D..
J., I have a 17 year old and a 19 year old. They are both boys. If my 17 year old asked if he could go with these kids, I would have to personally know each and every one of them. I would have to know what kind of kids they are. They probably would have been over at my house before. I'd have to know what kind of driver the one who is driving is. I'd want to know if they have driven to this area before. I'd want to know if they have a GPS. Driving around the Chicago area is hard and you don't want to get into a bad part of town.
If your mom has decided that you shouldn't do this, she may have a problem with the kids or a kid in the group. What you probably don't realize is, it isn't YOU that she doesn't trust. She is uncomfortable with some other aspect of it.
One of the beauties of going to college after you graduate from high school is that you leave home, go live in a dorm, have a school campus to call home, and make friends with the people who live there with you. You get a chance to flex your wings, stay out late, go to the movies at midnight, do things you would never have done at home. That's one of the benefits of going to college. You have that to look forward to. It will be really special then.
My son is off at college now. He makes decent choices. He handles his responsibilities. He has a lot of fun, and works hard in his studies and is rewarded with good grades. What he has learned this year (and I'm super proud of him, by the way) is that he is making these grades for HIMSELF, not for us. He wants to keep his scholarship, earn his tuition from us, look good to a future employer AND a future grad school program. THAT is called being an adult.
Becoming an adult is a process. My son was 18 for a good while before he graduated from high school. Did he turn into an adult when he turned 18? No. Did he have a curfew after he turned 18? Yes. Would I have let him go anywhere he wanted to go while he was still living with me? No.
Sometimes becoming an adult means having to accept "no" when you feel it's unwarranted. The argument didn't help, right? Instead of arguing, ask her in a quiet voice and kind tone if she would tell you if she is worried about your safety, or if she doesn't like your friends, or why she is uncomfortable. Tell her that you value her opinion and really want to know why she is having a hard time with it. Tell her you will accept what she says - you just want to understand. You probably will still not get to go, BUT she will start to think of you as becoming more mature, if you choose to approach her this way with problems in the coming year.
Remember, turning 18 and finishing high school does not make you an adult. ACTING like an adult and thinking like an adult makes you an adult. Sometimes it's the cart before the horse. Sometimes it is realizing that you don't have your parents to "do" for you because you no longer live with them. It's also realizing that someone else isn't going to bail you out when you have problems. You have to find solutions on your own. But in looking for those solutions, you can call your parents, ask them if you can talk to them about a problem, tell them what it is, and then say "Can you advise me as to what to do?" Not "I need you to fix this for me".
Dawn
Mom of a teen who really is finally an adult (not because of age, but because of attitude).