D.R.
Tracy,
My heart goes out to you with regard to the anger issues. My daughter who is 16 has had some of the same issues but not with sports. I have had to look at it as she is a teenager and her body is experiencing a lot of changes. We have worked through many of her issues through therapy and one of the things that I found out is, she has had a hard time being able to articulate her feelings, she was not able to explain how she felt and why. She was diagnosed with ADD at an early age and I fought with the school system to get her an IEP, Individualized Education Program, which she qualified for. The kids at school always teased her when she was in elementary school. I also had
her tested for Autism although she was not the candidate of a true Autistic child she demonstrated
that she did have communication deficits, her brain not being able to process things properly.
She also experiences medical issues that we still deal with but I would have to say that there is hope and unconditional love, plus at least 10 possitive affirmations are needed to cancel out 1 negative.
Your son wants to measure up to his dad and follow in his footsteps and he wants you to be proud of him. He wans his dad's approval and support. He wants and strives to measue up but his own, I call it,"stinkin thinkin", kicks in and the anger soon follows. God's word says to think good thoughts,
pure thoughts, lovely thoughts and that, I tell my daugjhter, You can do all things through Christ because He will strengthen you. Does dad show him affection, say he loves him, hug him, play and wrestle with him? Every families dynamics is different, sometimes the child does things for the
benefit of getting your attention and it doesn't matter if its negative at least they got some response from you.
I have also been a foster parent for years and one thing I did experience was the children had a lot of anger. This is one thing I did do. I purchased a punching bag hung it in my basement and told my children, its ok to be angry, validating their feelings was very important, BUT, you do not take out your anger on someone else, you keep your hands to yourself, or feel like the other person is going to have to pay because they made you so angry. Hog wash! You check yourself-STOP before the anger escalates or remove yourself to the basement and punch the heck out of the punching bag until you feel better and those bad feelings go away, then come back and we can talk about how you are feeling. I have to say it did work for them to channel that energy. One of my kids channeled her anger in vacuuming, Hey it worked for me and her, then she would talk it out.
Your son needs to realize he is his own person, wonderfully made, one of a kind, special, and loved.
He is not his dad, he has to take responsibility for his actions, (the kid with the anger issues), it seems that he is sabotaging his own future. Has he been diagnosed with being Bi-Polar, like being two different people? Here is a little something that may give him a mental picture on when he is feeling frustrated.
ANGER
A - Address it. "Why am I feeling like this? Check yourself.
N - Never. Never, Never, Never, Never, Never
G-Give into it
E-Easy, Easy, Easy, Easy......Then it's easy to......and your choice!
R-Rebound-You are the one in control.
YOU CAN BE IN CONTROL!
It is your choice.
A mental picture for you to share with your son. A big German Shepherd dog comes to you all friendly, loving and wagging his tail. He is very inviting to you isn't he? Makes you want to pet him and love on him doesn't it? Then all of a sudden, for no real apparent reason he starts to snarl and show you his white teeth, hair standing up on his back and he lunges forward to bite you, wagging his tail. That is ANGER. Anger is ugly, it affects others and hurts you.
ANGER is the tail wagging the dog, its out iof control. Now how does that make you feel?
I hope this helps. The dog picture always helped my kids understand it in simple terms.
I am just a mom trying to help another mom who loves her child. Be strong, Be bold and Never give up!
I know your son loves his sports but may I suggest to you a sideline activity for him, Martial Arts.....they do work on teaching self control and dicipline.
I will be praying for you and your son. He has a wonderful mom and he will be a SUCCESS!
Hang in there.
D. R. from West Chester, Ohio