Taking Children to a Memorial Service

There is a book especially made for children to explain to them about grieving, depression, and suicide called:
My Uncle Keith Died
Carol Ann Loehr, Trafford Publishing 2006
Written in clear simple language easily understood by children, this book offers hope and practical ways to explain suicide to children. It explains the difference between sadness and depression, and describes how chemical imbalances in the brain cause illnesses that can result in suicide. http://trafford.com/06-2019

I'm very sorry for your loss and hope this helps.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your brother - may his memory be eternal. My husband is a minister and will tell you that grief varies from individual to individual. Please give your children some preparation for what they will encounter at the funeral. If open casket, explain that what they will see is basically the "house" their uncle lived in...since he doesn't "live" there anymore, it won't look exactly like how they remember him (though there are mortuaries that do a better job at it than others). Do NOT force them to approach the casket unless or until they are ready to do so. Some kids will, and some kids won't. Chances are they already know it was a suicide. With kids, the best way to approach this is to say that their uncle was in a lot of pain and didn't know how to get the help he needed. This is a good time to let your kids know that help is ALWAYS there no matter how much they hurt...they need to know that YOU believe it, too, so that they don't begin to worry about you (kids will often make this leap...and you need to assure them that they needn't worry...give them all the precious reasons you would fight to preserve your life with them). The next thing you need to explain to your kids is that grief is normal. They may never have seen you, your husband, or other family members cry...let them know that these tears are part of the grieving process for people and are not to be feared. Give them time to reminisce about their uncle, focusing on some of their happiest memories with him. Encourage them to call these moments to mind often...they are a treasure that cannot be taken away as long as they carefully guard them. My prayers are with you and your family.

Hi T.!

I am so sorry that you are all going through such a terrible time. My thoughts are with you.

I think my only concern about your kids going to the funeral would be if they knew it was a Suicide. I'm not sure kids can totally grasp it, especially at 9.

Maybe let them go through their own greiving process without knowing their Uncle committed suicide.

Tough one!

Many Blessings to your home during this hard time.

My children lost their grandpa (my husband's father) in a car accident a year and a half ago and we were faced with taking them to the memorial service or not. My children were much smaller (2 & 4), so we ended up taking them to a daycare that happened to be in the area for a couple hours. We had other family members who brought there young kids (the same age as my kids), and I don't think it really affected them. I'm not sure they even knew what was going on. Your children are much older and will know whats going on. I think the best thing might be to consult someone from the church, a doctor, or a phsycologist and see if they have any advice on this matter. But most of all, you know your kids, and you basically know how they would handle a stress-filled inviorment, so overall you make that decision. I hope this helps a little.. Good Luck and I'm so sorry for your loss!

T. I am so sorry for your loss. When I read your posting I had to re-read it because my family is dealing with the same exact thing. We just had a memorial today for my brother-in-law, the same age and the same tragic ending. My children are 5 and 3. We did not have them attend the memorial mass. However, they did attend the reception following the service. Telling my two children that their uncle passed was the hardest thing I have had to do as a mom. They are processing it very well and naturally they ask questions. He had diabetes along with depression. They understood that today was a celebration in honor of their uncle. I can tell you by the Grace of God and the love and support of family and friends we got through today. It's important to be around those who love and support you during this time of great sadness. Allow people to help your family. Share in your brother-in-laws achievements, experiences, hobbies etc... Once you start to reflect on his life you will see that he achieved great things prior to his battle with depression. Through those stories you will find comfort and peace and hopefully you will realize that although his life ended tragically it doesn't define who he is or who he was. I pray your family will find peace and comfort. I know our family has been richly blessed over the last week or so despite the pain and sorrow. I will be praying for your family.

I think they need to go so they will know how to handle loss in the future. Tell them that we are all going to die one day and everybody does and different stages in life. Some die fro old age some frrom illness that you can see and some from illness you cant see as well as accidents. Let them know it is ok to cry because you will miss that person and love them. It is up to you if you want to explain depression to them as one of the illn esses you cant always see as just an internal sadness that some people cant live with and decide to just end it. When explaing this tell them that communication is so very important and that there are people that can help with that disease. Sorry for your ;loss.

