Struggling to Survive in San Diego!

I don't have any more advice to add that what others have already said. But there is a great website for you to check out called mommysavers.com. Lots of great tips of saving money, investing, couponing, where the best sales are for just about everything. They have a section specifically for people trying to get out of financial debt.

DH and I thankfully have not been put in a situation where we couldn't afford to live on our own, but he did get laid off just 3 weeks after we adopted our son about 4 years ago. And now with DD at 15 months old, I am learning alot from the mommysaver gals on how to save money on everyday things and to invest in the future.

And the best is, it's free! And you can even get onto a coupon train to trade coupons with other moms.

I am Meercat1 on the site.

Hi M., I know what you mean, it's SO frustrating! My husband has a well-paying job (he's an architect at a very busy and successful firm) and we are EXTREMELY stingy, but even so, we are barely making ends meet. We own our home and we bought at a good time, thank goodness, but it still keeps me up at night knowing that we are not saving for our future and our house is in need of several thousand dollars of repairs. I just keep telling myself that this is a temporary situation; eventally, I will go back to work, atleast part time, and I will be able to alleviate some of this financial burden. In the meantime, I just try to focus on the fact that I am grateful to be able to stay home with my young children, because this time goes by so quickly and you can never reclaim it. Still, I have to admit, we do often have fantasies of moving out of the area and buying a newer home (ours is 50 yrs old and needs ALOT of repairs) but we'd miss being close to family and friends, the beach, etc. Sigh...anyway, I hope this post helps you, just wanted you to know that you are not alone...gooc luck and I hope you find a solution that works for your family :-)

If you are looking for a sloution and you really mean it my husband and I would love to show you a possible way to turn your life around.

There is no strong armming involved, just an opportunity to make those debts go away. It is working for us and we are willing to share the information.

Please reply with some kind of contact information should you want to get out of debt.

Regards, Jacque

Hi M., sorry id you receive a partial response, my husbands lap top is so tempermental, it sends things before i'm ready, anyways I lot of us are in the same situation, my husband has a 24 an hour job, I run a home daycare. Bill collectors call, just a couple, like that;s not enough right? remember things do get better, for me this is my out look, I t=can only do what i can do, and i have stressed to the point of crying, for me as a Christian, i am really relying on God, I'm not preaching to you, this is just what helps me, I am trying to get things paid off before the Holidays. Don't let the stress still your zeal and joy for your son, I know it seems like when finances are good everything is good, and when their not, well you know the rest. Just keep working pay what you can, and eventually you will be caught up and ahead. If you would like to talk furtur my e-mail is ____@____.com we can struggle together. J.

Hi M.,

There are a lot of factors to take into consideration to determine whether or not you should accept your parents offer. You and your husband have to take an honest look at your finances. First deterine your total money in versus money out and then determine what you need versus what you want. What I normally tell my clients (I'm in the financial services industry)is that they need to pay themselves first. It can be something small but this is important. I chose to pay myself with a $20 Starbucks card each month. Your preference might be your Netflicks subscription or your weekly tithing to your church. You decide what it is and when you have figured out your budget, then you figure out how much. There are a couple of other things that you need to look at once you decide you are serious about getting your financial life on track. 1. How much do you actually owe, what are the interest rates and can you consolidate any of that debt? 2. In what areas are you willing to cut your spending? Be honest with yourself on this one. If you aren't, any and all plans will fail and you may end up worse off than you were before.

