Structure V. Flexibility with Almost 3 Month Old

Dear E.,

Not sleeping in the crib right away is perfectly normal for newborns. It is such a big space for such a tiny baby. Babies like to feel confined and snuggled, that's why they usually sleep so well in swings, car seats etc. Have you tried swaddling him to make him feel secure? Its really up to you if you like putting him in the bed with you, but remember this could be a habit that is very hard to break. I personally could not sleep with my kids I was always afraid my husband(he is a big guy)would roll over onto them, plus I just couldn't sleep well with them in my bed. When my kids were babies they were allowed to sleep on their belly which I know now is not allowed. I have to admit I think they slept better, I think when a baby has to sleep on their backs they look so uncomfortable. That's why I think swaddling may help. Good luck and congratulations on your new baby boy!!!

This is extremely common, we had a lot of sleep and napping issues. My son never slept more than 5 hours a night until about 5 months. And, he never slept in his crib until that point either, we tried but he just cried and never fell asleep. Sleeping properly is a developmental milestone and will come when he is ready. My advice is do whatever works and stay calm. Don't worry that you are creating bad habits, he will transition when he is ready. Just watch his signals, I think he will tell you what he wants and what he doesn't. He is very young still so do whatever works whether its a bassinet, a pack and play next to you or even a carseat like we did for the first 3 months. We then transitioned to a pack and play for the next 2. One day I put him in his crib while I ate lunch and he just fell asleep on his own. Love, respect, and listen to your baby. Also, nurse him as much as he needs.
Since 5 1/2 months he puts himself to sleep and sleeps 10-12 hours a night, no waking up. I know it is really, really hard, but there is hope. I also have a underwater sea animals "baby tv". That helped him because he could turn it on and off when he wanted. It plays music and I put it on for him when its bedtime.

Both my kids were similar to this. They wouldn't sleep for the first few months unless they were touching me (not my idea of a good nights sleep). So I sat up the pack and play on my side of the bed like you did. And here is what I did. I would wait until he was asleep on my bed and very gently move him to the bassinet. If they woke I'd move them back. after a few nights they'd stay asleep once moved. Then after a few weeks, I'd start the whole process over again with moving them to their own room. Another thing that helped them sleep in their own room was playing music to help them sleep. With my daughter I would start by letting her almost fall asleep in her room while I rocked her and she nursed/drank her bottle. Then while she was still awake, but almost out, I'd put her in the crib. Then I'd slowly put her to bed more and more awake. Now I just rock her a few minutes until she gets settled and she wants to be put in. My kids go to bed super easy.

It sounds like you're describing my life, when my son was born! We went through the exact same thing, and we did just what you're doing.

The key here is to listen to your baby. (Which you're doing perfectly!) I think some babies just need to be held constantly at first, and can't sleep well alone. For the first three months, my son would SCREAM for an hour in my arms before he fell asleep in the co-sleeper at night. And he would end up in bed with me after the first waking, then sleep well throughout the night. The rest of the time, he would nap just fine as long as I was holding him! I was pooped.

Around your son's age, my baby started sleeping less well in bed with us. And us, too! So I started using my sling to help him fall asleep, and then I'd place him in a pack-n-play right next to our bed. Sometimes he'd come back to sleep with us after a nursing, and sometimes not.

Over the next couple of weeks, we inched the pack-n-play towards the far wall of our bedroom. Once his "mini crib" was across the room, we were ready to help him transfer to his real crib. That was another long process, where he would start in the real crib and then sometimes end up in the pack-n-play.

He did not take to the crib until I let him soothe himself to sleep, however. But that's a whole different issue! :)

The key to this long, rambling answer is- keep listening to your son! By 4 months, my son was self-soothing and sleeping through the night (11-12 hours!). You can tell, when he's not sleeping well in bed with you anymore. And you can tell, when he's big enough to handle a little fussing and thus learn to self soothe.

And you can tell, when he's ready to sleep alone in his big boy crib. No need to rush it- he'll let you know when he's ready!

PS My son got way less fussy when I figured out, at 12 weeks, that I was putting him to bed too late. 8:00 became 6:00 and WOW what a difference!