Teacher Who Accused My Child of Lying Is Mad at Me

Why would you feel that YOU need to "smooth" things over. The teacher was wrong and acted unprofessionally by discussing this with another teacher.
SHE needs to be "smoothing" things over with you.
And she needs to treat your child equally to all of the other kids for the rest of the year, and I'd be darn SURE she was.
(The worst bullying experience in my family was my niece--at a private Christian school. She is now THRIVING at the public high school.)

Sorry, your job is just not necessarily to back the teacher. She was wrong and your child was right, so you backed your child. If she doesn't like it, then tough. I would be on the lookout for negative behavior from this teacher towards your child. The first I heard of it, I would call her to the carpet on it. And if she wanted to give me a hard time about it, I would have no problem with moving the carpet into the principal's office.

M.,

You did the right thing. Your priority is to back your CHILD and support your child. Since your child didn't do it----there is no reason why she should have to apologize or anything else. The teacher is wrong because she got caught making a very bad decision and she didn't like the consequences. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Its her problem--not yours. If she gives you flack about it--refer her back to the principal who can straighten things out--but your child did nothing wrong. case closed. Best wishes and hope things work out.

M

I think you should stop worrying about smoothing things over with a woman who wants you to back up lying about your daughter. I also think you should have another talk with the principal and tell him how unprofessional the attitudes among the staff are.

Perhaps you should think of giving your hard earned dollars to a different school. If the other teachers think that she is in the right, you don't want your child there.

Dawn

I remember your previous post about this.
And I had responded to that one.

NO NO NO... you did the right thing AND YOU PROVED YOUR DAUGHTER WAS INNOCENT.
THAT... is the point, here.

DO NOT let that Teacher... bully, you.
She was wrong.
She just does not want to look shabby to other people, now.
She sounds like she has a big ego.... and is more concerned about her "image"... than in admitting she was wrong. And wrong to a child and the parents.
She is denying, she was wrong... because she said you SHOULD have backed 'her' up.
Yah, right.

SHE should ALSO APOLOGIZE, TO YOUR DAUGHTER.
If that were me... I would actually tell the Teacher "you need to apologize to my daughter... and my Husband and I."

And if she bad-mouths you or your daughter or your family.... CALL her on it and report that to the Principal, too.
It can be slanderous.
AND, she is still... making trouble for you AND your daughter.... AND THE TEACHER HAS NOT LEARNED..... 'HER' LESSON, in all this. Has she?
Why try and smooth things with her? She has to do that... and correct herself and apologize and be, an adult in this. Not a child... like how she is acting.
And now... she is GOSSIPING about you.
There is such a thing as Bullying... by faculty too. It does not just happen, between children.
REMEMBER, that.
This teacher... is STILL causing trouble for you... and now is telling other Teachers about you/your child. And if she is doing that... then, she is probably gossiping to other people or parents too. Unbeknown, to you.

Please.. DO NOT BE AFRAID of this teacher. Because, if at any time she mistreats your daughter and or it ripple effects onward... you DOCUMENT all of this... and, this is seriously wrong if she does that. It is singling-out, your child.
Teachers, cannot act like that.
Why be afraid of her.
You DOCUMENT everything. from the beginning.
Because the Teacher does not seem able, to let it go
Until, she succeeds at bullying.

What is so great about this school, exactly? Because the teacher sounds atrocious & the administration sounds just as bad. I find it comical that this is called a "Christian" school, yet the employees are conducting themselves in a way that is most certainly not something to proud of.

IMO, you are throwing your money away, at a school that could care less about you or your child. To them, you are another dollar sign. Time to find another school for your child. She deserves a supportive teacher & not to feel like a criminal at school She (and you) need a fresh start.

I don't think this even will ever be forgotten & there will be no forgiveness, so why keep your child in a situation like that?

Back up the teacher? Are you kidding me? The choice between my child who did no wrong and a teacher who was clearly wrong is a no brainer.

