I think I know what I have to do...but I think I'd like to hear your opinions.
I just found out I'm pregnant (w/ #3). A complete and utter surprise.
A surprise that tells me God has a really kooky sense of humor.
Because the timing could not be worse. But that's another story.
My childhood best friend just miscarried at Thanksgiving. She lives on the opposite side of the US, we speak sporadically, and are not super close anymore. But we are still friends. She knew she could come to me and pour out her heart and emotions to me over her lost baby. (I had my own miscarriage 3 years ago this week.) She was trying to conceive baby #2...so was I. I understand, and I hurt for her.
Now of course, I am very early pg so I do not know how things are going to go. Though I have been feeling like crud for days now and God and his 'hahaha!' funniness and all.
So...be honest and upfront? Or wait and see if the pregnancy is viable? Or wait until she is pregnant (they seem to have little problem getting pg)?
I'm not much on lying or omitting the truth. But I don't want to crush my friend at this time either.
What say you?
Thanks ladies!
LuvMyFamily kinda hit the nail on the head of how I have been feeling.
We go through long periods of time when we don't talk...but right now we are talking (emailing back and forth).
I don't want to hurt her-but I don't want to hurt her more by concealing the truth.
I really appreciate your thoughts. I will not make any split decisions until after Christmas.
Oh...and no worries about her finding out from anyone but me.
I share virtually nothing on FB. Lol. :)
Just to clarify: I have no plans to "announce" anything. I haven't told a soul yet besides DH. I would only consider telling her in a very personal email. She was pregnant at the time I lost my baby. And my SIL announced her pregnancy a month after my loss. She (SIL) had told me numerous times she wanted no more children. I know exactly how hard it is. Trust me.
Please don't hit her with this truth right now. Wait until you are 12 weeks. I really feel this is the right thing to do.
Dawn
Well, I always wait for the safer period of 12-16 weeks to tell. I dont' think anything good can come of telling her. Either you will hurt her since her wound is fresh or if you have any problems it will be hard for her to be supportive. So wait. Give her time to heal and time for you to feel more human again later in pregnancy. Best wishes.
PS - But yes, don't let it come to her secondhand.
My bff and I went through this a few years ago except it was me who had miscarried and her who was "surprise!" pregnant. She felt like she needed to wait to tell me and then I felt bad because of that...and a little hurt. I wanted to share in her joy. Just because she's hurting doesn't mean she can't be/ won't be happy for you. If y'all don't talk often, I don't see the need to call specifically to tell her about a pregnancy that's early on, but at 12 weeks and when y'all talk, tell her. Don't lie or hold back. If y'all talk a lot, just be honest. Good luck and congrats! Oh yeah, and understand if she gets quiet. It has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with what she's going through. It may take time, but she still needs you.
I would have her be one of the first people that you tell, but don't tell anyone until you are comfortable. Then just have a conversation with her before you've told anyone else from whom she might hear your news second hand.
Congrats!
It seems like there is no upside to telling her until you hit the three month mark anyway. It will give her time to heal, maybe get pregnant, and you will know if the baby is going to be fine.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
personally? I would wait until you are into your 2nd trimester before announcing your pregnancy...I say this because of your stated history and it's usually safer to wait..
I'm sorry for your previous loss and your friend's loss. It's not easy to lose a baby!
What I did (my sister was dealing with infertility and a friend had placed her son for adoption years earlier) is I wrote each a heartfelt note so they could receive the news on their own time, in their own home. They were both very happy for us, but I think my sister especially appreciated the ability to cry on her own, as I was the one not expected to ever have kids (by choice).
I would wait a bit til you are certain everything is going as it should and then write her a note with love and friendship. I'm sure she'll be happy for you, though.
I didn't tell anyone outside of the immediate family til 11 weeks, personally, so waiting a little isn't unusual.
I would keep the pregnancy to yourself until you are at least 12 weeks or so. Then, you can break the news to your friend. Since she just miscarried in November, the wound is super fresh---I would wait a bit. You will know when the right time is. Take good care and congrats!!!!
M
having suffered two m/c's, please wait to tell her. Nothing sucks more than trying to be happy for a friend who is pregnant when you really just want to scream about how unfair the world can be. And I always felt guilty for not actually being happy for people, which just added to my grief.
I would definitely wait. It's normal to wait to tell people until at least after first trimester anyway.
Wait a bit but be sure to tell her by the halfway point and definately before someone else does...if anyone the you plan to tell first might be inclined to post on FB or similiar I would tell her asap.
Wait till after Christmas, but tell her. You do not want to wait to long( a little would be fine, like til you hear or see the heartbeat) If she is that good of a friend she would want to know. Tell her you are sorry, and that you know this is going to be a bit hard for her.
Lots of people don't go announcing they're pregnant right off the bat, so it wouldn't be withholding or lying to simply wait awhile to tell her. I know at least one woman who didn't tell anyone she was pregnant until 4-5 months, because she had had a previous miscarriage and didn't want to go through all the "Oh, you're pregnant!!!" bit in case she lost one again.
Unless she specifically asks you, you aren't omitting, either. You'll know when the time is right. I am sorry for you and your friend, but congratulations on number 3!!