A couple of things that have helped other people in similar situations: 1. Call the holder of your student loans to see if you can consolidate and/or get a deferral. The lender will help you but you have to make the call. Don't, for any reason, default on your student loans. The government, who probably backs your loans, won't stand for it. They will garnish your wages and make your ability to get credit nearly impossible for a long, long time. If and when you do clean up your credit enough to get a loan, the interest rate will be in 20 to 25% range.
2. See if you can negotiate a lower interest rate on your existing credit cards. If your credit score is high (in the 700's is a good start) you should be able to negotiate a better rate. If not, find a card that offers no interest on balance transfers for at least 6 months. Then your total payments will go towards the principle owed.
3. Consider your current housing, car and daycare situation. Do you need a three bedroom home or would 2 bedrooms do? Do you need two cars or could one of you take mass transit? Is it feasible for you to work? Daycare costs for babies are a big expense. When you factor in transportation expenses, daycare, dresscode requirements (if any) and the expense of not packing your own lunch(es), it may not be feasible for you to work.
3. Are you having the proper amount withheld on your taxes? With a baby, your exemptions will be higher and your tax burden lower. Also consider whether or not you should itemize when you file taxes for 2008. Make sure you taking all the deductions and tax breaks available.
4. Shop for cheaper car/renters/homeowner insurance. You can save hundreds by spending an hour making phone calls and checking rates.

There are programs available to help you and many are free. Use your preferred search engine or the yellow pages to look for credit counseling programs. You can also start with the bank where you have your checking account. They may offer free programs or financial wellness seminars. Local community colleges offer budgeting seminars and classes as well.

Most importantly, you have to realize there is light at the end of the tunnel. That light may be finding a way to make it work at your parents' house for 6 months or a year while you pay down debt. If so, look at it as an opportunity for both you and your baby to forge an even deeper bond with your parents. That can be invaluable.

First off, let the stress go; it'll have devastating affects to your health. I also live and work in San Diego. I work 12 hour days and am barely surviving the increase in costs of food and gasoline. You may be able to defer the student loans; it doesn't hurt to ask. A budget is extremely difficult but workable in most cases. I've had to cut back and simplify. Cell phones, high speed internet and cable or satellite tv bills are not a necessity. There's a website called lowermybills.com. I've saved money by going with a different long distance carrier, and car insurance company. I've learned to never purchase retail and only buy what's on sale in the supermarket. Using double coupons at Ralphs has saved a small fortune. If none of the above is possible, at least you are fortunate enough to have someone that's willing to take you, your family and pets in to help you get back on your feet. Sometimes the things we think are unbearable may be a blessing in disguise. It's hard to get motivated when you're down; update your resume, get out of the house and meet new people, don't be afraid to ask for help. You will make it through this.

Hi M., Been there done that! Met my now hubby when I had a 11 day old and 6 year old son. When we got engaged I relocated from North County to South San Diego to be with him. However he lived with his parents, which means I moved in with my two kids in tow. 8 years later, a new baby, 3 dogs, 5 cats, 2 fish and 3 rabbits, we just bought his parents house when they retired and relocated out of state (I'm sure to get away from all our craziness) So from someone with kids, animals and self employed who survived living with in-laws for the better of 8 years, I can say I've lived what you are going through now and survived to brag about it. I say brag because if it wasn't for them, we couldn't have bought their home. We were able to save for a great down payment, plus have money to put in savings and elsewhere. We weren't going crazy trying to pay rent or a mortgage. We just closed escrow in January and I absolutly love owning my own home and having it to ourselves. I even moved my business to the extra room (we have an extra room now that they are gone)However, I miss them terribly and I don't know how I'm surviving without them. I had my mother in law back for 3 weeks in June while I was having gall stones removed and I hated to see her leave again. She is such a blessing. Now I'm truly blessed to have the best inlaws in the world and there would be no way we could have lived with my mom. But his parents let us stay and never questioned us about when we were leaving. Just a word of caution, make sure your husband gets along great with your parents, you set rules about how the kids get raised (that is very important) and don't take advantage. That was one thing that we tried not to do. We did have date nights (I miss those now) but only after all the kids were in bed for the night. We tried not to take advantage by just leaving the kids and we shared in the cooking responsibility. We were only supposed to be here for a few months too but it worked for our family so we stayed longer, much longer. M., whatever you do, do what is best for you and your family. Take it one day at a time and good luck!