Teenage Daughter Who Would Rather Lie to Me Then Talk to Me

Well, I don't know an answer but it could be trust issues. Does she think you will say no? I remember when I was a teen and my best friend did the same thing. There was NO stopping her either. When mom and dad would try she would run away or sneak around somehow to see him. Guessing it is a hard thing to tolerate, knowing he has one thing in mind, my suggestion is to let her bring him home so you can meet him and find out more about him. If he is a young 19 maybe it's not as bad as you thought and if worse, at least you know who he is and can call the police on him. Regardless, you are the parent and can get a restraining order right? I wouldn't push her away right now though. I hope this helps.

I agree with Tina G., I went through the same thing your daughter is going through with my parents. Why? I did all kinds of stuff with guys b/c I felt like I wasn't getting the love I needed @ home and my folks never talked to me about anything. It is of the utmost importance that you let your daughter know how much you love her and want to educate her about having sex with boys, letting her know she doesn't have to lie to you that you guys can talk about anything and you won't judge her or be angry if she comes to you with a problem. I was always afraid my parents would hit me so I lied and lied to keep from being hit or punished. I advise you to let your girl know that you are also her friend as well as her Mom. Hope this helps you honey. Peace, KimP.

I hope that you and your daughter can get things worked out. It has been 12 years, and you were really burnt. Can you see where this is not helping the issue with your daughter? If you can't get your life on track, try to see someone. If you can't afford it, many of the bigger churches (I live in a rural area) have free counseling. You are worth having a good life. You have tried for this long, and sometimes we need help to get over things. He is gone and got on with his life (I presume) so now it is your time. It will help your relationship with your daughter and with your younger one. Now is the time for you to help her, even if you won't do it for yourself, try to do it for her and your younger daughter. Everything this girl does has and effect on the other and on you. Teenagers say, I'm not hurting anyone but myself, and that is soooo wrong. She can probably be brought back around with patience and love.
Pray and believe that God can help. I believe that God is going to help you and your daughter.

Experience is the best teacher. First you have to set an example.I've gone through with what you are going through now. It's not easy and it may not end the way you want. Girls are little women with there own mind and their own ways. Sit down and talk to your daughter, not at her. No screaming, no getting upset. Talk to her woman to woman, because that's what she thinks she is. Tell her what goes on in the real world of adults, and don't hold anything back.See right now she thinks she wants to be grown. Educate her on what being grown means. When you finish speaking to her, let her know you love her no matter what she does or says, and that you will always love her no matter what she does or doesn't do in life.

I would met with the guy and tell him how you feel why you think he is a bad fit with my daughter. Also I would make sure he knows her age. I have also let Jeff know he needs to take in a account how the parents feel. I also have remind him about no relatship line under 18 because it is too risky. Just some ideas.

R.
Maybe your daughter needs someone to talk to other than you. Because we both know that parent do not understand the things that the younger people are going through. At least that what I always hear my middle sister tell my parents. And she lied all the time to our parents, friends, teacher, almost any one that she came in contact with. See if your daughter will talk to your Pastor or go to counseling. Because the lies and going behind your back are not good things, they can only lead to trouble. I do not know how much this will help but I can pray for you and you daughter. Because the relationship with a daughter is something that you do not want to lose.
T.

You have allready gotten some good advice. The only thing left for me is to give you some encouragement. It won't be this way always. She will eventually grow out of this. I hope that she wises up and gets her life together before something unchangeable happens to her. I hope that you are able to get through to her soon. Keep the lines of communication open. Keep seeking the advice of others. Especially those in your church or those who have gone through this before. Hope this helps. Keep your head up. There won't be a storm always.

Don't take it to heart every teenager does it. I know you have a lot on your plate and its seems like its a really big deal. Well let me tell you something i'm 21 ans me and my mom had a terrrible relationship up until i was 17. I would lie to her and wouldn't even to talk to her. I blamed her for how my life was turning out instead of taking responsiblity for it myself. I thouhgt if she would have done this different or wasn't so strict things would be much better. I was wrong and when i was able to admitt that we started becoming very good friends. Me and my mom are best friends theres nothing i can't tell her and iregret not finding that out earlier. I love and cherish her and i think your daughters will see you for strong woman you are inside. be honest with them and let them know that no matter what your there and they can always talk to you about anything. I think you will see some changes. Let me know how it goes. Good Luck!!!

what do you mean you haven't settled down? if you "date" a lot maybe your daughter feels that you have no say in what she does. you don't need to get to know the guy. if he is willing to go out with a 14 year old he probably figures he can manipulate her. makes sure you know where she is and what she is doing. if you make her mad oh well. she needs a mom not a friend. my mom did it to me. i hated it, but it kept me out of trouble. i saw the girls who's parents let them do what they wanted and date whoever. most of them dropped out or now have 3 or 4 kids. don't talk bad about her dad in front of her. you need to make sure that she respects you; if not you will never get through to her.

