Talking to 2 and 4 Yo About Divorce.

Hi G.,

I have a 2 and 4 yo as well and I can't even imagine how you would tell them something like that, not so much the 2 year old, but the 4 year old I would think it would be very difficult. Just be up front with him, sit him down, maybe best if both of you did and just explain that mommy and daddy are going to be getting different houses so he will have 2 houses now. Make it sound like he's a very lucky boy because he is going to have 2 houses. I can't think of any other way, but that is probably what I would do. I really wish you luck. Take care.

G.,

I read your message and I have to tell you that I have a six year old girl and she and I are going through a very painful second divorce. Her father and I split up when she was just shy of a year old. He has been in and out of her life since then. Her step-father and I were together from the time she was two until the end of last year. I think it is harder on us sometimes than on them. Our children are resiliant. My daughter knows that no matter what she is loved and that is the most important thing you can give them. Let them know that even though mommy and daddy aren't going to live together anymore they will not be any less loved.

I have good days and bad days with my current divorce and my daughter sees that too. I think that even though they are children they need to see that we go through hard times and that we can recover. They will see as a stronger person if you stay strong and they will trust you more if you are honest and answer any questions they have. That last one is really hard sometimes, but important. I hope this helps. This is a very difficult time for you as well, so always remember to take care of yourself! You really won't be any good to your children if you are not taking care of yourself.

I wish you the best and feel free to shoot me an e-mail if you ever need to reach out to someone.

K.

G.,

The most important thing is to keep it civil. When the time comes to make the break, I would simply explain to them that the two of you can't live together (for whatever reason) but you both still love them very much and their relationship will not change with either parent just because you are not together anymore. Also emphasize that it is not their fault that this happened. Kids often blame themselves for divorce. Make sure that you don't say anything negative about each other in front of the kids. Being at such a young age, they most likely will adapt easier than an older child would. My children were 1 and 3 when we separated. My oldest had a hard time dealing with it,but our break up was not as civil. My youngest was too young to really understand and adapted perfectly. Try to point out some of the positive aspects like, they'll have two sets of everything now instead of just one. I'll be praying for all of you.

N.

G.,
I completely understand! My daughters were 3 & 5 when there Father just up and left. I NEVER bad mouth there Dad and always let them know how much we love them very much. It has been 3yrs now and it is still taking a toll on my youngest who is 6yrs. Just be honest from the get go; believe me you will go through a rough patch but keep in mind it DOES get better.
Just make sure you get everything you need to provide for your boys b/c they always come first; then everything will fall into place.

H.

Do not bad mouth their father no matter what. Always, always, always be honest with your kids about what is going on and what will be going on. Remind them that they are loved no matter what happens and the divorce is not their fault. Kids tend to find a way to feel responsible.

G.,
Been there and done that! My twins daughters were 18 months old when I got rid of the cheating SOB. It was a very difficult time. My daughters are now 10, I'm remarried and have a second set of twins b/g that are now 2.5 yrs old.

The most important thing I learned is that no matter what happens between you and your ex or how mad you get, NEVER let on to the kids. As far as they are concerned, their father "walks on water". Be as honest with them as you can without pointing fingers. Your boys will go through some rough times. Just make sure you reassure them that both you and your husband love them very much and that they are not in anyway responsible for your divorce. Your boys will be needy and will require a lot of extra time and attention from you. You, as a single Mom, will also go through some rough times (as I'm sure you are already aware). Be strong and enlist the help of friends and family. Make sure you still make time for yourself because you to too will feel needy and need time to heal. Put yourself and your boys first, everything else will fall into place. If your boys see you strong and happy, they will learn to be also.
Good luck to you.
M. H

G.! If you are positive the divorce is the right thing, then by all means, go through with it. No matter how you look at it, the divorce is going to affect the kids. It is up to you and your husband to make it better for the kids. I talk from experience. I haven't ever gone through a divorce, but I am married to a man who has. It has been hell on his kids because the mother refuses to see eye-to-eye with him on anything. She plays the little games that all divorces/custody have that go along with them. My advice to you is: BE A PARENT FIRST AND AN EX-WIFE SECOND! Those kids come before ANY of your wants or needs. Just keep that in mind through the whole situation. You and your husband need to have a civil relationship in order for this divorce to be any easier on the kids. Just keep this in mind when you go through your divorce. THE KIDS ALWAYS COME FIRST!

Mandy

Personally I wouldn't wait until the time comes that you will be living separately. I would start talking about it as soon as possible. That way they have some time to grasp it before everyone up and moves and Daddy isn't coming too. It's tough with as young as they are, but they understand more than we give them credit for alot of the times and may already be feeling that something's going on between you guys. The biggest thing is to make sure that they understand that it's a choice the two of you made and doesn't have anything to do with them and it's not their fault. Also stress that you both will still have a relationship with them... Mommy & Daddy will always be there for both of you. Keep it simple and reassuring.

Hi G. I would do like Jennifer said and sit the boys down with you and their dad. Just let them both know you love them and will always be there for them. But that daddy and mommy wont be living together anymore but they will be having two house to live in. I know divorce really hurts children but i believe with alot of love your children will be just fine. Please continue to be friendly with your ex thats whats best for the boys. If you ever need anyone to talk to please feel free to email me. I wish you lots of luck. steph

I too stressed very much like you are now. Only I have 4 children and at the time, they were three years younger than they are now. I have three daughters 10,9,7 and a son who is 3.
I think that the younger they are the easier it is to adjust. My 10 yr old has the biggest issues with things. My 7 yr old at the time was only 4 , shes in heaven , likes that she has two beds two homes and 4 parents! I cant offer advice on what to say exactly, that has to come from your heart not mine. But if you need somewhere to vent Ill gladly be there to hold you up. I too was falling apart, divorce isn't peachy.
best wishes to you!
D

not sure what to say but.... good luck with all u do my significant other and i get along but there is nothing there live together cuz of the kids and money so i feel for you