Tell Me Not to Do It

You need to go to counseling. Through counseling you will dig deep and find out why you are so attracted to this man.

I would also suggest talking to a friend who knew you when you dated this other man, now boss. She, better than anyone, can remind you of why you ended the relationship.

Do not tell him how you feel.

I would remove myself from this situation as soon as humanly possible. I would NEVER want an ex doing my employee evaluation--whether I thought he was hot or not. That is distinctly NOT hot : (

You sound like you know what is important. Don't let him know it gets to you. In fact, if you can help it, try not to talk to him at all until you can get out of there.

I agree with Mum4ever...particularly her first paragraph...she is dead on!!! Get out of there girl!

Sounds like you are using him as an escape from reality. If all else fails have you considered counseling to determine why you are looking for an escape?

Keep your mouth shut and start looking for another job...immediately.

Why did you even get married?

I SERIOUSLY doubt you "love" this guy. Most likely, you miss the excitement. Would you ever do with him, what you have with your husband? Settle down? Buy a home? Get married? Have children? Plant roots with him? If not, you DO NOT LOVE HIM. YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM. Seriously, you do not love him. It ended. Why? Because, it was a BAD, TOXIC relationship. You did NOT and do NOT love him.

Get the hell out of that job. Save your marriage. Get counseling. You CLEARLY are missing something in your marriage. Don't be stupid.

**The caps are meant to look like yelling.

Are you #$____@____.com kidding me! Don't be self-destructive and grow up!!!

The man says it doesn't feel weird to him AT ALL! This means he HAS NO FEELINGS!!! He is your BOSS!!! You have moved on and you need to look at your kids and think about not seeing them everyday, not kissing your husband ever again, not having the comfort you have now and being ALONE! That man does NOT want you!

Do not journal these feelings because written words can be found and hurtful! I feel horrible for your family! This comes from a woman who occasionally thinks about my ex husband, but I would never go back to him!!!! There is a reason we are not together and I have the best husband in the world for me now! Things aren't always roses and rainbows, but I know we are strong enough to work together to make a happy home for our kids. Are you strong enough to do that or are you that woman who will never be satisfied with her situation?

I pray for you and your family and that the outcome is what is best for all!

Love is a choice.

You CHOSE to marry your husband and have a family with him. So now, you CHOOSE to stay committed to your family and keep the work relationship *strictly* professional between you and your ex until you can get OUT of that stiuation.

Many people say "but I can't control how I feel" - and I do believe this is true. HOWEVER, you *do* CHOOSE what you do about those feelings. You are not a ruled-by-your-hormones-teenager....you're a grown woman, a wife and mother - THAT is how you stay away (emotionally, until you can get away physically) from your ex. Think about how devastated your husband would be....how it would TEAR APART the only life and world your children have ever known. How it would betray every aspect of the life you have and hold dear.

Don't be a twit. Suck it up and be a grown-up. Put your children ahead of your own whims and STAY AWAY FROM YOUR EX!!!!!

It's simple.
There is no possible scenario in which it would end well.
Remind yourself of that, Repeat as needed.

You need to put all your focus on your husband and your kids, and remember, there is a reason he is your ex.

ETA:

If you know about "Lost in Space" you will get this -

DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!! DO NOT GO IN THERE!!!

If you value your marriage and your family life - do NOT say a word about your feelings.

keep your mouth shut. you are opening a can of worms.

do NOT act on any feelings you may have. you might have these feelings for a myriad of reasons - only YOU can answer those.

Look for a new job. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

Ditto ❤MzKitty❤ !!

Girl you are not in love, you are in LUST! Part of being a grown up and having a family is doing the right thing ALL THE TIME.
Coming here and asking US TO TELL YOU NO is ridiculous! Like Kim F said, if you were in front of me I would hit you on the back of the head and tell you put your big girl panties on, do your job and quit acting like you are in high school.
We are constantly being tested in this life to do the right thing and not take the easy route all the time. This is it. This your fork in the road, what you do at this time will affect not only you but your husband and your children FOREVER!!!!
I am usually not harsh to people on here, but I feel like you are in need of biotch slap. I mean really, really, you are thinking about your ex and giving up your family. Really you are willing to lose it all for a swinging di6k that cares nothing about you or your family. Really you are nervous going to work every day. Really???
Which way are you going to go??? The decision is yours REALLY!!

