Taking Away Activities?

When my son played football and did not listen or not do his work in school, we let the football coach know. The coach would talk to him and then made him do more running and such as a punishment.

If you pull him from the sports that leaves the team short for the next game or two. But if you do pull him make it for the season. When he wants to do something again remind him of what happened so that he will not recall what happened in the past.

Good luck to you. This is a hard age when they want to be bigger than they are and do more things are not equipped yet.

the other S.

I think that I would take these things individually. If homework is an issue, and that's a BIG issue, in my book, he gets home, has a snack and burns off some energy running around and hits the books until everything is complete and in the right folder and in the backpack.

Behavior is also a big deal, especially in the classroom. If taking things away isn't working, you give them jobs. You misbehave at school, you vacuum a room or two or three of mom's choosing. You misbehave at the vet and you weed the front yard when you get home. Jobs should be a part of their everyday life, but there is nothing wrong with adding a few for naughty behavior.

I may be in the minority here but I don't agree with the others who say you need to be giving them devices to keep them busy at the vet . Children need to learn to sit and behave without needing entertainment or distraction. What's wrong with sitting in a chair and watching animals coming in and out or picking up a magazine? What's wrong with sitting in the car on a long ride and looking out the window or talking? Ok, I'm off my soapbox now. :)

We did - it was the only thing that worked for our one son. He had multiple missing assignments multiple times. We tried taking electronics, free time, you name it - he didn't care, or at least didn't care enough to get the assignments turned in. Sports were really the only thing he cared enough about to change for.

After multiple warnings, we did pull him from sports. He didn't miss a practice or a game, he was simply pulled. Our explanation to him was that a) school is more important than sports, b) work before play, and c) WE had to take time out of our schedules and get OUR work done early in order to get him to practice, attend games, etc. and expect him to do the same.

For him, it was the one thing that worked. He saw we were serious, it was a serious consequence for what we considered to be a serious infraction. After that, in order to stay in sports, I checked online each Thursday to make sure everything was turned in. If something was missing, he had Thursday night/Friday until end of school to solve the problem and get a note from the teacher that it was complete. If he said he turned something in, but the website stated it was missing, he had to bring a note home to me from the teacher that stated he did turn it in, but he or she hadn't entered it into the system yet. The sport coaches hated me (our son is extremely athletic); his teachers gave me a standing ovation at the next parent teacher conferences.

Look at it this way - if you can't get him to do homework in 4th grade, what makes you think you will be able to when he is in 8th grade, or 10th grade.

Good luck.

No, I would not take practices and games away because you made a commitment to the team and you need to honor it. That said, there would be no TV, no screens, and no fun for a specific amount of time because of the bad behavior. Did they have something to do during the vet appointment? Mine were required to read quietly while waiting for appointments. As they got older, I let them use their electronics while waiting for appointments.

As for the homework, that’s your job to sit him at the kitchen table and make him do it. If you don’t expect him to sit and help him do it, he won’t - he is in 4th grade! He is still little! If he isn’t bringing it home, then a week or so of your arriving at school at the end of the day to help him collect his things will cure it. If he isn’t turning it in, that’s also on you as he is obviously disorganized. You need to help him be organized. Work together to find a solution.

Bad behavior is unacceptable. Do you put up with it at home? You need to be absolutely consistent. There are rules and consequences... have the boys help you establish some family rules and the consequences if they aren’t followed. Post them where everyone can see them.

It might get worse before it gets better, but if you stay the course, it will all shake out.

ooh heck no. I would have taken my kids by their ears to the car if they didn't follow my directions the first time. They KNOW my look and they KNOW what will happen to their cute little butts when we are at home.....now they are 18 and soon to be 16 - I only have to look in their general directions if they are becoming obnoxious.

NO!! DO NOT TAKE AWAY SPORTS!!

Take away friends over, movies, electronics, games, XBOX, gameboy, etc.

I'd take them back into the vets office and make them apologize to the staff for their rudeness. I don't play well when it comes to kids being disrespectful in an office.

I used to allow device time at appointments - that was one of the times I did allow it, for that very reason - especially around that age - actually. I found they would get so bored.

We didn't often take things away (we did the opposite - rewarded them for good behavior typically) - so when they had to miss a game - it had a really BIG effect, and so it did snap them out of bad behavior, because they also let the team down. We never did it if it was a crucial game or anything like that (wouldn't have been fair on the team). However, we used removing things very carefully.

