S. Take the Job or Stay Home?

I would have him take the job and at least try it all out. Will you be able to afford really good childcare, maybe a nanny? That's a factor too - the quality of care. My friend's husband was a successful professional. Stayed home bc her job was making more money (quite a bit of money too) and he wasnt happy with his job. He started looking to go back I think after 4 years and he can't ge a job. He doesn't have a "skill" which makes it harder but long absences are tough to recover from. He can at least try it...

I will just say, and I don't know what his education status is, but I would not stay home if I were either of you.
I have been out of work as a stay at home mom for a little over 7 years.
My only route back into the work force is going to be me going back to school first and getting a whole new career for myself.

No one would hire me now for what I used to do, and I can't do anything else with out experience or a degree.

It is WAY harder getting back to work after staying home as a parent than ANYONE ever told me it would be.
I would never have stayed home to begin with if I had known what I know now.

Due to the economy, lack of jobs, layoffs, etc., gaps in employment are very common nowadays, so I wouldn't really worry about that at all. Hell, I quit my long time job in December of 2008 and was able to be gainfully employed within 2 months of looking in January 2012. No one even batted an eye at the gap. I think most employers respect stay at home parents in that regard.

If you can afford for him to stay home, and you both agree on it, then I say "go for it!". I wouldn't give that up for a mediocre job with mediocre pay.

Here's my two cents. I really think that your husband should take this job. I know the timing really stinks. But he has been out of the workforce SO long, that he will never get back in if he doesn't take this opportunity. He can move up later on - it's much easier to get another job when you already have one. Meanwhile, at least what he makes will pay for a nanny.

You'll get through this - it won't be easy, but you will. Your husband needs to work and even though this isn't what you wanted, he needs to do it. So sorry - I know this is hard.

Dawn

He should take the job and you still have time to figure out child care when that time comes. 3 years is a long time to be unemployed in this economy besides no one wants you unless some one has you already.

Having a job will put him in a position to find a better job. My husband has done that for our family and now he has a job making decent money. It takes diligence and preserverance in this tough times. He should take this opportunity.

CONGRATS on the baby!! It's GREAT that you have been able to sustain the family for the last 3 years. I know it's not easy being unemployed!!!

CONGRATS on the job!!! I know it's not perfect, however, as a Recruiter/Staffing Manager, i can tell you it's MUCH easier to get a job when you have one then when you don't.

sit down and weigh the benefits....pros and cons...
does he want to be a SAHD?
does he want to stay out of the professional world?
If the answer is questionable to "I don't know" - then I would tell him to take the job and see where it leads. If it's not for him, then you and your husband can talk about it. You already know you can make it on your salary.

Good luck!!

I would take the job. Many companies will not even look at someone who has been out of work so long. Simply being employed will be a stepping stone to a better job in the future.

I would make sure the company knows that he already has plans to take whatever length of family leave time you guys need. You may need to discuss this w/ hr if it is a small company. It may be mandatory for the to allow if it is a larger company but definitely look into the details.

This IS a tough one. Here is my thought. 10 weeks until baby comes, another 3 months of maternity leave (or at the very least, six weeks) try it on for size. Let him get in there and as you said, fill in the gap. Then when you are ready to go back to work, discuss it again. Does he like it, is there opportunity for advancement in the near future? Maybe he could approach his supervisor at that time and talk about a minimal raise to make it worth his and their wile to keep him??

If it doesn't work out, well, then you are no worse off and at least he had 16 weeks or so of employment and pay and when asked about the short stint, he can be honest that it was a financial decision that it made no sense to work only to pay for child care. Women make this decision all the time and employers understand, I think we have evolved enought that employers should understand when a man makes this decision, too.

Good luck!
edit - I have been a working mom and my husband has worked too. both my boys went to child care and are happy, healthy and well-loved. do not let anyone prey on your concerns that child care is somehow a "bad" or "scary" or inadequate situation - different, yes. but not inadequate. I am amazed at what I learned as a new mom from these seasoned care providers who loved and cared for my precious boys like they were their own:)

I assume this means that you currently work. I'd also assume you make enough money to support your family so hubby doesn't have to work.

