Teenage Pregnancy

Is she involved with the boy? Does he know? My best friend's daughter was involved with a dead beat. She never told him she was expecting and she never put his name on the birth certificate. She married last year, and it made the adoption process for her husband easy.

All you can do is stand behind her and remind her every day that you love her.

With respect to child support, assuming that the father is also fairly young, she is not likely to receive much immediately. That does not mean, however, that you wouldn't benefit from contacting an attorney to discuss you daughter's options. David Wassermon is very good. His number is ###-###-####.

I don't know the situation you are in exactly but got pregnant at 21. The biological Father took off and left me. I never received any child support and was able to have his rights taken away when my son was 4. It is a long story but I have been a young unwed mother and had parents too who had a hard time dealing with it.

Having been young and single I can tell you it is the toughest journey I have ever encountered. My family was VERY disappointed in me. They didn't know I was even in a relationship with my son's Father again because I had sworn I would not see him anymore. Big shock! He was the first man I had ever been with and I did love him but he was not a good match for me at all. However, I needed my family. My parents could not speak to me or look at me at all for days - actually weeks. I was a stranger in their home. Finally, they called their minister to our house and he gave us some great advice:

He said "Good girls are the ones who get pregnant sometimes because they are not expecting and preparing for their actions to go that far. They are not thinking about protecting themselves because they are usually good girls and don't put themselves in that situation." He told my parents that I gave into the temptation but that doesn't make me a bad person and this doesn't have to be a negative in my life. He also suggested I keep my child if at all possible because in his experience adoption doesn't work and abortion of course he could not recommend. He offered counceling free of charge to all of us and we took it.

Your daughter needs a mentor - someone who has been down the road she is taking to help her get through it. A friend of mine had been down the road I was headed a year before me and she helped me soooo much. I felt like a failure and a loser my whole pregnancy. I lost my goals of moving to Nashville for school - I was moving the next fall(I wanted to be a country music recording artist) and I could no longer compete in pageants which was my outlet to sing. I was lost. Had my parents not turned around and supported me I may not have had the strength to let the biological Father out of my life. I don't know where I would be today without my family. I definitely would not be the person I am today!

After years of struggle, I finally recorded that country album I wanted to and I wrote songs about my life - kinda like therapy for me. Everything I have today I have because of my son and that road I traveled. I did not have child support ever but I did have the support of my parents. I did not finish college but today I work for the family business and I love my life! I got married 4 years ago and my son now has a real Dad. Life goes on and it's a hard road. But it's not the end of the world - it's just the beginning. We learn more on the climb up the mountain then we do standing on the summit. This experience will teach your daughter life lessons that will forever change her. You will grow too.

My relationship with my parents is 100 times better today then it was before I got pregnant and I am a better person for it. God has a way of making what seems like a bad thing work out in the end.

It's not what happens to us in life that matters - it's what we do about what happens to us.

My advice:

Be patient with your daughter and forgiving. This is very tough on her especially being so young. It would be good to explain to her how tough it is on you as well when the time is right. She needs to understand that you aren't going to raise this baby for her.

Make her pay for all of the baby needs if possible - she should be working if not now at least once she gets out of high school. I had to pay for everything for my son. I was able to stay with my parents but as far as my son was concerned I had to do it all. Mom did help me watch him for a while but she made sure I did not take advantage of her generousity.

Party time is over for her....the first 2 years of my sons life I worked and I was a volunteer but I was not hanging out with friends, wasting time partying or playing - I made a grown up decision and I had to be a grown up.

Help her create a plan and goal set for how she will make it on her own. List all obstacles she is facing and devise a plan to overcome those obstacles.

Have her keep a journal - not just any journal, this would be good for you too. Keep a journal of all of the positives of each day - not the trials and issues but the good things. If the Dad is not a good person than she should keep the info on him too if there is ever a court situation - but maybe that is in a separate journal. By recording what goes well in life we can help change our self image about things. Self image is changed from imprinting and what we write holds greater impact than what we say or imagine.

I work for Mental Management Systems - we teach people how to control their mind under pressure - mainly athletes and business professionals....however our information and the journaling exercise above can work for anyone. www.mentalmanagement.com

As far as child support goes:

If she wants to keep this boy in her life than find a family attorney and set the ball rolling for support and visitation. Or maybe they should get married if they are in love and want to. When I was going through it child support and visitation was a separate issue - he could not pay me a dime and still see my son. So, I never pushed the issue. I felt like if he wanted to be a Dad he would have to come around and be there. The back support mounted up even though I had never filed and years later when he decided he all of the sudden wanted to see my son I asked him to pay up. He chose to sign away his rights instead.

Seek an attorney's advice! Know was the laws are and what they are not. Find out what the intentions are of the biological Father and what your daughter wants.

it's a long road ahead - good luck!

This is not the end of the world. It is the end of the road you and your daughter have been traveling on. Now, you are going in a different direction - the scenery is different and things are very unfamiliar, but you are still mother and daughter, and you still have a lot of living to do! Best of all you have a precious gift arriving in a few months that will turn your world into the most delightful mix of new experiences you have ever had!

I have never been where either of you are, but I just wanted to encourage you. I also know from friends and family members who have found themselves in this situation that the parents of the father can be required to pay the child support for him until he is old enough to pay it for himself.

May the next 9 months be a time for you and your daughter to become closer.

Hello R.,

I have read all of the other responses and mine will be a bit different from all the rest simply because I think there are other options out there for you and your daughter. I am not for or against one idea or another, it has to be you or your daughters decisionalone to make, but there are other choices out there.

You haven't really said what you plan to do; keep it, adoption but there are other options out there. Your daughter is so young and you will be the one winding up paying for this child and caring for it. If you plan for her (daughter) to attend college or any other opportunities that are out there, she won't be able to do them if you aren't there to support her financially and physically.

It is such a waste of a young life to be in this situation. Most of the folks on here give you the advice of the "state will give you $$", go here and there and what people don't realize is that the "state" is YOU and I who pay taxes all the time. We (taxpayers) end up paying for WIC and all the other social programs out there that don't really help folks out, they just keep them in this perpetual cycle of "give, give, give" to me. I don't want to get on a soapbox, but I am more into "help yourself" type of mentality rather than getting hand-outs. Again, I am not trying to be offensive in anyway, but I just wish young people would know that there are other options out there for them when they get in to these types of situations. They want to be grown-up and have sex, but not face the consequences of their actions.

