Struggling with Nap & Bedtime with 3 Yr Old

Hello K.,
have you tried making him really active before nap time? play outside for 20 minutes with a ball or chase him... the idea is to make him very active to make him so exhausted that he wont have the energy to fight you about sleep... his body will need it. then try explaining to him what you need to do... I would tell my daughter I will be right back but I have to wash the dishes first... then she would be asleep when I came back...with my other daughter i would tell her that she was a big girl and that I would stay with her for only a few minutes... at first 10min and then eventually only 2min... i know it's hard but try setting limits and stick with them... good luck... it does get better

I think your son is confused...to be honest, I would be. If my routine was dropped from out of nowhere, and I was expected to do something I wasn't familiar with, then it would do a number on my mood and behavior too.

It's not bad that you got him used to something, but if you're going to change it at all then it should be done gradually or you're going to get a frustrated and confused little person...who is OVERLY tired!!

My son and I have been co-sleepers since he was 2 months old and home from the NICU. But, as he's gotten older and we're moving towards sleeping in a big boy bed, I have been trying to get him 'used' to sleeping without Mommy in the same bed. He falls asleep with me cuddling him, but then I replace me with a snuggly (dino stuffed animal) that he's gotten used to over the last few months. I can't expect him to quit cold turkey, because then it's just going to lead to set backs and frustration on both our parts.

He very well may be moving away from his naps, but most kids that I know, nap well into their school years...my godson is in first grade and still naps for 30 minutes when he gets home.

I understand your frustration, but your little boy needs some understanding and patience while he transitions. Kids can't 'work it out' on their own...especially at this age. It won't take long if you explain it to him, and give him ownership over becoming a big boy. My son loves it when I tell him he's a 'big boy'...but, the key is to not rush it. Let him move at his own pace...try talking to him about what's going to happen.

I have been explaining it to my son, and what I do is I tell him 'Mommy will be here while you fall asleep but, I may not be in bed with you, if you wake up and need me I'll be right on the floor.' And, I'm working up to eventually Mommy will be in her own bed...with him being in his own bed. He does pop up every now and then and ask for me, but I rub his back from where I'm at on the floor or I come from what I'm doing to soothe him if he needs it. But the key for me is to make sure he knows I'm there if he needs me...so, that he can get peace of mind while sleeping. If he still needs me then I'm there, but I cannot just let him figure it out on his own...

It sounds like you've got your hands full with the two little ones and it's awesome that your hubby helps out!! Good for you both for being a team. You might want to include your son as a part of the 'helping with the baby', it will give him a sense of being a big brother. If he really is giving up the nap, then create a quiet time activity for him that will allow you some moments to get things done.

I truly wish you the best of luck!!

I know you won't want to hear this but. . .sounds like your son may be outgrowing naps. If it is that much of a struggle both at nap and bedtime than he is probably not tired enough. Try skipping a nap every other day or every third day. Let him have quiet time alone in his room or put in a Sesame Street video or something so you get a break from him. You will find he will probably go to bed earlier and easier on those nights.

I have to weigh in on the side of the moms who are suggesting he may indeed be "done" with napping. I fought my daughter for some time, believing she was SUPPOSED to nap. Only when I let go of it, and let her just have some "quiet time" after lunch, did the sleep issues subside. Instead of battling, we followed her lead and going to bed at nighttime became easy as pie, since she was totally wiped out by then. She was only 2 1/2. Try skipping the naps and putting him to bed earlier in the evening. Just might do the trick -- Good luck!

Dear K., I couldn't diagree more that your son is outgrowing his naps. First of all, the problem isn't just at naps but bedtime too. Secondly, 90% of 3 year olds still take a nap everyday. So there is only a 10% chance your son is outgrowing his naps and even then he would still be napping some days. The problem is that he doesn't know how to put him self to sleep. He has been relying on you and your husband since birth to help him get to sleep. He hasn't changed at all-you've changed. You are now tired of having to help him and now you have another baby to care for. You do him a disservice by not letting him learn how to self-soothe. This problem will not go away on it's own. YOu need to stop lying down with him to sleep. Put a gate on his door so he is safe and then let him work it out. If you want a more gradual approach I can help you develop a step-by-step plan. Visit my website at www.theindependentchild.com
Good Luck and let me know if you need my help
K. Smith- Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach

I've been going through this with my daughter for over a year now (she'll be four in two weeks). The biggest frustration for me has been that I know she's tired and it seems like she really needs one but...she still won't do it many days! So instead of spending time in her room with her trying to get her to settle down, which I think was driving us both crazy, I started having "quiet time" for her every day. We go into her room and I read her a story, then leave the room. If she falls asleep, great! (It only happens when she really, really needs it). If not, I just tell her that she needs to stay in there until I tell her she can get up. That way you are giving the opportunity for sleep, but not battling for it to happen. (I battled, and I can tell you it is NOT worth it!)

Other than that, don't force it. He'll get the sleep he needs. If you're worried though, try adjusting his bed time to a bit earlier, at least a half hour. Good luck! And feel free to write me directly, since it sounds like you're going through what I've already been dealing with. :) ____@____.com

I hate to tell you this, but maybe he's done napping. Try skipping it and see what happens. He will probably be a bear from 4-6 and then fall asleep at 6pm. My kids would then sleep all night. The trick is to keep him awake during grumpy time and make sure he gets some dinner before falling asleep. We switched around our whole dinnertime ritual and gave baths before dinner to accommodate this transition. Good luck and sorry!!

Dear K.,
My children gave up napping around 3 years of age. I was fine with it, but there grouchy, or sleepy time of day-usually around 2-3 pm-I required them to stay in their room on their bed and read books or play quietly while I set a timer for about 10-15min. Some days they would fall asleep, other days they would just play and read for a bit. Also I would give them a good protein filled lunch and something like fruit and protein for a snack. This way I figured I was allowing there body to run more smoothly. Goodluck!

I know this may not be the answer that you are looking for but when my children were the same age I drove my 3-year old to get her to sleep for naps, almost everyday. With a baby in the house, our lives were really disrupted, but if she didn't nap it was even worse. I decided that I just needed to do what it takes to get the sanity that I needed and that "this too shall pass" and it did. Good luck.

Do yourself a favor and get homeopathic sleep spray or patches by Lifewave. They work like magic and are safe for little ones. Called "silent nights". Go to Lifewave.com/kherihealth for more info.

Ah yes, I know your pain. At 3 the naps are getting more sporadic for my son. He has never been a good napper except at day care or preschool, never at home. I swear he mocks me. I have made a deal with him since I was losing my mind over the napping also. He has to stay in bed for 2 hours (his "quiet time"). If he does this, he gets a reward. My son loves popsicles. There are days he will lay in bed and read his books to himself. Sometimes he will fall asleep. It might take 15 minutes, an hour or hour and 1/2. At least he is resting and I get some quiet time too.