You might as well turn in your resignation if you pull him aside to confess your feelings for him. Not to mention the damage you'd be doing to your marriage.

First, I get the unresolved feelings. I really, really do. I've been there, and I can't for the life of me imagine working as an employee under the person for whom I had unresolved feelings. I'm sure it is stressful, emotional, and extremely complicated to say the least. That can't be good for your work environment or productivity. This may be misguided advice, since I'm not familiar with the politics at your company, but IF it is feasible, perhaps you could have a conversation with someone in HR about the fact that you previously shared a personal relationship with your boss and are not certain that you're comfortable with working under him at this time because of the past. I would not, however, mention lingering feelings or the fact that you're thinking about him, etc.. If you work in a large organization, maybe the HR people could find another spot for you. If not, you should immediately begin searching for a new job elsewhere. Your family deserves your undivided loyalties and emotion.

Second, if you haven't spoken to your husband about this, do so immediately. You don't have to say, "I'm still in love with my boss," but you should tell him how it is bringing back a lot of memories good and bad, that it makes it very difficult for you to handle things in a professional manner because all it does is dredge up the past. The more open you can be with your husband, the more it will help keep things on the up and up. Temptation is always lessened when you can talk to someone about it BEFORE giving in. I would also see if your husband has an issue with you continuing to work with this man until August. I'm thinking he might be a good source of advice on how to address this. Plus, it makes your husband your ally (which he should be) instead of the person you feel guilt towards because you know you're entertaining thoughts about your boss.

Finally, think about all the reasons your relationship with your boss didn't work out. Those reasons are still there. People only change so much, especially in terms of their interactions with each other. Are you willing to throw away a working marriage with a good man, making your children collateral damage, to pursue a relationship that is going to be intense but rocky and end badly (probably worse) again? That's assuming that the boss is interested in leaving his wife and family rather than FIRING you on the spot for inappropriate/unprofessional behavior.

You have those feelings because your ex is the one that got away and you are only thinking about the intense passion that was in the realtionship. Sadly no husband can compete with your memories because they are one sided. You are not thinking about why the relationship ended or about any of the realistic pieces of your old relationshhip.

There is a reason he is your ex and your husband is your husband. Your husband had been the one with you raising a family. Your ex never thinks about you. If he did he would have brought up the subject to you not the other way around. Move on and quickly!

I agree with everything below - so I can only add the practical.

Wallpaper your work area with family photos, kid art - anything that reminds you (and him) of your wonderful life.

Nobody wins the "what if" game - so the only way to win is to not play.

I have not read any other responses....

However.....the shear fact that he would bluntly and coldly tell you that he does not think there is anything weird about the new work relationship.....tells me he is a cold, heartless jerk who just happened to be a good, passionate lay.

You probably did love....but he did not love you, clearly, or he would have been kinder in his response to you.

You were and at some level still in lust with this guy.

You can turn your feelings off for him. You can. Why did the relationship end very, very very badly? What was volatile? Sex was good and what was bad? You parted for good reasons I assume and I also assume those good reason to stay apart are still there. There's a reason that relationship is dead for him. Try to recognize that. Get a handle on your heart and your hormones and tell yourself to put your mind on work and work alone. You are working with this man, not sleeping with him anymore.

You're situation is definitely tough. I would not want to be in it or near it. Stay focused on work. Stay focused on the kind, gentle, man who is a good father...do not ever dismiss the fact that you made a solid choice for yourself. Volatile relationships never last. They always crash.

And as you settle down, you should consider searching for another position. Even though your ex-relationship doesn't see a problem, you clearly have one, and that's a problem. So, if it ever does comes up, be honest, tell him, you do feel awkward and uncomfortable most of the time. So best you work elsewhere when the opportunity arises. End of story.