On the issue of child support, if he is young like your daughter, what are his chances of even having a decent job to take care of himself much less a child? Again, this will all be on you and I wouldn't even count on him for any type of help, emotionally, financially or otherwise.

I do hope and pray for both you and wish you lots of luck!!

Gladys B.

PS....to all you other folks who don't like what I have had to say, please keep your comments to yourself....I didn't rag on you to you..so don't on me....Ms. R., you are welcomed to respond...Thanks!

R., how far along is your daughter? When is she due? I am sorry to hear about the news and the shock to everyone I'm sure, but let me offer a story to you and your family.

I work with a Primrose School in McKinney and we work together with the MISD. They have a program they offer for students who are pregnant and have their babies and need care while they're in school. It is an amazing program where they actually pay for the care of the school which allows the girls to stay in school (there are rules to the program though). I have a contact name and number of a wonderful, wondeful lady who works with this program and has a daughter in our school too. Maybe she could help you with other support ideas. She would be a fantastic resource for you at the least.

I have one student who has her little one at our school and she too is in your daughter's situation but is flourishing as a lovely young lady - very responsible, has a lot of home support and loves her little one dearly! Her husband is a marine too! She's a seemingly single young mom (due to dad being deployed) but has friends that support her and her parents too. It's very refreshing to know there are responsible young adults out there!! It's also wonderful to see that their family has turned something unexpected and not necessarily picked as the "perfect scenario" into something beautiful and a normal part of their lives now. She is so in love with her little one and is continuing her education.

Feel free to respond to my note or email me at ____@____.com if you are interested in more information. Make sure you put "momasource response" in the title or I will think it's spam. : ) Hope this helps even in the smallest way.

Take care,
J.

PS: After reading another response I just want to make it clear that me saying "other options" was NEVER implying abortion! I so no agree with that option at all in this case which is why I was attempting to adopt my niece/nephew to keep my sister in law from abording cause she was pregnant and "her heart wasnt in it". I see NOTHING wrong with getting help from the state to use as a stepping stone to become self-reliant. That's what it is there for. Just wanted to make sure that no one was thinking I was encouraging you to abord! Sorry if I came off that way. I didnt think I had. Best of luck.

Hi - I am along the lines of Gladys. You are DEFINATLY doing the right thing of not alienating her and though devistating you know we all make mistakes and by continuing to love her and help her the best way possible I give you kudos! You're a wonderful mom! So many mom's unfortunatly turn their kids away as my grandmother did to my mom when she was pregnant with me. She had me at 17. I agree with where she and other moms said though that not only is your daughter in not the best financial situation to support a child that the dad most likly isn't either. So I would encourage you to take your child to pregnancy counseling to explore all options for this child. I have many friends who are either adopted or chose adoption when they got pregnant because even though it was hard they loved their child enough to know that there are SOOOOOOOO many people out there who are just dying to be parents and who have established themselves well to be able to give this wonderful child the life that your daughter at this point can not offer to her/him. Some people say giving your child up is selfish cause you need to take care of your choices - adoption is a choice and the most unselfish one one can make because they are choosing to give the child everything that they possibly can in this life. I love my mom tremendously and she gave us all she could. I admire her strength and know many who have kept their child and done the same. I also know the effects it had on me to see my mother suffer as a young single mother too though and it is hard for any child to watch that no matter who they are. If she chooses to keep it then best wishes, a child is a joy no matter what. :) But I would suggest at least thinking and PRAYING about the option of adoption as well. Then she can finish college and get a good foundation under her to start her family. There are many different types of adoptions like open adotions where she still had contact with the family, my mom and step dad just adopted a baby boy from her ex-daughter in law so their are personal adoptions that are cheaper if someone you personally know adopts them and so on. I have TONS of friends who are either adopted or have adopted so I can point you to some good people if you are interested. As well as to some people who are looking to adopt. Best wishes to you and your daughter and again thank you on behalf of your daughter for being such a wonderful mother and standinging by her through this. What ever choice she makes will be hard and she will need your love and strength. :)

You know, everyone's thought on this is very different. I know that I would support her 100% as long as she was going to school and continuing in College. I would even be willing to let the dad stay with us as long as they were both attending college full time and getting good grades. My husband and I have discussed this same scenerio several times, and we both feel that the best thing for everyone would be to help our children become successful!

I Am appauled by responses given here. The so called "other options" in order to not have the state assist you because "we taxpayers" pay for it is just plain selfish and stupid.
So what? The other so called options are a good example of taking ownership and helping yourself? If adoption is something you will consider it is your choice and certainly ok. However, other than raising the child or adoption I don't see another option. Not for me. I can't change anyone's opinion thats for sure but I will say giving our teenagers that kind of advice does not help them be responsible, give me a break. I am sure that there are thousands of "US TAXPAYERS" that don't mind people who really need assistance to take advantage of it. For me to tell my teenage daughter that there are other options because she will waste her life if she becomes a mom is like telling her she can take the easy way out. How simple.
I have never needed assistance and I am grateful for that, but I don't count the money I pay in taxes and complain about where it's going. Thats ridiculous, some mothers would choose to pay for an abortion than pay taxes for medicaid. I am sorry but this is my opinion and I am entitled to share it like the rest. Below was my original posting.

First let me say that I feel for you and send good thoughts and prayers your way.
Second, let me assure you it is not the end of the world. Yes it all seems gloomy and surreal now. Your daughter is way too young to face all this alone. However, people make mistakes. Your daughter's mistake isn't having a baby. It's having it too early. At times like this we can either shut down and make the situation worst by blaming, saying I told you so etc. Or you can take this and make it an incredible journey for your whole family.
Having a baby at 17 is not an ideal situation. But many people have had to face this, and life goes on.
Being a grandmother will be tremendous joy in your life. I got pregnant myself without being married, I wasn't as young as your daughter but I was certainly not ready. I was so scared of telling my parents I waited until I was 5 months. Then I decided that I had to own up to my consequence and move forward. I lived with my parents, it was hard in the begenning, I know how dissapointed and hurt my parents were but they always taught me that life is a gift and a mother can be 15 or 35, and it is up to her to be a good mother and set that example for her children. By teaching me that my mom gave me the example of strength and courage, the kind I needed to face this. Mark my words, when that baby is born your heart will be overjoyed. There will be new meaning in your life and in your family's. Support your daughter, she knows she hurt you. But you want her to be the best mom, show her how to do that now. As far as child support I will tell you this, if the father is a minor as well, you shouldn't expect much, if he has a job, 25 percent of that income should legally be for child support if you file for it. Also you should know that if you need assistance you should look for it, your daughter can file for medical/medicaid to pay for ob visits and all hospital costs, I am sure there is some other form of assistance she can receive when the baby is born if the father can't provide child support. No one should be embarassed of seeking this kind of aid, all our taxes pay for it and it is there to help those in need. If you need any help don't hesitate to contact me.
God Bless You.

