My stepdaughter's mother is upset with us because one of her 9 year old daughters chores is to take out the trash. She says that's a mans job! Am I the only one that thinks she's nuts?
Thank you everyone for your comments! This is not our biggest problem with her mom, this was just one that came up that day. I don't have the time to post up all the things she says that I think are crazy, but I enjoyed reading all of your comments. Once our step daughter comes back over the weekend from visiting her favorite aunt I'll ask her if she wants to change that chore. I would be happy to switch with her to make momma happy. Too bad I know she wont even be grateful. We are both turning 25 and it feels like I'm the only mature one.
J.! SHHHHHHH!
As long as I can keep my husband thinking it's a man's job, I'm going with it! Don't spoil it for me! ; )
Does she live in 1950? My boys do dishes and my daughter learns to do "boy" things also. I am raising my kids to be able to do EVERYTHING for themselves. She should want the same for her daughter.
What if the man isn't home and the trash is full? Taking out the trash is a great chore for a kid this age. She's just silly.
Just another mother/stepmother clash, is all. Don't sweat the small stuff. Either switch her chore to something else, or leave it alone and ignore the mother's opinion on this completely. Don't make an issue of it, just ignore!
I don't have a man in my house, so it's a good thing I Iearned how to take out trash when I was about 9 ;-) Back then, living on a farm, I also got to light it on fire and be sure it burned up - fun!!
My 3 yr old told me that at preschool the boys are only allowed to play with blocks and sand, while the girls are only allowed to do kitchen station and writing/drawing table. I wonder where she heard that from? These sexist parents are raising annoyingly sexist children. You are doing this girl a favor by teaching her the basics of keeping her house clean. Taking out a full trash bag is necessary, no matter how dirty or smelly a job it may be. Her mom may not be nuts, but she sure is nitpicking.
I don't think she's nuts. I think she's either incredibly ignorant, or just trying to provoke you.
My daughter takes the trash out. If she doesn't like what her daughter is doing tell her she can do a different job and keep the peace. we sometimes are defensive of our children and if she sees you accomadate her request she will have respect for you.
Is there really such a thing as a "man's job" these days??? Maybe you can offer your stepdaughter some options of which chores she wants to do. Leave it to her to decide: dishes, dusting, or garbage?
Not really enough information to determine if she is nuts but she is wrong.
She may be nuts. I don't know her.
But there is probably a bigger problem than the chores going on.
IF it's only the chore issue--change her chore to dusting or vacuuming or cleaning toilets or loading/unloading the dishwasher--those are my Big 4! LOL
Nope, just keep laughing at her with me.
My suspicions are that she is not upset with you for having her 9 year old take out the trash. She is likely upset with you or your hubsand for multiple "bigger" reasons and is using this as a method of getting under your skin.
When the stepdaughter is at your house, she should be required to do the chores her father and you assign her. (short of something illegal or immoral, of course).
I'd rather take out the trash than do the laundry or cook dinner. It takes seconds!
Hmmm, the man in my house must not have gotten that memo ;-)
When I was growing up, trash takout was EVERYONE's job. My job was the bathroom garbage, my older brother's the kitchen, my sister's the laundry room, my little brothers had to get all the bedrooms' garbage. Absolutely no reason to bring the sex of the kids into the mix. It was just divided up according to who could carry the heaviest bag (my brother was the oldest-so he got the kitchen trash.)
Like others said...shes upset abut something more here and pulling at anything she can find.
My daughter will be 17 this week. Her jobs have been putting the dishes away and taking out the trash since she was about 8 and could reach to do both of these tasks! She is asked to do little around here, but those are HER jobs!
In our house, it's my husband's job, because he needs to help me out in some other way than mowing our teeny-tiny yard, and he is totally hopeless with laundry. SO... taking out the trash it is!
But if it weren't his job, I don't see why my 8 year old couldn't do it? Kids need to help out around the house. They need to learn that keeping up a house is the work of the whole family, and that when something needs doing, they should step up and help out! That's an important part of learning responsibility and independence.
Before we married we determined that taking out the trash was my husband's job. But as the kids grow, if he wants to pass it on to our daughter that would be okay with me. But I don't want her taking it out after dark in the alley behind where we live...but I don't want anyone to do that.
