My son is 18 and does not go out socially often. He has a few friends, but is comfortable staying at home and does so alot. He has not gone to any homecoming activities or dances. He has a done a few things with male friends, but they are starting to date so he is alone more than he used to be. His is attractive, his grades are good and he has no behaviour problems. I feel like he will just sit at home alone when he goes to college and it worries me. When I talk to him and encourge him to go out with friends he feels like I am critisizing him. Should I just let him sit at home and not worry about it or should I continue to push him.
Thanks for the comments. He is an introvert and going out does stress him. We will see what happens when he goes to college. I guess I just need to accept him for who he is. He does seem happy and he does have friends invite him periodically. So...I am just going to back off and be grateful that is ok. Thanks for all your comments. I appreciate ie!
Hi A., neither one of my boys were especially social. They too would rather be home. Now they're a junior and freshman both away at college and branching out a little. But only a little. They are happy well balanced and seem to enjoy life, so I don't really see it as a problem.
I suppose if they were showing signs of depression or social anxiety, I might be concerned, but they're pretty happy with who they are.
And home is just....NICE.
:)
my fiances little brother was like that all through highschool.. he had his close group of a few guys that hung out together.. not too often, occasionally theyd go to the movies or watch whatever school sporting event was going on.. mostly theyd sit on the couch n play video games. he was always pretty quiet.. well hes now in his first year of college and loving it, he even decided to go study abroad for a semester, hes like a totally different person.. no one pushed him to go out and do things, no one said anything to him, it just happend! sometimes it just takes them meeting the right people, sometimes they need a push.. i think eventually hell break out of his shelll
He has friends and is comfortable at home. Maybe he's just an introvert and feels he socializes enough at school? I'd be concerned if he showed signs of depression but if not, I'd let him be. My DH is an extrovert and SS and I are more introverted and we are happy to do our own thing quietly for hours. Which would drive DH or SD crazy.
I've got one just like him! Same age too!
What is he doing when he is at home?
Is he sleeping?
Playing on-line on a PS3 or Xbox?
Hanging on the computer?
I ask because I have a 16 year old who could sometimes be accused of being anti-social (unless he is at a band function). But, then I realized that in today's electronic world my son "socializes" through the PS3, the computer, the phone. So when I think he is hanging out alone - he is actually talking and playing with people from several different countries.
Find out what your son is doing when he is home. He may not be as "alone" as you think.
Also, maybe encourage him to invite his friends over to your house....I find, for my son, that has always been the way to go. My kid is a home body and would prefer to have his friends hang out at our house rather than run the streets.
He's a shy person. There's nothing wrong with that. Some bubbly girl who talks way too much will find him and he'll think it's great that he can ahve a relationship and never have to talk. ;o)
I'm kidding a little bit but not really. Some people are just not social. My good friend as a teenager used to tell me that she would much rather be home reading a book instead of going to a party and trying to find something stupid to talk about and she was always certain she was saying the wrong thing, etc. She was drop dead gorgeous and the guys just couldn't find things to say to her that would make her perk up. eventually she met and married a guy with whom she shared interests.
Encourage yoru son to help at a soup kitchen, food pantry, nursing home, hospital or VA center (animal shetler?) . Whatever it is that's closest to his heart. That way he'll be meeting people in an environment that's more natural and he'll be helping the world at the same time.
I was / am a home body.
I could not afford to live on campus so I commuted from home every day.
Even not joining any clubs I was still too busy to be home much.
Once I was out of college and working and in my own apartment - I stayed home a lot.
Could not afford to do much.
I went through a period of walking the local mall till I had every store memorized (and could compare prices) - but it was all window shopping.
But there were activities and parties at the office.
In a sense - being at home is good for not spending much in the way of money.
But - he could also be out making money and while he's working he will meet people.
It doesn't matter what he does as long as it does not interfere with his school work.
Don't push him to socialize.
Just push him to be out and about.
Let him be himself. College and high school are two completely different things, especially if he is going away to school. He has a few friends now. He will find friends at college that share his interests. And if he sits home alone, unless he is depressed, why is that a problem? Some people are introverted and like their OWN company. Being social is tiring to them.
My son is the opposite (age 12) and I worry about the future! When he's not home, later as he gets older. The friends, the situations he finds himself in NOW, oy.
There are pros and cons to each type of person (extrovert/introvert). Read the book YOUR SPIRITED CHILD by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She devotes a chapter to this issue (introverted vs. extroverted) and it really helped me understand the needs of each type of person. Your son THRIVES on alone time. My son thrives with some social interaction.
I don't think there is anything wrong with your boy. You just might need some reassurance.
My brother was a lot like this.
*** I do not in any way want to scare you but a gradual withdrawal from the world is a beginning sign of schizophrenia. My brother did well in college and medical school, he became a Podiatrist. But he never set up a practice. He did travel to help friends when they were overwhelmed a few years after he graduated, but slowly those requests stoppped and he just started living in his own little world. No matter how many people told my parents that something was very wrong they simply would not listen. My mom believed that since he was a doctor he would know something was wrong and would get help. He had to go through a complete breakdown at 42 before my parents woke up. He was killed in a car accident 3 months after he was diagnosed.*****
Your son is probably fine but start reading up on the signs and symtoms of mental illness. Keep an eye on him. Since he is now an adult getting him help will be more difficult than when he was under 18.
I wouldn't worry. He'll find himself and his "thing" soon enough. For the time being, just be glad he's not one of those kids staying out all night partying.