If you want, have a sit down with the teacher and explain to her that as a parent it is your job to be your child's champion. It is your job to show your child that you will stick up for them when they are wronged. Explain to her that what she did to your child wasn't correct and that she needs to re-evaluate her teaching methods. Tell her you support her but will not support her when she is wrong.

Don't know if that would sooth feathers but seriously, she isn't the one who should be worried about sore feathers!

You were right. How immature of the teacher to get mad at you and talk about you to other teachers when she was the one who was wrong. She may be embarrassed at her own mistake but she isn't handling it in a mature manner.

So, she accused your child of lying/stealing, you proved that your child did not lie/steal, the teacher still doesn't believe you, bad-mouths you within earshot of you, and you are worried about smoothing things over with HER? Yeah, I'd say this is probably not the right school. When you pay tuition, you should expect at the bare minimum that your child will not be humiliated or browbeaten, and that you as a parent will be treated with respect.

Let her be mad, M.. You didn't do anything wrong. If she speaks to you about it again, tell her you don't appreciate the way she handled things with your daughter and that if she still has an issue with it you would be happy to meet with her AND the principle instead of her venting to other teachers about it.

The teacher shows ill grace, but you championed your daughter and she will remember it forever. Good job mom!

I do not think she will apologize. However, if you think she is now acting differently to you and your child this should be addressed. Not in confrontational way. Simply send her a holiday card for Thanksgiving. Say that you are thankful for the way she has helped you in the past and that your child has a caring teacher. That will help let go of whatever crappy feelings are circulating. You will have to let go of wanting an apology. That is the Christian thing to do.

No way you did the righ tthing. maybe that school isnt for your child. You have to stand up for your child and forget everythign else. My child got in trouble once because of another kids lie. I went right into the principle and suggested going forward if this kids complains about my daughter maybe it woudl be better served to tell this kid to worry about herself not someone else. I hate bullies so much.

Listen to all these incredibly smart mamas!!! YOU WERE RIGHT! If we don't advocate for our child when they need it, who will??? And if teacher does act in an unprofessional way, address it immediately! Stay strong and just talk to your daughter regularly to see how the teacher is behaving. Hopefully, she will not take it out on your daughter...I have a feeling I may be dealing w/ something similar w/ my sons teacher. It sucks! BUT, like I said, we have to stand up for our kids and teachers need to do their jobs professionally! If they are unhappy or unable to deal, then it's time to move on!

You did nothing wrong. This teacher was totally in the wrong for accusing your child and forcing her to make a false confession. If the teacher is mad at you, that's her problem not yours. Just watch that she doesn't take it out on your daughter.

What I understood prior is that you had talked to her before and nothing came of it. If your daughter didn't take it and didn't lie, then I'm sorry that she felt you went over her head, but what about your kid? Backed her up for what?

I think I would just let it ride and not smooth things for her. Why do you feel guilty?

Nope. She's allowed to have her feelings. You were backing your daughter.

I think the only way around this is a sit down with the principal and the teacher. Make sure you say in the teacher's presence all the good things you have mentioned about her. If you don't get a satisfactory result from this and still fear for your child's well being, you need to put her in a school that is more open minded in their approach.

Wowsa! What a tough spot. How old is your child?

I've taught and I would be embarrassed about making a mistake like that. Even if I still believed that the kiddo did it, I would not behave as such. VERY unprofessional.

Even if the teachers were talking about how parents undo what they've taught (if that is what they were talking about), they should NEVER have had that conversation in earshot of ANY parent.

If you think things can be smoothed over and she will treat your daughter as she is supposed to be (love and respect), then drop communication with her as much as possible (unless it is a serious issue) and let some time heal it. Give a card at Christmas time.

If you don't think it will go over well or she treats her badly, document everything. CC the principal in any emails. She'll be pissy about it, but she'll watch her p's and q's.

Keep your eyes open for another option at the end of the semester. You don't sound overly happy with the place anyway.

Good for you Mama Bear! You did your job!

I agree with others I wouldn't worry about smoothing anything over. You were right and she obviously has issues taking responsibility when she is wrong. I would definitely talk to the principal about the conversation you heard and that you are worried about her taking this out on your daughter in the future. I would threaten to leave if there was any further incidents with this teacher or if there was any indication of retaliation.

