Swimming Lesson Disaster - Need Advice

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I would stick with it. Pulling him out after only one lesson just shows him that if he throws a fit when trying something new, he doesn't have to do if anymore. Give him some time to adjust to the teacher and the lessons. Swim lessons are extremely important, so don't give up! Good luck!

Having taught swimming lessons for years and watching my mother teach them while growing up, I would look into different options. Option you may look into is private lessons where it is just one on one. Another one is look for a class where parents get into the water with the children. The worst thing that you can do is make your child afraid of the water. Once a child is scared of the water it becomes a night mare on getting them back to where they need to be. I also had more luck with students if the parents were out of sight, I'm not saying to leave your child, but just go where your child can't see you. Taking your child to the pool where the swim instructor works so they can see each other outside of swimming lessons may help your child warm up to the instructor.

If you need any more ideas please let me know. I could prolly keep going if need be.

Best of luck!

I think you have your answer---skip the lessons. He could associate swimming with being upset, and mom not listening and just bad feelings all around.

He's only 4, I would wait on the lessons. He's telling you he's not ready, so take your cue from him. Play in the water with him and try again next year.

We're going through this with our daughter, who's also four. Her first swim class through the city spooked her last summer when they surprised dunked her on day two of lessons. We're now doing private lessons at a swim school and she pretty much screams at least half the time. It didn't get any better waiting and trying swim classes again.

We're sticking with it. To me, swim lessons aren't optional. She needs to know how to be safe in the water and she is picking up bits and pieces at her lessons. Next summer (2012), she'll be in a camp where they take the kids to the city pool and she needs to have at least basic swim skills since she won't have someone one-on-one with her in the water.

It's about safety. If this was just dance or karate lessons, I'd drop it no problem. But learning to swim is a basic life skill and at four and a half, it's time.

I've had my kids in swimming lessons for 4 years now (they each started when they were 3) and I think they're GREAT. And I think continuing swimming lessons is exactly what your son needs to get used to adults he doesn't know, and how to have a teacher, etc. That's actually one of the reasons I put my kids in swimming lessons!

My son, who had just turned 4 when lessons started last summer, went through the same sort of phase, where he just wanted to play instead of do what his teacher said. They sat him out on the side of the pool if he didn't obey, and he didn't like that. He figured out that it really was fun to be in the class, and more fun to do what the teacher said than to sit on the side. I guarantee that the instructors have seen this before. That's really what level 1 lessons are all about!

And 4 year olds are perfectly capable of sumberging their heads. My son moved up to level 2 last summer. He swims all on his own now, although it's not very pretty :) And this was all right after he turned 4.

And my husband was a swim instructor for years. He didn't like teaching the level 1 kids because he says they cling to you and cry sometimes. It's totally normal. He also says that the WORST thing you can do is get in the water with them. Parents hinder swimming lessons like you wouldn't believe! He always thought he would teach his own kids to swim, but it's nearly impossible. They need a teacher who they don't know, or they never let go of your neck! Water wings, those suits with built-in floaties, and goggles are big no-nos, too.

Just give him some time. It seems like a waste of money to have him just sit on the steps, but he'll come around eventually.

I'd suggest dropping the swim lessons for the time being, or going and playing in the water before the lesson if you continue with them.

If your son wants to play in the water that's GREAT! Go in and start by having a blast. Jump and splash around, chase toys, etc; get wet and laugh. Once you sense your child has become more confident and has lost his fear, try dunking.

One way to do so is with the lane dividers. Throw a floaty toy to the other side of a divider and dive under it to grab the floaty thing. BIG, BIG, BIG praise and excitement after coming back up! Then shoot to the moon, throwing kiddo up in the air and splashing down, lower, lower, lower until WOW, WOW, WOW, "you just went under the water, FANTASTIC JOB!!!!"

Get his head under the water and HAVE FUN!!!! If he gets scared pull back until he's feeling brave and enjoying himself again and then go for it!

Swimming is the best thing in the world. I don't think it should feel like a chore for either of you. I was taught to teach swimming by having fun and feeling confident in the water first (for babies that means floating, nursing, sleeping). The next step is getting that head under the water. Loosing fear of going under will make all lessons less scary and much, much more fun (and productive).

BTW my Mama used the book "How to Teach Your Baby to Swim", by Claire Timmermans, when teaching my sister and I to swim (we both swam before we walked). I love it!