If that's not true then please clarify.

I'd say that if hubby has a career he loves and enjoys then he needs to stay working or he'll be much like most women who find themselves unemployable without further education when it's time to go back to work.

He'll be discriminated against too. A lot of society looks down on stay at home dad's, like they're lazy, too dumb to have a career, that they must be pedophiles or something to want to be around little kids all day. They still get a lot of put downs even though that's not the case.

I also think that if you're off work it will even be harder financially. So I think he should continue to look for a job he wants and if he can find a babysitter who'll watch the baby when he has a job interview that would be fine.

It won't hurt for him to stay looking and not take this job too. A few months won't make much difference in the long term. BUT if he gets a job offer from a company he really really likes or wants then he needs to be able to take the job. If you can afford child care then he should be able to pursue his career too.

What does HE want to do? I know when my husband was out of work, it was really tough on his ego. But...if your husband is enjoying being home and it works for both of you and there are no money issues, why wouldn't he stay home? A 2nd job adds more stress - who stays with the baby when baby is sick etc...

nothing is more important than you child-nothing.

Congrats on all your positive events! I think it's great that you are able to sustain the family on your income and no assistance from unemployment. (Wish we could do that!).

It's hard to turn down a job in this economy but it's even harder to take one that you're not excited about.

Having taken a job that I knew was wrong in every single way, I would have to say let him ride it out if you can. If he takes the job and it doesn't work out then it might look worse if he left after a short time.

I am just speaking from my own experience. Only you two (and almost three!) know deep down.

You have my empathy in terms of feeling obligated to take any job in the economy. Been there, done that. Still looking.

Good luck and keep us posted, especially on baby :-)

I would want a parent to stay home with the baby if at all possible and in your situation it sounds not only possible but everyone is better off, as long as hubby is happy in the role of stay at home parent, I would say that is the best choice for everyone, especially baby!

I guess it depends on the way you decide to raise your kids.
Does he WANT to be a SAHD?
If so, he can decline it.
Does he WANT to work?
If so, he needs to take it and keep looking for something more "impressive" I guess.

It's really up to your husband, since you seem fine with either option. Is being unemployed hard on him? Does he want to be a stay at home Dad? Do you have friends/ extended family with babies so that he can kind of see what he's signing up for if he stays home? Maybe he could read some Daddy blogs as a little research. Think of it as comparing two job options.

I do think it's fantastic to have a parent home if you can, but only a parent who is happy to be there :) Sometimes being a SAHM is hard for me self-worth-wise. After a stretch of cranky, rainy days, I end up feeling like I'm wasting my masters degree or will never be able to return to my career, and I chose to stay at home! I do love it, I wouldn't change it, but there are times when I feel low about it for myself (not for my kids).

My husband is a teacher and is at home with the kids and me during the summers. He's awesome with the boys, and I love that they get so much time with him. However, he does say that he couldn't stay at home full time. Our kids need routine, and my husband needs a little more spontaneity. The boys do well with having a few activity days a week and then a few calm "at home days." But my husband gets cabin fever more quickly. It's just his personality. So think about your husband's personality too.

I think since your husband will become a stay at home dad that negates the stigma of long term unemployment. I also think if the two of you want your husband to stay home with your baby, then that is the choice you should make for your family, especially since the only glowing value to the job is the employment history it provides. I believe if he takes the job and the hours are not what you both want and the money only covers childcare and little to nothing else, then you will find yourselves looking at each other like 'what did we do this for? oh, job history…*huge pause*…sigh…both thinking that was not a good enough reason.' My husband was a stay at home dad with our first for most of the reasons you state. Having him stay home was a terrific decision for our family and when he was ready to return to the workforce, the right job came along at the right time and things fell into place. Good luck whatever you decide and congratulations on the soon to arrive baby.