I personally think it's a man's job, just because my husband does it and that's the way I want it. HOWEVER, do I think you're wrong for having a nine year old girl do it? No. But if it will please her mother, have your stepdaughter do the dishes instead and see if she approves of that! :) (My feeling is taking out the trash for 10 seconds is better than dishes for half an hour.)
Good luck! :)
I think garbage can be heavy and especially kitchen trash, if it drips with chicken juice or whatever. But at 9, I helped take out and empty smaller trash bins and such, just not the bigger kitchen bag. It sounds more like her mom is upset with her ex-husband for not taking out the trash... in that case, I agree! Still though, by age 9, I was doing pretty much every chore in the house.
I agree with Queen of the Castle.. The chores are everybody's job. Just like laundry, cooking, cleaning, vacuuming, putting gas in the car, checking the tires we all do what is needed. ..
I do not think our private parts come with a list of jobs that are just for one sex or the other.
What does she do if she lives alone? call a man to come and take out her trash?
Well, now I know why the single gal across the street has so much junk in her house. She doesnt have a man to take out her trash! Thats just stupid. Id rather take it out when it needs doing than wait for my husband to get home and walk in the door and say PEE UUU what stinks?
Meh. How big / heavy is the trash? Is it the giant bins that she has to somehow lift? Is it just the regular indoor kitchen trashbags? If it's just normal stuff, 9 is fine for taking out trash. Perhaps she's more concerned that there's a 'stigma' to it (a Cinderella stigma, like you're leaving that bad chores for her daughter?) I'm not saying that's the deal, just trying to figure out what would be upsetting about it. Under what I would consider a normal circumstance, I wouldn't think anything is wrong with that as a chore.
There are jealousies and mom is projecting it on the "trash". No it is not a man's job. That is plain ridiculous!! Have your husband talk to the ex. The ex is playing the girl against you guys and probably telling the daughter how mean and wrong it is to make a girl take out the trash...poor kiddo.
Just keep calm and say to your step daughter that you think it is great she is strong and able to take out the trash. Talk to her about how she is going to be well prepared for living on her own someday. Make it all upbeat and about how she is learning to be independent and strong.
Someday it will sink into her that "YOU" and daddy helped her and didn't enable her or put her in the middle of divorce disputes.
Good luck and best wishes!
When I lived with my A. and uncle...it was a the kids job...boys/girls...if there was trash to be taken out, it was done by anyone and everyone.
As far as nuts? Well maybe she thinks that it's a man's job...but it won't teach her daughter anything if there is no man around to do it for her.
What?
Like girls don't generate trash just like everyone else does?
Does that mean households with no males never take the trash out because it's not their job?
Balderdash and nonsense!
We don't assign gender to chores.
If you live here, you contribute to the care and upkeep.
That means doing whatever needs doing and I don't care what you do or don't have in your pants.
She's ridiculous. I personally don't take the trash out in my house because it's my son's job, but before it was his it was my husband's. Obviously I will take it out if I absolutely have to, but I'd rather not. I do think switching it to something that will take way long (dishes, folding laundry, etc.) is an option, but really, your house, your rules.
Does she live with "traditional" values? If so, then yeah, she probably has a valid thought about this. My son takes our trash out. And has for several years (starting around 8 or 9 yrs old, lol). My daughter is never asked to take out the trash (she is 10). She does other things, though.
When I was single, yeah, I took out the trash. I am perfectly capable, as is my daughter. But if there is a man/guy around, they should be willing to do that chore. Can I and DO I take it out if it needs to go and my son/husband isn't around? You bet. But do I consider it "my job" or a "woman's job"? No. If I were to classify it, it would fall under "man jobs" like mowing the grass. It doesn't mean that I can't do those tasks, but in more "traditional" households, they are typically done by the men.
Just switch her chore to something else that is less "traditionally" considered a man's job... like emptying the dishwasher, folding a load of clothes, sweeping the floor, vacuuming, helping with dinner, etc. As long as she is doing chores and contributing to the functioning of the household, I don't think switching it from trash to dishes should make a hill of beans worth of difference to you. Why don't you give her one of "your" chores and YOU take the trash, if you don't think there is any distinction between men/women's jobs. (And I'm not bashing that choice at all...just saying that if you don't think there is a difference, and she does, how hard would it be for you to accommodate her on this and You take the trash?) If this is your biggest issue with your SD moms, then you've got it pretty easy based on some stories I've heard.
Just my opinion, of course.
