Teaching My Friend's Daughter

I know it's hard but you need to follow through on this.
As a manager, leader, coach, whatever, we have a lot to deal with. The parents (and kids, depending on how old they are) need to be responsible for themselves.
As a long time Girl Scout volunteer I have had this issue come up more than once. I can tell you that when a girl misses out on something she really wanted to do because her parent didn't sign her up and/or pay in time it rarely happens again.
If you really want this habit to change it's up to YOU to make it happen. People will always take advantage of you if you let them :(

Maybe I am the odd one out, but here is my take on it:

You have made exceptions (despite saying there are no exceptions) many times for this friend and her daughter. You have printed "warnings" on the forms that have gone unheeded. I'd say, since she is a personal friend, that you need to speak to her privately. Tell her, very straightforwardly, that her constant failure to follow through and turn things in on time with regards to the cheer team is making things very awkward for you. That as much as you would like to be able to help her out, that NO LONGER will you be able to do what you have been doing, which is to unfairly extend deadlines for her daughter and not for others.
Make it plain that this is THE LAST TIME you will do that. She will not get extra reminders or anything that other members of the team don't get, simply because there are too many people and it is unfair to everyone ELSE.

Tell her it pains you to say this to her, and that you hate having to say it, but she has left you no choice. Any event in the future (or order slip or permission slip/form, whatever) she must comply within the time limits everyone else has, or she won't be allowed to participate in whatever it is. With NO exceptions, even for her.
And then, do it.
Thus far, her personal friendship with you has allowed her special status and she hasn't had to follow rules. She is operating under the assumption that those rules and notes on the forms don't apply to her. Really, you BOTH have been operating under that unspoken rule for her.

She will undoubtedly screw up again. But if you give her this personal verbal warning, then it will only happen once. When she sees you actually mean it, she will recognize that it applies to her and her daughter just like everyone else. And she will start making it happen. She WILL get forms in on time. She WILL pay fees on time. She WILL do whatever she is required to do, just like all the other moms. Or her daughter will suffer the natural consequences and won't let it happen again.
It's tough love.

And while the other posters seem to have said not to cut her any slack this time, I think that it is kinda cold to do so cold turkey, when she has been getting away with this all year. It'd be like you changing the rules on her without telling her up front. Because you haven't enforced the rules thus far, with her. Tell her you ARE going to enforce them, from here on out. Period. But this one time, is the LAST time.
Call her up and tell her she missed the deadline, and she needs to bring you money if she wants the Tshirt and for her child to participate. Put it on her. And put her on formal notice---this is the last exception.

Just tell her that the group has grown and it's too big for you to be reminding people about things when they have been given firm deadlines from the get go.
If you have to do it for her, you have to do it for everyone and that is more than you can handle.
When you tell her this, remind her one last time, and then from then on what ever happens happens.
Her Mom should care about the heartbreak look on her face.
I'm afraid her daughter is going to miss a few parades or other events but either they will get better about it, or she'll drop out.
You are just going to have to quit enabling the behavior and hope they swim rather than sink.

Sounds like you're not being fair to everyone. The paper says there are no exceptions, but there are...you make an exception every time for your friend.

I would just let it go this time. Yes, it's unfair to the daughter, but the mother needs to learn that there are no exceptions. I know with my kids, if I'm running behind getting something signed, they bring it to me, stand there while I sign it (if it requires money, it comes with my checkbook) and then they take it back immediately.

I say it's time for some tough love.

ETA: By "let it go this time" I mean don't say anything to the mother and don't let her turn it in. Wanted to clarify that...

Simple, she isn't in the parade! On all the permission slips from now on, add a line that says, "if this slip and payment are not returned by ____ date, then your child will not ________". And stick to it. This is not something you should be stressing about. And prior to adding this to future permission slips, hand everyone a sheet that says you have been running into this problem and this is what the new proceedure will be starting immediately. That way everyone is aware and they can't be surprised if they miss out on something. Good luck!

I would make this the LAST exception. I would make sure to tell both your friend and her daughter. Make sure they know its unfair to others that you have been doing it and it can't happen anymore. Tell the daughter she needs to stay in top of things too and she is responsible too for the forms and next time if its not in by the deadline there's nothing you can do.

They both need to make a real effort to do it on times if they are serious about cheerleading.

So as a friend, I'd do it for them one last time.

The thing with drawing a line is that you have to stick to it....for O. and for ALL of the girls.
You're going to have to give a consequence sooner or later, I think.
Tough spot to be in for sure!

She needs to experience the "logical consequences;" she doesn't get to be in the parade. I bet next time she remembers.

Your friend will probably be mad, but she'll get over it if she's really your friend. Seems to me she is taking advantage of the fact that the two of you are friends and doesn't think the rules apply to her. She needs to find out differently.

If you continue to remind her and/or put in the money for her, you will have this same situation again and again. The only way to get her attention is to let her experience the logical consequences.

I would say that she sits this one out. It will teacher her the consequence for her forgetfulness and/or her parents indecision.

In the future, when money is due for an item, I would move the deadline up by a week. If there is money due, make half of the payment due within a few days of the notice, and then again, the rest due a week before its absolutely needed. People can pay in full at anytime.

Ex. when I was in HS our chorus used to sell candy bars to raise money for the yearly trip. Each student going on the trip was asked to try and raise $300. We had to have our permission slips turned in before we could get any of the candy to sell. We would hand the director the slip, and he would hand us $25 worth of candy to sell at $0.50 each. We would turn in the money and they would hand us more candy. If students didn't want to participate, they could pay the amount in full. Every year they would lose money because kids would lose them, give them away, etc. So one year they decided they weren't going to sell them because they always had a loss.

I suggested that they have kids pay up front for the candy, then as they sold it, they could get more. If they gave it to friends, or it was stolen, the loss would be on the student, not the chorus director. When the sale was over, if done right, the students would have their full $25 back. It was the first year that they didn't lose money on the sale. Most students did meet their goal and get their $25 back.

Here is the thing ... NO EXCEPTIONS, you make an exception each time you bend, where/when does it end? She probably is granded exceptions all the time and has not had to pay for it ... sadly it is her daughter paying for it but she does not participate in the parade.

my parents were like this because they couldnt afford things. If thats the case I guess its up to you to decide if you want to pay for your daughters friend. I don't think it opens up a thing where you have to pay for all. Shes your daughters friend. If you cant pay then J. tell her that you're sorry and she cant be in the parade

I think I would cover for the t-shirt one last time and bug your friend for the permission slip. Then, sit down with your friend again and explain that this was the last time. With summer coming, or perhaps fall sign-ups, let her know that in order to be fair and consistent with all the girls and because you are running a business that as of date X, rules for forms and money must be abided by with no further excexptions and put it in writing. All it should take is one time being excluded but hopefully not such a highstakes event.

There may be something going on you don't know about. The family may be having money struggles. The Mom may think it's okay but not the dad. She may be driving herself crazy trying to get everything done by herself with no help from the kids or dad.

I would invite her over for coffee and a chat. She is your friend and may need some help getting organized or just to talk it out with someone. I wouldn't be as concerned about the tee shirt purchase as I would the permission slip. Because it's a school or team function you need to have documation that the girl has permission to go.