Support Leis It Wrong?

Yes, it was wrong for you to violate his privacy. If the two of you don't trust each other, then you shouldn't be together.

You don't trust him. He has proven to be untrustworthy. Good marriages are not based on deceit and hiding things. The only thing he's allowed to hide from you are his Christmas gifts before he gives them to you! He's been with at least one other person, and at the very least is having an emotional affair with this other man - and possibly a physical affair or at least he's trying to get to that point.

Dawn is right - you need to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases immediately, and you need to stop having sex with him. You say you "got back together" but you didn't - he is still with at least one other person. You need to get him out of your house - he is not good for you or your children.

He is trying to make you the bad person by criticizing you for snooping, but the fact is, he had plenty to hide. The blame is on him no matter how much he tries to make it about you.

However, if you continue to allow this man to take advantage of you and deceive you and risk your life and health, then the blame will be on you. Get counseling immediately and good legal advice. Anyone who hides his relationships from you will also hide his financial dealings from you.

You don't have "trust issues" - you are with someone who has proven to be untrustworthy. Really, is there anything this man could say that would make you trust him? Do you really want to be with someone who values you so little that there is no trust? Do you really think so little of yourself? I don't think so - you posted the issues here, and so you know what you need to do. I hope we have given you the strength to do it.

what Dawn said-100% Ignore the rest.

Once you dump him -- and yes, as others say, you 100 percent need to dump him as of yesterday -- and once you are thoroughly tested for diseases, please take time to sit and think about why you stuck with him even though he cheated on you the first time with the woman. That incident should have been enough to end things, but you and he continued and then you found out about the man. Please take particular care that your choices don't turn into a pattern of taking back someone who has cheated because now you can see that it will happen again. I know too many women, especially young ones, who cannot go very long without a man; ensure that you are not like that, and put the kids and yourself first. If you need to, get some short-term counseling to understand your own choices and learn to recognize the red flags that indicate a repeat user. I'm not saying you have a pattern of picking guys like this -- you do not say that -- but this whole scenario would put me off men for a long time and would make me question my choices with this guy. The fact you were "not in a relationship" but were still having sex -- that's a relationship, right there, whether you and he saw it that way or not, and it's one that could have gotten you very sick, considering his nasty ways. I hope you've dumped him by the time this even hits Mamapedia.

I'm not sure if this is your spouse or your boyfriend, but either way, the term "former" needs to preceed his status. This guy sounds like bad news all the way around. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing, and this guy seems to buy hiding an awful lot from you and then turning the tables on you for your insecurities. It also sounds like he has zero commitment or fidelity to you...even when you were "broken up," you were still sleeping with him and he was already out messing around with someone else. Now you're back together, and it sounds like he's still messing around.

My advice is to run as far and as fast as you can from this guy, but do stop at your GYN for a full panel of std testing. Also, be sure to repeat the HIV test again in 6 months.

Of course it's not wrong.

From you post is looks like the kids are not his, right? If that's the case, tell him to hit the road. You and your children don't need this in their lives.

If you're not convinced that he's bad news, let me tell you my story: my husband is bi-sexual and also has a mood disorder (cyclothymia, like bi-polar depression but milder and with long periods of somewhat normal). We had been married for three years and had two kids together (plus my son and his daughter from prior relationships) when I found out that he had been cheating on me with a woman and also found out about his interest in men. It's been more than 6 years since I found out and our marriage is better, but forever changed. You never really get that trust back, that sense that the person you married will be there with you and for you through everything, by your side, having your back, for life. It took about three years of individual and marriage counseling to get back to somewhat normal. That's a lot of time and energy to spend trying to heal and repair a relationship that should GIVE you strength and security, not take it away. That's time and energy that gets in the way of other productive things you can do with your life. I'm not saying that I regret that decision, but want to give you a realistic picture of what it takes to move ahead and stay together, and none of that can begin to happen without complete honesty from him regarding his actions, desires and intentions.