So L.......Don't Do It!!!! Do not talk to this guy like he's going to care about your feelings. STOP. Please ask yourself WHY would you even want all this drama in your life? In your children's lives? For your husband?

If I were in your situation , I would talk to my husband about this. Don't tell him that you still have feelings for your ex. Just tell him that the current work situation is making you very uncomfortable. Or tell him you would rather not have any contact with your ex anymore, that you don't like seeing him everyday.

And then both of you can decide what's the best way to handle this situation. I guess you can talk to your bosses' boss and get yourself transferred to a different team within the same company. Or look for a job outside. What if you lose a bigger opportunity or higher salary, you will have your piece of mind and be able to still support your family that you love.

Oh and please DON'T tell him you have feelings for him. Just think about the consequences. What if he says he has feelings towards you as well. Will you leave your husband and children to be with your ex? Will you cheat on your husband and kids and have an affair with your ex? Will you just say , this won't work and quit your job and move on for your family's sake? Since you don't want to sabotage your family, I think you will quit your job and move away from your ex. So what's the point in discussing your feelings? Let it go.

Even if your ex doesn't have any feelings for you , you will only be more uncomfortable around him and you are only going to regret telling him how you feel. And you are going to quit and move on because it would be very difficult to work under him after that.

So do it now. Take a transfer to a different department in the same company or take up a different job outside. Since you have such strong feelings for him, I think this would be the best thing to do.

Only you can torpedo your life and end your current happiness. Now why would you want to do that?? Who knows why ultimately these feelings are resurfacing, but God knows if you act on them your happy life as you know it will end. I agree with the others: don't breathe a word of this and immediately start looking for new employment.

Ultimately, you control your future in this regard. Good luck with doing the right thing.

P.S. DON'T FORGET: You already KNOW that this man isn't right for you.

I agree with Bug. Sounds more like a crush or infatuation type thing. More physical. First, don't feel guilty. We can't help our feelings, or urges. We are human. I don't believe it's possible to not be attracted to other people or go through life without developing crushes/attractions. You just have to remember that what you have with your husband is a family, it's real, it's solid. That's real love. If you already had a volatile relationship with this guy, there's no mystery, you know it would be intense and passionate (if you were to have an affair) but that's it. You know how it would end. There are certain people we will always have feelings for. Just don't give in and ruin your family. Good luck.

Don't pull him aside. Don't tell him your feelings. Don't jeopardize your job, and your family, by doing that.

DOgo get counseling ASAP. If you can't afford or aren't sure where to go, try your minister at church as a starting point. You need to work through this in a safe place where you can safely talk about your feelings without being judged.

I'm wondering if maybe it isn't the passion and the roller coaster ride that you're in love with, and not the actual man? They (the passion & roller coaster ride) can be very addictive.

What a predicament. Only you will be able to answer this question and/or take the steps necessary to implement it.
By your wording in the post, I think you know what the responsible thing to do is. Good luck.

Dont do it!! If you think it's awkward NOW, then what do you think it will be like if you were to tell him how you THINK you feel? Awkward would be an understatement of the year.

I dont think you reallly love him, I think you are just caught up in memories and reminded of how things used to be and all that. You arent attracted to him, your attracted to familiarity. Period.

But, you have to remember! You are MARRIED. You have KIDS. And so does he. It didnt work out between you two. For good reason. Things happen for a reason and that is why you arent together. You two had what sounded like a stressful, and toxic relationship. You dont want to get caught up in that again.

You also dont want to hurt the ones you truly DO love, like your "nice, loving husband" and your kids. If you think all this wouldnt affect them then you are fooling yourself!

Its a bad, bad idea and you need to get your head out of the clouds, and figure yourself out.

It isnt fair to your husband that you are thinking these things, and it is inappropriate!!! Your husband loves you. Show him some respect and distance yourself emotionally from this person, and if you must continue working with him then you need to keep your head in the game and keep it professional. You two will never be together again, accept that. You have to. Your married, he's married and life has moved on.