Sorry to hear about your lost
MY family went through the same thing in march my husbands sisters daughter took her own life to and we had to ask our selves the same question our children are ages 12 11 9 7 and what we did is we talk to our kids about what just happened and we explained to them what was going to happen she was only 28
they told us that they were really sad that she would do that to herself and leave her children on this earth without a mother
when we asked our kids and told them what happened we asked them if they had any questions and asked them if they wanted to go and if they all did and you if find that one of your kids don't want to go have them sit in the car this is all of our family
your the mom T. ask God to guide you with the right answer
D.

First of all...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. My children have attended funerals for both of their grandmothers. Being surrounded by family was very beneficial so that my children could see that their feelings were validated. As a mom, you know what your kids can and can't handle. I knew that the memorial/funeral would be fine - but the viewing/cemetery portion was not. We made arrangements for someone to take them after the funeral on to the reception early. We continued to talk to our children and answer questions as they came up. We allowed them to see our roller coaster of emotions, as well. We were also sure to continue to celebrate the life - and not forget our loved ones : )

Dear T.,
Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your brother-in-law. Any death is hard to deal with but a sudden and unexecpted one is even more so.

Unfortunately my family has had some experience with this situation. I have 2 girls who are now 17 and 14. In the past 8 years we have had to deal with 3 deaths. Two were unexpected and one was after a prolonged illness.

Each situation and how each child handled it was different. A lot depends on how close they were to the person who died and how much they understand about death. Let them lead you in the conversation, give them the information they want in terms you think they will understand. It might be different for the 9 year old and the 15 year old but that's ok.

You didn't mention what your belief system is (if any). It's important that you share your beliefs with your children, as it will be a comfort to them. I told my kids that as long as we still had our memories of these special people, they would never truly be gone from our lives. There is a wonderful poem called "the dash". It talks about the dash between the years on a tombstone and that's what we should be thinking about. I'm sure you could find it online, it was a comfort to me and it might be something that could help your family.

God Bless you all

I am so sorry for your family's loss. I too lost my brother to suicide and there really is no way to prepare anyone for a service, let alone a loss so devastating.

First of all, be open and honest with your children about what happened. You don't have to go into details, but let them know their uncle had a disease, which depression really is. It's hard to explain to anyone that a loved one would rather chose death over life, but sometimes the disease wins and the pain is so great that it appears easier for the hurting one to end his/her life. It certainly doesn't make it any easier for those left behind. And maybe try using words like "died by suicide" rather than "committed." It softens the act because I'm sure your brother-in-law was not a criminal or bad person, which the word commit is associated with.

Where are you located? I have access to resources to help with the healing process and most towns/cities have support groups, which I HIGHLY recommend. This is a loss that is different from all others.

A website you can check out is from an agency in the Reno area but has resources that are helpful:

www.solacetree.org

There's also: www.survivorsofsuicide.com

But take your children with you, explain that it will be sad and it's ok to show that they are sad. Or angry. Or confused. Just communicate with them and hold them.

I wish you comfort and peace in your journey ahead.

~ J.

I am very sorry for your loss. The first thing I would say to you is to be completely honest with each of them. Answer all of their questions honestly. The second thing I would say is to think of maybe not taking them to the actual service and just taking them to the reception. As a child I had many family members pass away, and my mom always made us go. It was always so dramatic and scarey for a child to see people absolutly fall apart. It was one thing to see people cry, but at my own grandmothers funeral people were wailing and throwing themselves on her coffin. Then we all waited for them to lower the coffin and while they were lowering her into the ground they dropped her coffin. For years I had that replayed in my head. I am not trying to scare you off from making your own decision, but as a child I wished that my mom would have left us at home for the service part. At the reception there were people crying, but it was much different. Maybe if you go to church, you could have the pastor talk to your children. You are the best judge of your children and know what they can handle. If you decide to take them, make sure to tell them that if at any time they need to leave, or they have questions that they can come to you. Listen to your kids and know that you will make the right choice with all that will come your way. You are a great mom being so concerned with your kids. May God Bless you and grant you and your family.

First, I am very sorry for your family's loss. Looks like you were given lots of great, real advice on such a serious issue. I do hope you were able to come to some decision.

What amazes me is how many could relate, some nearly exactly, to your situation. My bro-in-law died tragically when I was living out of state. I got the call that evening while I was literally scrapbooking his picture into an album. I had just been out to visit with my baby girl so I had some pics of him with her. It took me three days to get home and be with my sister. I felt worse those three days than I did attending the memorial.

