Suggestions for Getting My Almost 3 Year Old to Use the Potty

Updated on September 06, 2014
H.M. asks from Huntington Beach, CA
19 answers

My son will turn 3 at the end of this month and we are having zero luck getting him to use the potty. I put underwear on him and I take every 15-20 mins. he will not pee when he is on the potty. Yesterday I took him he sat for a bit then we got back up, etc. Not a few minutes later he peed in the floor. I tried Pull-ups, but he just pees in the Pull Up. He is getting very annoyed with me taking him into the bathroom and is now starting to cry and run from me when I tell him lets go use the potty. I sat him on it just a bit ago and he tells me he doesn't have to go. I don't know what to do. I have an older son as well and he didn't potty train until 3 1/2, just one day he came in told me he wanted to use the potty and that was that. I was so hopeful that this one would do it sooner, but now I'm starting to think it's going to be the same way. I do have a sticker chart for him where he can earn a toy and I have tried bribing him with bubble gum if he goes, both have gotten me no where. He just will not go.

What can I do next?

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Keep the pullups so he can pull pants up/down when HE wants to go. Take him to the bathroom with you when you go but don't make him. He should also follow daddy and brother because they're boys.

My son didn't train till he was older than 3, and when he was ready, he did it in less than a month. Find a fun book about it or create a comic strip about it.

My son attended kindercare in the age 2-3 year room. They had a little bathroom and the kids went. The room teacher gave me the process. He had other kids to model after, and she told me when to switch to underwear. There were a few messes, but it was no big deal. It was when he was ready.

3 moms found this helpful

F.W.

answers from Danville on

For the most part, with my kids, they were ready (I know *I* was!).

One of the things I did do was the summer shortly AFTER age three (for my boys...they have april/june birthdays)...and the summer before age 3 for the girls (sept/oct b bdays) Is I set up a backyard pool...and potty seats. We had a swingset and sand box as well. I kept ALL of us in the backyard for protracted periods of time...and NO diapers/pull ups for the one in training.

The garden hose became a wonderful friend...as did picnic lunches! I wish I had had stock in a sunscreen company!

Night time bathroom use took a bit longer...but not so very much.

Best

2 moms found this helpful

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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

He isn't ready, so there is no solution.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

My son refused, REFUSED, to use the potty at three. Then came 4 and no problem. You might just need to give it time. I know that's not the answer you wanted, but take it from a mom who cleaned poop from every surface in the house and called her mom crying because she was ready, it needs to be done on his time...

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S.C.

answers from Chicago on

I have no suggestions, but just wanted you to know I could have totally written this same post word for word regarding my son who also will be turning 3 at the end of this month. I have 2 older girls who were fully potty trained by age 2, so the boy thing is all new for me. Will be following your post for advice as well. Thanks and good luck. :)

2 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

One of the key factors in potty readiness that is often over looked is -
they got to want to.
If they don't want to - you're banging your head up against a wall.
Try having him watch you (and brother maybe) using the toilet.
Let him see it's something everyone uses.
Let him flush when you're done.
Maybe give big brother a treat for using the toilet - and tell your 3 yr old he will get a treat too when he uses it (jealousy/sibling rivalry and a little peer pressure can sometimes work wonders).

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M.O.

answers from New York on

My son trained about a month before he turned 3.5. Sometimes it just takes that long, and that's okay.

What I did was just put him in underwear, with pants. He had a day of accidents (and I had a day of laundry), and the next day he was asking me to take him to the toilet. It literally took a single day.

Things that did NOT work for us, were:

* Pull-ups. These are just diapers with super-heroes on them. They just delay the process and create confusion.
* Sitting him on the potty when I thought he had to go but he didn't agree.
* Reward charts. Too complicated, not mobile enough. What did help was giving him one skittle per "success." At preschool age, one small reward every time, not the promise of a big reward for X number of successes, works better, at least with boys.