Hi R.. I just wanted to tell you that I went through the same thing your daughter is currently going through. I got pregnant at 17 and had my son 3 months before my high school graduation. Although upset and disappointed at first my family was very supportive (especially my mom) and that made the entire experience easier to handle. Your daughter can get on medicaid to help with prenatal care and that will cover the child when he or she is born. They also assist with arranging for child support and offer parenting classes. It is very important that your daughter knows that her life is not over, just changed. I graduated high school, married my son's father, (and had another baby) and went on to college. This baby will change her life and yours. My mother has doted on my son from the second he was born. I hope everything works out well for you and your daughter.

First try to get her on medicaid, TANF, and possibly foodstamps.

Then check out WIC (Women Infant Children) They provide Education, Formula and other foods for pregnant women and children under 5.

Your local Texas Department of Human Resources should be able to tell you where they are and you can also appy for medicaid there.

I would also contact your local Attorney Generals office to see what you can do.

Also, some catholic churches help provide diapers and other things for single moms. They also have support groups.
Another thing some childrens homes also have programs to help.

In Waxahachie we have Texas Baptist Childrens Home. They have support groups and can tell her how to get other help. See if you have something like this close to you. You may call the Texas Baptist Childrens Home in Waxahachie and see if they know of any close to you.

i was a snior in high school (17yrs Old) with a full 4 year scholarship to SFA for softball! i was always a very responsible child & teenager. i started working when i was 15 & paid all of my own bills, car, insurance, fun, clothes, food. my parents were not able to help much. that was probably one of the things that made me a decent mom at such a young age. i also had a wonderful boyfriend, who is now my husband of almost 9 years, who helped me through.

i was the kid in the familt that was going to make something of herself & i felt like i let the entire family, especially my mom & dad, down. we didnt speak for a couple of days, but we all realized life is too short to be angry about an innocent child.

the best advice i can give you is to stick by her, give her advice without telling her how to do it. sometimes as a teenager & soon to be mom we can get seriously offended if we think you are trying to tell us how to be a mom. we as young adults dont always think parents had it right, so why would we want you to tell us how to do it?! i am blessed to have a great mom who helped when i was sick, was there when i was emotional & coached me through the rough spots. just be there for her & try to think about how you would want to be treated if you were in that situation. things will be fine & you will have a beautiful healthy grandchild soon! The Lord sometimes gives/sends blessings that we may not understand at the time, but there is a reason for them!

I also have just learned that my daughter is pregnant and she is also a senior. She has plans of finishing school. She plans on going to prom, the senior trip and all the fun stuff that seniors do. I was not happy about her news, but this is life. You deal with things as you have them put in front of you. It sounds like you are proud of how she is handling things so far.

I do want to say thank you to your husband, I am from a military family, and I grew up with my dad in the Vietnam era. Your husband fights so that we can have our freedoms. He will know that you are a strong woman and even with the new baby on the way, you will handle things fine. Not to say that you won't want to go crazy from time to time. Just please let him know that I thank him for his service, and thank you and your kids for the sacrafice you have given so he can defend all of us.

My daughter has an appointment with the WIC office and her dad carries health ins. on her so most of the medical will be covered. I was advised that medicaid will cover any remaining medical cost. Just remember to let your daughter know that no matter what she will always be your daughter. You will be there to hold her and to support her in these times of hardship.

Good luck,
T. V.

http://www.providentliving.org/ses/birthmother/wecanhelp/...

This is a great service. They will offer you and your family counciling that will discuss all objectives and decisions that she and you as a family will be able to make. She probably needs some really great advice because this is a tough situation. I know girls who kept the baby (one was only 15 years old), and they struggled, and I know others who gave up for adoption, and although they experiance some sadness, they were able to finish school, get married and have more stable families, and they had peace knowing their child was going to a good, mature home. Each girl needs good information in order to weigh her personal decision. Please look into this site as it can really help you guys out.

I am glad to hear you and your husband are standing by your daughter, yes this will be a very emotional time for quit a while and yes she will be very emotional throughout this time,support her and see that she gets all the good nutrition and vitamins and good prenatal care. She is young and a high risk pregnancy, so look for that in an OB. Talk to her as her friend and see what she is feeling ans what she see'e foe her life with this new change. Encourage her that things can work it will need rerouting. Her life is not coming to an end she will have to rethink how she wants to get to her goals. Make sure you get medicaid and WIC for her and maybe birthing classes and parenting classes.

R., my heart goes out to you and your family! I got pregnant when I was a junior in high school and had my daughter the second week of my senior year. I am now 26 and though it's been a long hard road, I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in the world.

As others have mentioned, Medicaid, TANF, WIC, Foodstamps and the Attorney General are all agencies that can help you. You can also get additional help through local churches and get low-cost food through Angel Food Ministries. And your counties local Child Care Management Services can assist with child care after the baby is born if she is going to work or school/college.

I'm not sure what area you live in so I don't know what school she goes too, but you might check to see what assistance they have available. I was in the Birdville School District and was fortunate that they decided to put programs in place to assist teen parents rather than just ignore or shun them. We had a Parenting class specifically for teen parents, there was a support group that met at school, there was a monthly meeting that provided advice and speakers on certain topics and also offered a food and clothing and supply pantry to the teen parents. It was very helpful! I was fortunate to have all the love and support I needed to have my daughter and still graduate high school a year early with an advanced with honors diploma.

