Hi All,
I really need help with this. When I was a little girl, I LOVED animals so much that I wanted to be a vet. As I grew older, I never pursued this as a career, but still loved pets and volunteered at animal shelters and had many beloved dogs, cats and other creatures. However, after my first son was born, my love for the two dogs I had at the time became much less. I did feel bad for them, but my baby was and still is much more important. As a result, I've noticed that I've become more and more fustrated with the only dog I currently have. She gets on my nerves with her begging and jumping on people. She's great with kids, but sometimes a lot to handle now with two babies.
Anyway, my oldest son has observed me being short tempered with the dog and shoeing her out of the way. I've noticed that he's not too nice to the dog and he'll sometimes just go over and hit her for no reason. I'll reprimand him and ask him why he did this and he'll say that he doesn't like her. I feel like I haven't created a good model for empathy and want him to have empathy for animals and other people. He's almost four. What ways can I instill these humane values in him? I never expected this coming from a child except when they're babies and don't know better.
Start showing him that you love the dog (even if you don't! LOL). Praise him for being nice to the dog. Tell him the dog likes him and likes it when he is gentle her.
I love your question. Probably because you can fix two issues at the same time! I think you've realized from your post that you need to work on your relationship with the dog! Figuring out how to train her and be more patient with her.
This will also teach your son to be patient as well. But I think it's a good lesosn for your son to see that YOU feel bad. This will model empathy for him better than just telling him how to treat her. There is nothing wrong with saying to him "Mommy made a mistake when she was angry with the dog, I made her sad and that wasn't ok. I'm learning how to treat her nice". What a great lesson! He learns that people make mistakes, everyone (human or animal) has feelings, and we need to treat them well (if not the first time, then as soon as we realize our mistake). Maybe even enlist his help- "do you have some ideas for how we could show her we're sorry?" This makes him a part of the solution (just be prepared to follow some of his ideas- you may be kissing the dog, drawing her a picture, or giving her a treat!).
Good luck, and good for you for wanting to do right by both the dog and your son.
you don't have to adore the dog to treat it with respect, which is what you should focus on teaching him. if you're not hitting or kicking the dog, don't feel guilty- he didn't GET the behavior from you, but it is on you to correct. stop him when he does it, have him apologize to the dog, show him how to pet nicely, and use it as a teaching moment like any other - and time outs if he disobeys and continues to hurt her deliberately.
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i stand by what i said - if you're not abusing your dog your son didn't learn to hit and kick from you. of course he is picking up on your attitude and as a bright thinking 4 year old, he is choosing to act in an inappropriate way, which needs to be corrected by you. kids hit and kick on their own, each other, toys, furniture, and yes, pets.
do not let anyone make you feel guilty for putting your dog S. behind your CHILDREN. they are DOGS. not people. watch the dog whisperer (he will say that a dog should never be placed on the same level as a human) also to get tips on how to incorporate a healthy dog/family relationship.
You might want to give some thought to whether Princess
would be better off in a home without young children.
When your total focus was on your pets,
your pets lived in glorious splendor.
But now that your total focus is on your children, as it should be,
your pet is now a source of inconvenience and frustration.
All you can do is decide to stop showing anger toward the dog from this point forward. Just like your 4yr old would pick up any other habit, he mimicks what he sees you do, and the best way to undo that is to stop doing it and be mindful your son is watching.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have always been an animal lover and was considering vet school as well but never made it there.
We have a dog and cat that are both a huge part of my family. Although my husband is not a cat person and is not very nice to my cat. Not that he's abusive but he ignores the cat and will push him off his lap or away from him when the cat is looking for some love. So now my 3 1/2 year old daughter does the same thing. Drives me crazy and makes me love on my cat even more in hopes that my daughter will see and become a cat lover as well.
My daugher is similar with our dog as well. A little more loving because she sees daddy giving the dog more attention.
I am hoping over time she will see me being loving and see how much better the animals respond to me that she will do the same. She is extremly lovable to her stuffed animals so I know she has it in her! And she loves all farm animals and can't get enough of them when we visit farms.
It sounds like you treated your dogs as kids. Now that you have your 2 legged kids the 4 legged one is left out and is causing problems.
When we adopted our son after we had had our dog I had to assume that the dog was the older child and go from there. Doing so the dog was able to have his space and protect the baby. They became inseparatable for the time that I had the dog (we moved and could not take the dog).
So please re-evaluate the way you treat the dog as there is no need to remove dog from house as dog was there first.
Good luck to you.
The other S.
PS I have a cat now that was a stray under nourished kitten that I can't get rid of if I tried because of the bond that was formed. But this will be my only cat as I am a dog person.
Please don't allow your son to hit the dog! He needs to know this is never acceptable behavior towards humans OR animals. I guess he's picking up on your own frustration with the dog. It sounds like the dog probably always begged and jumped, it's just bothering you more now than it did before. This is probably pretty confusing for the dog as well. You said the dog is great with kids - you're lucky - so many dogs become jealous and neurotic once babies arrive. Could you try to get your son more involved in caring for the dog? Feeding, grooming, walking, playing, etc.? If your son treats the dog roughly, the dog will never really trust him. If you are giving the dog mixed messages, the dog will never know what to expect from you. The key to success with both dogs and children is CONSISTENCY. If you don't think you will be able to model calmer behavior toward the dog, it may be in everyone's best interests to place the dog elsewhere. If you are committed to having everyone get along, then maybe you could consider taking the dog for obedience training, and having your son attend as well (he is NOT too young to learn how to care for an animal). Of COURSE your children are more important than your pets, but having a pet CAN be such a wonderful experience for children. I think in this case it's all up to you and what you think you can handle. Best of luck.
Go ahead and get some dog training for your dog, so that he doesn't get on your nerves, and so that your son has a good model of how to act around dogs.
As for your children: being empathetic to their troubles is one way of modeling and helping them return this feeling towards others; letting them see that you are sad when someone is hurt, is another way of helping children be empathetic. Helping them share joys with others when they are opening presents, or saying things like, "I am soo happy that you are happy!" helps little ones know that you can share feelings with others. Sharing lots of hugs and affection is so important to developing empathy.
Think I'll follow my own advice (even down to the dog training :)
I'd say he's doing what he has seen. At his age he's a sponge for everything he sees and hears. If he saw you reprimanding and being short with your pet he feels the pet is irritating his mommy and he's going to be mean to it too. You can totally turn that around by treating your doggie like you used to, that would be the best thing to do. When you do have to reprimand your pet make sure you explain to jr how much you love your dog but right at that moment he/she was doing something wrong so you had to make her mind. It's a lesson in empathy and at the same time a lesson on behavior and consequences for misbehaving.
I struggle with this exact same situation. I love all animals, but I HATE living with my husband's dog (he had her before we met and she's a BEATING!!) and I'm worried that my girls are picking up the ill will vibe from me. It's a yucky situation. I hope you get yours figured out....best of luck!
Contrary to one post. He DID get the behavior from you. You are his model. I think it's sad when people give up a pet because the had a child but it's far worse to be frustrated and impatient with the dog and to have your son witness that behavior than to give up the dog to a shelter or a friend. If you want to keep the dog in your family, have rituals with your son and the dog. e.g. have your son but the bowl of food down for your dog, take him for a walk together each day or play outside with him. If your dog is no longer in to playing, just go outside and play with your son while the dog is with you. Regularly tell the dog he's a good boy and mean it. Your dog is needy because you changed the rules on him. He was number one and now he's a poor second. If you have another child, you will have to give your son attention even though a baby is all consuming. Now is a good time to model that behavior for your son.
