Teenage Punishments

Is there a reason you keep reposting this?

Yeah we got it you know nothing about raising kids.

Troll

I believe this question was posted a few months ago --exact word for word.

HHHHHHMMMMMMMMM troll alert????????

(IF THIS IS TRUE, unlikely since you've posted the same thing four times since February) I'm going to follow the news in Richmond Dale, OH. Because sooner or later your daughter is going to do one of two things:
1. Chop your head off in your sleep
2. Run away and join the circus
Good luck

Wow... How much fun are you to live with?
I get you are the parent and parents aren't neccessarily friends with their teenagers but your daughter is going to hate you...and possibly with good reason. Who locks anybody in a bedroom? Perhaps Trolls do.

You have posted four questions, they are ALL about teenage punishment.

CLEARLY what you're doing is NOT working.

I hope it's a short 3 years for your daughter before she can get away.

:(

It seems it is not "daughter" that has a behavior problem.

It is a parent that after 4 times of posting the same question, has not learned how to parent this 'daughter".

If you continue to do what you are doing with the same results.. you are not being pro active.. And not learning more about what the reason for your child's behaviors.

And so.. Either go and get some professional help for YOURSELF, and then your child.. or I assume we will continue to read about this 15 year old daughter for another year?

My God, WHO ARE YOU?!?!
Why do you keep asking this same question?!?!
GET A LIFE!!!!

What type of relationship you want with your daughter? I agree that she is the child, you are the parent?? I see this going down hill on the installment plan. If it's not true, I'm a sucker.

You have been going this teen drama/home boot camp for over a year...IT IS NOT WORKING!! I'll try to make it more clear: IT'S STILL NOT WORKING!!!

I disagree with many of your punishments but I have a reasonable kid and we have fantastic communication and she makes excellent decisions, always has. I think you need help with a therapist, or modified parenting or something useful. What is her "currency"...what means the most to her? I would think it would be love from her mom! I also gave my daughter the learning opportunities that she could make decisions by letting her make them.

That's a great way to make your daughter rebel! She'll be sneaking out and getting pregnant soon enough if you keep it up. Cheers. Maybe some family counseling and good, old fashioned quality family time would be a better bet.

The question is... will either punishment change her behavior? She may be wanting to go to the stricter, but SHORTER punishment so she can go back to what SHE wants to do.

Some way, you need to derail the destructive behaviors... the skipping school, staying out late, and drinking......

How, I'm not sure.... not knowing your family dynamics, or other items, I'm not sure how to change her destructive behaviors.

Well, if you offered it, you can't take it back. Do you work outside the home? If you don't, go talk to the principal and tell him or her that you want to make sure she doesn't skip school again. Tell her that the next time she does ANY of these infractions, that you will go to school with her for 2 solid weeks. If that doesn't fix this, nothing will. At home she is inconvenienced. At school, she is embarrassed into behaving.

Work it out with the principal. It isn't without precedent - I've read about others doing it. And it's a lot better than standing out on the street corner with a sign - we never see how that turns out once the initial media blitz is over.

Good luck,
Dawn

Didn't u post this a few months ago?? I do think 4weeks is a bit much for being grounded, I also think that it's not the older daughters place to make up punishment for the younger. However, my children are much younger so I could be wrong. Either way, good luck.

Richmond Dale, OH is a long way from England, which do you live in? I'm going to assume this question is real, even though you've posted it so many times.

I think my biggest problem is the last line of your question says what she's being punished for and ends with the line "so my other daughter has just said" Did you find out she was doing these things? Or did your other daughter tell you she was doing these things?

In addition, you said your "other daughter" is the one who wrote this punishment. So who is running your house? You and your husband, or your "other daughter"?

Is there anyway you could get some individual counseling for your daughter and maybe some family counseling to handle the dynamics of living with a teen in crisis. It's often much easier for a teen to talk to a professional instead of a family member. You are right to be concerned -- the lock down is too abusive -- I think counseling would be much more humane solution. Best to you.

Ok, I have not read your other posts - I am assuming that you have an out of control teen for realz. Realizing that they do not get out of control over night, I think you have more serious issues than just swapping 4 weeks for 2 weekends of punishment.