So do yourself a favor and move on!

You do not "love him". You are thinking with a certain part of the body that isn't your brain!

You can't wait until August. You need to do something about this now. I seriously doubt he has the same feelings.

DO NOT say anything.to him about how you feel. That is your problem don't make it his and your company's.

You need to talk to someone in HR. You don't have to say you are in love with him but you can say that years ago you were in a relationship and that you are uncomfortable with this situation. Is there someone else you can report to?

Talk to you husband. Let him know that you are uncomfortable with this. I would suspect he is uncomfortable as well.

Get your resume out there NOW. This is going to blow up in your face and you will be the one out.

Maybe a seperate issue, but you must tell your HR department about the previous relationship. You need to protect yourself and someone else should do your review. No way should you report to him. I know married couples who work together and lots of companies find ways to accomodate for this.

Of course, don't tell him how you feel. Aside from being completely destructive to your role as mother and wife, I think he could fire you for harrassment.

I don't expect you can turn off your feelings. My objective opinion is that you just need to make good choices that benefit your children. They are your priority. Nothing good will come from getting attached to this man - emotionally or otherwise. You have no more right to him than any other woman on the street. He belongs to his wife and you need to back off for this reason too.

I don't mean to be overly harsh, but as a woman and mother, I could care less how you feel. Focus on your obligations. Even if your marriage is a wreck (and you don't say that it is), you have to be mom before all else. You would cause your kids such immeasurable pain.... why do you need advice? Why doesn't that thought alone stop you? See a therapist, and get a new job. You are in control of yourself. It's all about choices. Don't be selfish.

And one more thing, how can you love him? You have NO relationship with him and haven't for years. You don't even know him anymore. How can you if you don't know his wife, kids, home, etc. He is essentially a stranger. Maybe you are attracted to him. Maybe you miss the passion you used to have. But you really don't love him any more than I do. Love involves friendship and romance and companionship, and you have none of that with this man. But I bet you have at least some of that with your husband.

How to turn off the feelings? Just think about your last argument.

You probably aren't still in love with him. You are probably have the 'what could've been' blues that you are mistaking as attraction. You've been there, done that. Learn from your past and DON'T repeat the mistake!

Put in for the transfer, don't share any personal feelings/alone time, etc. Don't get into a situation where you are alone in a room together. Just don't. YOU are off limits to him. Period.

You are married. You are a mother. Your life is not just about you anymore. And some spouses tend to be a little upset by cheating, you know? If your attraction to this guy is stronger than your feelings for your own family, the one you have created with your husband, then you have a bigger problem losing a big job opportunity.I don't think you love the guy, i just think you have unresolved issues with him. Be grown up and let it go.

Are you a woman of faith? Its time to start praying God will take the feelings away. Aslo perhaps pray that he get relocated? And please do get out of there and find a new job ASAP. Don't risk your family over this. Even if its a good job with good opportunities. We humans are weak, and can make very bad impulsive choices.

DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!

If it ended very very very badly once, the same thing will most likely happen again. I know you're in for a challenge mentally over the next few weeks, but you can get through it. Don't talk to him about your feelings, do let yourself daydream a little bit about how things would be if you acted on your feelings -- what would happen in the short run and in the long run. Try to focus on your husband and children. And send out your resume asap!

Good luck!

Um, okay, don't do it. This sounds like it would put you, your ex, and your husband in a really difficult position. Worst-case scenario, it'll create marriage and/or professional problems that'll haunt you for the rest of your life. And for what? Where do you honestly see this going?

I do understand: we all have areas in life where we have a hard time restraining ourselves. For my husband, it's keeping his mouth shut when somebody pisses him off. For me, it's staying away from cheese, muffins, and other unhealthy food. This may be your trouble area. But ... if you have to, cheat in your head. Have a wonderful, fantastic fantasy life for a while. I can't see this becoming a positive reality.