If I had to do it over, I'd also let my son run around naked from the waist down. Boys are (lifelong) visual creatures, and at this age, it helps for them to see the pee coming out, onto the floor, to make that "get to the potty" connection. From there you can go to just underwear, and then to underwear + pants. But we had great success with underwear & pants from the get-go.

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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

We can hope and hope...but til the child is ready? All just a waste of time & effort.
Take a break.
Follow his lead.
Good luck.

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F.B.

answers from New York on

We were up against a deadline, and were getting disheartened. We tried taking him at intervals, tried a sticker chart (he told us he had enough stickers and wasn't interested in any more), tried m&ms, pull ups, training pants, and bare naked bottoms. His daycare accepted diapers, but his pre-school wouldn't (and wouldn't assist whatsoever with toileting).

What we ended up doing is backing off, and letting him know that we knew he knew how to use the toilet, and that he could control when and how he went to the toilet, and we trusted that he would do so. It clicked.

Maybe it would have happened anyway because it was his time, try backing off and see if he surprises you.

Best,
F. B.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Unfortunately, we cannot force children to be ready or mature enough. Bribes, prizes bells and whistles are not going to make his body ready. He has not figured out the sensation of needing to go, with what is about to happen.

To give you an example. Our daughter could walk totally unassisted at 6 months. She spoke in full sentences at a year, but I and her day care could not get her to potty train. No way, no how.

So we all backed off.

Then one day she noticed all of the little potties lined up in class and some of the children would sit there and look at books. She gave it a try and boom, she started to understand. She was almost 4!

We had twin neighbors who were both potty trained at 1 year old! How? I have no idea, but that we their schedule and apparently almost 4 was our daughters schedule.

With boys it seems that if they are allowed to watch dad go to the potty, they seem a bit more interested. So encourage your husband and older son to work with him.

Hang in there, Just allow him to keep trying. If you have an idea of what his bowel schedule is, you could have him sit with a book and see what happens. Make sure he has a step stool to put his feet on. Many children do not like for their feet to dangle from the potty,

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

If he's not ready you are just using your time to do this and it's not likely going to happen.

I think it's fine to use a pull up. The PURPOSE of a pull up is to teach them to push it down and pull it up...otherwise use a diaper and they learn nothing.

Wearing a pullup saves you time and effort and dirty furniture and floors.

I'd rather use a pull up than underwear when they are just going to pee anyway.

If you weigh the cost of cleaning supplies to clean up the pee and sanitize your stuff, wash dirty underwear, and all the other stuff that goes along with extra laundry such as detergent and fabric softener and dryer sheets and bleach and water and electric and natural gas then you can see that a box of cheap pull ups is way cheaper than letting them pee in underwear and make messes.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

He is not ready, and going back and forth between undies and diapers is going to make it harder on you in the long run since he knows he can get his diapers back just by peeing in his undies. Not all kids potty train by 3, it is not uncommon for kids to be 3 1/2 or even 4. I put my kids in pull ups when they started showing interest, and then I backed off and just let them experiment. Once they were peeing in the potty about half the time and pooping in it most of the time on their own, then we went to undies. The first day for both of them there were a ton of accidents, and they both asked for their pull ups back, but I said no, and stood firm, they had already shown they could do it and I believed in them. Well, but day two we only had 2/3 accidents, and by the 3rd or 4th day they pretty much had it down, with just the occasion accident. But I made it clear going back and forth between undies and pull ups would not happen, once we went to undies we only did pull-ups for night, since you can not night train since that is not behavioral at all, but physiological.

