Is it normal for a three year old boy to have quite a temper? He throws his dinner on the floor or in the garbage if he gets mad. Plus will pee on the floor when he is angry. It's like he hasn't learned to control his temper yet. Sometimes he doesn't seem to understand things completely. He is smart and knows his colors and tries to be do all his older brother does. He repeats almost everything his brother says. Like if the older brother said he likes the red power ranger the little one will say I like the red power ranger while frowning at his older brother.
Sounds like he hasn't learned who the adult in the house is. It's up to you to make him mind. Since you don't make him mind and give him instant consequences you are raising a terror.
I suggest you find some Love and Logic parenting classes or at least read some books.
Had this happened in my house that child's hiney would have had a swift swat on his rear. Not a beating by any means but a swift swat would have gotten his attention.
He is plenty old to know this behavior is not okay. Every tantrum should be met with him being in his room with no attention until he can control himself, and then him cleaning any mess he made. It might make for a couple of ugly episodes while you force him to clean, but he will learn.
When my daughter was 8 or 9 she puposely peed on the floor while obviously angry. She was still throwing tamtrums. I was her fifth foster mother. I suggest he's very angry and needs help learning how to deal with it. I would get a psych evaluation.
How do you respond to these tantrums. My granddaughter was having frequent tantrums. Ignoring them didn't reduce them. I then tried sitting on the floor a sort way from where she was kicking and screaming. I remained calm and didn't say anything. When she was through she would crawl over to me and climb into my lap. She needed to know I accepted her anger and I was there to love her. The tantrums became shorter and further time in between and then stopped.
Have you tried giving him words to say. My 3 yo granddaughter, a different one, screams when she's mad. I started telling her to say I'm mad. I reply with I know you're mad and if I know what might be upsetting her I add that. She seems to be screaming less.
I suggest that when a child is seeking attention then ignoring them in a benign way will work. But if they're feeling pain that needs to also be addressed.
And when tantrums do not respond over time in spite of what one tries it's time to get professional help.
I also recommend reading Love and Logic.
B.,
No. That's not normal behavior. When my boys were 3 years old - they may have had temper tantrums but NEVER did they pee on the floor.
Make a list of your concerns. Take them to the pediatrician WITHOUT your grandson there (this is about your grandson, right? the one who would pull his diaper off and put some of it in his mouth?)
Any way - sibling rivalry is normal...however the throwing food on the floor and peeing on the floor is NOT.
IF and WHEN he does it? I would NOT give him attention for it. I would hand him a towel to clean up his mess and walk away. I don't know how much of this is for attention or if there is another issue that needs to be dealt with.
Good luck!
It is normal for a 3 yr old to act out. The problem is if he does it all the time and what your reaction is. How are you working with him to react in a different way? Peeing on the floor? Does he then get down and scrub? If he throws away his food, does he get to eat anything later? Does he have to pick it up from the floor? Does he get time outs or any other consequence? He needs to learn that these behaviors are not acceptable.
Smarts and emotional maturity are two different things. He's likely picked up the information from his brother. But he needs to work on his behavior more than his colors IMO.
If this is, as someone else pointed out, a grandson who would eat his diaper, then I think that a chat with the pediatrician is in order. There may be more than just a temperamental 3 yr old going on here. If he is your grandson, what is his family circumstance? His early years? Have you had him evaluated for anything?
I'm not sure what this has to do with potty training other than he's defiantly peeing on the floor. If he is not yet trained, I would stop trying and focus on the behavior problems. Many children, especially boys, don't fully train til 3.5 or later.
Let's pick the issues apart here. Little kids have tempers because they can't yet express in words exactly how they feel. Frustrated, angry, hurt, sad are all things they feel but they don't have the vocabulary and impulse control to work through it all. This is where you need to step in and give words to his feelings and help him process them.
I always think of it as little kids are strangers in a strange land. They don't know the customs and what's expected so as someone who has lived here for a long time it's up to we grown ups to teach them.
He repeats everything his brother says because his brother is older and little brother wants to do whatever the older brother is doing. He'll figure out soon enough that he has his own likes and dislikes. Encourage him in things that are interest to him,
Yes, without effective discipline, this is how 3 year olds act. Even the very smartest ones. I disagree with Wild Woman, I've seen tantrummers throw food on the floor. The peeing on the floor would be abnormal if he was disciplined for tantrums but still pees on the floor when he gets mad...but if he's tantrumming in general with no effective consequences, then I have known several kids to include peeing on the floor in their repertoire. Or head banging or choking or puking...
I'd nip the fits. "Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson.
I agree with others that he needs discipline but please get some good books on discipline -- it is not automatically the same thing as punishment. Discipline teaches, punishment (like swats and taps and spanking) does not teach. Time outs may be effective because he is at a good age for those; however, you and your husband MUST be very consistent and put him back in time out over and over and over if he gets up and tries to fight it. Please get books by Jo Frost (she was "supernanny" on TV a few years back) because she has very good techniques for time outs -- but be very aware that at first he is going to get up, to argue, to move away from the time out spot and it is vital to return him there without yelling, fussing or otherwise giving additional negative attention to him. You may have to spend a very long time on each time out at the start (see if you can find some examples of this re: the Supernanny TV show online) but it will pay off -- only IF you stick to it like glue, stay calm and do not cave to him. And your husband must be 100 percent on board so you and he have exactly the same discipline every single time for every issue -- or your son will quickly learn that he can "play" daddy to let him out of time out before it's over and before he's apologized.
Also get some good resources on child development, because you mention that he is "smart" because he knows colors etc. but you then seem puzzled that "he doesn't seem to understand things completely." You seem to confuse smarts about things like colors or numbers with a child's ability to understand how to control his temper. Read up on how he needs to learn to use words, not angry actions, to tell you what he feels.
He needs to be the one who cleans up any messes he makes, including pee on the floor, but you need to enforce that calmly.
Also, he's practically screaming for attention. Children will gladly pursue your "negative attention" if that's what they can get from you -- if you yell and are angry with him, that is still a form of attention, and he will do "bad" things just to get that attention. It's true but many adults don't see that their negative attention can be craved by kids just like positive attention can be.
Be sure to give him positive attention as much as you can (while still being firm and very swift with discipline when that's required). Praise when he does anything right (or even just halfway right) -- "Hey, good job putting the toy into the toy box" or anything at all. Be sure he gets to do some outings all on his own with your or dad without his older brother along and that he has some activities of his own and isn't just taken along to his brother's activities.
This phase can pass but you need to choose a consistent discipline and stick with it for the long run (if you feel like "we've tried everything!" that indicates that you have shifted from discipline to discipline too much). And he needs to be given a lot of positive attention when he is doing OK, and needs time with you that is his and his alone. Again, check out Jo Frost's books with an emphasis on using time out effectively.