I'm not saying that it is ever going to be easy, but it's not always as hard as you might think. If you or your daughter ever need someone to talk to that has been through what you are going through, please feel free to contact me!

((((HUGS))))
K.

I don't really have any advice just **hugs** and prayers! I was a Senior in High School when I got pregnant and it devastated my parents. I didn't really care then but now having my own children I can see why they were devastated. I went on to marry my boyfriend and we now have 3 daughters together. It was hard being 18 and pregnant and married. I am so happy to hear that you are supporting your daughter because she is going to need it. Having a baby so young was one of the hardest things I have had to go through. Anyway, I will be thinking and praying for your family.

I was a teenage mom. the best thing that helped me was the support of the family. On the suject of child support contact the Attorney General they are a big help in this situation. It might seem like all is down hill right now but really it's up hill. She needs all the support she can get. She can get through this with your help. If you want some more info you can contact me at ____@____.com

yes she needs to stand up to her responsibility,find the man who got her pregnant and let him do the worrying if you have somewhere for her to stay fine,let her stay with you but let the guy and his family stand up to his responsibility,sex is for adults,now this is her time to start practising to be one.she can still go to school if the school allows,do not run to the government for any help,this will lead to saying its o.k. to get pregnant again.

Hi R.....
There are so many resources now-a-days to help with these circumstances. I live in Paris for example and we are a relatively small town but we have a program at the pregnancy center called earn-while-you-learn. In that particular program you can come watch videos on various topics of raising children, being pregnant etc. Each time you watch these videos you earn typically 2 or 3 mommy dollars which can be used to buy diapers, clothes, etc in their 'mommy shop'. There is also a program called nine months plus...it is designed especially for teenage moms to be. I am not sure of the resources in your area, but you can contact your local DHS and ask for some referrals. Your daughters high school may have some referrals as well. You might consider inquiring about an alternative school for success...a lot of the time it can help the teen graduate sooner, so they will not miss school. Don't forget about WIC!
Anyway...hope you can get the help you'll need!

I had my daughter when I was nineteen years old, barely out of high school myself. At the time I was a college student, and had to quit in order to work and save money to support myself and my daughter. My mother was of course, upset as well. My advice is to try to ignore her age, and enjoy her pregnancy with her. It's too late to do anything about it, what's done is done. So get her ice cream with pickles late at night. Eat crazy combinations together. Make the best out of the situation.

Holy cow!!!! I am so very glad I am not in that situation!!

However, I experienced this first hand. I too was pregnant when I was a teenager. I was 16 at the time. I gave birth to a beautiful healthy little girl when I was 17. And guess what??? She lives with me today... she is now 14 years old, along with her sister whom both have the same father, we are now divorced and now we also made our family bigger with the addition of my 16 month old son, from a former long-term relationship.

Now, having said all that... here's my advice.

Do NOT alienate her. Do you know how hard it was for her to tell you???? She came to you to tell you instead of aborting it by herself and keeping it all a secret. Be thankful of that.

DO tell her you love her and will support her with any decision she wants to make. It's HER decision, remember...

Do NOT kick her out. My parents pretty much kicked me out when I told them... My mom came to me and said "When are you moving out?" Of course, I was still with the father, so I moved out and in with him... we were married for 10 years before we divorced.

That strained my relationship with my parents even more than it already was. Later, my mom even told me to "don't bother to call us when you are in labor..." So I didn't. Guess what? She kept calling every 5 mins and talked to the nurses to find out my status... But she never visited me, or saw my baby for a few weeks afterwards.

Let her know your "disappointment" however, only say it once. She already knows how disappointed you guys are. Trust me. But support her... she's about to have a MAJOR life change. You will be a grandma, but you've had kids and know what it's all about. She's NEVER had a kid and she doesn't know what it's all about... she's scared to death right now... she needs advice, support, and love.

But, if at all possible, let her and the baby (if she chooses to keep) stay with you until she's all finished with all her education including higher education. She needs to be able to succeed in the real world... and she won't be able to if you throw her out on her own with a baby... But enforce to her that it won't be a permanent situation and she must take care of the child any hours that she is not at school. If she has to work, she must either pay you to take care of the child or have a sitter, so that she knows how much it is to pay for a sitter. And that she can no longer act like a regular teenager and just go out whenever she wants... she will have a child to take care of and although you will be there to help, you WON'T be the primary caregiver.

As for the baby's father, if you get an attorney now, they can go to court and make him have to pay for 50% of all cost during the pregnancy. He will also have to sign a "Acknowledgement of Paternity" to be on the baby's birth certificate. If he won't then there will have to a paternity test after the baby is born, then they will pursue for child support.

If the father is not involved at all right now, you can also call the office of the Attorney General and they will track down child support for you and go after him on the state's behalf.

There are several options to deal with the father... it's whether or not your daughter and him are finished...

I wish you all the best of luck... I hope I am never in those shoes...

Hi R.. I know first hand from experience what your daughter is going through. I had my first child when I was 16 years old. I can say at the time that my mother and I had some rough times in the beginning. She was a single mother herself and was more mad because she did not want me to go through what she went through; she had me when she was 18. I don't know what religion youare, but I remember one thing that my grandmother and her told me,"Just take it one day at a time and everything will work out. Just be patient and things will work themselves out. Everything won't come easy, but all you have to do is pray about it." I truly believe that and so far it has worked for me. I still have to say be there for her, she will now need you more than ever. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Hi R. I know that what you have recently found out was and is hard for you to deal with. I to was a senior when I first found out that I was pregnant and there were no other options for me because I knew that I had to deal with my consequences. It was very hard to deal with cause I knew how my parents felt, not only did I feel that I had disappointed them but also myself. All that your daughter needs right now is to know that you are behind her and that you love her. The whole time I told myself that I didnt have to be like alot of parents that drop out I continued with my education because I knew that I had to get a better life not only for me now but for the child that I would have soon. It was even harder for me because none of my family wanted to accept my "then" boyfriend, it only made me feel like I was alone. Please dont turn the father away if he decides that he is interested in helping. Towards the end of my pregnancy my mom started to come around more and what is really great about the whole thing is that since I became a mother my relationship with my mom has became the strongest that it has ever been. When I went back to school after my child was born I applied for help and received assistance to help pay for care. When I look back at my graduation I remember how it made me feel to see my 1 month old daughter in her dads arms smiling cause I had finished school. I know that I was young and I dont encourage teenagers but I had to enjoy what had already been done. I may have gotten assistance then and yes its the taxpayers who pay but I now am one of those taxpayers. I dont think that there is anything wrong with you taking your daughter to get help with her situation after all thats what they are there for. You can try for preganacy medicaid which will cover her during pregnancy and a couple of months after. Wic will help you to supply the baby with some milk for the month. I dont think that your daughter will leave you with all the responsibility if she has a good heart like you she will know that she has to take care of her child. Hope that you find some kind of comfort and help in my advice. I hope that it all works out for you and your daughter remember its all in only your families hands noone elses.

