Tagging on to Thank You Notes

I think they are a waste of time and paper. A personal thank you, either when the gift is given, or over the phone if it was mailed, means much more than some card that will get thrown in the trash in 2 seconds after opening.

I do appreciate a ty note because it means someone took the time to use manners.

I resent it if I go out of my way to find the perfect gift, etc ( I am not one who enjoys shopping and strolling through stores) and they can't at least say they got it. I think the least someone can do is acknowledge that they received something.

I have a relative who was going thru a tough time, I sent a huge box of my daughters clothing which was all high end clothing, plus I spent about $30 on shipping. I never even receiced notice that it was received. My mom was so po'd that she asked if it was received and the cousin said " oh yeah, thank you.

After that, I sent no more clothing to them. I prefer to send it to the women's shelter where I know without a doubt it is appreciated and put to good use.

Well, here's what I tell my son.. IF someone can take the time, money and effort to buy/make him a gift, then he can surely take the time in which to thank them. This includes, WRITING out a thank you note. It needn't be long, but he does have to do it. Additionally, because he is young, we often use blank cards and add stickers and make it fun. He then adds whatever he wants to say. If people are concerned about wasting paper, then they can use recycled paper.. I always tell my son, good manners are NEVER out of season...... now, when he is older and chooses to not write a thank you note, then so be it... But I believe while he is young, there IS always time to teach a kid about the attitude of gratitude..
so yes.. I do believe in thank you cards/notes.. Call me a sucker, but hey... I stand by it 100%...

A., let's have a moment of silence for the 'passing' of thank you notes.....

I appreciate receiving them and I send them to people who gift us things who were not here to see us open them. Some people send thank yous for any gift, if you were there or not. I don't think it's unnecessary. I also think it's polite to hand write them, and to hand address them (vs having people put their own addresses on envelopes). Sometimes I don't even know if a gift was received, liked (lie to me) or what. If I ordered it, I need to know if I should harass the company or not.

Five minutes and a stamp. That's all it takes. I keep a stash of blank cards and thank yous on hand so the kids can write one at any time. My stepkids are often included in things when they weren't physically present and I make SURE they send thank yous because no kid under my roof is going to be rude to my family.

I always send thank yous and have my kids send thank yous. I send them in the mail and I don't do the email or FB thank yous. I usually get thank-you emails in return. I don't mind. I'd rather get it by email than not at all. =)

I personally send thank you notes after my son's birthdays and things like that, but I am also reasonable in what I expect of myself. We usually do a photo card of him from the party, with a generic "thanks for celebrating with me" and then he tells me 2-3 sentences about what they gave him or he draws a picture to put in with the card. I think simple is fine because it's supposed to be from him, not me.

For gifts that arrive in the mail I always call to say thank you and have my son talk to the person on the phone. I feel like if they really care about him that is nicer than getting a note and they also know we got the gift.

I really think it's the thought that counts and you just want people to know you appreciate it. If they think your thank you wasn't good enough then I think they are a little self righteous. I personally expect some recognition that the gift was received or appreciated or something if I send it. I've sent things to my BIL and SIL and never heard a word about whether they got it or not. I'm not expecting a big elaborate thank you, but it's really rude to know even acknowledge receiving something.

*Sigh* I was raised on writing thank you notes. In this busy day, I have no beef with not receiving a note in the mail. I just wanna know that you got the dang gift, ya know? Is that so hard? Text me, email me, leave a message, FB me. If you open it in front of me, no worries. If I sent it in the mail, let me know it arrived, ok? NO, I'm not going to call YOU to see if the gift I sent you arrived. I was really surprised to read some of the previous "can't be bothered" "you're just fishing for acknowledgement" "you're already out shopping anyway" blah blah blah. People! Manners make the world go round!

(p.s. I like you're writing style, A.!)

Added: I stopped doing the written thank yous after our daughter's bday parties if the gifts are opened at the party. Why? Because she thanks them in person right there and then. I just googled what Emily Post has to say and she agrees: "The rule of thumb is that you should send a written note any time you receive a gift (even a ‘thank you’ gift) and the giver wasn’t there to thank in person. "

If doing thank you notes stressed me out, I would hate doing them too. But I actually enjoy doing them. A phone call, a picture text, a thank you card, we do them all as we see fit.

We ALWAYS send thank you notes for birthday gifts. It's important for the kids to learn to be appreciative. We enclose a picture of the birthday kid (and the giver of the gift if they give the gift in person) and send it out with the note. Now that our kids are older...they get mostly cash, gift cards or checks. I confiscate these things and do not give them to the kids until the notes are done. If people can bother to get a gift, you can bother to acknowledge it.

That said...why are your kids getting gifts from 30 people each holiday??? That sounds really excessive. No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. I wouldn't even know what to do with so much stuff. If that's truly the case, you may want to cut back on who they're getting gifts from.

I know the feeling of the list-keeping...must remember who sent what, etc.

But, sorry A., if I send you a gift, I'll be waaaaaaaiiiiiiting for the ty note.