With that being said - you offered the swap - now you have to do it. Else you will have undermined your own authority. When we make a threat of punishment to a child, especially to a teen, you must follow through. When we do not follow through they then learn that it does not matter what they do - they are not getting in trouble.

As for the phone, etc. - I would simple disconnect it and set up a plan wherein she can earn it back outlining school grades, positive behaviors, etc. Same with every other privilege in her life. Privileges are not rights, teens are not entitled to phones, PCs, going out, whatnot - these are things that they earn in accordance with their behavior and maturity level. Just ask my teen son - he can list the rules that he must follow in order to have privileges.

Also, get your daughter, heck, your entire family into counseling pronto. A 15 year girl who is skipping school, drinking and sneaking out (and how in the heck is she sneaking out!!??) needs way more intervention that a lock down for 2 weekends. A family in crisis, as your seems to be, needs intervention and the benefit of a trained professional to help you all navigate through this.

What are the "lines"? Hmmmmm.....

Well YOU offered the swap, she accepted.
Guess you have to follow through, unless you want her to see that you have feet of clay and/or you don't say what you mean or mean what you say.

Does she normally do chores and clean her own room? Does she normally prepare her uniform for the next day? Does she do her homework and is there enough of it to last through lockdown? Do you want her doing her hard chores in her school uniform?

((giving thanks I don't live at your house))

I would tell her if she wants to swap she can... but if she is caught doing her "activities" again then she will have the 4 week lock down and it will include the lock down rules.

Harsh maybe? but atleast its something being done and just not running to counceling or turning a blind eye.

Its about time parents take control of thier children and show them who is the boss. There is a reason that the military uses stuff like this...

Good luck

hmm I'm not sure if the punishment fits the crime. Instead of locking her in the house if she is going out partying all night long etc take her to a soup kitchen or a church and make her help soemone else for 2 weeks. Pick up garbage or some such. Make her go be a candy striper for a hospital. Also you can take everything out of her room but a matress for two weeks. Locking a kid in her room where her life is anyway isnt punishment

Well, not sure what she did to determine if it is too harsh or not. Although it does seem a little over the top, I think it will probably be pretty effective and more memorable then a regular grounding.
To be honest, I think there are a lot of kids that would benefit from having a few days of home "boot camp" like this. It is super strict but doesn't sound cruel since it would just be for 2 weekends.

It takes a village to raise a child. You are locked in a power struggle with your child and you may have lost any effectiveness as a parent at this point. Talk to the school and your local police department(or truancy officer if her HS has one) about her skipping school and drinking so they can be on the lookout for her. Let them handle some of this. Don't bail her out of any consequences she receives through them.

Negotiation is acceptable. I'm wondering what horrendous thing she did to deserve a month of grounding. I, too, think a month is too long. Mix up the consequences. A month will only build up more unpleasantness as you're seeing and when that happens the message is lost in the process. The purpose of grounding is to teach a lesson. What lesson is she to learn that will take a month of punishment? Give her a chance to change her behavior by using shorter periods of discipline.

Allowing her to work off her punishment is very acceptable. The idea is to teach and she can learn, not only about changing her behavior, but also about how to get along with others.

I think that even the lockdown procedure is too long and too restrictive but if she's willing to accept it, I believe it's reasonable for you to make the change. I would modify the lockdown procedure so that it's more reasonable and doable.

I would also have a calm discussion during which you accept whatever she says to determine if she's learned her lesson and will not repeat the offense. If she has I'd end the grounding and the lock down.

The idea of discipline is to teach and not to punish.

I went back and skimmed your previous posts. I suggest that you keep asking the same question because you still don't have a handle on how to help your daughter change her behavior. I suggest that since "boot camp" isn't working that you try something else.

I suggest that you try talking with your daughter, giving her areas in her life in which she can make choices and allow her to suffer the natural consequences of her actions. For example; skipping school. Have the school give you daily feedback. ie. when she isn't in school they notify you and she is grounded for the rest of the week. Her grades will suffer.

Therefore, reward her for grades at a C or above by giving her lots of praise and a choice of something she'd like to do but you don't usually let her do it. For example: she can stay out past her usual curfew time one time only. If that goes well after a few times of success change her curfew so that she has more time out. This means that you start with an early curfew so that she can earn a later one.

I, too, urge you to get family counseling. Start with talking with the school counselor and ask for ideas of how to change your way of making rules and providing discipline.