Target Timeout Questions

I give my son a talk before we go into the store. He knows that his behavior is not optional especially in public. I try to make him responsible for something in the store so he doesn't get bored. I give him a look for first warning, second I explain to him that I am not pleased with what he's doing, if we get to the thrid step I don't say anything I continue doing what I came there for. When we get into the car, I explain to hime I didn't approve of his behavior and I don't say anything else to him until it's time to take away something. I don't talk becaue he likes to talk to me. If I am not talking he knows I am upset with him. I did this from the time I started taking him out. He's now 12 yrs old. I didn't want to be the parent in the store and my child is screaming at the top of his lungs or he has thrown himself on the floor. I can count on one hand how many times he has had something took from him. I hope this help.

OK, this worked great for my DD7 and DS5... When they were flagrantly disobedient, I took everyone to the bathroom (I have 3), and the disobedient child had time-out like this: facing the wall, feet far enough away that they have to lean on arms against the wall. They stay there until the time-out period is over (one-half to one minute per year of age). It is NOT easy (on Mom) to do this the first few times, this has to be trained at home, but while out shopping it accomplishes the following: removes the child from the situation and audience. It is immediate, and it doesn't allow the child to dictate your plan for the day. It only takes a few minutes, and *all* the children are still closely supervised in a public place, but it's usually quieter in a bathroom, and I've never had anyone ask me (out loud) what was going on. It's clear that this is discipline, and while I may get an odd glance, or two, the child doesn't see it, so it doesn't bring out attention-getting behavior.
I've tried the "get a prize if you're good" routine.... it doesn't really work. They act up in the first few minutes, and then you have nothing left to bribe them with, unless you give them a "second chance" and then a third chance, etc. Plus, it can get expensive after a while ;)
Good luck! These first few years are trying, but going out in public does get easier with consistent training!

I've had this same problem in public!! I didn't know what to say to them when they were starting to misbehave, until one day it popped into my head....they LOVE the 5 minutes they get before bed, nap, etc. It's sort of a privlege and a warning that it's almost bedtime. Even if we are hours away from a nap, all I have to say is, "if you do that again, you'll lose your 5 min", and it stops (usually). If not, I just go down a list of toys that wil be taken away (although, I've never gotten past the first one)and so far, that's been the end of it. I say just take privleges, toys, etc. away. I do time-outs at home, but just haven't figured out a practical way of doing it in public, yet! Good Luck!!

I have had to do a time out in Kroger. I put the "offender" in the basket and pushed it to a corner or place out of the way and stood with my back towards it, took the younger child out and held him.
My daughter was so mortified that I actually put her in time out in Kroger that it worked.
More recently, however, the prep talk is the best way to avoid public misbehavior. While we're in the car on the way to the store I tell them what we're going to do, and tell them what they're supposed to do, "Allison will sit in the back of the cart and Joel will sit in the seat until we get to the milk. When we get to the milk, you can switch seats..."

Sometimes I feel like it's ridiculous to have to have a prep talk to do everything, and I long for the day we can just go somewhere without all this preparation...but for now, this is our life.

Julie,

I agree to the fact that you should remove your child from the situation. By staying there you are telling him that if he acts up again you are going to sit but then still get the joy of shopping. I work in childcare and timeout is NOT an option. State constitutes that time out is corporal punishment and we are not allowed to do it. We have to use other alternatives. We use positive redirection.

If he is acting up you remove him from the situtation. Go to the care when he has calmed down and you let him know "Your" rules and tell him he will have to sit in the basket and follow direction. You give him 1 more chance. If he can not follow directions then you let him know that you are going to go home and that he will have the option of playing with what toy/center/game you tell him he can play in.

