Sudden Shyness

Phase. There will be many more before this personality is set in stone.

My preacher says he came home one day and his son and daughter had exchanged personalities! One became shy and the other outgoing!

My nephew was like this from 4-9. I kept trying to make him speak, give him the words, tried to force him to be polite, hug other family members etc. I knew he could do it because he always had done it. Now I look back and realize I was just torturing the poor kid. It was a long phase but nothing I did to cajole, encourage or guilt him into it helped at all. All it did was make an awkward situation even more awkward. Looking back, wish I had talked to him about it ahead of time, asked what he was comfortable with saying or doing (if anything), respected that and not put both of us on the spot by trying to make him say good bye, thank you, etc. It never happened.....and it was always awkward for all involved! Just let him be and don't make fun of him.

You answered your own question. Don't call any attention to the behavior, and don't call him "shy." Just continue conversation. The less attention you give the behavior the shorter this phase will be.

You answered it better than anyone could. Phase. Likely picked up from peers. In terms of how to handle it, I say just under-react. Don't make a big deal out of it, try to avoid the label "shy." Just let it ride itself out.

phase. i think it's okay to prompt him briefly (we do want them to know how to be polite) but not push it. i'll bet that if he's allowed to hide his head during the anxious bit, he'll feel much more comfortable emerging when he's ready.
:) khairete
S.

Phase. Don't fret. Just make him feel safe.

Right on schedule :-)

My son would want to be invisible, he'd even climb in a stroller and try to hide, or go behind a pole and hide, etc.

Just pretend with him and wait it out.

My son did this same thing at that age. I remember I would tell him to be polite and say hello when a grown up came over and was talking to me and said hello to him. He would scowl and say nothing. Or after a few prompts he would grouchily say hello. Sometimes I felt embarrassed. I think it's a normal phase. If it were me I would still prompt my kid to say hello but then drop it if he does not. Later I would remind him it is always polite to greet someone and say hello. It sinks in. Then when he gets older he will probably start doing it again. My son is very social now...and remembers to greet people etc.

Kids go through shy stages. He's becoming more aware of what's around him and thinking more about it, too.

You could talk to him about it - see if he'll tell you how he feels when he feels shy. Maybe he can't put it in words. But let him know that everyone feels that way sometimes. Let him know that when you prompt him to speak to others, he needs to do it in order to be kind to those people. Otherwise, he needs to know that it's all right to feel shy on occasion.

I suggest that you stop prompting him. The things that we require of kids in the name of politeness or respect for adults can be confusing to kids who are also being taught about their right to say no to unwanted contact. Your son may very well be struggling with the "rules" conflicting with his personal needs.

I was taught to always be deferential to anyone older, bigger, and with more power than me. You'd be shocked (or maybe not, since we all grew up) at the long list of rude, invasive, and often downright inappropriate behaviors and comments I endured growing up, not just unwanted kisses, hugs, head pats, cheek pinches, the common indignities of childhood, but also occasional "accidental" gropes, and once having a man in a near-empty movie theater sit beside me and start feeling up my thigh when I was 17. I actually sat there for several minutes wondering how to deal with it, because he was "adult" and I was afraid to make a scene — being "polite" as I was trained. I finally got up and moved, but today, I'd most likely twist the guy's arm off and holler at him to leave me alone, and report it to management. But not then. I actually felt guilty for moving.

Please, moms, let's be consistent with what we truly want for our children: empowerment and wisdom as well as politeness, and make sure our rules fit all of those goals. It's okay for a child not to address an adult if he's feeling shy. It's even more okay not to kiss or hug grownups if that's not what the child wants and needs for emotional safety.

BTW: Here's a link that discusses the problem of contradictory things we teach our children about their own consent:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDSu2tyxmKE

My brother had the same problem. One day he just stopped being social. It depends on the kids on whether or not it's just a phase, but if I was you I would talk to him: maybe something bad had happend to him that made him shy?
Or, if that doesnt work and you find that he's not getting matter over time, try signing up for different activities where he'll be forced to interact. adventurally this might bring him out of his shell.
-M.