Hi Moms,
I was wondering if any of you have read any good parenting books (or have any advise) on dealing with terrible twos, introducing a 2 year old to a new baby sibling, and/or helping a 2 year old through other big changes (like moving)? My son is currently 20 months and I think we're handling the terrible two's pretty well right now, but I also think we need to be well prepared for what may lie ahead. We're moving in August, he turns two in October (which will mean he'll be moved to a new room in his daycare), and #2 is due in November. Not real good planning on our part, but its just the way things fell into place! Thanks in advance!
J.
I have read a lot of the parenting books, and some are so complicated. I love 1,2,3 Magic, very easy and works!
Dr. Kevin Lehman has a variety of parenting books that are AWESOME! Also check out Dr. James Dobson, or really anything from Focus on the Family - it's their specialty! Lots of Luck!
I finally found those books. Golden is the company. good luck
a baby sister for harry monster and when grover moved to sesame street.
i bought these through a mail order set 20 yrs ago. they were a set like you get the dr suess books.
we also had a baby and moved when our first turned 2. we had no adjustment troubles.
i read the harry monster book litterally sometimes 15 times a day. my son LOOOOVED it. i even gave him one of my old dolls so he could have a baby.
im not sure where you find these books but hopefully with the internet you can find them. im deep cleaning my gagrage so when i run across them i can send you the company that put them out.
Wow, you sure have a lot of changes coming up. It's great that you're figuring out how to help him with all of this, as it is even trying for adults that understand what is going on better than he will.
Books; the 1,2,3, Magic book is great. So is, "Siblings without Rivalry." Not too soon to start in on those, I read each of them several times. Also, visit your local bookstore and read the books they have for children about a new baby in the house. There are many, and they differ quite a bit, so a lot depends on what you want.
In this next stage, he will be challenging the limits, as he should. Anticipate that it will be harder to corral him once the baby is there. It's just hard to chase a toddler while coddling a baby. To avoid being confined indoors for safety reasons, try to get him to the point where he will absolutely listen to you the first time when you tell him to "stop!" You want to be confident that he won't end up in the street while you're trying to handle the baby. You could also play through the scenarios that apply to you. For example, if you expect to be going to an outdoor park, play through the baby going in the stroller, the other child holding on to the stroller and then Mom's hand, looking both ways, etc.
Other things to do: Get a doll and accessories, and start playing baby! Also, carry that baby around more and more and more the closer it gets to November. By the time the baby comes, you want him to be used to sharing the couch, your lap, etc. Also, take out toy houses and things, and start to play 'moving.' Go though the whole thing many, many times. Include moving all the household items, and having the little people say "goodbye" to the old house, and stay in the new house. Keep playing this more and more often, even after he shows he got it. Just don't force it after he's totally bored every time. I'd suggest playing it a little more after the move to help process it.
These are a lot of changes all at once. See if the daycare can be flexible and move him to another room a little later, or take care of that now? Some regression in his behavior is expected with all of these changes going on, but continue to support him through it, and take good care of yourself, too!
A great book for your son is "The New Baby" by Mercer Mayer. I don't have any adult reading suggestions, but we moved last August, our cat died in October, and we had our second baby a week after that. Our toddler handled it all remarkably well. He even became fully potty trained in that time period at about 2 1/2 years old. I suggest a lot of conversations with yur little one. I makes a big difference to explain as much as you can to him in simple, upbeat terms. Ours was 29 months when his baby brother was born. I'm sure you'll be great.
Wow - J.! That is a lot of changes in a short time! I don't have a suggestion on books, but I do have a few for the changes: be open and transparent with him, start/ keep "pushing" the big boy things, talk about changes early and often. Don't get upset or frustrated if he back tracks a bit in certain areas (potty training if he is, eating, etc...) and make extra time for him alone. He's going to watch your belly grow, maybe get him his own 'baby', and help him care for it.
My son was 25 months when #2 came along, so for his 2nd birthday, I went a bit overboard with a family party, since we also had a recent move and a few other changes.
Be flexible and you'll survive! Good luck!
check out www.askdrsears.com
the 2s are not terrible, just different. and it happens closer to when they are 2 1/2 not just when they are 2. kids are trying to do new things, and feeling a lot of different types of frustrations and other feelings, they dont have words for their feelings, so we have to give them the words. just stay connected, try not to get mad at things he does, hes just a kid, and its pretty much all age appropriate behavior, regardless of how 'terrible' he seems, hes just being a kid. :D
one thing that is important about kids is to change their socalled "negative" behaviors into positive ones! change your perspective! heres a list i took from "raising your spirited child" the negative descriptive is listed first, followed by the positive exciting label!
demanding? - holds high standards
unpredictable? - flexible, a creative problem solver
loud? - enthusiastic and zestful
argumentative? - opinionated, strongly committed to one's goals
stubborn? - assertive, a willingness to persist in the face of difficulties
nosy? - curious
wild? - energetic
extreme? - tenderhearted
inflexible? - traditional
manipulative? - charismatic
impatient? - compelling
anxious? - cautious
explosive? - dramatic
picky? - selective
whiny? - analytical
distractible? - perceptive
as you read through that list, no doubt you think of your own words to change the perspective that you have. :D so dont be afraid of the terrible 2s, they only exist if that is your perspective on your child. :D my son is 31 months old, just over the 2 1/2 year mark, and its certainly different than when he turned 2. but i would call them the energetic, perceptive, persistent twos! :D
I've just started reading "The Happiest Toddler on the Block," and it might help you. One of the problems I often find with parenting books is that they often seem to be written for kids school age at least, and your little guy isn't going to be reasoned with, no matter how hard you try! I agree that talking with him about the changes going on will help. And it might even help to do what you can to make all the changes positive--like associate his birthday party with the change to the new room at day care; or arrange to have a present waiting for him at the new house, maybe something special for his new room; or create a sibling gift from his new brother or sister. But no matter what, there's going to be some anxiety with all the changes. Perhaps that book will help some!
(Oh, and I just remembered: We also have "The Mr Rogers Parenting Book." He talks a lot about major transitions for kids and how to deal with them. Mr Rogers was actually a brilliant, compassionate child psychologist, so that book might be some help too.)
Hi J.
Well it is a good thing it is split up a little with the changes . But it is going to be hard for him to adjust so he may act out a little bit . Is he going to be going to the same daycare he goes to now ? If so that helps a little . I know in the daycare I work in we let the ones who are going to move up visit their new rooms a little bit each day before putting them in their new rooms for good . Just to see how they will react and let them get to know their new playmates . It sure helps . If it is a new daycare drop in and see if they will let him play for a little bit we do that for new kids and parents too . The moving he may just roll with it being so young . We have older kids 9 and 10 soon to be 11 and they had a hard time with the whole idea of moving . New house new school new friends . They will keep the old ones too since we did not move far but all the same it is hard . But they are excited now that we started the whole move . The new baby I remeber we put up the crib and every thing and we let our daughter help set the room up as much as she could at almost 2 . Then my husband brought her up the hospital right away and she got to see her brother and hold him and she was ok . I am not saying she did not have a little bit of a hard time getting use to him but it was not too bad . Keep his routine as much as you can after the baby . Sorry it is so long . Good luck with every thing .
