Hello B.,
It seems you are exactly right, he is jealous. This isn't uncommon for toddlers with younger sibblings, they are used to being the only child and now the baby has disrupted that. As hard as it will be namely on you, when the baby is sleeping, make that time for your son. This way he will know that you still have time for him. As far as the discipline issue, that may be a way he feels he is getting your attention. Maybe if you make this separate time for him, some of the others issues will dissapear! Good Luck!

I have an old-fashioned playpen into which I place a misbehaving child for a period of "isolation" or "time-out". It works better than the modern ones, because it won't tip over, when an angry child is in it, throwing themself against the side, and it is harder to climb out of. I once took care of a little boy like yours, and the first few days he was in it more than he was out, until he decided he hated watching everyone else being free, while he was penned up. He gradually spent less and less time in it, until he was only in it a few times a week. The other children were certainly relieved when he was confined.

This is very simple yet very difficult. Simple in the way that you must be repetitous in your punishment, difficult in the way that you must not yell or loose control. Your son is simply attention seeking and has found the easiest way to get the attention is through negative behavior. Kids can't decipher between good and bad attention...to them it is all the same.

Establish a stool or other sitting place and call it your "think about it spot". Tell your son what that spot is and establish your rules. Keep them simple like "No Hurts Rule", "Respect Rule", "The PARENT is IN CHARGE rule" etc etc etc. When he begins to act out and hits the baby or engages in behavior that might hurt the baby, you tell him immediatley...NO HURTS, take immediate action...within three seconds you put him in the think about it spot. Do not walk away from him but sit adjacent to him. Explain kindly that he must sit there three minutes and explain what behavior he did that was unexceptable. Ask him if he would like to TRY AGAIN and behave with kindness. Most kids will and when he does, you must praise praise praise him. If he refuses to sit in the spot or begins using foul language you inform him calmly that the three minutes will not begin until he sits in the spot. If he is using foul language or name calling or saying the most infamous "I HATE YOU" let him know he is not showing RESPECT and RESPECT has to be shown before the three minutes begin. If he just absolutely refuses, you place him back...CALMLY but FIRMLY and let him know that the PARENT is IN CHARGE. Ask him if he is the parent. Most kids at this point "get it". Establish calmly and firmly that YOU are the parent and you are IN CHARGE and he must OBEY.

Never use bribery. "If you will stop, I'll give you a cookie" or "If you are good all morning, we'll go to the playground". This teaches manipulation and that is the last thing you need. It also teaches the child to MISBEHAVE if he doesn't get his way. It undermines the fact that good behavior is expected at all times in all circumstances.

Also be careful not to fall prey to the "I'll be good now, I won't do it again" speach that usually follows the placement in the "think about it spot". If the child violates the rule, you MUST follow through with the punishment Immediately even if he is promising to behave, be good now, or not to do it again. Be VERY dedicated to following this through. Do not raise your voice. Do not back down. You are the parent. Do NOT allow any interference from well meaning relatives. They will unintentionally sabotage your efforts (because grandma will always try to appease the naughty child). You must inform your relatives of your new rules to avoid future interference.

I thought some of this was pretty strong language to use with a toddler but after following these professional techniques, I had a changed child without loosing my voice or my mind. I hope it helps you!

After having a Day Care Center for 25 years---yelling surely WILL NOT WORK!! They get used to the voice and become fearless....
TIME-OUT----is the best.....Take HIM AWAY FROM ANY SITUATION and allow HIM to sit there until HE REALIZES WHAT HE'S DOING. BELIEVE ME----2 year old KNOW...20 minutes for a two year old is plenty. As he gets older---add more time.
It took me about 1 hour to MAKE one of my kiddies UNDERSTAND "HE COULD NOT GET UP "UNTIL" I TOLD HIM HE COULD.
He yelled---screamed---and even kicked BUT---I kept telling HIM---the longer YOU BEHAVE THIS WAY---THEY LONGER YOU STAY......(walk away after telling him this). IF he gets up----calmly---SIT HIM DOWN YOURSELF........
DO THIS OVER AND OVER UNTIL HE KNOWS "YOU'RE" the BOSS AND NOT HIM.
B.----THIS WORKS "IF" YOU WORK IT RIGHT.........
He will then understand YOU MEAN BUSINESS....
It's LIKE THROWING THE BALL IN THEIR COURT.....
If THEY do something wrong---THEY know what's going to happen.
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN---MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. DON'T TELL HIM HE'S GOING IN "TIME-OUT" and NOT FOLLOW THROUGH......If that happens---You've lost control of your 2 year old.......
ALSO---THIS MUST BE DONE BY ALL-----Grandma---Daddy, etc.
Tie YOUR HEART NOW-----THIS WORKS.......
GOOD LUCK.
C.
____@____.com

I think this is all totally normal. I have a 2 year old son too and he does all this too. I have started a routine with my son and if he totally listens to me, then I praise him and go really over board telling him he's a good boy, with a high pitch voice so he knows I'm excited. It seems to work with him. I first started praising him at the smallest things to start out and then I worked my way to bad things. When he does something wrong, I tell him that mommy isn't happy right now and mommy is sad. If he goes and does it twice, then I tell him I'm really sad, firmly put him in a time out spot and if he moves from that spot, then keep on putting him back in place. After a while, he gives up because he knows I'm not giving up. I don't ever give in cause then, he's won. Hope this helps! :o)