Tantrums - Dearborn,MO

A few books that have helped us with parenting.

1, Parenting with love and logic by Faye and Kline
2, Shepherding a childs heart by Ted Tripp

Been there done that 5 times!!!! Just walk off and ignore her. If she persists just keep ignoring until she wears out. I realize that could be a looooonggg time!!! She will not get a response from you and will find it useless after some time! My mother is watching my 21yr olds 2yr old girl (my grand baby her great grand baby) while we all are at work and she just started that. We actually laugh at her because she looks so silly. She gets bored with us laughing and works it out somehow. Good luck!
J.

Throwing tantrums are a completely normal part of growing up and while I'm not a Dr. by any means, I wonder if maybe there is something more behind her "fits". Since you didn't give any more information on how she behaves otherwise maybe you should take her to her pediatrician. Often times autistic children will hit their heads when agitated and stressed. But if she is developing normally and isn't having any other emotional problems right now (having a hard time with a recent divorce or something) then maybe you're already doing the best thing by just letting her throw her fit. Sometimes it's just about attention. Children don't know how else to express themselves so sprawling out on the floor always seems best to them. You just have to ignore her. As hard as that is. But for her not having an audience might convince her this isn't as fun as it use to be. Good luck to you!

I agree with Lisa R, consistancy is the key to changing a childs behavior, but I also used to make my son apologize before he could come back to the family room, so that he realized that he was in the wrong and that behavior would not be tolerated.

Here is a link to an article I read recently about tantrums. It helps explain why kids have them, and gives advice on what you should do. http://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums_11569.bc

I have three boys. What worked for me was first making sure they were somewhere they could hurt themselve or break anything. Thenwalk away and act like it doesn't bother me. I would say "Let me know when your done throwing a fit" After a few days to a week they figure out that they weren't getting any attention and they stopped. It only took a day or two to realize banging their head hurts them not me. LOL The key is to be consistant. Good Luck

Depending on how vilent the tatrums are when she abuses herself I would see a Dr about those. If they are just throwing herself to the floor, I have found that ignoring them works. Atleast for my 2 year old daughter it does. My 5 year old would get louder. If you give into them they will learn from that and do it more often especially if they eventually get what they want.

Ok, I am sure this won't work for everyone... But when my daighter would start to throw a tantrum, I would flop myself on the floor and mimic exactly what she did. For her it shocked her out of her own tantrum just to watch me and she would then come and try to comfort me.
Crazy I know but it did work in our case. She stoped throwing them very quickly.

C. M

Get the book, 123 Magic!!! I love it...

In my experience completely ignoring tantrums works best. Show her it doesn't affect you whatsoever and eventually it will stop. It's hard for a parent/grandparent to do but it will be worth it! Children throw tantrums for attention mainly so when they don't get any reaction during one it makes them rethink their behavior, even at a young age.

If you can walk away and ignore it that usually works best. Or you can put her in her bed and close the door. Don't fuel the fire.
D.-mom of 9

Sounds normal to me! Both of my girls went through it, and my 3 year old still does occasionally. I usually just let it play out, unless she's hurting herself or someone else, then I put her in our time out spot and tell her she can come back when she's ready to say she's sorry and be a big girl.
Don't worry...it happens to everyone.

My son did that a couple of times. I swatted his bottom & told him he couldn't & he stopped. Then a couple years ago my grandson was doing the same thing. I know, I'm easier on the grandbabies! But I ignored it when he would do it. The last time he tried it, he banged his head on the floor on the other side of the room. I didn't do a thing. He looked confused, stood up & banged it on the dishwasher, again I ignored it. Another confused look...then he banged it on the fridge. I just kept on doing what I was doing. He finally banged it on the cupboard door, RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I just didn't respond at all & he never tried it on me again. It really is a stage that passes very quickly. BUT, if you can't handle waiting it out, a swat on the bottom, just to get his attention & then saying, "We do NOT act like that!" would be my other recommendation. Good luck! It really will pass.