We did more the one of them wouldn't be allowed to join in something 'fun' we all were doing, and we would create a fun thing - like we'd decide to do a fun pizza board game night and the one that had been a jerk wouldn't get to participate. I know that sounds awful - but our kids found that way worse than losing TV. TV and electronics really weren't that important to our kids. Hearing our family laughing and carrying on - way worse.

We didn't like impacting other families/friends/teammates too much for our kids' behavior. As I said, we didn't like to let the team down if our kids screwed up in school. We preferred to keep it in the family.

Is your son sleeping (just saw he had some night wetting issues). That could be part of his being disruptive. One of ours had some trouble falling asleep and it greatly affected his behavior around this age. Just something to keep in mind. It does really affect their ability to concentrate and focus, and behave too. Not that it's an excuse, but it does come into play.

Good luck - hard when only parent home ... those weeks can be brutal!!

**The other thing we did (still do) is add chores - like clean van, garage, clean up property etc. A combo of these was pretty effective.

No, I would not. I would find other consequences to give them. When my kids are acting up, I think they need more active things to do to blow off energy, so keeping them out of sports would be counterproductive to what I want to achieve.

I pondered with this same problem. My son is in 8th grade. He thinks that school is the social event of the year and just doesn't take it seriously. I have tried everything so 2 months ago, I took all electronics and changed passwords on everything. On Boy Scouts, Speed Skating, and baseball. He can participate that day if he gets up and to school on time and works hard. One bad report then no activities. On days he doesn't have activities, I MIGHT let him use his phone for 15-30 minutes. No more social media. I found too much crud there. On a good note....His attitude has been spot on. No more foul language. Getting to school on time. AND I have seen a peek in the grades. Good Luck

Extracurricular activities were always with the understanding that they were privileges that could be taken away if I felt her behavior didn't warrant privileges

absolutely.

it sounds as if they're both in a hairy-assed baboon phase and need the big guns.

show 'em you mean business, mama.
khairete
S.

I agree with talking to the coach and having them work out extra.

I think each issue is separate. I believe I would talk to the vet and see if they can clean cages for being so disruptive. Maybe spend an hour or two there doing whatever the vet needs.

I would get with the teachers and see what they suggest and what’s going on in class. Let them know you want to support them as teachers and help your son to be successful.

As far as smart mouth, I’d remind once about tone or content. Then I would swiftly remove him to a place in your home where he is isolated. Invite him to return when he’s ready to behave well. You can also attach something monetary to it. Wow, that smart mouth of yours is hard to listen to. Let me give you something to do so I won’t have to listen to you. Hand him a toothbrush and have him clean tile.

My kids knew disrespectful behaviors would land them in the worst possible trouble. Once when I told my kids to stop their bickering or we wouldn’t be going to a baseball game to watch their friend play they tested me. They were at it again and I called in front of them to let his mom know we wouldn’t be able to attend as planned because if they couldn’t behave well privately I couldn’t take a chance on taking them in public. She was understanding and my kids learned I meant business. Never had to do that again.

Love and Logic is a great series to read for raising kids. Helped me calmly correct my kids.

For sure I would make them miss the games and practices. They are both old enough to know how to behave in public. I'm sure if you do it this time, the next time they start acting up, warn them that you will do it (take away their activity) and follow through if they don't behave. I think we've all been there when our kids act up and it;s probably worse for us than others!

They would miss 2 practices and the game. That's not too much. I would do this, yes, as the beginning of your new training session towards better behavior.

Drawing a line in the sand is a good thing. When you do, you MUST follow through no matter how much he whines, cries and protests.

At 10, he's old enough to understand consequences. The 7 year old is a lot younger developmentally and emotionally, and he is monkey-see/monkey-do where his brother is concerned. He feeds off his older brother's behavior. What you have to do when they are acting out together is separate them. With summer coming up, you need to put a plan in place and stick to your guns and be willing to make them miserable (and yourself some too) in order to drive the lesson home.

When you are going somewhere, once they are strapped in to the car, before you turn on the ignition, face them and tell them point blank what you expect of them. Tell them exactly what the plan is, where you are going, why, what the trip is for, what it is NOT for... if it's a looking day and not a shopping day, make sure they know that you aren't buying anything. And stick to that. Right now you cannot afford to be "flexible" because they see it as a sign of "give an inch, take a mile". Tell them that if they misbehave, you will give them 2 reminders - 2 strikes - and then the 3rd strike means that they get back in the car and go home. At home, they are in separate rooms for at least one hour and then they have to do some chore they don't like as an apology to you for all the trouble they have caused you.