OH! R., My heart goes out to you. I have a dear friend who went through this with a 19 year old daughter 4 years ago. They, being mom, dad & daughter, wanted initially to give the child up for adoption, but the dad & his family were being real jerks about it. She ended up keeping the little girl, and the dad does nothing for support, and his family has nothing to do with her.

While it really changed the life of the daughter, it equally changed the life of the entire family, esp. my friend, the grandmother. She is the one who lost all of her free time, she is the one who supports the mom & grandbaby, she is the one who babysits while mom is in college & trying to get her life together. It is a difficult road, but they love the little girl to pieces.

I agree with a few posts & I believe firmly,that if you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to take responsibility- financially & emotionally for your choices. Not all of our choices have positive rewards. Tax payers should not be the ones paying for the irresponsibility of others. The families should. That's the way it used to be. It would be nice to return to those days. If you, being mom & dad, or she cannot financially support her & the baby, adoption would be the best thing to respect both the life of the baby, and the life of you & your husband, and that of your daughter. Single moms have it rough. Young single mothers have it even worse. At least through adoption, you all get a second chance.

Good luck. My prayers are with you. And know too, the scriptures say, "It has come to pass," not "it has come to stay." As hard as this is, it's just one more bump in the road of life. You will all get through this, and likely come out stronger on the other side.

D.

Dear R.,
My heart goes out to you, your daughter, and her baby. What a hard situation for all of you. I have never been in your position, but I will tell you that I am an adoptive mother of two little girls. I can assure you that if your daughter does not feel ready to parent, there are SO MANY couples out there who would love to have the opportunity to become parents. I cannot say enough good things about our adoption agency. They have a crisis pregnancy center and a maternity home where your daugther can go to live if she chooses. She does not have to place her baby if she goes there, she is welcome to stay for free and decide for herself whether it is best for her and the baby to be a family or for her to place the baby. You are not "abandonning her" by helping her to get there. Our 2nd daughter's birth mother found out she was pregnant during her freshman year of college. Her parents told her they wanted to love and support her, but did not really know the best way to counsel her. This maternity home is such a loving place-- the girls live in a "home" community, sharing a bedroom with one other girl, living in a community of other young women and house parents, can continue their education while they are there, get lots of counseling, learn life skills, learn what it is like to be a single mom and what it is like to place a baby out of love for adoption, all in an amazing Christian atmosphere.

I just cannot tell you enough good things about this place. Both of our birth mothers chose our family from looking through photo albums and personal biographies from a collection of families. Our first birth mother did not live at the maternity home, but decided to go ahead and place through the agency.

Please be careful-- not all adoption agencies have the same philosophies-- some are much more "pushy" to place babies and do not offer the same level of support before and after to the birth mothers. I was quite surprised to learn all that I did in my own search as a prospective adoptive parent. One of the reasons we chose our agency was because of the loving, respectful care that they give to the birth mothers, as we wanted our birth mothers to be very comfortable with their decision, and to get all of the support that they needed.

Here is the website with a direct link to the maternity home. I would be happy to talk more with you and/or your daughter about my experiences here.

http://www.livalt.org/fatherheart.html

I just said a prayer for you all and am sending you big cyber hugs,
A.

HELLO R.,
CONGRATS, I KNOW THAT YOUR YOUR UPSET, HAPPY MAYBE EVEN DISSAPOINTED NOT IN YOUR DAUGHTER BUT THE DECISION THAT SHE HAS MADE. I WORKK FOR THE WIC, SHE CAN APPLY FOR MEDICAID AND THEN GO TO A WIC OFFICE AND GET CEREAL CHEESE MILK AND EGGS AND PEANUTBUTTER. MEDICAID WILL GIVE HER FREE OFFICE VISITS AND DELIVERY FOR HER AND THE BABY.. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DAUGHTER AND NEW MIRACLE

hey!! what do you mean child support from the dad?? Well my sister went thur~ this with Her son (the baby is now 2)My sister is basicly Raising her.. hey if you would like some support please call me or e-mail me!!! we can chat!

later
T.
###-###-####

She can go to Department of Human Services and get on emergency foodstamps and if she is not covered on insurance she can get on medicaid also. When she goes in for her interview, they will ask who the father is and file on him for child support. Or at least get that ball rolling.
ALSO, when/if she has a shower, make it a diaper/formula shower since they are the most expensive consumable itmes. I believe that fire departments have carseats.

Hello R.,

I had my oldest daughter when I was 17 and a senior in high school. My mother was devestated at my choices yet her and my entire family stood beside me. I would recommend that your daughter look into assistance from the state but only TEMPORARILY. The only assistance I ever received was WIC. State assistance is good but you do not want to get stuck in the system and feel that is your only option. I say that to say, it's not the end of the road for her it's only a bump in life's lessons. She can still do all the things she needs to do to succeed. It may be hard but with your support it is possible. The Child Support division was a very easy agency to work with and helped me collect payment for my child.

God Bless!

Hello R., I am sorry to hear about what your family is going through. My thoughts are with you. It will of course be a tough time for everyone.... As far as child support goes - if the father is a teenager as well then odds are there is either no job or a very low paying one at that. You would be able to file a suit of some kind that has the fathers parents own up to support their grandchild. I am not sure of the percentage - I believe the court would assign an amount rather than a percent of the parents income. And then once the father does have a resonable job (unless he plans on attending college) the child support will change (usually automatically without another suit) to his new job and then it will be a percentage. The only thing with this is that the father and his parents will want to see the baby and a visitation schedule will probably have to be established. Going to a lawyer for this consultation should be free and they will quote you on how much it would cost to file all the paperwork. At that time you can look at how much your daughter will actually be getting in child support and how much it will cost to file the paperwork to see if it is worth it in the long run.... I strongly suggest it though because if he was old enough to have unprotected sex and make a child he is old enough to use what means are available to financially support his child. Good luck... And you are brave for posting the question... Stay strong.