Remember you are a customer because you are paying for a service. Don't feel bad about doing the right thing! I would still go and do everything you normally do, smile and be nice to people and if it comes up tell the truth about what happened. No need to bad mouth anyone when the truth is on your side!

Has the teacher apologized to your daughter? She certainly should. After all she expected an apology from your daughter.

I'm so sorry! I'm going through a teacher nightmare at a Christian private school too. That teacher absolutely deserved to get reprimanded for her unprofessional and ungodly conduct! We go to these schools and pay big money for the high standards they claim to have. This teacher owes you and your daughter an apology ASAP!

Sigh, I get to meet with my sons principal after the holidays regarding unprofessional conduct from my sons teacher, ugh WHY!?

Good luck to you and your sweet daughter. Give her a big squeeze and tell her how great she is!

It is your job, as a mother, to back your child up when you honestly believe she is telling the truth. Not to back her up just because she's your child (and believe me, many teachers have reason to believe parents simply side with their kids against teachers and staff on general principle, so I do understand where the teacher is coming from - especially if she still believes your daughter lied). The important thing is for adults to set a good example for kids.

I knew, growing up - and my kids have always known - that the only thing that will make me utterly furious is any form of fundamental dishonesty (lying, cheating, etc.) And if they do wrong, they come and tell me quickly - because they know that if they do wrong and lie to cover it up, or wait until I hear about it from others first, they're in ten times MORE trouble than they would be for doing something else wrong.

How unfair would the world seem, from a child's eyes, if all the adults backed each other up and sided against them - every time? It happens. I doubt they grow up to be happy adults, themselves. And on the flip side, what kind of message does it send a kid that mom or dad will angrily back them up, every time, even when they're actually lying through their teeth?

It's hard to be a parent. I won't even qualify that statement with "some days." Even on the easy days, you have to be vigilant - all the time. And children need adult advocacy, since they have little inherent power or authority.

It's hard to be a teacher, and they ALSO deserve to be backed up by parents whose kids do wrong - or might conceivably have done wrong. I just wish everyone could remember to follow the LAW - which, last time I checked, still said "presumed innocent until proven guilty."

I was accused of being a "pathological liar" by my kindergarten teacher. When asked what I was doing over the Christmas holidays, I truthfully answered that the family was going on a cruise to Africa. She scoffed and said "No one takes a five year old child on a trip to Africa!" and called my parents to discuss my lying. When they assured her I was telling the truth, she proceeded to exploit my terror of needles by telling me all about the vaccines I was going to have to get before the trip.

Back your child, but privately impress upon her how important it is for you to be able to trust her - how important it is that her behavior always be honest and respectful, because if you later learn she was lying, you'll be ashamed of having gone to the mat for her.

And do insist - and vigilantly watch for - fair and respectful treatment of her from this point forward, or switch schools. I ended up at a different school the next year, as my K teacher was also "promoted" to first grade.

You did the right thing. You could take it further and talk with the principal about the fact this is a one-class-per-grade school and you are concerned your child is now labeled as a liar and that will stick among the teachers even though it is untrue; however, the principal likely will back the teachers.

I would question whether this tiny school really is right for your child. It sounds unduly strict and unrealistic about how children behave (your follow-up story about the child being scolded for showing one dance step illustrates an environment that doesn't sound creative or encouraging).

I know people whose kids are in one-class-per-grade schools, and the children are with the same kids every single year, which creates issues of its own if kids have conflicts. Plus the teachers pass along their personal impressions of the kids to the next teacher -- accurate or not. I know the local public school wasn't what you wanted, but I'd find out if there are alternatives or even programs within the public school (like a "gifted and talented" class track) that would better suit your daughter.

If you intend to keep your child in that school and there is only one section of each grade you need to work things out with the teacher.
The situation should be resolved at that level because the principal will not have a presence in the classroom on a daily basis...it will be the teacher who works daily, every minute of the day, with your child.
This relationship can be mended only if everyone feels comfortable with the resolution. Is your child happy at the school? If yes and you are paying for private school then you need to get it fixed.