Death is part of life and your children are old enough to understand enough to respect the event, pay thier respects and ask questions. As some have stated, some things can occur at wakes and funerals that can leave devistating memories. But overall, for most it is an experience we handle well. These days the services tend to focus on the celebration of life rather than the doom and gloom of death. Even with someone taking their own life there is a sense of peace one is able to gain by knowing their loved one's suffering is over.

My brother in law had a wonderful service. Because they belonged to a large family church there were many children there. They all knew him and grew up with his kids 8-13-15. It would have been sad for the kids if their friends were not there to share in this event. Unfortunatly, my neice and nephews have had to share in their tradgedys as well. This is part of being a community. We live and grieve together.

I really hope your kids were able to attend.

On another note, as we have something in common. Your sister needs you. Your husband may be devastated but he needs to be there for her no matter what. Today and tomorrow. Our older sister and her husband had become close to my sister and my deceased bro in law. When he died, my other brother in law could not handle being around my sister any longer. When the holidays came around he refused to come as he could not handle it. It has been 10 years. My sister lost her husband, then her own sister. Another issue which comes up often, is folks promising to be there for her, or be there for her kids. These are promises that are just too hard to keep. People mean well but often times they move on. My bro in laws best friend at the time just happened to comment to my BIL a few days before he died that if anything happened to him, he would be there for the boys. It never happened, not even one phone call, nothing. We know he meant well, but people are only human. I think the tragedy just broke his heart.

Not trying to be a downer, just trying to prepare you for things that can come up. Hopefully you have a good relationship with her. My sis just recently started work for the first time in her life- at 47. She calls me literally every day, it drives me crazy. But I am all she has. I owe it to her, and him, to be there for her. She has cut back on the daily calls, but I have someone to share my day with. Her kids are nearly grown now and I am close to her. She does not need one more person leaving her.

Your life is changed from now on, just as hers is. She will go through the stages of grief differently than you might. She may feel like everyone in town is staring at her. She may feel defensive. She will have to deal with things you hopefully may never have to. But you can be there for her, to listen. Be honest with her and never, never paint a rosy picture when times are hard. Reality has hit her hard and she must work through it or it will take her over. Just be there to keep her going straight.

My son was not even thought of when my BIL died. But I talk about his uncle all of the time. My son actually has his name, not intentionally though. It is actually another version of the name. I think it is kind of cool. Although he has passed, he was real and when we go through the photo album I never want them to not know his name and what he was to their cousins.

Enough rambling. Actually, this is therapy for me. It has been 10 years, 11 days. It still seems like yesterday.

First of all I am sorry for your loss. Very tragic. Normally I would say definitely take the kids but..I guess that would depend if its a memorial or funeral service and what their personalities are like. It is family. It is part of life. I would definitely advise against them seeing an open casket of any kind. My daughter is 8 and has been to her share as the last few years were tough on our family. We had a cousin, her grandfather (dads side), my mom and my aunt all in two years and I took her to all the services. We just kept her out when the coffin was open with the one. She is ok with it. You just gotta talk about it. I think it helps them with understanding death, loss and grief. It gives them closure. I hope this helps at all. Good luck and take care-

Dear T.,
I am so very sorry for your loss.
My kids and I also dealt with a suicide, so I do understand a little bit about how difficult it is.
The pain of losing anyone we love, under any circumstances, is so deep. I think when someone chooses to end their own life, it's more sad. The main thing you have to remember, and let your children know, is that your brother-in-law did not choose to leave YOU. It's not personal on that level. He was in pain and to him, this seemed like the only way out. You will most likely never understand the depths of what he was feeling or going through so you don't have to try. The main thing is to remember how much you loved him and always will and can remember all the wonderful things about him.
Just recently, the son of some friends deliberately drove himself off a cliff because his girlfriend broke up with him. He was 19 years old and it brought the entire community to it's knees with grief. His parents say that if anything good can come from the tragedy, it's that other young people will realize the value and gift of life. No girl or boyfriend, even though you feel it's the end of the world, is worth ending your life for.
Honor your brother-in-law by remembering how he lived his life, not how it ended.
This will take some time for you to get through. You'll never be over it. I catch myself every now and then thinking that when the phone rings, it will be my dear friend calling to say he's missed me. I dream about him a lot. I think that's his way of visiting me.