Hi R., What your describing was me exactly when I was a teen I was 14 and 15 and dating guys in there 20's I was hanging out with the wrong crowd! But what I learned is that what I was doing wasn't because I wanted to it was cause I wanted attention for a much bigger problem! Shortly after all that I was in hospitals for depression suicidal ideation you name it I realized later the reason I went to older guys is cause i wanted acceptance I wanted to know that I was good at something whether it be that I was more mature enough for older guys or because I wanted to feel pretty and wanted! I was and still struggle with insecurities! I would suggest counceling to find out what the REAL underlying problem is! Because my parents thought it was cause my friends did it but that wasn't the case my friends skipped school and did drugs I didn't want to and I told them and I was confident in that but the guy thing was strictly me I NEEDED acceptance!! Mandy

You could probally weedle out of her who she's dating and look them up on the computer for their ages. Also you could take her on mother-daughter trips so you can bond. Learn her language and bond. Then she will speak to you and you can take security measures. It probaly won't happen right away though so take your time and until then weedle. But weedle polietly and don't let her make you less confident. It happened to me,too and I wasn't happy when Ifound out she lied to me.

Unfortunately, almost all teenagers will at some time try to deceive their parents. What is most important is open lines of communication. Ask yourself "If I was my daughter, would I feel I could be honest with my mom about what was going on?" Put yourself in her shoes for a moment, and try to understand that she is trying to figure out life. You can, and should, definitely set limits for her, but you also need to consider the reasons why she didn't feel she could tell you the truth. Talk to your daughter, let her know that you love her no matter what, and reassure her that lying to you is not going to help her gain your trust. Set boundaries for her, but be reasonable enough that you both get what you want and need without sacrificing your morals/standards. Hope this helps.

start making the habit of when she DOES tell you something you tell her that you really appreciate it when she shares with you her feelings, also she needs to know she is setting an example for a little sister (which i am sure you have said before) and would she want to see her little sis in trouble with someone that is too old for her, this is a toughie good luck

Bless you. Being a single mom can be a heavy load to carrie. Of course she lied (they all do). She didn't want to hear the answer no..which becomes second nature for us moms at that age..no, no, no,..Try sitting down with your girls and let them know how you feel and how you want them to open up to you. Lies only make things worse. I'm not sure you and the girls have mother/daughter time or not, but that always seems to draw them closer and They're willing to talk more.the park or out for yogurt but not the movies IF you think there is something that needs to be discussed. Sometimes sitting down at dinner time you can find out about things. Communication is the key.They don't talk to us for fear of knowing things are not going to go there way. I have a 17 y/o who has not had her phone now going on two months..she's gotten better with her chores..but she wants that phone back. I let her know that your attitude and the way you act determines what the results of the outcome will be. We have to be firm and consistant. When our children hurt, we hurt to..even though they think we don't understand. We only want what's best for them. Now this 19 y/o..He either needs to respect her and you and wait or move on.Prayer changes things. I'm not sure of your religion but Pray for your daughters and continue to be positive and be encourage. Take care

who is in control...? she lives in your house you give her everything she has time to start taking everything away. If all else fails have her start volunteering at Safenet in Claremore. She can get a first hand look at women who wish they would have followed their parents rules... it could be a real awakening. Call and talk to Susan Wolfenberger she is the volunteer coordinator.

one other thing she is way to young to be dating... she needs to have her mind on her books and establishing relationships whit friends that will carry her through a lifetime. Do you go to church? If she were involved in a youth group it might make a difference in her attitude towards you. You are her protector and she needs you to do the protecting... set the rules and even if she hates you for the moment it won't last long because one day she will see how the rules save her from danger.

Dear R.:

I am 45, mother of 2 grown up married girls and 2 pre-schoolers. I was a single mom most of my life, and like you raised 2 girls most of the time on my own. My best wish for you is to dedicate your life, children, home to God, finding guidance and strength in Jesus. Raising teenagers can be tough on anyone, we can't do it by ourselves!

I understand your situation with one of your girls! I tried to be a friend to my girls yet there were times they didn't say the truth to avoid getting punish or to avoid hurting me and disappoint me. I can't tell you how many times I cried not knowing what to do next, what to say! One of my girls got pregnant when she was turning 17. Because she was so irregular, I didn't learn she was pregnant until she was 5 months pregnant. I felt so heart broken because she didn't trust me enough to let me help her. She took medications and went into early labor. The doctors couldn't help the baby, and the same day the baby was born, she died... You can share this story with your girls, no matter how hard might be to say the truth, mom will always be there to love you and hug you, no matter how big a problem is. Boyfriends might come and go, even husbands, but the bond between a mother and her daughters is a very special one...
My oldest one while in college, had a boyfriend, they were living together. He had an accident lifting weights and after a difficult surgery, didn't last too long and died. My daughter was devastated but we, (I was remarried by then) supported her the best we could.
Now a days both "girls" are in their mid-late tweenties, married both. They married with good guys, thank God. but it has been a tough journey... Many hugs to you, feel free to email me if you wish. I know how lonely, how hard can it be but it doesn't have to be like that!

From my heart,
R.

Hi R.,
I have 3 teenagers too, (a boy 14, a girl 13 and the youngest, also a girl, who is 12, and acts more like a teenager than the older two). Anyway, I've been studying a lot about adolescence and here's what I've learned so far:
Teenagers need to detach themselves from us parents, to stop being treated as infants and learn to be treated as young adults (of course they haven't got a clue as to what to do, so they do it wrong most of the time).
You need to start treating them as young adults and give them a little more respect, stop controlling so much (as when they were younger) and start telling them that they'll win more independence as soon as they show smart behavior. Because that's what they need: to learn to make their own mind and take care of themselves.
And of course tell them what you accept and what you will not tolerate. Don't discipline them when you're really upset. Wait until you cool down a bit.
If you don't give them more freedom, they'll do it anyway (behind your back). Explain why seeing this young man is not safe for her at this age.

hope it helps!
H.