Tactfully Telling Family Your Wants

I would say something and I have. My oldest is ADHD and CAN NOT have sugar . I flat out told my inlaws that we were watching what she eats. And that she can't have much if any sugar at all. since then they ask with EVERYTHING.

We go over to my aunt and uncle's house about 2 times a week for a visit. They give them pretty much unlimited access to cookies, m&ms, and other specialty candies. We don't eat these at home.

The way I look at it is a win-win...my kids love to go visit as much as my aunt and uncle (the only "grandparents" my kids have) love to have them visit. I can tell them junk food is only for special occasions like visiting these relatives. We only eat "grow" food at home. It isn't making junk food taboo...just a sometimes/special occasions food. And it is building special memories between my kids and their "grandparents".

My aunt and uncle are in their 80s and won't be around forever and I love them too much to make this an issue. Plus I ate some cookies and candy as a child...more at my grandparents than at home...and never developed a weight problem or stopped eating my veggies.

Allow the love and the cookies.

Well, what we do is we taught our kids, to ALWAYS ask us first... that WE are the parents... that way, even if they get offered something/told to do something etc., they will always tell that person "I have to ask my Mommy first and see if it is okay..." and they do. Even at 2 years old... my kids would say that.
That solves that.
AND, even if the person tries to ignore asking permission, my kids will not give in.

But also, kids will, all their lives, be it with family/relatives/at school/with friends... get offered ALL kinds of treats. So then... there has to be a happy medium... and a "quota" as to what they can have and not feel bad about it.
all the best,
Susan

I have an almost 4 yr old and an almost 2 yr old and my inlaws love to share "treats" (which I see as junk) with them. I am strict with food at this age and my kids eat their veggies enthusiastically even with extended family "pushing" junk food.
#1. I remind myself that sharing food with others is an expression of love, and for a grandmother who prides herself on feeding her family abundantly and well my mil just wants to share fun and love with the grandkids when it comes to giving them treats. #2. We have a kind of unspoken rule at this point (which you may need to actually say with your inlaws) that when I am around all food choices are okayed by me and the inlaws respect that as mom, when I am present, I'm in charge. What happens when I am not around? Only God knows, b/c #3 Don't ask, don't tell. :)
You could also bring a compromise treat for them to give, instead of ice cream, a fruit juice popscicle or bring something for them to make and eat together like muffins. Or better yet, let your child walk in with whatever it is, excited to share with them.
I will often use my husband to tell HIS family things that need to be said, he can have a productive, private conversation with a member of his family and things get resolved with little fuss.
Good Luck, a little junk food at grandma's house isn't going to ruin your son's eating habits or health, (it seems like it but really it won't) what you give him at home will be his standard. A side note: One of my favorite memories of my Nana's as a child is eating Fruit Loops for breakfast when we visited. I grew up on Raisan Bran and oatmeal at home and I thought only Nana could have Fruit Loops.

I agree that teaching him to ask if it is OK is a good approach. Funny story. My mother knows how we eat, as, I was raised eating healthy also. But, occasionally, we had our treats. We NEVER drink sodas here, just because I don't buy them. If we are having a barbecue or something, I might have some leftover that last a while. Well, my daughter spent last week at my parents' house. I actually got a phone call mid-week from my daughter ASKING me if she could have a soda! I was an hour away, and, my mom still had her call to ask!
Point being, as long as you keep teaching good habits, your son will learn how he should and should not eat.
Your family should respect your wishes though. When your son is not used to it, it can cause an upset tummy or other digestive issues. So, you might take that approach with them. Tell them because he is not used to it, he is only allowed one "treat" per visit or something? If they want to give more, have them put it in a baggie to go home with you and you can decide when, or if, he gets it.

I have noticed that people get really pushy and opinionated where food is concerned. Have you noticed that whenever you go on a diet, there is always some brownie pusher around who just won't take "No" for an answer? It's not just dieters that they prey on; it's toddlers as well. So, I'm not sure if there is a tactful way of saying "No" to sweets without it being completely ignored or causing some kind of flack. But I think you should stick to your guns on this because it is a matter of your son's health and you don't want him to develop a sugar tooth so early on, before he develops his love (hopefully) of fruits and vegetables.

I suggest that you tell them about your way of feeding your 2 yr old. Set a limit on how many cookies that they can give him. Talk with them politely and in a non judgmental tone. Tell them that you know it's their way to give him snacks but you would like to limit the unhealthy ones. Perhaps instead of using the word unhealthy, just tell them what he can have and how much.

They should respect your wishes. If they don't, let it roll off your back while continuing to enforce your choices. You are his mother and have the right to do this. I wouldn't prohibit them from never giving snacks. Just tell them what kind, how much, and how often.

i feed my kids very healthy also. mostly all natural organic. treats to them is fruit and most of the time when given a choice between fruit or cookies will choose fruit! they r 6,5,3 and 1. when we r out we tell others that they should not have the junk because it makes them wild and the little one throws up and if the others eat to much of it get a sick belly. they really do to! the older 2 know this and choose wisely because they don't want to feel sick. after telling people about the throwing up and sick bellys they back off lol!

I personally think that is should be okay for your child to eat outside of the box while at relatives. It's normal and even helpful for them to learn that it's okay for families to be different and for rules to change from place to place. When I was a kid I had certain foods and cookies I expected to find at my grandmothers house. It wasn't even that my mother was strict at home. It was just differences in what they bought and kept around.