I definitely think less of people who don't promptly send them and even less of people that NEVER send them. I mean missing O. once in awhile is O. thing....but are they at 'corset status'? Have you seen the latest wedding gowns? LOL

I ALWAYS send thank you cards for my son's birthdays!
To me: it's polite,proper etiquette... The person took their time to pick something out, it's not that hard for me to write a quick thank you....
Yes, I still always send out holiday cards.. And not just the plain ones, I create one's with pictures of my family on it... I still love getting them in the mail, so I still will send them in the mail :0)

People who send thank you cards are proper, thoughtful and nice.

I grew up having to write thank you notes & will encourage my children to do so as well. For their parties (my older child will be 5 in March & we haven't had a "kid" party yet), I create a thank you note w/ a picture on them and a pre-printed message (something like, "I had a wonderful time @ my party thanks to you" as it covers family that couldn't attend but sent a gift). My children "sign" & I add 1 sentence to personalize the card. I'm happy & I know my grandmothers are happy as they call immediately thanking me for the thank you note & always comment on their appreciation for having another picture of my kids.
I'm actually planning on doing the same thing this year for Christmas to cut down on my stress as my younger child's birthday is only 9 days before Christmas and I realized last year the thank you note craze got out of hand for me & I was VERY LATE.
I hope this helps.

Ugh. Thank you notes are the bain of my existence!! I honestly can't remember if my mother taught me to send them or if it's somethIng I just decided to do when I had kids.

I mean, my daughters say thank you to the giver at the party right when she opens it. Shouldn't that be enough? But yet I can't make myself stop getting out the ol' paper and pen. How I wish I could give it up.

My youngest had a birthdate party on Oct 1st....2 of the invitations have been delivered either personally (hand to hand) or left in a mailbox. The rest are just sitting in my car. Spending night after night on the cold front seat.

Darn it. I guess this post will now get me off my tush and just address some stinkin' envelopes and I'll put them out in the mail tomorrow. I just hate to use up all those stamps.

I'd love to say good riddance to thank you notes....but I probably never will.

I always send thank you notes and I'm teaching my children to do the same thing. I am teaching them to appreciate when someone else does something kind for them. I don't care what the recipient decides to do with the card after they read it. I think a phone call is also a nice way of thanking someone.

I am actually supposed to be writing thank you notes for my birthday last weekend and I'm procrastinating with Mamapedia! But yet, they will still get done this evening. I always send them and love to receive them, too.

A simple and very heart felt phone call is efficient in my eyes for mailed gifts, unless it's a wedding or baby shower gift, or something very heartfelt and perhaps hand crafted... than a more formal note is the norm.

If the gift was received in person, I usually give a nice big hug and warm thank you.

Really, I feel kind of weird when I get a thank you note for getting a toy car for a kid in my son's class or something. It usually just ends up in the trash, though it is always appreciated.

Though, if I teach a class or volunteer or something, I have received a thank you note for that and those are usually more heartfelt.

...and my fil still uses cloth hankies by the way ;)

I actually think a phone call of thanks would be more appreciated by the gift giver, but I actually prefer to send out the cards. I AM thankful for anything we receive, but I don't always have the ability to get on the phone and call people at a decent hour (meaning, before 9 pm, as that's usually when my kids are finally safely asleep).

I like being able to write out thank you cards at my own pace--I usually do 2-3 a day until they're done. It is pretty easy to do it that way. On the rare occasion that I forget what a person gave us, I do make a generic "thank you for your generosity" type statement.

For me, I don't mind not receiving them, as long as I KNOW that the recipient got the gift. For the past few years I've been sending Christmas presents to my godson out of state, and not ONCE has his dad (my cousin) said ANYTHING to me about them, even though we are friends on FB and he's on there all night long!

I really think that there is more important things to get upset over. I know that you think your life is busy. Are you really sure that every single mother has the time to do this? What about the sick mothers, ones with sick children, ones that if they run one more errand are going to have a breakdown. Please try and worry about more important things. No one is going to die without a thank you note. Sorry to be blunt.

Generally speaking -- When my daughter was younger we sent notes to everyone for every gift, except family parties where the family members were present for the openings. I have sent thank yous when new friends have invited us over for dinner, when people have brought meals when we were ill, for special gifts that were sent to us, and have received notes for similar things. I have missed some along the road because of being 'busy' and felt badly about not acknowledging someone's kindness and time. That said, I hope that thank yous will never go out of style because that would mean courtesy and manners are going out of style - which I already think is to some degree happening - so maybe this trend is just a symptom of that. :-(

In your personal situation -- I think you are on the right track with not sending photos of child and their gift to every person... keep it simple - 'thank you for the thoughtful gift - I appreciate that you were thinking of me!' For young kids, print them out on colored paper - let them sign and draw or sticker - make sure they know who each one is being sent to as they do it. It does not have to be complicated! For Christmas and other times when they ALL got gifts from a person - one general note to the giver - again, let each child add a personalization... You could even pre-write or address envelopes, a couple a day, as the date approaches for people you are positive will attend/send a gift... I am curious, though, how you are ending up doing 30 thank yous for birthdays, etc! Not sure of the situation, large family or large kid parties - but wondering if some of your stress might be alleviated by inviting fewer guests!

It's for you if you like it and not for you if you don't like it. I like it so I will continue to do it, but I don't knock people that don't do it. To each their own.
As far as the concern as to whether or not a gift arrived, you could ask the recipient with the sole purpose of making sure it got there and without the ulterior motive of trying to making them feel guilty or uncivilized.