Hi Shar,
I'm a home child care provider and a mother of 4 children. And the response I take to tantrums is this:
You can throw the biggest tantrum you want, however long and however long BUT the other kids and I will not be watching your little show. So anytime they want (my daycare kids or otherwise) to throw a fit they have to go to the corner. They can go over there and do what they have to do but it is away from the rest of us because we don't need to see it or hear it. The tantrums don't happen in my house anymore and the minute one starts I tell that person you know where you need to go and go cool off. Specially for my oldest to that are 4 and 3 yrs old they have very good vocabulary so now it is go to the corner and when you can use your word then we will talk but not while you are screaming and having a fit. The other thing I do is after the fit and I know the reason they are mad, I acknowledge it and say " I know you are mad because so and so has this or you wanted this but she is playing with it and when she is done you can see it. The samthing if they want me to get something or whatever.

And for my own kids they did the bang their head in the floor, fall backwards and slam their head on the floor and each time I would say 2 things, 1) does that feel good and when they would start crying because it hurt I would say yeah that hurts don't it. And 2) go visit the corner until you ar done. If you don't want to use the corner you could use their bedroom, a rug, a chair whatever is available, just nothing to entertaining. My corner is in the dining room, nothing exciting in there no toys or anything, W.

I work with toddlers so I see a lot of tantrums. Children this age have a lot of strong emotions and they aren't quite sure how to express them appropriately. So most of the time they come out as tantrums. I feel that if this is how they need to get their feelings out, you should let them... but also ignore it--as long as they are safe. Like may other people said, it will probably stop soon if you ignore it.

In addition to ignoring it, at times when he is calmer you can teach him more acceptable ways of handling his strong emotions. Helping him put words to his feelings can help. You can read books about feelings, talk about them when he is feeling them--after his tantrum give a hug and say, "You seemed really sad/mad/angry (whichever it is). I'm glad you feel better now." Helping him label his feelings will make these emotions less confusing for him. You can also teach him phrases he can use--"I'm angry" or "That makes me sad."

You can also try to notice if there is a pattern with how the tantrums start. Is he wanting more independence or control in certain situations? Kids this age usually do. You can give him more choices--"Do you want carrot sticks or apple slices with your lunch?" You can find two choices for him to choose between in almost everything you guys do together.

If the tantrums are usually because he is not getting what he wants, tell him you're sorry he's sad, but he can have... instead. Focusing on what he CAN have instead of what he can't may help.

Remember, this is just a stage and it will pass. Hopefully these things will help him develop skills he can use after he is done with the tantrums.
Best wishes!

Shar -

One thing I learned from my son's awful fit throwing stage(s) was to NOT be an audience. Kids throw fits because they want some sort of attention - good or bad - for doing so. Put her in a safe place and WALK away. Kids are super smart...when she figures out that it isn't going to #1 affect you and #2 she will not get what she wants from doing so then she will likely be able to control her actions better. Remember she wants a reaction from you. Don't react. And be consistent! If you sometimes acknowledge it and sometimes do not then she will not know what she is getting from it and will be more likely to continue to test you out. Good luck. 2 & 3 is a rough age! :)

All children are different but in my experience with children they throw the tantrum to get attention. My 20 month old does the same thing and I walk away and let her throw her fit. 9 of 10 times she notices there is no one there to pay attention to her and she stops and is fine. The other times she will throw her fit and just cry/scream even if it isnt real crying. I just leave her in her room until she is ready to come out and is calm. You may want to try it, but like I said, all kids are different.
--S.

I think you're doing great! Sometimes you do have to let her throw the fit, because no matter what you do...the odds are she's not going to stop until she's ready. & at other times, as adults, we instinctively know that the fit has to stop.

I provide inhome childcare, & I recently survived a temper- tantrum queen. Her immediate response to most events (whether it was trying to take a toy from someone or being bumped into...etc) was to throw herself on the floor & WAIL. I tried time-out in a variety of methods, tried positive reinforcement...I tried everything.

What I realized was that this was actually "bully" behavior. She truly believed that thru her tantrum she was entitled to her way. & if she held-out long enough, someone would give in...just to shut her up. With that in mind, I twisted my thought process. In a gentle teasing manner, I would say, "oh, my gosh, you're not going to throw a fit... right?" & then I would again! model the desired behavior.