When my kids were young I didn't buy candy. I knew that there were too many opportunities for them to get candy out in public, from relatives, during holidays, etc. I still don't buy and keep candy or soda in the house. But I allow some when we are out in public or doing something special. I don't think it's worth making food an issue. In fact, it's when we think we can't do something that we want it all the more.

This is just my opinion though. If you want your child to stay mostly pure from refined sugar, then the relatives need to abide by your wishes.

I would tell them you really want to limit his sugar and junk food intake. We don't see these relatives very often, but I was horrified when my oldest was 13 months old -we went to an aunt's house and the first thing she offered to put in his sippy was Sprite, Coke or sweet tea! I know they give their kids and grandkids stuff like that all the time regardless of age. I just stared at her and said, "He drinks water."

Try a kind but firm statement, using the word "and" linking your appreciation of them with your request. It might sound like this:

"Mom, it is so sweet the way you want to treat Billy to goodies when we're here. I love it that you are so involved and eager to make him happy. AND I do not want him to have sugary treats. I'm asking that you honor our wishes on this."

Be frank and friendly, and use your cheerful tone of voice to simply assume that any reasonable adult would understand and comply with your request. Don't give reasons and excuses, which will only weaken the authoritative tone. Don't sound apologetic.

This is generally very effective. Repeat for a few visits, if needed.

I am sometimes that same boat. My son is 11 and I do not allow soda or junk food during the week. He is allowed these things on occasion. My inlaws always want to feed him this junk. I just look at my son who clearly knows me. I do help him and say sorry but no soda, he may have milk , juice or water. They all look at me like I am a Alien. Lots of thing effect my sons sleep, such as ice tea, soda with caffeine, chocolate. Once I explain that I am not Mommy Dearest they seem fine. But its every time we go there. I do explain in a nice manner EVERY time.
This is what I did when my son was smaller because all the sugar stuff did effect him. I bought what he could have with me. Your little one is two so you can bring snacks of your own. Let them know what you have so if they want to give your child a cookie, its already approved.

Tell them ... I've had to tell my MIL not to give my son soda and foods high in sugar! He is a VERY active 2 yr old and the last thing I need is for him to be more hyper than he already is, PLUS, it is so bad for his teeth! I don't mind if he has it as a treat every once in a while but we see them a couple times a week and to me that is more than every once in a while!!!!!

Pick your battles. If your son eats healthy with you, which is most of the time, don't stress about a cookie or candy here and there. Besides, when he gets to school you'll find out he's swapping his yogurt for ding dongs anyway!

I don't understand why people find it such a big deal how parents want to feed their kids. They just just respect what you want to do with your own child. When my baby 1 month, I left her with my family while I ran out and picked up an RX from the pharmacy. When I came back my mother is trying to feed my baby seasoned mashed potatos with cut up green beans in it. I flipped out. She, and everyone else knew I did not want to feed her anything but formula at that time. It was something they constantly got on my case about. Granted I wasn't very tactful about it, LOL, but I would just say it plainly so there is no beating around the bush about it. Stay strong! Good Luck!

Hey pin it on your pediatrician and nicely say his pediatrician said he cannot have those type of foods and since he is very young and as most mothers do we already bring along a snack anyways that has been pre-approved by mommy and daddy.
Usually when you say it came from the doctors mouth - they don't question it-lol! If they do just say You know I really can't remember why he said that but he gave me a list of things to stay away from.
If this issue really bothers you that much but I am a lot more strict than my husband. He feeds them candy and junk while I am away and then wonders why they are running around acting like bafoons.
However I do allow my kids some slack when we are over at family's house, but usually its not that bad because most of my family members suffer from diabetes and they already know its not a good idea to feed them sugar. My inlaws are very health conscious people too so I never really have to worry about it too much. Good luck I know this is a tough situation. You could even make it seem more like a health thing-if I don't want the sweets or want my kids having the sweets and the person seems to be pushy about it I just let them know that MY family has a very strong history of Diabetes and that I am careful about how much sweets my kids to partake in - usually that shuts them up.

When we were recently on vacation with some friends, I'd go inside to get a snack for my kids, and one of theirs would ask for a snack, and my response was "ask your Mom/Dad, and if they say it's OK, I'll be happy to get something for you". It's really not hard, but I think common courtesies get thrown out the window these days, and no one really holds people to the high standards anymore.

We generally eat very well at home. We're not vegetarian, we're not vegan, we're not organic (interestingly, I asked my Oncologist about going "organic" and "free range" when I was diagnosed with cancer, and they said there was no evidence to support it at this time.....so, do it if it makes you feel great, but there's no scientific proof to date to support it).

If you are present when this happens, I'd intervene and say, "Thank you, but he doesn't need a cookie right now". If they question you, be honest that you prefer to keep those as occasional treats. I'd also keep acceptable snacks with you or take them to their house.

When my husband and I were training for a 1/2 marathon earlier this year, we really loved Clif's MOJO and LUNA bars. They're relatively good nutritionally and taste fantastic. Our kids beg for them and 90 calorie Quaker chewy granola bars. So, we keep those in the diaper bag along with crackers, Nutrigrain bars, etc. for when they need a snack. In the winter, we'll take string cheese as well.

So, there are a lot of good options that you can provide to your family to have available when he's there either in your presence or absence.

Most dietary experts agree, though, that withholding those occasional treats only makes kids more likely to over-indulge down the road. You can control the quality of the treats they get. But, an occasional handful of M&Ms isn't going to wreck their nutrition in the long run and will help curb curiousity.