You can go to www.dshs.state.tx.us for more information on assistance with medicaid for prenatal care and help with food.

WIC is another good program.
For information on how to apply for WIC
Call (toll free): 1 (800) 942-3678

Your local state assistance office is:
214 N TRAVIS ST GRANBURY 76048 ###-###-#### ###-###-#### ###-###-####

You will have to contact them. You can also go to www.yourtexasbenefits.com to print an application to take to their office for foodstamps and medicaid. If you qualify, they will help pay the prenatal expenses as well as after the baby gets here.

I hope this will help you. Be encouraged and Blessed.

Also, despite what any else would think or say, use your resources. The state is there to help. To do just that help. I was a young mother. I had my son at 16. I had a very supportive mom who helped me. I had to get on state assistance to support the two of us. If you support her enough, she will do well... Just dont do it for her. Allow her to learn from her mistakes by letting take responsibility for this. As far as the father of the baby, well, I had to raise my son myself. I really don't have any advice for that, that is one she will have to make on her own. I don't think adoption is a good idea either, or abortion. This is a great time for you to share your experiences with her. She has her whole life ahead of her, but there are many women who have made it. I am one of them. I am not on state assistance or a welfare mom per say, so, I know that if I can do it, she can do it. R., when I say that, what I mean is, by the time I was 21, I had 4 kids. But, I have a career, a husband, etc. Besides, who is to say that that little baby is not the next doctor with cure for cancer. Listen to your hearts. God bless

The best thing is to be supportive of her. I'm sure she feels like she already let you down, so she is more of an emotional rollercoaster. Let this pregnancy be a good experience for her and go shopping together-she will love it. On the other side, yes, there is assistance for her. More than likely she is eligible for Medicaid and WIC-these programs are wonderful. I swore I would never use them, but when I got pregnant they really helped. I only used them long enough to get the help I needed, then when I was stable again, I dropped them, so don't think of it as a bad thing. Also, once the baby is born your daughter can go to the Attorney General and they will establish Child Support-they don't deal with visitation, so when you get to court if the father is wanting vistitation you can deny it and he will have to get an attorney-the Attorney General will appoint one for your daughter so the expense is not on you. I hope I have been helpful, for more info on the Attorney General, just go to the Texas Attorney General website. Have a blessed day

Hi R.,

I'm sort of in a similar situation...although I'm 27 and not a teen in high school. I found out I was pregnant when I was 5 or 6 wks along, and it was a very, very, very trying time for me (I'll spare you the details lol). The father of my child is 38 and so far is in and out...he's currently in California (will be moving to Dallas shortly, but he's been saying that for 2 months now), so I've stopped holding my breath. I do plan to seek child support as soon as possible, I didn't make this baby on my own, and I refuse to take care of on my own.

If I were in your shoes, I would keep doing what you've been doing; nothing helps more than the love and support of family. I know I couldn't have gotten this far along without my mother and sister...it's been rough for all of us but just having family support makes all the difference in the world.

Once you've gotten over the initial shock of her being pregnant, just love her and let her know that you're here for her no matter what. Good days and bad day will come, but you'll get through them. Don't condemn her, but the act itself. And never, ever, make her feel bad about carrying that precious baby...I'm sure she's beating herself up enough already. Mistakes happen, we just have to learn from them, take responsibility, and move on.

Good luck to you both!!!

M.

Well man you are going through alot! I was a pregnant teen. I was 17 when I got pregnant, had her when I was 18. So I know how yall' feel. It really isn't as hard as you might think it would be. Just make sure she doesnt go out to parties and do crazy things. But I would definatly make sure she finiches school. Just because she is pregnant doesnt mean she doesnt have to finish school. I finished. If yall live in Denton, this school called Fred Moore High School is where I finished high school. You only go 1/2 day and it's a go-at-your-own-pace place. So it shouldnt be too hard to schedule doctor apt. and such around her schooling. My mom was kinda like how you say you are...emotional rollercoaster. She is real uptight alot of the time, but after about a month or 2 she calmed down quite a bit and things were ALOT better. I'll tell you something I told my mom when this happened. I said," Mom. If you stress out it makes me stress out too." So alot of how she will act towards you will depend on how calm you are around her. Plus you've been pregnant... you know how the mood swings can be. :) Anyhow I hope the best for you and your daughter and your grandchild to be. It's not going to be too difficult I'm sure.

If you have any other questions just give me a holler! This wasnt too long ago for me. I'm only 22 now so. Good Luck!!!

~C.~

Well R. I hardley ever respond to these emails but felt compelled when I heard your issue. You really have to just be there for your daughter right now. Being that she is in high school still, but getting ready to graduate and be a mother is really overwhelming. I know I did the same thing, I was a senior when I got pregnant with my daughter. It made me grow up really fast but my mother was not supportive of me. She was there but was no help at all. It seems like a lot for you to handle right now with your husband leaving and all. But I know that God never puts more on us than we can handle. I beleive it was a blessing that a baby came into the picture at the time your husband is leaving the country. It is going to get better.

As far as covering prenatal care and childbirth, she should be covered through whatever insurance policy you already have. You might give them a call though.
As far as the father, it will take some gentle handling, starting with a phone call to his parents. I have known of some teenage boys to really surprise people with their interest in their child. Financial support will likely need to come from his family if he is still a minor, and it will likely involve a lawyer to help spell out official, legal responsibilities. I would also encourage you to involve your daughter in any of these meetings, legal processes, etc. This isn't something for you to fix FOR her, but WITH her.
Beyond all the legal stuff, I would encourage education, education, education -- parenting classes/books/information, information and education about childbirth and newborn care, etc. Offer up some choices and let her choose what she'd like. Becoming a parent is hard enough when you're happily married and over 30. I can't imagine how that difficulty would be multiplied in your daughter's situation. She's very lucky to have an involved, supportive family!

