Tantrums - Royal,IL

S.,

Fo me, I handle tantrums two ways depending on what type of tantrum it is. For the regular, "I want what I want" tantrum. I ignore it. He can scream, yell, cry, hit the floor...I don't care. He never gets what he wants that way.

If we're in public I don't ignore it as much, but I tell him he needs to stop or else we will leave. And, if he doesn't stop - we leave. I'll leave the cart, my unpaid for things or whatever and I'll carry him over my shoulder to the car if need be. If we are at a restaurant, I take him to the washroom and let him fit a bit and then we "have a talk" where I explain that if he continues, we will go in the car while Dad and Ryan (baby brother) finish eating.

The second type of tantrum is when he's absolutely out of control. And, I mean he actually cannot regain his control. At these times, I get down to his level and talk softly to him. Then, I count to three (using my voice and my fingers) and on three I ask him to take a deep breath and exhale loudly - as I do the same. It rarely works the first time, but by the third time, he's counting with me and taking the breath. After a couple of breaths, he's relaxed (me too) and we can communicate again. Most of the time, he's exhausted and wants some hugs and affection - which he gets.

#2 Tantrums are rare and usually happen at home when he's either tired or hungry. They start out as regular tantrums and just get elevated.

Tantrums are normal and except in the extreme cases, I feel that how you deal with them will help the phase pass sooner.

Good luck to you.

I am glad that I'm not alone! My son started doing the same thing at 18 months, and today he turned 20 months. He still throws tantrums, mostly when he doesn't get his way. Today we were in public and he wanted to shut a door that needed to stay open. We "fought" about it and I won, and then he threw himself on the floor and cried. I then pounced on him and tickled him until he started laughing and then redirected his attention to something else. Usually redirecting him works, other times, we just have to leave. It is getting better, slowly. The last 2 months have been pretty hard, but this week is much better! I think the key is just being very consistent and not giving in, because it's easy to give in, it's hard to stay strong! Sometimes, when it's really bad and he can't stop crying, we will sit him down in the corner and tell him he needs to sit there until he is "done" (aka: stops crying), we have done this a few times and it has worked every time. Every time he tries to stand up, we sit him back down, until he tell us he is "done" and stops crying. Then we redirect his attention somewhere else. It's really hard, but we are starting to see results, finally! I hope this helps a little, and Good Luck!

I think you're doing the right thing by ignoring it. This is attention seeking behavior, and it won't take long for him to figure out this doesn't work.

With my little man, I would tell him, "you go ahead and have a fit, and you can come see mommy when you're done". And then when he calmed down, I would say "if you want mommy, you come to mommy, mommy is not going to come to you." This taught him, and quickly, that I would not tolerate this behavior, and that it would not get him results.

He also learned when he is scared or upset, he just needed to come to me and try to tell me what he wanted, so it helped us communicate better in the long run. Now he knows to ask for what he wants, and not have a fit, or point and cry. This worked out better for me than I would have hoped!

I know it sucks when they do that in public, but saying out loud why you're not picking him up sort of helps, and the only people who will look at you funny don't have kids, and who cares what they think! Only a parent can know this is normal, and not bat an eye at it. You may just want to avoid the restaurant scene for a while. Or if necessary, take him quickly away from the scene of the tantrum, and set him down and let him finish someplace else, saying the same things, and adding in, 'it's not nice to yell in public'. It's weird, but I swear they can understand you.

Just be prepared that he is testing you, and consistency is key. After you lick the tantrums, he may try something else, so be ready!

Good luck!

One thing that my nanny always did with my son, which has been helpful is she would talk to him about what is bothering him and suggested that he would "use his words". She didn't give in- just wanted to talk through the issue rather than ignore it.