This is such a difficult thing to do, but when a child acts up in public immeadiately remove the child from the public forum. You can try a time out in the car, where you place the child in the car seat and you play with the other child outside the car, limiting contact. Of course with safety in mind the windows are open as well as a car door so they can't lock themselves in. If this is not possible (like on a rainy day or cold day) take them home to time out and depending on the event and age of the child lessened privileges for a day. You really can't do a time out when the child has the whole store as an audience. Just shop later. The key is never more than one warning and then follow up with immeadiate action. Multiple warnings just tell your child how much they can get away with before you take action. You may also try the sign language for stop. Use it one time only then take action.
There are many ways you can modify this to suit your needs and family dynamics, I hope this has been helpful.

K. @ The Nestingplace

As inconvenient as it seems, I do not believe in "time out" in public places. First of all, I have found that it never works - there are way too many distractions and second of all - I am WAY too big of a germ freak to let my child get that close to the filthy walls of a Target bathroom. Personally, I think that time out should not be done in a public forum - it is kind of humiliating. That is really not the point of time out. You should redirect their behavior - give them a job to do while you shop - my son LOVES this! It makes him feel special and they are always our BEST shoppping experiences! Also, schedule shopping trips at appropriate times - not right before a nap, or lunch, etc. because then you are taking an already cranky child to a VERY boring place to do things that he quite honestly could care less about. As far as restaurants are concerned, I have a pre-packed bag - always ready to go - that has fun stuff in it - crayons, paper, stickers, books, etc. that I take everywhere with me. It keeps him occupied and I am always adding little things without him knowing so that there are little surprises. These don't have to be expensive - you can go on a little dollar store shopping spree to fund it if you are concerned! It really makes going out fun and easy.

In public I allow my kids walk, but if they act up they have to get into the cart/stroller. This usually works great. I've also told my older one that he will get to pick a prize if he is good in the store. This works great for my 5 year old, but doesn't for my almost 3 year old. I've always heard that just leaving works, but, like you, I make sure there is a punishment when we get home. This really doesn't seem to phase my kids unless we are shopping for them :)

I know that it's hard to get out with two young ones. But it looks like school is starting for y'all, so that should help. All I can say is that it does get easier. This won't last forever!!

I purchased an inexpensive cloth placemat and we used that to sit on for timeouts at home and in public. My daughter learned very quickly that was the timeout mat no matter where we were. Hang in there!

I think a lot of boys do not like to shop like men do not. So my son 30 yrs ago used to raise problems on the way to the store. I used to turn around and go back unless I had to get food or something. But then he learned that if he raised problems we would turn around and that was not the answer. So I would do something like buy for the other child to make him realize that he is not going to get it. The other child got it with good behavior and he can also have it if he were to do better. Something like that. Reward the good behavior. I agree children can fall and get hurt on chairs.What he wanted was your attention so I would ignore him get shopping done and get home as fast as I could. Do not let him run you. Time out at home should be 1 min his age. But do not reward him or let him get his way. They say when a child is acting out is because their needs are not met but I think sometimes they just want to control us. Good Luck G. W

While I believe children should have some form of discipline, I do not believe others should have to be included in it. You put Target at risk by putting your son in their chair for time out. Even though you chose the form of punishment, how it should be administered and you stood by him, if he had fallen out of the chair, Target could have had a lawsuit on their hands. I'm sure you are a really nice person, but their are many people who would sue Target for such a thing. A better option would be to take the child out of the store to your car and try to administer the time out. Explaining that you weren't going back into the store unless he could act appropriately, might cause him to stop and realize that actions have consequences. If it works, then you could go back into the store. If this didn't work then you would have to leave.

J.,
You got a lot of great advice.... try it, I bet it'll work (I like the bathroom idea, no one really LIKES going into a public bathroom, do they? so that's punishment enough!).

But do practice your Time Out face/posture. Mine would not have dared to ignore me in public and we had plenty of public time outs which was not at all convenient for me with 3 toddlers. When there was a lack of space (like at a park or big market), I took them as far to the fringe as I could and made them sit with their heads down.

Usually all I had to do was give them the look and they'd stop... so practice your "I'm serious. I'm the boss and you're going down" face and make sure you have a consequence for his behavior. Even if it's not till you get home.