Don't have a lot of help here, but maybe learning more about his wife and his family will help quell that urge...

If you can humanize/personalize his wife, then maybe you'll be able to hold off from saying anything out of respect for her and her marriage if not for your own.

Also, think about all the reasons it didn't work between you two. Everytime you think about him positively, also add in a thought about something negative about him or your previous relationship.

Apparently if you stay in this job much longer, you won't have a family to support. If that's not incentive enough to keep your behavior, feelings, and thoughts in check, I don't know what is. What's more important? A "big opportunity" or your family? If you're offended by this answer, you are on a slippery slope. If you take it to heart, then use it as incentive to make a positive change for you and your family.

Apparently you are focusing on the "passionate" memories of the former relationship. Try to remember the volatile times and the very very very bad ending. Also, you haven't lived day-to-day with him for years and are romanticizing the past. A professional relationship is very different from a romantic one, and just because you get along well in the office doesn't mean he's a "changed man" and maybe it would work now. You made a choice to end the bad relationship years ago (a *good* choice!), you made a choice to marry your husband (hopefully a good relationship, but don't know since you didn't say anything about HIM), you made a choice to have children with your husband. Continue to choose your husband and children every day. THEY are what's real. Why destroy so many lives in pursuit of a fantasy?

Instead of focusing on the ex, try writing down the great things about your marriage. Why did you fall in love with him? Why did you marry him? Why did you want to have children with him? What makes him a great guy? Think about those things.

Start applying for a new job today!!

If you are in a large corporation, then you have an HR department. Schedule a meeting with them and ask them to find you another position in the company. Tell them that you and your boss had a romantic relationship that ended badly and you never expected him to become your boss. Tell them that you are uncomfortable and you want them to help you find another job.

They will KNOW that if they do not help you, that you could possibly file sexual harrassment charges against them. They won't want that. They should work with you.

Before you do this, I would talk to an employment attorney. You could get some excellent advice about this. I would NOT let the attorney contact them. I would NOT tell them you have contacted a lawyer. The way the lawyer coaches you will tell them that you know what you are talking about and know your rights.

You can't turn off these feelings in your brain, L.. That's why you need a new job situation. But it's not fair for you to lose a ton of money by having to go to another company. You have just as much right to a job in this company as this man does.

Good luck. Go get some legal advice.

Dawn

OK I know you have received enough of this, and I have not even read all the others, but just to give some reinforcement - OMG, DONT DO IT! Dont wreck up your family on pipe dreams of a once passionate relationship. I am guessing that after 4 years of pregnancy and breast feeding and caring for young children that things probably are not as possionate as they once were in your marriage (which is totally normal), and that is perhaps leading to some fantasy type thinking that is tricking you into believing that you are still in love with the ex. Spend some time getting cozy again with your hubby - maybe spicing things up at home will help get you through this phase. And it is just a phase... if you did not have to see him every day would you still feel this way? I doubt it! If you are happy at home then by all means hang onto that with all you have. There maybe no going back after you make a drastic move like having this talk with the ex and you dont want to live your life with that kind of regret. There is a reason it did not work out the first time with the ex. Sound like you have a great man and father on your hands - think long and hard before you throw that away.

