Tantrums - Forney,TX

Give her ONE warning, and then go put her in her room. Don't let her come out until the tantrum is over, no matter how much yelling she is doing. Even if you have to put a lock on the outside of the door (very high up). Don't let her know you are outside the door. If she thinks you are not there, then she doesn't have a captive audience.

NEVER give in to what she is having the tantrum over. Ever. You have to teach her that she LOSES by having a tantrum.

If you are out and about, pick her up and take her to the car and strap her into her seat, and stand outside the car. Don't sit in the car and listen to her crying. When she gets home, put her in her room for a half hour and tell her that she has lost dear privileges because of her bad behavior.

If she is screaming for something in the store, buy the book "The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmees" (you can find it at Amazon). It is a terrific book you can read together for years and she will GET that having a tantrum in the middle of the store is ridiculous. AND that she won't get what she wants anyway.

To help you both, make sure that she eats breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner, at the same time every day. Nap should be at the same time, and bedtime too. She needs transition notice when you change activities. And don't take her out if she hasn't had a snack or when she is tired.

Be 100% consistent and don't give in to her when she has tantrums, ever. She will stop if you don't put up with it.

Good luck,
Dawn

Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. If you stick with a system like that, not only will she not be throwing tantrums, but she'll be gracious and respectful at all other times too. Mine are 6, 4 and 2 1/2 and the tantrums were nipped two and never came back, but the book will help you greatly with an older child too.

She shouldn't succeed with the tantrum past the first few seconds where she is gearing up. After that, she should be coping with the calmly doled consequence (having been warned and given chance to decide against the action of course). If she's used to succeeding in throwing fits, and you can't get to her before she's in full throttle at first, you may have to just let her continue-but be sure to stop the next one and be diligent until she knows she needs to never do this. She's old enough to be disciplined after the fact (even several hours) for public tantrums and still make the connection, which is important for preventing future ones with a warning.

Positive discipline. Set her up for success - make sure she gets enough sleep, is not hungry, have realistic expectations.

Understand that she is doing her best for who she is today - not who you/I want her to be and not who she will be tomorrow, next year or when she is grown. Kids are not having tantrums because they enjoy them - they have them because they lack better tools to cope with their frustration.

Give her better tools - words to get what she wants and needs, manners so she knows how to ask, a physical outlet for her frustration (stomping, counting, deep breathing). Teach her to say 'I am mad' and then why.

Give her more power in her environment. Let her make the choices that she is ready for (the ones that don't impact her safety). Limit her to 2 (3 at the most) options - too many options is frustrating too.

Let her own her feelings and acknowledge them. 'We need to eat breakfast now - yes, I see you are really upset you need to stop playing to eat, that is upsetting, you will be able to play more after breakfast'.

Once she has a tantrum - she is done learning for the moment. Be with her if she wants you to be until it is done, stay near her but not holding hugging her makes it worse. I NEVER punish my son for having feelings.

I try to remember the LONG TERM goal. That is to raise a thinking, empathetic, questioning adult. NOT to have a blindly obedient child. It is NOT about me winning and my child losing.

Someone already mentioned this, but definitely track how much sleep she is getting. It took me a while to put the pieces together, but I think my daughter's tantrums are almost always when she hasn't gotten enough sleep. By enough sleep, I mean 13-14 hours. She is 7 and should only need 10-11 hours of sleep, but she has autoimmune illnesses that take a toll on her body and I think she needs much more rest than most kids. Last week, she threw a tantrum out of the blue and I asked her to lie down and breathe. She fought me at first, but I kept telling her in a calm voice to please lie down on the couch and relax... breathe... count to 10... count to 20. She fell asleep within minutes and slept through the night. The next morning, she was unlike I have ever seen in the morning -- happy, laughing, nothing bothered her, eager to start the day, etc.

If she's started doing something new lately (e.g. new activity, preschool, etc.) that might be tiring her, she might need an extra hour of sleep to keep from having the meltdowns.

Hope you can get through them quickly!

There was an excellent blog on 10 steps to stop tantrums here on Mamapedia last week. Definitely go back and read it. I follow most of the steps on there, and they definitely do work.

I've found that the MORE attention a tantrum receives (positive or negative), the longer it lasts, worse it is and more frequently it occurs. The least reaction that you can have to it, the better. I've even been known to say, "I don't want to be around this behavior" and taken myself to my own room while she calms down. Project calmness when she does this (even if inside you could just scream), and she will draw calmness and security from you. Also, do not try to talk to her about the issue when she's having a tantrum, as she can't hear you in that moment. A professional told me that when I try to talk at that time, it is merely me projecting my own anxiety and insecurity (at not being able to control the situation) onto her and sends things spiraling further downwards. Good luck!

my tantrum remedy...

if we are at home, I would tell my kid to come tell me when he was through with his tantrum and walk away, sometime I would stand and laugh at him as if he were being ridiculous (the intentional laughing to make him feel bad about his behavior).

if we were out then we would have to leave where ever we were at. when my kids each started the tantrum stage I would set them up for this to happen, for example if I knew they would have a tantrum about a toy, then I'd go to Target put a few simple items in the cart (non perishables) then head to the toy section, let them look and "put it back" then when the tantrum started I'd tell them, that it must stop or we would leave immediately... then they would keep screaming and we would leave, but since I set it up to happen it was never a big deal for me to leave everything behind. I never had to leave more than once with all three of my kids, they knew I meant business, and yes they all tried it once! I have three boys.

works like a charm, never give the tantrum positive of negative attention, as best as possible, sometimes you can't just walk out, afterall you don't want to teach them to throw a tantrum just because they DONT want to be somewhere, but most of the time you can. best of luck