One time, one of the other girls hit upon something which made a huge difference. She mentioned that "the queen" looked mean when she was throwing her fit. The queen was horrified that her friend was calling her mean. As a group, we talked about how emotions can change our appearance & practiced in the mirror. When the next tantrum occured, we gave the queen the mirror & she would not look at herself.
From that point on, her own personal vanity ended most tantrums. Thank goodness I had her mother's blessing on this.

My daughter who is now 5yrs old use to do the exact same thing. Sometimes it was scarry because I was scared that there would be an injury. I started looking into and they all have different ways of expressing thier feelings. I would just keep an eye in her and eventually she stopped when I wasn't running to her all the time anymore. Good Luck!!

I have a 3 year old girl with Aspergers Autism her fits of rage are unbelievable and through working with a behavior therapist the best thing to do is calmly tell her you are going to place her somewhere (safe for her purposes - try somewhere other than her bedroom) and when she is done crying and screaming then she can come talk to you. If she runs after you place her back and tell her the same. Now the hard part is you need to leave the room and ignore her screaming. The first few times it could last for a good 15-20 minutes, but it will get easier and eventually (provided there is not an underlying bahavior issue) the fits will disipate completely. The biggest thing is do not give in, the fits will pass. If there are others around do not give in just so she doesnt throw a fit out of fear of embarrassment. I used to be afraid of what others would think when she started screaming, then I realized I didnt care, they dont live with her or deal with her on a daily basis to understand. Good luck! Keep your cool and keep your will power as well.

She is trying to control Grandma & sees that she's being somewhat sucessful. Depending upon the severity of the tantrum, I'd completely ignore her. If she's banging her head on the floor, walls or furniture or hitting herself, keep a spray bottle of water nearby & spray her with a stream, not the gentle spray. That does not harm her, but it will get her attention & she'll stop the behavior. Then calmly dry her with a towel and have no expression at all - not of anger, frustration or even talking to her about her behavior. After a few times of receiving that kind of gentle but consistent behavior from Grandma, she'll understand that HER behavior is what caused your reaction. As long as you don't appear upset & that it's just a natural consequence of her tantrum, she'll curb her behavior. I am a grandmother of 9 GRANDchildren who love me!! :)

I think the best thing to do when she throws her tantrums and find a safe place to put her so she dont hurt herself and let her throw her tantrums and just ignore her, kids hate being ignored. When does she throw the tantrams when you say NO to her? If so whatever you said NO to her about if its not giving her a cookie cuz its close to dinner time, let her know that when she throws tantrams she dont get that cookie. Get down to her level and tell her she keeps throwing the tantrams she will be put in time out.

let her throw her tantrums...walk away EVERYTIME..be consistent!! She will figure out the only way to get attention is to start acting better.

don't give up! tantrums are a hassle but i've found if i tell my son, "okay i'll let you be mad then" and walk away he comes around pretty quickly. i'm okay with my son "being" mad, but i want him to know that i don't choose to be exposed to his fits. mama don't play that game! but "no" still stands when it's all said and done. also your granddaughter should be old enough to understand the time out idea, so you might try that. mine isn't quite as old so we haven't tried that yet. but then, he's only 18 months so i'm not even sure he knows what he's doing when he has his "fits". he sort of does it slowly and watches me to see what i'll do, which is kind of funny. last thing i want to do is reward that behavior with attention!

I know that feeling! I have a 2 1/2 year old who does the same thing! All I know, is that you must be consistant. After a while of ignoring the tantrums, like walking out of the room... he would come running back to me, needing a hug. The tantrums grew less and less and now it's not much of a problem. But, as long as your granddaughter 'thinks' she has a chance of getting her way, she will continue throwing those fits. Good Luck!!!

Hi Shar,

My daughter, also 2 1/2, does the exact same thing. What my husband and I have found that seems to work the best is....When she starts throwing her little fit, we pick her up and put her in her room, she has to stay there until she calms down. We basically just ignore her until she stops. Now that we are being consistent with our respone to the tantrums, it seems to be helping. Although, she still gets mad when we put her in her room, the tantrums aren't as frequent as they were. Hope this helps!

L.