Oh no............. don't go there girl! NO!
First, I need to say something, I seriously doubt that you are in love with this guy. It's been YEARS, and the relationship ended "badly" to use your words. I am going to assume that you are in love with the idea of the relationship that you once shared, or even the one you once dreamed of having with this guy. NOT the guy himself. Get that right in your head and the whole situation gets MUCH easier.
That being said, do we sometimes meet someone in our lives who we are with and then end up apart from and even marrying someone else? YES, Do we sometimes still think or dream about the what if's of that person and wonder what life would be like if only..................... well, sure. Have you seen letter's to Juliet? Basic premis of the movie was she fell in love and then for whatever reason was seperated from the guy and they both married another, only to rind one another MUCH later in life and live happily ever after. HUGE DIFFERENCE here is that in the movie, there was not a "bad" breakup, and both people who found each other again to live happily ever after were SINGLE again. (well, their spouses had passed away) YOU are NOT single and neither is he. There is a real reason that your relationship didn't work out back when you broke up, and I suspect that the same problems would occur again if you were blind enough to give it a go again. HE is married, and has a wife who does NOT deserve to have ANYONE else fantasizing about HER husband on a regular basis or worse, attempting to rekindle old flames on HER time. (honestly, that is the real deal. You had your time to make it work with this guy and couldn't. She is doing it now) If he was MY man and I found out about how you were feeling, I would be flattered AT FIRST, and then I would want you immediatly moved to a different place in the company so MY husband would never have to come in contact with you again. Sorry, sad, but true. I am going to assume that you have never met the wife, and that is the only way you could even be beginning to think about this at all.
As far as your own husband goes, well, I really do hope that you love HIM enough to not want to cause him the kind of pain that would inflict. Imagine if the situation were reversed? How would you feel? You obviously love him since you married him, and you have a family together. Think of your children and how they would feel. I guess my advice to you is simple. Until you can get a different job, and I would do that asap............. I would bring in a bunch of photos of you and your hubby in frames to put on your desk or where you sit at work. Bring in pictures of you kids too. Gentle reminders of what you would stand to lose if you had even a momentary loss of reason and self control. NOT WORTH IT!! Anytime you feel yourself getting a little weak, think of the WORST thing that happened with you and the ex, and ONLY that. FOCUS on all of the reasons why you were once happy to be rid of him. Focus on the wonderful people in your life now, your husband and kids. Even think about the ex's wife and kids if that helps, because she is innocent in this too. You would probably even like her since you both have the same taste in men.................................................
Change jobs asap, don't do it, and by God DO NOT be late fron work or give your hubby any reason to not trust you or doubt you if you aren't doing anything wrong! THAT would be horrible! Good luck! Stay strong! I'm sure it will pass. Just imagine going through that "bad ending" all over again only this time with your kids in tow. UGH! NO WAY! <3

You have received great advice. Hang tough!
Do you have pictures of your family on your desk? That will help remind you of what is important.

Don't do it. Don't do it for personal or professional reasons. I would minimize contact as much as possible. Be professional. Don't do closed door meetings unless necessary (like an evaluation). Keep your door open when he's there. Etc. Keep pictures of your family nearby to remind you of all you have to lose.

I would not tell HR that you are feeling this way now, but you should probably tell them that you dated once upon a time and have a history because he's in charge of your review. It may be a non-issue to them, but if not, you don't want to find out later.

Remind yourself that it ended very, very badly. There were reasons it burned out. I think you are in love with the idea of what was once upon a time, not the reality.

I agree that you should talk to HR to find a new placement. And...

You need to do some serious thinking. Sometimes, attractions and feelings of lust is super normal - as long as you don't act on it. Look, you're happliy married to a great man and have kids. Life might be a little stagnant, sex a bit repetitive, sleep non existant, money a worry - how easy to have a fantasy like you're having. Just remember, the feelings that you are having about this VOLITILE yet intense and passionate former relationship is normal - but it's a fantasy. Would you leave your hubby for him - no way. And don't trust what this guys says because he's a man.

Men can turn their brain on and off - we women can't do that so easily. So when an ex walks in - boom, the old feelings are back - and boy do they seem to block out all reality.

So speak to HR and then clear your head. This is a fantasy and you know it - you just need to come to terms with it and then let it go. Even if he is there every day. Just repeat to yourself why things ended badly!!

You do not love him, you love the intense, volatile, passionate craziness you two had and the way it made you feel... Of course, now you are married, it is boring, predictable. That is why you feel the way you feel. There is the reason for an Asian proverb: "You can never step in the same river twice". Which means, no matter how hard you try, the river of life moves on and even if you try to step in the same place - the waters have moved on, they changed, you changed, everything changed. Nothing can be repeated.
I suggest you have a good day dreaming session with yourself (or a few), relived everything you loved about that passionate relationship, thank heavens that you had such an incredible experience in your life, thank heavens for what you have now and return to work with clear head and a cool heart. Your ex seems to be in a working mood, not making any passes on you, do the same - move on. That relationship was about the craziness, sensuality, celebration of your youth, you lived it up; now it the time to do other things: raise family, be faithful, keep a good job, pass a test of strength and wisdom that heavens giving you. I know you can do it. Good luck.