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

He's still young.
Boys generally are older than girls.
Age 3 1/2 is the tip of the iceberg for boys readiness.
Hang in there.
Right about the age of 3 1/2 he'll be ready.
Don't punish, encourage.
I did a 3 day-go nowhere so you can take him to the potty to "try" about
every 45 mins.
At the end of day 1, w did a little party & a sm tiny gift.
Day 2, tiny party w/dad & sibs. I actually HAD to run to the bank so I took
him to the potty at home to "try" then once I got to the bank, did my
business, had him try at the bathroom there then went right home.
Day 3, took him to the bathroom every 45 mins to see if he could try,
didn't go anywhere then had mini party at end w/a toy gift for his
success.
Never get upset if they have an accident. Quietly address the issue by
changing him

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C.B.

answers from Dallas on

"Kids do it when they are ready." Ohmigosh! I HATED that statement when I was trying to train my kids.

Unfortunately I found it to be completely true though. I had one trained at 3 yrs 7 months and the other at 3 yrs 5 months. NOTHING I tried worked. It was totally up to them. I should have saved myself the effort and hassle of all my failed attempts.

Have a potty available for him. Talk about it. Ask him to sit on the potty for a short time (maybe 1-2 minutes?) when he wakes up in the morning and after nap time and also before naptime and bath/bed. Just practice sitting matter of factly so the motions become routine. Whether he actually goes or not doesn't matter. Rewards for my kids were useless, so just a "Thanks for trying that out" may be enough for now.

When he pees on the floor give him a rag to clean it up and tell him, very simply, "maybe next time that pee will get in the potty." Don't make it any more of an issue than that. If he's running from you and the potty you definitely need to back off.

Good luck!

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M.A.

answers from Chicago on

I never pushed the potty thing. I had a potty seat in our living room and showed my kids how it worked when they went pee, it made music. cool hun. then let them do it at their time. Once they start wanting to go on their own, then ask them after naps and occasionally if they want to try. if they say no. move on and do not make a big deal about it. This is something you have no control over and if you push it they will see that and want to piss you off by not wanting to try. back off and tell him you are here when he is ready. good luck. and..for fun once he show interest..let him pee outside. boys think it is the coolest!
one more thing..once he does get it. don't worry if he wears pull ups at night. easier to change that than a wet bed! my daughter wore them till she was 4 and my son I will let wear them as long as possible. he is 3 now and in undies during day.

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M.

answers from Las Vegas on

Both of my kids were trained by before they were 2.5 years. (I have one girl and one boy) What worked for both of them was to leave them naked around the house. They are more aware of their bodies that way. I did not ever put them on the toilet every few minutes. They each had an accident or two on the floor. I remember the panic. I'd hear them say "oh no oh no!". I walked over and cleaned it up and didn't make them feel bad. I simply said "It's ok, next time try to make it the potty". I also used m and m's as a reward. I literally gave 1-2 of them each time they made it. If you celebrate the success and don't make a big deal about the failure, it takes off a lot of pressure from the child. Once we mastered the naked thing at home, I had them wear underwear out in public instead of pull ups. They each had one accident and never did again. If I left them in pull ups, they would go in them just like diapers. Maybe it was luck but I didn't have any issues or struggles the way I did it. You have to let them have some control and stay positive! Hang in there, he'll get there soon.

V.S.

answers from Reading on

Back off. He's not ready.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Strangely I never had that problem with my children, although millions of others. My sister, the one with the almost doctorate who has perfect children, however did have that problem and used m & m's as a bribe, reward tactic. It worked.They are now grown adults with college degrees.
Silly me.Still a nasty little sister sometimes.

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

I just thought I would let you know that you are not alone. My son will be 3 in November. While we have been lucky to get him to go IF we catch him, he just will not. He will not show signs that he needs to go. He will not say anything. This kid is stubborn. He won't even say anything if he has a poopy diaper. And he gets a nasty rash very easily too. My other kids were so much easier. My first 2 decided at 2 1/2 that they wanted to and 2 weeks later, they were done. My next one was done about 2 months later (constipation issues made a delay there) and then my 6 yr old decided around the same age that she was ready. Like the others, 2 weeks she was done. But my son........ I hoping we have a breakthrough by Christmas.

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