He's 4. He doesn't want to do the lessons. Why put him (and yourself) through that.
Take him to pools and play with him there. He's young..this doesn't mean he's not going to end up loving the water.

keep him in - for multiple reasons but the main one being he is going to go to kindergarten and needs to learn to take instruction from multiple adults he doesn't know (main teacher, subs, gym, music, art, etc)

In fact I would take it one step further and put him in MORE classes of every type so he gets over the fear of grown ups.

My son started swim lessons at age 2 (small group lessons at the JCC) and cried and refused to swim with the instructor for the first three weeks... a year later he is waiting by the door with hiw towel on Saturday mornings b/c he can't wait to get there.

If he likes being in the water, then this is really a safety thing for you and I would stick with it. I would see if the instructor will allow you to be in the water with him until he gets more comfortable.

Arrive early and introduce him to his teacher(s); let them talk abt what they'll be doing in today's class, etc. That should help break the ice--do it before every class. Also, most swim classes have parents wait elsewhere and watch on a screen--that way kids don't think they have the option to just give up, run to mom, etc. If that's not an option, leave the room anyway (go read a magazine in the lobby - you deserve it). This has the same effect as ignoring a tantrum -- the behavior dissipates. And by all means, continue the lessons (then sign up for the next session and the next!), because swimming isn't an option it's a safety necessity. It's also a sport he can enjoy into his senior years. Finally, if you're able, try YMCA swimming lessons -- they have a wonderful child swimming lesson curriculum and very experienced teachers who have "seen it all" in terms of water phobia, etc. And can work him through all of that. Oh, and as for the ears ... If you haven't already, do ask your audiologist to custom-make ear plugs for him and give you a head strap (goes around head to deduce h20 into ear, but also extra insurance against losing ear plugs). This will cost just under $100, but without it your son will be more wary of the water (bc he doesn't like the feel of h20 in them). Also it helps prevent swimmer's ear. Good luck!
--mom of 3 (2 are competitive swimmers, 3rd starts this year :-)

Both my daughters were hesitant swimmers at that age. I couldn't get them to put their head under water. Then they eased into it around age 5 and just love it and are doing great. I don't see the need to push. He's 4. If he's scared etc, why force it? Maybe if you had a pool in your backyard it'd be more of a safety issue but you don't mention that. I've found that waiting on learning some skills hasn't hurt my daughters at all and it goes so much easier and quicker than forcing it before they're ready. Years ago kids didn't have lessons at such a young age and they still developed into great swimmers or whatever.

To make a long story short, we had similiar instances but with my daughter. The last time we tried it... we pushed it and she had a horrible group teacher that quite frankly, really scarred her for a while. Eventually with me working with her, she opened up to the water again. But never again will I do forced group lessons and we are going to sign up for semi-private which I would recommend :)

I'm surprised the teacher wasn't able to try some kind of calming techniques-anyway-maybe you can tell him-he is not taking a lesson-he's just going to play in the water with the teacher?

He may be terrified, so I would not, as someone suggested, force him to do it to show him "we stick with what we signed up for." For an older kid, that would be something I might do, but not with such a young child and not with swimming.

I'm guessing here that his "playing in the water" never includes submerging his face or especially his whole head. Watch him play and see. Likely he is not submerging his head yet.

Some kids are just not ready to immerse their heads or even their faces until a few years later. Think from his perspective -- he feels totally isolated and cut off from everything, even air, when his face is in the water, even if his whole head isn't under. It's total and frightening loss of control, in the minds of some kids.

The person who posted to try private lessons and/or lessons where you too are in the pool "learning" with him was right. That's a great route. Private lessons made a huge difference for our daughter at about age 6 and she soon was gladly submerging her head and then really learning to swim.

But he may also just need time to mature enough to deal with the loss of control that initially he feels when asked even to blow bubbles in the water. It seems nonsensical to adults but to kids it can be major.

When you do find lessons for him, look for a teacher who is geared to his particular style -- if your son is quieter and doesn't respond well to being joshed and teased, don't go with a loud, jokey teacher but a quiet, encouraging one; if he is outgoing and funny, don't go with a low-key teacher but a fun, game-playing type. You know him best so go with what seems right for him, even if that means waiting a bit longer. At this age, a short time makes a big difference and he may be readier and more mature in just a few months from now.

I was 8 when I had my first swim lesson (our school system does it every year for the 4th and 5th graders.) and I was terrified and refused to let go of the instructor as well. that summer my dad taught me how to swim and I learned in a week. sometimes kids just need someone they can trust more then a stranger

Spend time at the pool for fun. You work with him instead of an instructor (do what they do but let you be the one dealing with you son). If he is not comfortable, it is going to be traumatic and you will have a harder time getting him to learn to swim.