I second going to counseling. Your past is the past and you need to leave him there. You are married..You committed yourself to another man and now have children. For their sake get help and certainly look for another position. This is certainly why I never dated anyone at work. Very awkward and given your history with this person I say...."Run Forest Run!" While he may think it's not awkward when your first evaluation comes up how awful would it be if you are blindsided with negative feedback and criticism. Opens a can of worms.

You say you'd be leaving a big opportunity in your current job....I can't see any bigger opportunity then losing your family should you cave into your feelings and fantasies i.e. mutual need for an affair...or perhaps he still has an ax to grind and gives you negative performance reviews.

Haven't read your responses but I'm thinking you're not actually in love with him. I think you're in love with what you wished the relationship SHOULD have been. From what you've said, I don't think it was a walk in the park. He's moved on, you've moved on. He's made it clear by his actions that he doesn't think of you that way and he doesn't even feel awkward which means (ready?) nothing good can come out of you focusing on THINKING that you have feelings for him. Think of how you felt when things with him were volatile and your relationship ended & keep thinking THOSE thoughts.

Remember all of the reasons you split-up. Seriously. If it was a great relationship, you'd be married to him instead of your husband.

Start there. Make a list if you need to. Switch jobs as soon as you are able to, but keep telling yourself that he was not a good match for you. Don't impose your feelings on him or your husband at this point. If you are not happy in your marriage, that's another topic of conversation, but at this point it would be entirely selfish to burden either of them with this information.

Keep it to yourself. Do your job to the best of your ability. Build your resume and get out of there. My guess is that when you are no longer looking at him every day, you will remember all of the reasons you broke-up.... volatility is not a good thing. Passion fades, but compassion and mutual respect are enduring.

okay, you've acknowledged it....now throw it far, far away- because that's where this fantasy belongs: "in far, far away....with Shrek".

This is your mid-life crisis....regardless of your age. Don't revert to teenhood. You will lose everything.

Actively begin your job search. Forget all of the "what if's"....no job is worth losing your family.

I've actually twice been in situations where I was attracted to somebody I had to work with. It didn't matter that I had never had a romantic relationship with that person, the attraction grabbed me in the most visceral ways. But the other person never knew of my feelings, because we behaved together in a professional manner. If either one had any attraction for me, neither ever let on. Which was a good thing all around, since both were married family men.

I eventually got "over" both men – honestly, haven't thought about either for many years.

Meditation teaches us to watch our thoughts and feelings with curiosity but detachment. It doesn't make them go away, but does make them less distracting or consuming. For me, at least, there is a great deal of "growing up" in learning to do that. It also reduces the suffering that can come with unfulfilled wishes. And reduced suffering = greater happiness. Definitely worthwhile.

The relationship ended for very good reasons, and it was a looong time ago. Your life has changed, you have a husband and a child. Every time you think about your ex, think about your child's eyes and how sad it they would be if you allowed yourself to make even a single, tiny mistake with this old flame that could ultimately ruin the life you have created now. Telling him about old feelings, or thinking about them is the step in that direction. Stop asking him if the situation is uncomfortable, you are making it that way and bringing up old ideas is NEVER a good idea.

L.,

1. Think of your FAMILY FIRST. Your feelings 2nd.

2. Do NOT under any circumstance, tell him how you feel---keep everything 100% professional.

3. Does your husband know how you feel??? What other options do you have workwise that would cause you less stress/anxiety ???

4. Start journaling all of your feelings and get them out---maybe you just need to process some old junk from the past. Good luck!!!