Edit - I read your updates. Regarding your first ETA in a roundabout way my husband used a job recruiter to help him get placed back in the workforce when he stopped being SAHD. The recruiter used his contacts to get my husband his job (the whole point of using a recruiter, right?). It cut down on a lot of the drama or possible drama about my husband’s employment gap and tenure as SAHD. The recruiter was able to vouch for my husband before the interview took place. Another one of the perks of using a recruiter. Finally we live in Houston and overall our economy has not been as negatively impacted as other places which may very well have helped my husband when it was time to rejoin the workforce.
Regarding your ETA2 if both of you like having your husband stay home, then I am not real sure why either of you wants him to return to work. If you are living the lifestyle you both enjoy and you are doing what you need to (health insurance, savings, retirement, etc.), then there is no reason for your husband to work. Furthermore, you have been living with your husband at home for a while now so you both know it works for your family unit – it works very well according to your post. I don’t see it being any worse when the new baby arrives. Your family routine will change with the baby because there is a baby around. Big deal, though. As a couple you will become parents and as a SAHD your husband will develop those skills. It’s not like your husband is quitting his job to become SAHD. He is expanding his daily routine to become SAHD. I wouldn’t expect you guys to have the growing pains we had when my husband became SAHD. He transitioned from the rat race to SAHD. There were rocky patches.
Regarding your last paragraph, only you two can create the pro/con list of why your husband should or should not work. I would say based on everything you have given us, though, this is a no brainer – your husband should stay home. I agree with the other poster who said if this was a woman, then there would be no question of her being SAHM. In fact there might be a lot of questions of why this is even being discussed. I firmly believe gender plays no role in deciding to stay home. If one spouse/partner can and wants to stay at home with the kids, it is a great thing for the entire family. There are so many pros to having a stay at home parent that I don’t even know where to start. Your husband can do all baby doctor visits and sick days without taking off work and worrying about irritating an employer. You don’t have to pay for childcare (a big expense). You don’t have to worry about the level of care your child receives at a provider’s. You don’t have to worry about taking off when the childcare falls through. On and on and on. I loved having my husband home with our eldest son. As first time parents it was a situation which relieved our collective minds and it was fun for my husband. Babies are pretty easy (eat, sleep, play, diapers, repeat with much less business than toddlers) and I say that after having a tough baby in the form of our oldest son. When I went back to work, it was nice to not have to wake up the baby for daycare. I do it now and it's one more thing you are organizing (diaper bags, bottles, clothes, drop off, pick up, illnesses which preclude going to care, illnesses which mean early pick ups, etc.). With a stay at home parent it is more relaxed. My oldest son was not a great sleeper so he got to sleep in in the mornings and so did my husband. I also loved getting the calls at work about whatever firsts I was missing and the texted/e-mailed photos. I was missing those things but somehow hearing them from my husband made it easier. My husband feels a very strong bond to our children because he was in the trenches from day one with our oldest. I believe not only is it my husband’s temperament to be an equal partner (he wants to be and works hard at being one) but by being a SAHD he lived being a full partner every day. There were times I felt like my husband knew more about our son than I did and that stung and took getting used to. We did eventually do a nanny situation and part time stay at home dad which had its own set of pros and cons. Now we are full time daycare with both of ours since logistically we couldn’t make it work with two being split between nanny/daycare. There is absolutely nothing wrong with daycare; it too has its pros and cons. I love our daycare and can’t say enough good things about it. We were very choosy about the daycare we picked, though, and pay accordingly. The care minder to child ratios are super low and the ladies genuinely love kids. Not just mine but all kids which makes a huge difference in how the children are treated and behave. At the end of it all I do prefer a stay at home parent for at least the first year (preferably up to age 2), though. I am sorry my youngest won’t have my husband stay home with him. We all are the worse for how it works out but we will be okay. It will be different that’s all. Different but not less. With older children (around age 2), though, I see the benefit of the daycare situation, especially a daycare which is more like a school. We selected one with a structured learning environment (steady activities all day, no TV, etc.) and already we see the difference in my oldest's vocabulary, knowledge and social skills.