R.,
Comming from a woman that was that teenager, what your daughter needs right now is for you to suport her in any thing that she decides. She just needs to know that you are there for her.
As far as child suport she really cant do anything until the baby is born. So right now in this moment of time she just need your suport. Is the father of the baby around?
What you are doing right now is the right thing. To stay sane you must reach out and talk about it.
I'm here if you ever need to talk or want some one who has been in your daughter's shoes.Or if your daughter needs to talk. Been there done that.
Just take one day at a time and remember to breath!
F.

I just want to say what a blessing it is that you guys have decided to stick with the pregnancy and have the child! You're support means the world to your daughter, I know.

I went to Texas A&M- Commerce for college. A friend of mine got pregnant at the end of her senior year and went to school there as well. She had her son at the end of her first semester in college. Due to the fact that she was a single mother, she was able to get the maximum amount of Pell Grants, and live on campus in family housing (all bills paid). I think many schools even have a childcare allowance.

The amount of Grants she is eligible will be more than enough to cover the cost of her education. My husband and I also did this (we didn't have children), but we were able to go to school, and only had to work jobs to pay for cell phone bills and car insurance. Most colleges offer part-time, on campus jobs that work well with your schedule and help you make a little extra money.

I just hope she realizes that it is possible to pursue her education, and still be able to spend time with her child!

God Bless!

Medicaid will help you. http://www.hhsc.state.tx.us/medicaid/index.html

Yes, "we" are the taxpayers but we're going to end up paying taxes anyway so there's no point whining about it. If the government decided to stop taxing us for financial assistance, they'd only replace it with something else. Abortion and adoption is the easy way out and your daughter should come to terms with her responsibility. 18 is young but our grandparents were having babies even younger. Perhaps this pregnancy news is not the "best" news for you as I'm sure you had higher hopes for her... college,a career,etc. This baby is not the end of the road for her. She can still go to college...it may take longer but its definitely still possible. And so what if it takes longer? What is the rush anyway? She has at LEAST 80 more years to live! Babies can start going to school at 18 months so when that time comes she could take courses part time. Of course, she'd have to work part time as well but supporting one child is much better than supporting 4. My mom took care of me and my 3 siblings all on her own and we all came out fine. Times were hard for a little while there but there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Also,your daughter is a senior so she can still easily graduate. R.,her life is not even close to over. Look at it this way: at least she's not 13 and pregnant! Life could be SO much worse. My sister volunteers at a shelter and has seen 12 and 13 yr old pregnant girls addicted to crack!

soap box: to any holier-that-thou folks: BACK OFF. I am sure the majority of you weren't exactly vergins when you said "I do". Just becasue this didn't happen to you doesn't mean it couldn't have!!

OK, now on to what i really want to say....

What an AWESOME opportunity to let your daughter know she is loved no matter what.

1)
I was MARRIED and was on Medicaid with my first. We were both in college when I got pregnant. Had there not been Medicaid I would have had to drop out. TRUST ME, thanks to my education the state has MORE than received the Medicaid money I used. It was VERY hard finishing school, but we did it!!!

2)
Please don't shun the dad if he wants to be involved. My mom never spoke ill of my dad even though he didn't pay a dime in child support. thanks to her we have a great relationship today. do it for your daughter and grandchild! teaching your children hate never does anyone good.

3)
If your daughter is interested in working at home until she is ready to go back to school, try WWW.WAHM.COM for scam-free opportunities.

Hi, I don't have any advice for you since I was never pregnant at such a young age and my daughter isn't old enough to experience it yet but I just wanted to tell you a wonderful quote I heard in church last week (it was Sanctity of Life day). "There are no accidental babies, only accidental parents"

You are blessed to have a daughter that has the faith in you to come to you, there are so many sad stories of young mothers that do the unthinkable with their innocent newborns out of fear from their families. Many blessings to your family whatever you choose to do during this difficult and challenging time.

Dear R.,

You already got lots and lots of good advice. I just want to say that I am an adoptive mom and would like to give you this website : http://www.adoptionhelp.org/ Where you will get more information about open adoption.

We were fortunate to have a birthmom choose us to love, raise and take care of her baby. It was a difficult decision for her. But a decision of love for her baby. Keeping in touch with her with letters, pictures, phone calls and even visits has help her a lot.

You and your daughter should visit the website. You can also talk with a councellor from this wonderful and very trustable agency. They will help you understand how it works and help your daughter make the best decision for her.

Good luck to all of you!

Hello Rossie, My name is P. I live in Ponder TX. and as a mother of 3 I have been in your shoes. with the Teenage mother.
I thought my 17 teen your old daughter was the perfect child. but she came to me and said mom I'm in trouble I know At that time I said No your not For some reason I knew the news she was fixing to tell me. I can say I was hurt but I also was so Happy I was going to be a Grandmother and I was still young enough to be able to play and enjoy the growing up of that bundle of joy God was sending my way. I now have 2 grandchildren from her she is now 23 a wonderful wife and mother she has made.
Just be there for her and be open with her let her know that you will be there and and thayou love her and the baby. You need support just as she does.
If you need a shoulder to cry on or just some one to talk to in this time please call me at ###-###-####. It's a cell phone so it's with me all the time.

I was a teenage mother also and I was able to get assistance from the state as far as medical help during pregnancy and for the baby when he was born.

Hi R.,
I myself was a pregnant teenager about 13 years ago, my son is 12 and I now have a 3 yr old. So I'm very familiar with all of this, my Mother also was devastated when she found out, but she also made it very clear to me that a baby is never a bad thing, that was important. Even though my family at the time was mid to upper class, I was given a time limit to move out and make it on my own so of course I got Government assistance. Welfare is never fun, but it helps with food, medical bills and of course child support. I don't know how I would have made it without welfare. It was emabarrasing, but it also was a great reality check. Good luck to you and your daughter, and congratulations.