Again, I'm just so sorry for your entire family. You might want to think about getting some counselling as a way for you all to get your feelings out, especially the kids.

Take care. Blessings to all of you.

Hi T.,
My condolences to your whole family in the loss of your brother-in-law.
Taking your children to the service is a wonderful way to say "goodbye", and I find many Christian services very uplifting.
I pray his will be as well.
I've taken my daughters to services since they were small (great-grandpa's funeral at age 2, the funeral of a 4 y.o. friend when they were 5 & 7, and so on) and have always told them that if the casket is open, they will be able to look at the person if they want to. But, that the person will not always look the way they did in life. It helps people understand that the one they love truly is gone from this world, and continue on the grieving process.
My girls also benefited from writing their Grandpa a goodbye letter when they were 12 & 10. We made a copy to put in the casket, and kept the original in their scrapbook.
Suicides of family members are especially difficult, as there is so much pressure of "if only I'd known he was struggling, I could've helped..." but, most people who commit suicide successfully don't want people to know that that is their intention, because they don't want to be stopped. (A dear friend of ours committed suicide 11 years ago, also in his late 40's, and I'd spoken to him that morning. He told me that "Today is not a good day for you to come by and visit. Perhaps another time." and 15 minutes later, he was dead). Although difficult, as a family, try not to blame yourselves for his death, because he wouldn't want you to. He kept his depression to himself while alive, and his plans as well, so that nobody would be able to say, "I knew of his intentions, and I did nothing."
May God comfort you at this time, and may you have wonderful remembrances of his life to carry you through your mournful time to happier times.
S.

When I was 11 my mother's cousin was murdered at a BART station on her way to visit us. The entire family was devastated (naturally.) She was like an extra aunt to me so I had asked to attend the services. My mother was pretty guilt stricken (Melissa would have been in SF that night had she not been coming to visit us) and withdrawn so there wasn't really a lot said. The one thing I do remember was her asking me if she could hold my hand when we got to the memorial. When we got home she gave me a big hug and thanked me for being there with her (my dad hadn't been able to come.)

My big take away from this is that sometimes just being there and offering a hug is all we can really do. Let them know that you’re there for them if they would like to talk but don’t push them if they don’t open up (we all grieve in our own different way.)

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Hello T.,

I am so sorry for your loss and sorrow. You have gotten a ton of great advice. I just wanted to share with you my experience as a child.

My great aunt died after being very sick for many years. I always thought that I was her favorite relative and later I found out that everyone thought they were her favorite! So she was very loved.

My mother took me to the funeral. I think I was 7 years old. My mother explained that my aunt had been suffering and was now in a much better place. I viewed her body and actually touched her hand. I remember how cold she was. The cold worried me, but my mom tld me she couldn't feel it. I also remember feeling very at peace for her because she looked like she was resting. It made me feel better to see her and to hear so many people tell me that she was in heaven. I am very glad that my mom took me and appriciate my mother's honesty and openness.

I know your situation is much different, but I hope this helps somehow.

May peace be with you and your family.

T.,
I am so sorry. What a sad time for the family!
About five years ago my Uncle died very unexpectedly and it really disrupted and shook my whole family, he was only in his mid 40's. At the get together after the funeral, my kids were present and although I could tell they were a little uncomfortable with all the grieving going on, I wanted them to feel like it was a normal thing for family to grieve together and be sad. I stressed to them that it is good to cry and sob loudly and openly for a loved one and it is perfectly normal and healthy to express that sadness. It was a little weird for them to see all of these adults like Grandma and Grandpa and other Aunts and Uncles crying, but they understood the importance of shedding those tears and I think they got more comfortable as the day went on and tears were replaced by laughter and smiles as funny stories about my Uncle came up and the family reflected on things like that.
I also would advise you to prepare the kids for all the sad and teary faces of family members that they will be witnessing on Thursday and tell them it's normal.
This is a sad time but it also is a chance for your children to witness one of the occurences of life and they will see that even grown ups get sad and cry.
My biggest tip to give you here is to prepare them to see family members crying and being very sad. Maybe they have never seen certain relatives cry before and so this will make them uncomfortable. Just keep them by your side at the service and check how they are feeling often. Remind them that it's ok even NOT to cry, they might feel like they should since others are. Don't pressure them to feel a certain way during the service, just prepare them for what they'll see.
May God bless your family and comfort your hearts at this time. --- E.

