Table Manners - Lawndale,CA

Kids before the age of two or three exist on a different planet than the one with manners. Constant correcting and scolding will mostly just frustrate you all. Keep modeling good manners, and they will eventually start copying you.

Don't expect too much of toddlers. Throwing is a major developmental stage, and actually helps develop eye-hand coordination and gross motor skills. Many of them won't perfect their small motor skills for quite a while yet. Not their fault. And peacefully sitting for more than 5-15 minutes is unrealistic. What they can manage will vary from day to day depending on how tired they are, how crabby their day has been, whether they've been sick, are teething, have had enough exercise….

Put only a few bites in front of him at any time, allow him to practice with a spoon in a bowl of water between meals, have puppet shows with his favorite toys modeling good table behavior. And let him be his age. If mealtimes become a battlefield, he'll eventually develop other negative behaviors, which can include lack of enthusiasm about eating at the table and even lack of appetite.

Relax, he is still a baby. He has plenty of time to learn to use a fork and spoon. It is not like you plan to send him off to college still eating with his hands :)

He is WAY too young.

Keep parental 'expectations' age-appropriate...otherwise there will be lots of frustration and resentment from child and adult.

Put it this way, both my kids are real bright.. but fine-motor skills vary and is normal.
My son, just made 4 years old, and is now EXPERT with utensils and manners. But, he still needs help cutting his food. Which is also normal.
My daughter as well, was about that age when she was EXPERT at utenstils.

Your Mom, should NOT insist this upon your son nor about table manners.
It is NOT, appropriate.

If you push your son or force him or punish him for 'not' knowing... it will create behavioral problems in him. It is not appropriate.

The book "What To Expect, The Toddler Years" is REAL good. I highly recommend that, and do not listen to your Mom.

all the best,
Susan

No offense, but I think your mom is expecting WAY too much from a 20 month old. Geez.

your mom is ummm how to say oh yeah nuts if she thinks a 20 month old can sit still and use a knife, fork and spoon and eat like an adult lol. at 20 months they are just getting the hand coordination to get the spoon from bowl to mouth. forget the food making it into mouth. spoon usually tips before then lol. but to help things go a little smoother give only items that can be easily scooped or put on spoon / fork and only put a small spoonful if each on the plate. this helps with the throwing food part. finger foods are a good thing at that age. as far as table manners go the last poster was right just do what you would like him to imitate. good luck just kidding with the nuts thing lol don't want a million posts from people saying I was rude.

My son is 22 months and only uses his spork as a projectile instrument. He loves to wipe the table clean with his hands when he's decided he's had enough (food flies EVERYwhere). Oh, and when he's tired of chewing, or just decides he doesn't like something, out it comes...I correct him, but don't expect that he should eat like an adult when he has basically just been eating at the table like a big boy for less than 6 months.

I truly think most mom's look back on their children's development through rose colored glasses. There is NO way you were eating like a little lady before you were two. If we did 1/2 the things in the amount of time our moms "remember" we'd all be rocket scientists.

Like the one when my mom said my sister was FULLY potty trained at a year. Ha! And in ten years I'm sure she will be saying it was at 6 months!

Just let all the comments roll off your back. Everyone likes to put in their 2 cents...that's why all of the mommy message boards are so popular. ha!

Good luck!

Oh, dear. I think 20 months is too early to learn table manners... using hands to eat are fine. :) I taught 3-5 year olds for several years, and we worked on table manners every day. It is fun for them at this age, and we usually made it into a game. My 3.5 year old son is still working on table manners as well, and it is a constant thing of reminding him... they will get it eventually!!

Children learn great by example. It is never to early to begin demonstrating a good habit and to reinforce good habits. It is far to much to expect a 20 month old to be eating completely with utinsels, napkin in lap and sitting still and asking one to please pass the peas.

So, demonstrate the behaviors you want your child to learn. Teach your child how to use utinsels, encourage it; but do not be concerned if they do not get it right away. It is a skill that takes time and is dependent on development as well as example.

If your child is experimenting and does something undesireable, such as throwing food, give firm but calm feedback that those behaviors are not acceptable and then show your child what is ok. A lot of this will seem to go over your child's head, and remember, your child is a baby!

However, they see more than we realize, and demonstraitng and gently reafirming desired behavior will pay off.

One more thing, it is really easy to stay with status quo and just be happy the child is eating! That is, a good thing! But it is also good to gently introduce desired habits now, so you aren't breaking learned unfortunate habits later.

If your Mom is really giving you a hard time about the whole finger eating, you can mention that it is a great brain buidling exersize and it helps develop fine motor skills ;)

I remember my grandfather slapping my hand when I didn't have my finger correctly placed on the back of my fork, about 5. Then I don't remember then man ever being without a tie and jacket even after being retried. Your mom can take over your son's utensil handling if you haven't gotten done by then. 20 months -don't thrown anything but a ball hasn't sunk in.

He will learn from copying you. Get some fun toddler size spoons and forks, he will what to do what you do, least try. If he shows no interest put them any and try later. 2 1/2 - 3 is about when they start to get. Kids can start to become picky eaters about 2, so just making sure he is eating-you are right. Heath before manners.

