Teaching Resilience

Actually, everything aside, I think it is too much of a commitment for a six year old. Adjusting to first grade alone is a lot. I think she is using the finger thing as an excuse. She just does not like tap. So my suggestion is tolet her take the type of dance she likes.

Updated

Actually, everything aside, I think it is too much of a commitment for a six year old. Adjusting to first grade alone is a lot. I think she is using the finger thing as an excuse. She just does not like tap. So my suggestion is to let her take the type of dance she likes.

Updated

Actually, everything aside, I think it is too much of a commitment for a six year old. Adjusting to first grade alone is a lot. I think she is using the finger thing as an excuse. She just does not like tap. So my suggestion is to let her take the type of dance she likes.

Just let her quit the tap.
No biggie.
She's only just finished Kindergarten.
And maybe taking 2 types of dance classes is just too much.
One activity is enough.
And the dance school "requiring" that they have to be enrolled in TWO dance classes... what the heck? The kids are so young.

Learning resilience... don't worry.
She's so young.

Then, does she like the ballet? I mean REALLY like it? On her own volition?
When my daughter was that age, she had had enough with dance classes. And she lost interest. So then we stopped. And she had other interests, of HER choosing. And because she was doing what HER interests was, even if she got hurt, she STILL LOVED it and.... persevered in it, and was, resilient etc.
My daughter is 10 now. I asked her once "Remember you used to take dance classes? Do you wish you still took it?" (because her friends do). But she said "No Mommy, I don't like dance. That is not my thing. I love Karate..."
You see, she knows, herself. And her own proclivities.
If an activity is forced on a kid... they may not learn, all that good character traits you hope they will learn. But they do learn to keep going in it... because they have to. Because they have to please their parent's wishes, for them doing it. But then their own talents or interests, gets sidelined. My daughter, found her niche. She is GOOD at Karate.
Dance was fun for her when she was young. But it was not her interest.

Learning resilience or perseverance or other abstract concepts, can be learned even if a kid does not take, classes. It is everyday learning.

I know several kids, that take various types of lessons. Since Kindergarten. And I ask them "do you like it? Was it your decision?" And MOST of them say "no, I hate it. But I have to." or "No, but its what our family does.... but I rather do other things. But I can't tell my Mom."
I hear this a lot from kids. I work at my kids' school.

**ETA:
Then, I also know a kid, that is NATURALLY very good at dancing. EVERYONE in the school, knows it. And have seen him dance at school performances. But, even if his parents know, they will not enroll him in dance class. Why? Because, they think that SPORTS.... is better for boys and he will learn more, from that. But he hates it. But he is one of the boys. And the parents are one of the parents who has a boy, in sports. Too. So peachy for them. But then, their son's OWN talent, is... going by the wayside. Its sad. He just about gave up, on thinking one day he "can" take dance classes and theater. Sad.
Don't know if he is learning resilience or perseverance by having to do the sports thing. Its not in his, heart. For those activities.

Resilience can be: something they have to do because the parents want them to and they thus go through the motions.
Or, it can be, something they learn on their own, because it comes from within doing something they love and thus, have fun learning it. And therefore, despite getting hurt, they will still want to do it.
My daughter, has gotten hurt in Karate. Its something that happens. She didn't quit because of it. She LOVES her niche. She learned character, from it, on her own, too. Not for, me.

Actually, I agree that this is a lot on a child her age. I guess I would wonder when the classes are. If they are at night during the week, then I would be more likely to say no to that one. First grade is a huge amount of work and school should take priority. If most of the classes are on Friday and Saturday, then not as big a deal to me.

I would explain that if she want to take the "fun" class, then she has to meet the requirements, which would include tap. If she can be OK with that, then fine. However, I would NOT let her sign up for all this and listen to her whine about how much she hates tap. I am quite sure that these classes are WAY too expensive to hear whining over it.

I would explain to her that the boo-boo was not a big deal and she was not hurt badly over it. Ask her what she really wants to do here. It does sound like she just doesn't like tap.

I think she's just using the finger thing as an excuse to quit. Kids often don't like quitting because they don't want to disappoint their parents (trust me, she's picking up on your excitement and expectations for next year and doesn't want to let you down.) She probably doesn't even realize she's using this injury as an excuse but I'm sure she is.
Dance will always be there if she wants to go back. Don't worry about her "falling behind" this is just dance not Olympic Gymnastics. One of my daughter's friends didn't start dancing until she was ten and she is now part of a traveling company that performs all over California, and she is a beautiful performer.
Your daughter will have many, many opportunities going forward so give her a pass on this. Like I said, if she loves it, she will miss it and come back. And if she doesn't, well then it just wasn't her thing.

I know someone who acts this way and she is 25 years old. She has acted this way since she was little. It is ALL in order to get attention. She wants people to feel sorry for her and think about her troubles, all the time.

I don't know if she could have ended up different than this if her mother had put her foot down when she was young. I just know that this is VERY unattractive in a 25 year old.

If I were you, I would not put up with her talking about it anymore. I'd expect her to do the dancing.

Once she knows you don't allow her to visit this issue with you anymore, she will get over it.

If it were my kid, when she had mentioned hurting her finger as an excuse for not taking the class, I'd likely give the benefit of the doubt and say "Well, you know, there are lots of fun things in life that sometimes hurt, but my guess is that tap really isn't that important to you. Do you think that's it?" This isn't to assume, but just to put it into good context. And it opens up the conversation so she knows you are empathetic and on her side... that you kind of understand.

I think building resilience is one part guidance and many other parts modeling. We as parents have great opportunities to model resilience. We can tackle our failures and try again....and talk about it. "I really messed up that lasagna last week, but I love lasagna so I'm going to try a new recipe. I'm not giving up on having good, homemade lasagna." or sharing stories about how you and your husband overcame a challenge through practice and effort. Modeling resilience can also be done daily, like in traffic when someone cuts us off or the cars just aren't moving. Instead of getting frustrated, we can say to our kids "yeah, the roads are really slow today. Let's play the license plate game" or "Wow! That driver was lucky *I'm* such a good driver!" and bouncing back quickly (even if we are shaky inside, we can still take a deep breath and be thankful it was only a near miss). When we have to wait, we can model "no big deal, it will be our turn soon enough" or when we have an accident, smoothly cleaning up the wound or mess, a calmly "well, nobody's perfect and at least it's not worse" attitude is important. It CAN be fixed, it's not the end of the world.The more we can show them that those disappointments in life don't have to stop the fun and that *we* will keep trying to do those hard or challenging things, the better they can internalize that message.

She's young, let her back out of the tap for now and she can take it up again in a year, if she wants to. At six, she's not going to learn to be a quitter just from giving up tap right now.

My daughter is much like yours. I have learned that if she doesn't want to do it once the initial commitment is over, to let it go. It is very hard, because I see that she has talent but she recognize it. This year she did ballet and it was fighting tooth and nail after the first month to get her there. I finally said that for next year, she could take it at a less intensive place if she decided to do it. If she doesn't want to do it, consider your battles if you sign her up.