You must be willing to leave a cartful of groceries in order to get your point across. Turn the car around and don't see the matinee. Leave the restaurant and stand outside to get it bagged up. March them to the car within 5 minutes of getting to the park or library or ANYWHERE. If you know specific places that it's worse, like skating, putt-putt, bowling, then you sit down with them and say that you're going to try it with them, but if they misbehave, you will be leaving at the 3rd strike and it will be a long time before you go again.

I had to do this with my older son who was a difficult personality and would misbehave. It took months to get him to see that I meant what I said and that I would continue to curtail his fun until he straightened himself out. It was so hard on my younger son who was not a problem. But it had to be done. When he realized he lost the privilege of the outing, had to stay in his room without his brother for an hour, NO TV, NO gameboy, NO electronics, NO nothing but reading, and he had to do a chore he didn't like, his behavior gradually got better. He was impulsive and bull-headed and had trouble thinking ahead and governing his emotions, but I consistently gave him the same consequences and it helped him gradually think before jumping off the cliff, so to speak.

It will get worse before it gets better. He will punish you in order to get you to stop. Don't let him do it. Be strong. You'll be glad you did when it comes to 5th grade...

I think it's okay to have them miss activities. They are young and it's not like the state championship is on the line. Yes, they're letting their teammates down, but it's okay for everyone to learn the results of childish behavior. They need to exercise and blow off steam, yes, but they can do that running around the yard. What I would say is, "You cannot be trusted to behave in public, so I can't let you disrupt the team. You cannot be trusted to follow the instructions of an adult, and I don't want you to treat the coach disrespectfully." If they say they will behave for the coach, you say, "So you respect the coach but not your mother?" I'm not sure I'd say it's for a week - I'd do it "until..." although I recognize unending consequences don't always have the effect on little kids that short-lived ones do. But if the behavior repeats, you have to do it again.

I would have them write a letter of apology, but not with the idea that "I'm sorry" means "Do-over! I'm in the clear!" It has to show some recognition of the impact on others. The idea of having them do chores (suggested below) is good, but there are liability issues and it requires some supervision by the staff. I think it's important for you to be the authority here and not have the discipline transferred to the vet. The kids have to see that your words matter, and not that they should listen to you so the vet doesn't give them chores. It might be better to have them work at home to do something for the staff whose day they ruined. If they have allowance or savings, they might give up a bunch of that money to buy something for the office, or they can back cookies (no chocolate - remind them it's toxic to dogs). This would be something to do instead of going to the practices.

I think you need to have a little pack in your purse of "waiting room activities" - we always had a little bin in the car that went to the doctor's office, the restaurant and so on. They were non-electronic, quiet, sit-down games (little wood puzzles with tic-tac-toe and so on), puzzle books (like mazes or word search), and so on. The games NEVER got played unless we were waiting for something. So they were always fun and unique.

So that's how I would handle the waiting room behavior.

As for disruption in school, I think that has to be handled at the time by the teachers. I think it's very hard to impose a punishment on Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. for something the child did at 9 a.m. on Monday. But I would say you support the teacher keeping them in from recess or whatever the consequences are.

Homework is tough - if the child has learning issues and needs support, provide that. If he does the homework and forgets to turn it in, I'd find some sort of neon colored folder and have a special shelf by the back door or wherever the backpacks are hung up. No TV or no other treats until that folder goes in the backpack. Maybe the teacher would be willing to say, "Billy, open up your green folder and hand me your assignment" at least until he gets in the habit.

I think you need a strong policy on the smart mouth stuff. Any backtalk to parents, any disrespect, is met with immediate repercussions, even if that's a huge hassle for you. You need to be able to give them "that look" rather than several warnings. Too many chances means kids don't do stuff the first time because they know they don't have to. That needs to change.

Ok hon, my first question is how much attention does Dad command from the kids? I'm gleaning from your post that you have two boys. The boys need a firm and fair and no-nonsense male response to their antics. Not looking for any grief over this response, I've simply been in the trenches with two boys for several years and it absolutely takes a dad to put forth that "wave" of "do it or else." Moms tend to reason the sh_t out of everything when really what the boys need is a DO THIS from dad. Give this problem to him.