I pretty much agree with most of your posts already but I also wanted to add that in the next few months (like 4-6) he should probably have the utensil thing figured out. It may be sooner it may be later, but for the most part he's closing in on the time to be using utensils all, or at least, most of the time. By 2 my daughter was using utensils at every meal and was drinking from a regular cup. Every kid is different, but it can happen. I'm sure your mom is well intentioned and just probably can't remember back when you were that little. Grandmas are super awesome but they have selective memory for sure! ;) He will figure it out soon and until then just keep on keepin' on!

Oh yea, and I wanted to add on to Tracy's answer and say a fun fork and spoon is always good, although I'm sure you've done it...Target always has a ton of silverware in their $1 spot and it actually lasts a long time! I stock up when I can and my daughter loves them!

I think the earlier a parent teaches their child something, the easier it is for the child to learn. My kids, 4 & 21 months have very good verbal manners...they say please, thank you & excuse me. I don't have to remind them, they do it to other adults. It's great. HOWEVER, at 20mo. old, we just want our babies to eat!! My 21 mo. old is very picky. If she eats w/ her fingers, I don't care, I just want the food to get in her body!! If you can, buy him a fun fork & spoon, encourage him to eat like a big boy. Don't laugh or inadvertently encourage throwing of food, etc (I'm sure you don't laugh!). It'll come w/ time, but start encouraging it now. Health & eating is #1 priority, manners is #2. Good luck!

Do not be concerned!!! He is doing exactly what he is suppose to be doing developmentally at 20 months. He is learning about cause & affect. What will happen if I toss this plate of food on the ground, etc. My mother-in-law was insisting both my boys didn't have table manners when they were one year old. It was hard to tune her out sometimes because she told me so much. Just smile and move on with your day when anyone says anything. Good luck!

My daughter didn t really get the hang of properly using utensils and table manners until this last year (she will be 4 in Dec). It just takes time, show them form time to time and eventually they will get the hang of it. As far as throwing things that should go away during th enext year, just use correctiveness, put it back on the table and say, we dont throw our cup. Dont fret, he is still very young and learning so much ((HUGS))

You can model appropriate table manners, and even try to teach him, but he still may be a bit young.

If he wants to eat with his hands, let him eat with his hands and tell your mother to get over it.

Don't be concerned. Your Mom is not remembering how toddlers learn this at all and you should probably tell her nicely to give it a rest. Table manners will start between 3 and 4 yrs old and be much better at 5 and 6 yrs old. It's way too early to start this now.

My parents are the same way, they will correct my son over & over if he tries to eat with his hands, but I'd rather he just eat at all! It's probably a good time to start teaching him not to throw food, but you've got plenty of time for him to learn to use a fork. Give it to him as an option at meals where you have a little extra time, but don't get discouraged if he drops it or gives up the first few months.

Your son is way too young to master table manners. Keep working with him, but don't stress about it. He'll have it down within another year.

Hello, As far as using utensils, just keep modeling with him and he will eventually get it. Every child learns at their own pace. I have four grown children and six grandkids. None of them did things at the same rate. You are right, the main thing is getting him to eat. He is still very young. I promise that he will not still be eating with his hands by the time he is old enough to go to college. As far as throwing food, I would tell him that we don't throw food. If he continues, take him down from him eating place and tell him, "We will try again later." In a while try again. He might end up having to skip a meal or two, but he will get it.
As far as your mother goes, she raised her family, now it's your turn.
Good luck with your precious little boy.

Our preschool focuses on table manners starting at Age 3. My daughter used utinsels prior to that, but I really appreciated their reinforcement. (And my Mom also thinks my daughter needs better table manners--she has a hard time sitting still.)

db

We start at about 8 mos.......by 20 mos they should be able to use utensils...and say (the best they can...lol.) "excuse me from the table" when they are done. "Please" and "Thank You" should also be in the vocabulary...

Hi there,
I think table manner should have already been implanted in his mind. I'm sure when her thows food or his cup, that you say he is not supposed to do things like that. If your that concerned, then start getting tough with him. If he throws food then tell him you will take all his food away if he doesn't want it(and do it, always follow through), and the same with his cup. I would start putting utensils in front of him to practice with. They have beginer spoons and forks that I gave my daughter about the age of 9 months. By a year and a half, she was an expert at stabing food with a fork and spooning things into her mouth. You really need an early start with these things because they take a lot of practice. But, I would say yes, by the age of 20 months, utensils should be a part of eating.

My son is 7 years old and he still is not perfect with table manners (mostly my fault because I don't really care if he eats with his fingers but it drives my husband crazy and he's always correcting him). I think 20 months is old enough to show them and tell them what is correct but way too young to expect them to be anywhere near perfect. I don't think most kids really have the skills to eat correctly with a fork until they are older (5, 6, 7). At 20 months it's more important that they eat their food even if it's with their fingers. Teaching them not to throw food is more important that using a fork at that age. Just do what you feel is right, your son will eventually learn his table manners.

Hi N.
I agree with your mom, she's probably old school like me. At 20 months they should have some form of table manners. Using fingers for some foods I think is fine, but he should be at least using a spoon, mine were using a spoon and this age, and I have an 18 month old in my daycare that uses a spoon, and as far as throwing her food or her cup, I give her 2 chances the third time I take i take it away, she seldom throws anything anymore. It's easy to tell that the other posters are young moms, one said your mom has forgot what toddlers are like and to tell her to give it a rest, excuse me but your mom raised children already she's the one with the experience, so I would take her advice, the other advice came from moms who have no more experience than you do. Think about this with out table manners it's no fun taking children out to eat or to have dinner at other houses. J.