Teacher's Scolding, Is This Allright?

What Diana said is exactly what I would do. I would have been too shocked to say anything right there but I would have my husband call. Not that I can't speak for myself, believe me I can but sometimes a father can be better at getting the situation resolved. GOOD LUCK!!

My advice would be to "sleep on it". Give it a couple of days, and if you still feel the same way, do something about it. Above all mothers must go with their instincts.

Good luck

K.

I'm a bit of a protective mom. I believe that one can correct a child without yelling at them. Some people believe the best way to get them to listen is to scare them into submission. I have worked in a private school before and you'd be surprised at how "some" teachers will speak to the children. These same teachers are sweet as ever when the parents walk in the door. If she tagged your daughter and not the others, it makes me wonder if she gets annoyed about other things with her (like a personality conflict).

Although I do agree that children need to learn respect and to follow the rules, they should still be treated like a human being and not spoken to as if they're pesky, little, inconsiderate kids (and this is the tone of voice I used to hear at the preschool by some teachers). I don't have a problem using someone else's behavior as a life lesson for my child, but I'd refuse to submit my child to their behavior for a full day, every day. I had to deal with this when my oldest was in 3rd grade. Her teacher was awful (not to my daughter, but she witnessed the teacher's behavior) and my daughter cried every day about going to school. The counselor said something like "she'll run into unfriendly people in the world and needs to learn how to handle it." My response was that she is ONLY 8 years old and that she doesn't need to be subjected to unfriendliness throughout most of her day.

I also understand that some teachers may be dealing with parents that do nothing about their children's behaviors, but it is absolutely wrong for a teacher to just assume the parent wouldn't deal with it and take it upon herself in such a forceful way. I just cannot stand to listen to people talk to kids in a tone of voice that treats them like they're not any good.

Like I said, I'm a bit of a protective mommy. I, most likely, would not stand for it.

Hi Proud Mommy!
Speaking from a teacher's point of view...
I would go directly to the teacher and discuss your concerns with her and see where the teacher is coming from. Don't go above her until you speak to her. Sometimes teachers have to step in and scold children in front of their parents because the parents won't do anything. Please take some time to write down your thoughts before you go in and see her so that you can get everything off your chest and speak in a calm matter. If you feel that your child is still getting the same treatment to where it is making her afraid to go to school, then I would discuss it with the principal and see if you all can come up with a plan. Too many times parents want to pull their child out of situations but children need to learn to know that will not always be available. Children need to be able to grow from things like this. I do have to say that the teacher was probably out of line but you need to talk with her and make sure you are all on the same page. Hope this helps. Hang in there. I know you love your child more than anything and do not want anything to happen to her but remember we are preparing our child for when they will eventually leave us.

If it were me I'd probably react the same way as you, except I would have my husband contact the school. It's not that I'm a wuss it is just that my husband is so eloquent that I LOVE they way he explains things. However, If it were my husband who witnessed the teacher disiplining our daughter in that manner he would get right in between the teacher and our daughter and talk to the teacher in the same manner that she spoke to our daughter. Quote from my husband (in part) "...If you ever talk to my daughter like that again I am going to come and put the hammer of god on your A$$" LOL.
(he's an awesome hubby)

Anyway, I have my daughter in a amazing preschool. They work together with the parents in regards to discipline in order to keep it consistant. The form of discipline that they use with our daughter is giving her choices. Yes, my daughter may cry if she doesn't get her way but not she in not humiliated.

Proud Mommy,

Just my 2 cents worth! You must remember that there is probably A TON OF STUFF THAT GOES on there when you are not around and we would not probably agree with it, so just remember that.

Pulling her out over this, is a bit much, especially if this is the only incident that you have had a problem with...but ...I do feel that she should not have been corrected in front of everyone so severely (based on what you said) and that you need to speak with the director about it, not the teacher. You will already be in a defensive mode. Just be sure and get your story straight and call the director of the school and make an appointment. Was the teacher aware of your presence? If so, she should have tried to distract your child first and then see what you would have done? If she didn't know you were there, then maybe that is why she was so harshly scolded. Either way, it does bother you and you should tell the director about it and let her deal with the teacher. You want to have positive feedback with your child's teacher, but there are some things that just are not appropriate.

I do think you need to make your child realize that a teacher or anyone in the place of authority has a right to make her abide by the rules even when you are not around. It just not always the way "you would handle it" and she needs to know that. Different people scold, reprimand, get on to children differently and we must still respond accordingly and then let our "parents" handle it, especially if the child or parent feels that it could have been done a better way.

Good Luck!

G. B.

Your feelings are totally justified and you have been provided a great opportunity for growth here. Growth isn't always fun or comfortable. You have a duty to your child and other children at this school to discuss this issue with the teacher and the director/principal/or at one least other person above her. You know your child best and need to make sure that the teacher understands that while rules and safety are important, so is the spirit of this child. Correction through fear is never the best choice and if ever used should only be in life threatening situations, like going into the street. I understand teachers get stressed, loose patience, have bad days, etc, but gut feelings are for a reason. She crossed a line, you know it, and she needs correction. Otherwise, she will do it again. Make sure this issue is addressed and documented with another staff memeber senior to her. Blessings to you and your family.

Wow, that's bad. I'd pull my daughter right out of there. If that woman would freak out and be so harsh IN FRONT OF YOU, just think how she might act some time when you are not there as a witness. There are some messed up people in this world. This woman showed you who she is around your child. Believe her. No amount of talking to the director or chatting with the teacher will erase what happened in front of you. We are our children's advocates. I've pulled my daughters from programs for way less. It's your right. You're the mother. I would tell my daughter why I was pulling her out, too. That lady was unkind and impatient and she does not deserve another chance. We do not have to give second chances when it comes to our children. They're too precious.

I think you did the right thing by not saying anything in front of your daughter. Now, you can talk to your daughter about why the teacher was so adamant and how important it is for your daughter not to try and climb the fence (for her safety).

I would have a conversation with the teacher and/or principal. Let her know you support her authority and want your daughter to obey, however her reaction wasn't appropriate. Maybe, let her know your daughter doesn't need communication that's quite so forceful.

It's possible the situation really scared the teacher herself...and she over-reacted. She might even regret her own behavior. Have you seen a pattern of this from her? Putting myself in her shoes...if I looked up and saw the possibility of several children escaping school grounds on my watch (and giving other children the idea to try this), I'd probably be pretty freaked out. She's responsible for the kids, and if they HAD gotten out... well...you see where I'm going.

I think if the teacher's reaction bothered you, you should give yourself permission to feel the way you do. It will be best for everyone to have a conversation now...after the situation and everyone's nerves have calmed.

Good luck!

There is a proper way to discipline and each child is different. However, intimidation isn't one of them. There was a teacher at my daughter's old preschool who did the same thing. She would get into their face and yell. Intimidation never works...it only feeds the fire. Think about it this way...when you are pulled over for speeding or running a stop sign does the officer immediately get in your face and yell at you. No, he usually says something like, "Good afternoon, may I please see your license, registration and proof of insurance". Intimidation does not defuse the situation.

I would speak to the Director or Principal about how the situation was handled. Perhaps she only acted out that one time because you were there and she didn't want you to think that she wasn't paying attention to the kids climbing on the fence. However, if the Director knows about it she can watch out for it herself. The teacher at my daughter's school ended up getting fired the next year. I think someone reported seeing her slap a child on the shoulder.