Superhero Complex

I have a strong willed 4 year old. I taught him not to go in street by grabbing him and holding him in an immediate time out on the curb if he put a toe in the street (then we went inside and outdoor play was over). It is harsh but we live on a busy street. This was when he was 1.5 to 2.5. Last year at 3 he remembered with reminders and now he is good about most of the time. I know my mom had taught me to cross the street by myself when I was 4.5 to 5...but I do not see that happening so soon with my son.

I am not sure about getting around the whole superhero part. Even if he thinks he is a superhero hopefully the strong, immediate consequences will get his attention.

We have a rule in our house
"Get in the grass and let the car pass."
MIne are 9,12, 14, 16 and 21 and I said it today walking the dogs. Keep on him and when he doesn't move to the grass then an appropriate discipline would be to remove him from the fun for three minutes. Take him inside, make him sit on the porch, whatever you choose.

At 3, as you know, he has no understanding of the concept of death or serious injury. It is common for kids this age to think of themselves as super heroes. It is pretend for them, tho. I think that on some level they are aware that they aren't really able to do fantastic things. I think that you said the right thing when you said "wow, wouldn't that be cool, etc." When he talks about being a super hero I'd focus on the imagination part first and not try to talk about safety. Do say, firmly, after the imagination sharing "you are not to go into the street unless I'm holding your hand."

He's excited about being a super hero and not interested in safety when this happens. Go with the imagination and deal with safety at other times.

Your son wants to be safe and have the security of knowing that you will keep him safe. He will test the boundary of staying on the side walk. I suggest that when he runs into the street without you that you have an immediate consequence for him. Perhaps go back into the house, school, store or away from the street until he agrees to hold your hand and then hold it all the way to, across, and after crossing the street. Tell him you will have to always hold his hand until you can trust him to stay out of the street. This worked with my grandchildren. We had to do this several times, tho.

Same for riding his bike. Start out on side streets with little or no traffic. First time he rides into the street, it's back home with the bike, and then set out without the bike or he walks the bike.

My 9yo granddaughter is just now learning to ride her 2 wheeler on the sidewalks. I know that anxious feeling. She wants to stay on the sidewalk but does lose control and veers into the street. We stay on side streets.

I think it's possible that by summer you will have succeeded in teaching him to follow the safety rules.

As I understand it, the ability to separate make believe from reality doesn't come for another year or so in child development. Being facinated by super heroes is way too common at this age (my four year old has only worn spider man shirts for 3 months now, and my friend had to replace a button up shirt with Velcro so her 3 year old could become Superman at a moment's notice).

You are also hitting up against the blossoming independence. My guess is that your son was listening to you and will digest the information but wasn't about to admit you might be right.

Keep reinforcing your message, and you might try 'Super heroes can only do that stuff on TV' because he might be able to understand those things only being confined to a place vs. the nebulous world of reality and pretend.

The idea that he can run into the street will probably only last a few days and you can let him know you are restricting his outdoor activities until he understands and can show you he will follow the safety rules - superhero or not.

i don't think you should be concerned about "what it means", don't read too much into it. i have never been a proponent of small children playing with guns, but now my son is 3 and i am having to deal with his insistence that a stick is a gun. thank god he's only shooting "targets and skeletons" (an unfortunate mishap with him seeing a video game i didn't approve of), and we have had a long talk about how we NEVER EVER EVER point a gun at a person, only targets (and, he adds, skeletons.) *sigh*. unfortunately i think these things are natural for little boys. he is now begging for army men, which i am trying to covertly distract him from.

having said that. it is NEVER okay to run into the street, and that is exactly why not listening to mommy and/or doing what mommy is telling you (i.e. STOP running and come back here) is deserving of discipline. time out. severe cases, yes, i do a swat on the bum. his safety is NOT negotiable. i probably would have lost it too. but my son has yet to ignore me and run into the street too. we have coached him from the time he was learning to walk, that in parking lots and driveways we ALWAYS hold mom's hand, and streets are NOT for playing in any way, shape, or form. at all. we see kids riding bikes and playing in the street, and we talk about how it's not safe and we do not do that. like i said there is no room for negotiation. my son probably would have been in time out and then lost outside playing privledges for a few days, as well as a good tongue lashing. and of course when we have to go outside i would have insisted he held my hand the entire time.

the real concern is him not doing as he's told, and this is exactly why.

I think kids have different realities and don't fully understand the whys of things. This is why we have consequences that include "you don't do X because if you do, you will receive a time-out." The child does not understand "hit by car" but they do understand "time-out." So the time-out works until you can appeal to their logic. Then you can explain why and they won't do it.

I would make up a consequence for going into the street other than "you'll be hit by a car" because he obviously doesn't understand that. Maybe it's a time-out (you can do time-outs in a grocery store!) or losing a favorite toy. Once he's older he'll understand about the car part. I wouldn't worry about the superhero thing, it's just his way of explaining something he doesn't understand.

I didn't let my kids ride bikes in the front yard until they were about 6 or 7, and the older sibling was riding next to them, even if I was out there and they were on the sidewalk.
If you want to let him ride bikes, take him to the school parking lot of the weekend or another deserted paved place. Or try small ride on in the back yard.