It's only been a year and the kids aren't his? Consider yourself lucky that you learned this before you were too deep into the relationship to get out relatively easily. This knowledge is a gift. No relationship should be this full of drama and deceit, especially within a year. Dump him and focus on your kids.

You have trust issues for a reason, go with your gut!!! When a relationship is this much work that you have to snoop it has gone to a bad and unhealthy place. It will be difficult to break up but I don't see many choices. He is mad because he got caught, not because he is innocent in this. IMO men do not call each other boo or take naked photos of each other unless there is something going on. I know it is difficult but I do not see any other choice. Best of luck!!

Either you trust him or you don't.
Either he is trust worthy or he isn't.
Seems to me your gut is trying to tell you something that your head/heart is not yet willing to listen to.
On some level you KNOW something is not right.
I get having friends and stuff but if my significant other had a regular online gaming buddy - I'd have questioned his maturity level before I married him.
Get some marriage counseling.
If you have to worry about what he's doing and who he's doing it with all the time - it might be a kindness to both of you to set him free.
Then he won't be your problem anymore.

bottom line, the guy is setting you up to check up behind him...not very mature on his part, or his buddies..legally, any and all pictures he took of you, dressed or otherwise, is YOUR property, not his.demand that he return them or face legal charges. yes, you can sue him for picture he took of you. you wouldnt have gotten a gut feeling to check his phone for x rated pictures of you if he hadnt of hinted to you that he had them to begin with.or if you want to avoid the expense of hiring a lawyer to get your pictures back, call his buddy( you know, the one that he showed the pictures of you to), and tell his buddy about your ex husbands "shortcomings", he will then waste no time calling up his buddy to taunt him about what you said, ex husband will then turn the pictures over to you without another word, if only to get away from his buddy taunting him
K. h.

Your terminology is very confusing. A spouse means that you're married, but then you insinuate that this guy is just a boyfriend.

Then you say that you broke up and weren't in a relationship but during the time you were broken up you were working on things and sleeping together. That's contradictory aka makes no sense aka if you were sleeping together then you weren't really broken up and yes you were in a relationship while he was ALSO sleeping with another woman.

Are we also to understand that your boyfriend is flirting with men as well? And possibly cheating on you with men?

You have nothing to get to the bottom of. You need to get yourself tested for every STD under the sun and start valuing yourself more. You don't have value because you're a wo attached to a man. You have value because you're a self made WOMAN. Respect yourself and dump him, because he sure doesn't.

Well what you should do seems pretty simple. He lied to you once before, it seems pretty obvious he still is. Why would you keep him around when he's going to lie about something like who he is sleeping with/messing around with? You have every right to have trust issues, and he is trying to play you for a fool by placing the blame on you for looking through his stuff and convincing you that he wasn't in the wrong. Only you can choose to be the fool or stop his game and tell him to leave. I understand sometimes a relationship can still work out after major problems, even cheating, but only if both parties can be honest, which he clearly has no intention of doing, making this relationship a dead end. That being said, I do believe that as a general rule "snooping" is dishonest as well, and constant suspicion or feeling like you have to snoop is not healthy. But seeing as he gave you probable cause (he left the window open, you didn't have to hunt for it, what you found in there was good reason to believe he was hiding things elsewhere so you decided to pursue your gut), and you did try to go to him first before just snooping and accusing, I would say no, you did nothing wrong. He sounds very manipulative and able to charm you whenever he wants to get his way, I assume they are not his biological children if you have only been together for a year, so I suggest you cut him off completely and not look back, the more you try to talk to him or be friendly the more wiggle room he has to manipulate you.

who cares if it was wrong if you snooped?! Does it matter when he is sleeping with other people and having racey conversations with men?

who knows if you were justified in snooping but at this point does it really matter?

its like a woman asking if her actions justified being beaten....sure she could have been being a jerk but that never justifies being hit....J. like sure you couldv been wrong snooping but that doesnt nullify what you found