In my opinion, it depends on how hard he's been looking and whether this job is a perfect match for what he hopes to do in the long term. The main reason to take a job to "fill a resume" is that it does one of two things - builds/hones skills that are critical for that career or connects him with others who will provide better options in the future. Having said that, neither of these happen if he doesn't like the job enough to do his best, particularly with crummy hours and a newborn at home ;) Often, people go in with good intentions but their frustration with the situation ends up making the wrong impression on key contacts, which does more harm in the long run. Only he knows whether this is the right fit for his ultimate goals. If not, I'm definitely parked in the "don't work just to pay someone else to care for your child" camp. Of course, this also assumes that you love your job and don't expect any bumps in the road when your little angel arrives... good luck with everything~

There is NO right answer. I think it is 100% up to the two of you. An interesting comment is I could almost guarantee you if the roles were reversed, and it was a question about yourself, I think the responses would be mostly to encourage you to stay home. I am not putting others down, I think my own mind also works that way! My gut instinct was "he should get a job" and yet with moms, I'm always like "if you can stay home, you should". I am trying to break my own stereotypes! LOL!

Honestly, do what is best for your family. If you both feel better about him staying home then DO IT!!!

Enjoy the baby!!!!

:-)

How does the math work out? If he takes the job, will you be in the green once you subtract out day care expenses? Is it enough green that it is worth using daycare vs SAHD?

I would not take a job that I was not excited about unless I had to. He does not have to. So, does he WANT to be a SAHD? He needs to want it or it will never work out.

I know I have not really given an answer either way, but thats because I think really only you two can decide what is best since only you know the financial specifics and hubbys real desires. Good luck with your decision!

Let him stay home! I love the idea of a SAHD, our norms are changing, and your child will thank you later. As for the gap in his resume, if someone is interested in hiring him later they will ask about this, just make sure he prepares a good answer and it will not that big a deal

Well, I think it's best to do what is best for your family right now. It seems like a lot of added stress to take a job that isn't going to bring in extra money and then consider wardrobe, gas, lunch, etc and you're in the negative. I think your original plan is great, as long as he feels confident about staying home and you feel secure in your job status. Good luck!

If your husband wants to return to a career at some point in the future he should take the job to, as you say, close the gap in his resume. The longer the gap the harder it is to get a good job. Also keep in mind that he's just getting his foot in the door and better opportunities may come up at this company in the weeks / months to come.

ON the other hand, if your husband likes being a SAHD and he's good at it why not? I think having a parent home is much better than being at daycare - and I'd much rather have my baby raised bya loving parent than being one of many babies in a daycare environment (and both of my kids were in daycare - but i'd have been home with them in a NY minute if we could have afforded it).

Tough decision...!

I guess it is up to him. I would probably choose a daycare situation. Being at home all day with a baby is very hard, and it's difficult to be "on" all the time to provide entertainment and needs, etc. At daycare, it's all part of the curriculum!
At the same time, some men hate their jobs so much it's not worth it and he'd be better off at home. So, hard to say in this case. I hope it works out!

Things to think about. Reflect to yourslef.

1. Who is going to take off when child is sick?
2. Do you currently have health insurance?
3. you said you can make it on your salary, are you okay with him bieng home?

If one of us could be home with our kids, we would be. But my husband makes the cash, and I have the health insuracnce.

Working parents or one parent staying home are both viable options and both put the kids first depending on individual situations.

This is a tough decision, but keep weighing the pros and cons of each. Good Luck

If he wants to stay home and feels good about what he's doing at home, I would recommend that he continue doing that. It's no different for a man than for a woman who stays home and goes to work later. He can get a job later. You'll both feel good about having provided this good start in life for your kids.