I am so sorry for your loss. To prepare your children, just make sure they know that people are going to be very sad and crying. Maybe encourage them to make a collage, poem, essay, or other memorial to display or share at the memorial (I'm thinking especially of the 9 year old). Let them know what the format will be (if there is a religious service, will people remember and speak of there uncle, will his body be there?) and that it is OK to cry and feel sad. Best wishes.

PS I was just remembering when my uncle died: I was 14, and I never saw his body and no one told me what happened to it, so when we went to the cemetary, I was devastated. That is why I advise to let them know what's going to happen.

Hi T.,

I'm so sorry to read about your tradgedy. We had a similar tragedy happen in our family a month ago. My loving sister-in-law was killed by their 14 year old daughter with a hammer to her head one morning. Becky was 56 years old and their daughter, who was adopted since birth, had parents who were mentally ill. She was a school counselor and the whole community was shocked as well as her family.
My sister have children similar to your childrens ages. They asked a phychologist about bringing the children to the funeral and she recommended asking them to see what they wanted to do. They wound up going since they loved Becky and wanted to say good-bye. Although the event was very sad but beautiful the girls seemed to do fine.

I hope this helps and again I'm so sorry about your brother-in law.

Sincerely,

R. DeSheilds

So far my kids (6.5YO) have been to memorial services for distant relatives or friends (my SIL's father and one of DH's elderly aunts and a few people from church) and I told the girls that it was a time for the family and friends to show respect and provide love and comfort for the family of the deceased. And that people were sad because the deceased was no longer with us, but also that when we share memories about the person it's like they're still alive in our hearts and that brings us comfort in our sadness. My mother and DH's father both passed away from cancer before our kids were born so our kids are also familiar with us as a family bringing flowers to the cemetery as a way to show respect to our deceased parents and to keep their memories in our hearts. A good friend of mine helped me a lot by sharing her family's journey of losing a child to SIDS - in addition to bringing flowers as a family, her surviving children often write notes to their sister and put them with the flowers - I thought it was a lovely model of how to foster a healthy expression of the grieving process in a manner that even young children could relate to.

Hi T.,
I'm a 60 year old Grandma and my experience tells me that children need to be a part of the flow of life which includes death. They need to be a part of the family grieving and understand the humanness of the situation. They will have lots of questions which should be answered as honest as possible, even about suicide. We grow up and learn and all of our experiences contribute to who we are.

L.

T.,

My suggestions are to: 1) Be honest with them about what happened. Use straightforward language. Not that you are considering this, but keeping it a secret can hurt worse later when they find out. 2) prepare them for the funeral. Let them know what will happen, who will be there, what to expect, what they might feel, what others might say and do. 3) Ask if they want to go, and then honor their wish. 4) Consider getting help from a therapist or mental health counselor. Often the counselors in school can be a great resource. Because suicide can cause complicated grief, it can bee a good idea to provide an opportunity where they can really process what happened, and how they can cope with it. 5) Consider finding a special way for your family to say goodbye to your brother-in-law, especially if not all your children choose to attend the service.

Best of luck to you all. It shows how much you care about your family to reach out for support.

T., I am so very sorry for your loss. Not only are you dealing with the loss but the overwhelming grief of suicide heaped upon it. May I suggest that you tell your children what to expect at the service and what a memorial service is for...to remember the special person and to grieve with and comfort each other. I suspect that while this will be a painful event for everyone, including the children, it is part of life they need to experience. Seeing their father devasted will allow them later in life to grieve because since they saw their daddy grieve, it's okay. This is important to their development because when they experience things later in their life, they mustn't keep it inside. (We will all grieve during our life, and it's best to grieve and get through it when it happens than to hold it in and grieve later after it wreaks even more havoc on our lives. The question will not be "if" we grieve but "when" we grieve.) Act from your heart and I'm sure you'll do well. Again, I am so sorry. I will be praying for you and your family. God bless you and hold you in His loving arms.

Theresa,

I agree with Lucy, The service gives them a chance to be part of the greving and know they are in a group of loved ones that are also hurting and that it is OK th feel this deep hurt and loss. God Bless your family at this time.

C.