M

Are you able to go to his boss and tell him that you two have a history? Tell him you need to be moved, within the company to work on a differant team.

If that's not possible, I suggest you make a change to your employment situation, like yesterday! I get that you are supporting your family, but given the choice between sabatoging your family or taking a pay cut, I say take the paycut.

You should go home and tell all of this to your husband. Secrets like this only get worse. You havent actually done anything wrong. You were put in this situation and realized it makes you uncomfortable. WIth your husbands love and support you can figure something else out together.

I think you are completely romanticizing whatever you think could happen between the two of you. I know you are committed to your husband and family but it seems like you did not get the closure you needed on this previous relationship and you have very unrealistic ideas of what you think you missed out on. This guy wasn't worth keeping around then and he's not worth your time now.

Exactly what MzKitty said! Also, love is a choice. Choose NOT to love this other guy and give your family the best of you. Time to let go of the ex!

Don't mess where you eat.
This relationship already ended (and badly) so going into it now would be beating a dead horse.
You are not a glutton for punishment.
Your job is your bread and butter and pays the bills and your feelings are going to get in the way of that if you can't keep your mouth shut.
Forget who he use to be - he is your boss now.
And he has the power to absolutely RUIN you - so do NOT go there.
If he's got other people he supervises - he has GOT to go out of his way to treat all of you the same - and that means you do NOT go pouring your feelings out to him.
Wait it out till August, get the best possible recommendation from him regarding your work/professionalism and then move on to another job.
Professional success is the best revenge and the best possible outcome.

Kimberly F said it best. Listen to her!!!!!!!

First and foremost, think about the fact that you are married. You will destroy your marriage, your family, your childrens' stability if you do something so stupid as to tell this man that you have feelings for him. You have children to think about.

Secondly, you have to stop asking him "repeatedly" if he sees anything weird about the work situation. Stop trying to plant that seed in his head. Let him be over you. Let him be happy in his marriage and don't try to distract him from why you are both there: your jobs. That's not even considering the fact that he may not feel the same way you do and you would only be jeopardizing your job AND your marriage for something so stupid.

Thirdly, just because you have feelings does not mean you have to act on them or voice them. It also does not mean that they are valid.

It also sounds like you're mistaking what you're feeling for love. I don't believe you love him at all. I believe you're probably missing something in your current marriage that you identify with in your past FAILED and BAD relationship with this guy. You mentioned passion and intensity... well, when you're in a relationship that's horrible for you as you describe you get addicted to those feelings but when it ends badly it's always for a reason. You can't sustain those high levels of emotions for long periods of time. When you find the right guy, like your husband, the ebb and flow of passion coming and going is natural. Not living in those highs all the time is healthier for your children. Children can't tolerate living in volatile situations. It's a fallacy that our life partnerships are supposed to always be filled with passion and intensity and nonstop loveydovey feelings... no one can sustain that nonstop. It's too stressful.

Your answer is to jazz things up with your husband. If you find yourself thinking about your boss inappropriately you have to train your brain not to think about him as your ex-boyfriend. You have to literally tell yourself, "Stop. Jack is my boss. I love James." Use affirming statements for your marriage and give your brain orders. You have to do that consistently. It's a real method my shrink uses, silly as it sounds.

I'm glad you received support to handle your work situation.

I think your response gives us a little more information for reflection. I'm going to suggest that you also consider taking time for yourself to develop interests in addition to your husband, children and home. You could browse the library and pick a book to read (even if you don't get to finish it). You could develop a hobby that takes you outside the home on a weekly basis (snap photos, walk neighborhoods, join a knitting club). You could put time into a couple of gal friendships. Each of these would help you continue to develop yourself and your strength. And a well-developed Mom is a gift to her family, as well as herself. All my best.

I'm not even going to try to read all these responses. But I will suggest you try to find your trigger. What is it that's really attracting you? I had a similar problem with a coworker once to finally work it through my brain and realise that I really just loved his cologne. Lol, so I went and bought it for my husband and wasn't even remotely attracted to my coworker any more.