I was a teenage mother. I got pregnant at 15 and have a wonderful 16 year old daughter today. First let me say it's not the end of the world.
The good news she is a senior in high school so the chances of her finishing are pretty good. I did not but I just took the LSAT in October and will be entering law school in July.
For support I contacted the Attorney Generals office. This office will drive you nuts but they do have a website you can look up and after filing for a paternity test my advice would be to stay on them! Call them every week if need be...they are very slow.
I wish I had better advice for you but I will say I think that is the first time I saw my mother cry because of something I did. It is devastating but you will love that baby just as if she'd waited until she was 30.
I'm so happy to see that you're standing behind her. So many of my peers that got pregnant didn't have a strong family support system and they didn't have the opportunities I had. Just remind your daughter that she can still be anything she wants and try to be as supportive as possible where the boy is concerned.
Good luck and hang in there...
If you have any questions send me a private message and I can get you my email address.
I'm sorry your husband is going overseas as well...sounds like you have a ton on your plate. I have a feeling you will stand up to the test just fine and come out a wonderful grandmother.
o

I deal with childsupport for two chilren, i am a single mother, any advice i'll be happy to help.

A friend of mine in high school went thru this, I was actually the only one who knew she was pregnant for a while. The scariest part for her, until it came time for delivery was telling her parents...and granted, I was older when I had my son, but I was in college when I got pregnant, and the hardest part for me was telling my family. We had to different reactions...her parents were completly supportive, from the get go. I faced anger and disapointment initially, most of that faded, altho some were like that they whole way thru. That made it really hard on me, while my friend had a much better time of it due to how everyone pulled together for her. So, I guess what I'm saying, is be there for her. Make sure that she can make an informed desision about what will be best for her baby. No matter what she decideds, it'll be a long rough road for her. My friend gave her baby up for adoption, and where she does wonder about him, the agency she went thru required that the parents write her monthy updates, and send pictures, and when her son is old enough to understand he will be told, and given the option of contacting my friend when he's old enough. Now, if she doesn't go that route, and decideds to keep her baby and go to college, there are so many scholorships and programs to help the single mother going to college. Also, you may want to get her into a teen pregnancy support group, because lets face it, being a teen is hard enough with all the changes your going thru already, let alone being pregnant on top of it.
I hope this helps some, and I hope you keep us updated as to what is going on.

Oh, and also, while it won't get rid of the morning sickness, have her eat some toast, and drink hot chocolate in the mornings. My mom did this with me, and I with my son. Like I said it doesn't get rid of the morning sickness, it doesn't taste quite so bad while you getting sick, and doesn't leave quite as nasty an after taste in her mouth afterwards either.

I am very sorry. I know you are heart sick over the whole thing, but give yourself a little time to let it sink in. What's done is done, and unfortunatly sometimes, all you can do is move forward and handle the situation. My best friend just went through this, and she is now a totally smitten grandmother to a beautiful and healthy 3 week old baby boy.

Your daughter just gave up her childhood, and for that I am very sorry for her. She will need to make a lot of very grown up decisions very quickly. Is she going to raise this child or give it up for adoption? Is the father planning on being part of this child's life? Are his parents going to be in the picture? Where will she live and how will she support this child short term and long term?

If you are planning on going to the court to ask for child support, there are several options.

The first is a lawyer, they can be an expensive option, however you can ask the courts for the father to pay for your daughters attorney. It is not always granted, so don't bank on it. The best plan is it's coming from your pocket and it's gone; if you get it back that is Christmas money, do a happy dance.

Second, I don't know how the courts work in Granbury, but in McKinney there is a law libraray on the second floor above the place you file for support. You can get forms from the law library, and ask the librarian for general instructions on how to fill it out (they are not allowed to give legal advice), and file it yourself. They have books on what to ask for and how to fill things out. Do your homework before you choose this option. Make sure you know what your daughter and grandchild are entitled to and ask for everything in writing. Never forget, if it's not on the petition you can't ask the judge for it in the court room.

Another thing to consider, you are a taxpayer, so is your husband. Depending on your financial situation, you may need government assistance for your daughter and her child. The government takes money from your paycheck to help people in EXACTLY this situation, so DON'T feel guilty about asking for help. Have your daughter call social services and ask them if they can help her file for support, or if there are any other things she may be entitled to. They may also be able to help with prenatal and parenting classes.

Your medical insurance should cover the pregnancy as long as she remains a FULL TIME STUDENT. I believe that as long as the baby is considered a dependent that you can have your medical insurance cover the baby too... call your insurance company and ask for information. Tell your daughter that part of the price of medical care is that she has to stay in school. I am sure that will be hard for her emotionally, however, and education will be good for her and her child.

Take a deep breath, and be good to yourself, it will work it's self out in time. Good luck, and you and your daugter will be in my prayers.

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter and I know this must be killing you. This week is Sanctity of Life week, so I will say that I hope you and your daughter can make the decision to choose life for this child. I am assuming you are asking for help because that is what you intend to do, so I will be praying for you as you navigate what is certain to be a difficult road ahead.

I'm not sure where you live, but in Weatherford, there is a crisis pregnancy center called the Grace House. It is the most warm and caring place and they have counselors available to welcome you and your daughter with open arms to talk through the issues that you are faced with. They are also opening a clinic in the next few months for women to get medical care and sonograms. Our church does a lot of volunteer work there and if you live in this area, I hope you will give them a call.

You are in my prayers,
V.

Are you familiar with the Advocacy & Pregnancy Center? It's located in Lewisville. It would be a great place for you to call or go to. They have all the resources to give you all the information that you need and they will be a great (emotional) support for you and your daughter. Their number is 972-436-CARE. www.advocacyandpregnancycenter.com. I'm praying for you.

R., as a person who endured pregnancy as a teenager, I can truly say that hindsight is 20/20. For starters, if you haven't already, make every effort to communicate and develop a relationship with his parents. Child support, in my opinion, causes more heartache, especially if the other parent is not ready to grow up. Although a very decision was made to get you guys to this point, the average teenager is not fully ready to be an adult, especially right after high school. I know first hand the emotional roller coaster she rides. You will need to put yourself aside as well as the feelings you feel and focus on her right now. This is as devasting for her as it is for you and her dad. Realize that she also had plans for herself that did not include preparing a baby bag and bottles the night before. Child support is also an emotional roller coaster that caused me to face my issues (and lack of planning) each and every time I had to go to court. It takes time from your life and you are forced to find child care because children (of any age) are NOT allowed in the court room. The process is antique and cumbersome and takes forever for any reinforcement to come. It does come, eventually, but, at what cost? You are forcing someone to parent a child that simply has chosen something else. Is this the situation you want to put your daughter as well as your new grandchild through?