Terified of Sleeping in Bed

If I fell asleep in one place and woke up in a different place I'd probably wake up screaming, too. If he is "scared" of falling asleep in his bed, then it makes a lot of sense that it would be a frightening experience to wake up there when he KNOWS he fell asleep on the couch. My son and I have established a routine where my husband puts him in his bed and says prayers with him, then I go in and we sing itsy-bitsy spider with several versions we made up. Once we're done with the last verse (it's the same 5 verses every night), I tell him what we're going to do the next day, then I cover him up and tell him I'll be right back. I tell him I'm going to put my PJs on, but you can tell him you are going to wash dishes or do laundry or something else that's boring. I really do go back in to see him after a few minutes because I told him I'd be right back. When you start this, you have to go back in after only a minute or 2 because he will lay there wondering if you really are going to come right back. But now I wait like 10-15 minutes and then go in and check on him. Sometimes he is already asleep and sometimes he was just laying there waiting for me and I get the BIGGEST smile that I kept my promise and went in to see him. I just pretend to straighten out his covers, then either tell him good-night or tell him I'll be right back, depending on how sleepy he is. He has tried stalling several times by saying he is scared or he doesn't want me to close the door, but I insist that he's OK and that I'll be right back.

By the way, you said you get his milk ready. Why does he need a drink right before he goes to sleep??? Sometimes I will let my son have a sip of water before bed at night, but I don't see a need for a full drink right before going to sleep. It's not like when he was a baby and needed a bottle of formula or breast milk for nourishment. Just my 2 cents, but that sounds like another habit that you may want to think about breaking, especially since you'll want him to be dry at night when he's potty trained.

maybe you could try placing his favorite stuffed animals or friend toy on the bed when you walk with him to the bed for nap/night time. Maybe you should try not saying, "come on,let's go to bed." and replace that with something like it's story and nap time/ nightie night time. You may be able to find some short and sweet bed time books about children taking naps etc., in the dollar stores. They have some really cute ones. and with the small cost more than one at a time may be affordable. Get the milk ready and take it in before he sees it. place him on the bed with the friend toys and give him the bottle. open the page and read the story. when this becomes routine, he will catch on. it seems that somehow he is either seeing bedtime as punishment, or just plain afraid to be alone. I am sure that some of the other moms have some good ideas to offer. initially, by doing these things he will not be alone and will hopefully feeling like a nap when you are finished reading. try some soft soothing classical music or wordless child tunes in the room also. look for books that show children asleep in their beds, saying prayers prior to bed, etc. He may not understand everything but the pictures tell a story to a child his age anyway. sometimes it takes them a while to catch on to the natural order of things. I wish you luck.

Jen

C., Im having the same issue with my son. It has been going on for about 6 months and from what I can tell, its all about separation anxiety. I try to be sympathetic to his fears and compromise on some issues, but set clear guidelines that work for the whole family. For instance, my son is NOT allowed to fall asleep on the couch, as me and my husband are not ready to go to bed. He has a choice, either my bed or his with the agreement that we will put him on the couch when we go to bed. Also, I lay with him 10-15 minutes only in order to help him wind down and get settled in. Overall, having empathy for an already difficult time for them is the best road, I think. He is wanting to face this new, big world, but frightened to leave you. Help him ease into it. Giving in somewhat to my son has eased things up and now he chooses, after laying with me for 15 minutes in my bed, to go to his own bed. Chances are we could leave him there all night, but it is convenient for me also because my 1 year old is cutting molars and is up crying alot at night. Since they share a room, it cuts down on the possibility of waking him as well, so we allow the couch transfer to continue. Just figure out some clear boundaries, compromise to give him some of what he needs and above all tell him you understand. I explain to my son almost every night that "you little guys get scared sometimes because your imagination is growing and you're becoming a big boy" I then proceed into all the great things his imagination will give him throughout life, reassure him I am right there in the other room and check on him every few minutes after I leave. He just needs to know he can let go of your hand but you will be right there in case he changes his mind. Good luck. You will make it through.

Make sure you are not using his bedroom or bed as a place for timeout or punishment zone for when he's in trouble. That's the # 1 reason kids come to fear their bed - they associate it with being in trouble.

You may try staying in their with him. My son is 3 1/2 years old and still wants me to stay in his room until he's fallen asleep - It's our time together, I read him a book, we play a whisper game called I love you this much...etc.

Hi,
Check his food - has it changed? This can cause sleeping problems.

And then why not let him sleep on the couch-isn't that better than having your little boy terrified?

And if he does come in your room- well then protect him from terrifying things- real or otherwise. You are his mom!
They grow up, and there will be things you cannot protect them from- and then you remember when you could. Take it from this gramma.
Best of luck-k