I am unclear about exactly what happened here. What was it your child was accused of stealing? How exactly did you prove that she didn't take it? Was the tool found? How did the teacher "accuse" your child--did she ask her if she took it in private or yell at her for taking it with no proof in front of the class? You say you are having trouble adjusting to a strict Christian school--did your child have behavior problems at her previous school? Were those problems of a nature that might lead the teacher to suspect her? Is your child new to the class, and have problems started since she arrived?

I ask these questions because I am a mother and a teacher. I have had to catch children on video with my cell phone misbehaving in order to prove to parents that their little angels are actually doing the things I say they are in class. The way a child behaves at home and at school is sometimes not the same. As a mother, I have noticed my daughter actually behaves better for her teacher than she does with me, but many kids are just the opposite. I have a child in my class who is so disruptive he does not allow anyone sitting around him to do their work. When he is absent, the day goes smoothly; but when he is there I have to stop every 3 minutes to correct him.

Another thing you should realize is that the teacher is treating your child with love and respect by spending extra time helping her. In many schools, teachers do not get paid for this extra time--and teachers in most Christian schools get paid between $10,000 and $15,000 less per year than their public school counterparts with the same experience. Why then would a teacher take this lower paying job? Typically, children in Christian schools are better behaved because their parents back up the teacher with regards to behavior issues at home. When that doesn't happen, a teacher might feel like their sacrifice of financial gain for a peaceful classroom is wasted.

In regard to the ballet move, where did this happen? Were you in the classroom where the teacher was trying to teach when the child got out of her seat to show you her ballet move?

If your child excelled in a public school with poor academic and behavior expectations, I am sure she will be more challenged in a private school with higher academic and behavior expectations. After all, didn't you want an environment where teachers take control so that your own child is not negatively impacted by the poor behavior (bullying) of others? If you would prefer to put your child back in public school, by all means make that choice. As a public school teacher who has my own child in private school, I can see positives for both. If my child was zoned to a better school in a better district, I would keep her in public school and save the money. However, the teacher she has in her school is amazing, so for me it is worth the money.

Teacher and Mother from Houston, TX

Say what my 6 year old says, "Look who's standing behind you"!

Why would the teacher still think your child lied? What a nutcase. You need to put your child where you and the child can be comfortable and you need to back off and find something else to do with your time. Sounds like you are there too much. You thought your child was bullied at the other school too, but your child liked it? It is confusing.
I had bad experiences with my oldest at a so called Christian school. They used fear tactics all the time. "If you do not send your child here and send them to the ungodly public school they will end up on drugs and pregnant." Well I took my daughter out and sent her to public H.S. and guess whose daughter ended up great and which ones ended up pregnant and doing drugs just reacting to all of the hypocrisy and control.

The school seems a little off balanced in that the teachers can do no wrong even when they do. A child needs reassurance that adults will own up to their mistakes just like they expect the children to.

In my opinion, the children aren't getting a fair shake and it feels like bullying to me. What happens when the teachers misplaced something and blame it on the children? Should the child be punished for the teachers error?

This teaches the children its ok to blame it on someone else and not accept responsibility. Also I feel it would nourish low self esteem.

Too strict for my taste. The schools should help promote values that you believe in.

What is better for your child? Same age bullying or adult to child bullying?

i think you did right, I would have done the same thing. I continue to stay on top of things.

I realize this can happen even in public school, but it should never happen at a Christian school. They may claim to be such, but obviously they don't hire people who live like Christians. My suggestion, pull your child out and start over elsewhere in January, beginning of new semester. I do child care and I will tell you from experience that home schooling can be good if your child will listen to you, and their schooling may be equal or better but many times these children have trouble adjusting socially as they are not exposed to very many other kids on a daily basis and so can "act weird" according to other children later on. Sometimes kids have to experience different situations to learn how to cope in the real world later on. Talk to people whose children are older (like high school, college) and see how they have acclimated.