Hey T.,

Sorry to hear about your loss, I recently have gone thru somethign like that with my 1st born nephew, He died in a solo car accident-(blown tire, hit tree and fell into river, knocked unconcious when ari bag deployed, drowned later,) it was a hugh thing. My sister Annie helped raise him when he was younger and she had a young son who is 5 y/o and she hhad to try to explain what had happened to his "Big Brother". She had told him that every person in the family is like an Angel of God. Everyone is here for a certain amount of time, and each person has a mission in life to teach others the wisdom and kind hearted of how people should be to become better individules. So when the Angel has finished their mission they are returned to god to watch over us at all times. They teach us and like teachers move on to others. Trying to explain death to a young child is difficult, but i'm sure your children are old enought o understand the real reasons. Death by suicude is a tough thing to conprehend, but you should be able to let your children know that they should always be able to tell you or anyone what is truely going on in their hearts and never hold anything back no matter how bad it my seem. Depression is a deaese that can be fixed just with patients and people who are wiling to go thru the bad to get to the good. Just tell them the truth and remind them that they should always be able o communicate with you and for you to remember to have an open mind to whatever comes your way. listening and understanding one's feelings can help those who need help and they in turn will know that they can depend on your ear for advise and compassion. Again i'm sorry for your loss. things will return to normal soon. Good luck.

Good Morning T.,
My condolences to your family during your time of sorrow. I pray your family will gain the strength to move on past this tragic lost. My Aunt just passed away on the 30th of May and my daughter is 8yrs old, i was also worried about this being her 1st time dealing with death in our family. My aunt passed of Cancer so i was able to perpare her for when the time came and she still took it bad when it did happen. My husband and I did not allow her to attend the funeral because i thought it was still to much for her being so young but i did let her come with us to the private family veiwing and she was able to say her goodbyes and she did fairly well, no crying just alot of questions and my husband and i expained to her that "Nana" was now in heaven and she was able to understand that. I dont know which from of suicide has taken place but if you talk to your children and if you and dad think it's something that they'll be able to handle then let them go pay there respect to their uncle along with the rest of the family because if it's anything more comforting in your time of sorrow is knowing that your FAMILY is there with you. Again im sorry to hear of your tragic untimely death of your brother n law. My prayers are with you

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband's brother. I'm sure the kids are going to get a lot out of the service for their uncle. My children have lost 3 granparents and have been very comforted by attending the memorial services. I think it is healthy for them to see others grieving and to share that with them. It will help them learn to deal with their own emotions. Most clergy are good with this type of thing and can draw people together. I hope that your family will be able to come together and remember the wonderful things about your brother-in-law. The service will be the best thing for your children.

The only thing I can recommend, is to completely answer their questions truthfully. Kids can handle the truth much better than if they find our later you lied to them. Tell them what happened. They are old enough to understand and not be traumatized.

I think that you should be very honest with them, and explain everything and let them know that this is a very hard time for everyone because we will all miss him. Then tell them that everyone grieves differently and that if they need to talk to you or your husband or each other, that this a time when your family should be there for each other.

That being said, I lost my grandmother to a very serious and rare form of cancer, at around the same age as your oldest son. That funeral was the worst experience of my life, and caused me to choose to not go to other family funerals later on. As an adult I have been to more upbeat funerals, that are more a celebration of the life of that person, and I can see now the difference, and why I felt the way I did after my grandmas. I can't make decisions for you, but I can say that if it is not goint to be more of a celebration of the life he lived, as opposed to a more somber event that focuses on the death and loss...I would think twice about forcing them to go. I know it's a hard decision, but there are difference types of funerals and I firmly believe that some are not healthy for kids.

My mom died when I was 23 and 4 months pregnant, I have a 14 (at the time) year old brother, and I can say I didn't feel the slightest bit uncomfortable at the funeral. My mom wanted what she called a celebration of life, and we had all of our family and friends, and yeah we all cried a little, but it was overall a happy experience reminiscing about the life we had with her.

I am sorry this is long winded, but I hope I was able to get across my point. I hope all goes well, and I hope your kids can come to you with their grief. It's a very hard situation, especially for your oldest. That's a hard age as it is, but to deal with death and emotion is a lot for a teenager...from what I have seen in family and what I rememeer :-)

good Luck, and we will be thinking about you!