STRONG Fear Because of Horror Story

You probably have done this, but have you asked her what she is afraid of? Get her to give the whole specifics--- then ask her what you can do to make her feel better about it? If you get into the details maybe she will have a breakthrough and see as you act out the areas of concern that everything is ok-- nothing happens when you do ____. I would just let her talk as much as she needs to and validate her feelings. Good luck and hope this passes soon for you.

M

That poor girl. I was just like her (and I still am!) when I was little. I once had this nightmare where my walls where bleeding and every night when I went to bed I had to talk to my walks to make me feel better. I still remember it and I am 34 now!! So like other people have mentioned, she may never really get over it but as time goes on the initial scare may start to fade. She may think about it from time to time but I think it will get better with time. Maybe some sort of musical thing she can listen to when she goes to bed may help. I used to have a music box that I listened to and it helped. Good luck!!

I hate to tell you this, but there is a possibilty she may never recover from this. Depending on the type of mentality she has, she may or may not get over it. I am very, very sensitive to things of scary nature. Even bad things in general, like someone losing a loved one. I FEEL the terror of all things bad more than the normal person. I was also told the same story your daughter was told when I was very young. I am now 32 years old and the fear of it still lingers even though I know it's not real. I cannot be in a dark bathroom - I just can't. And I have issues with certain mirrors if they just don't "feel" right to me.

I WISH, so desperately, that my parents would have taken me to a child psychologist. Instead they let me sleep with them for years after that which helped at the time, but then led to my fear and inabilty to ever be alone - still to this day. 2 years ago I finally went to a therapist whom helped me tremendously. Therapists have so many techniques to help get rid of the fear. I truly hope you consider this and don't try to wait it out and see what happens. What happened to her is the emotional equivalent to being physically hit by a bus. If she had physical injuries you would take her to a medical doctor to heal. The sooner you take her to a therapist, the sooner she will begin to recover and heal. God Bless.

Keep praying. Hold her. Let her sleep with you until this passes. It's very real and very scary to her. Eventually she'll work through this. Just keep praying and surround her with angels. I'll pray for you all too.

Just be patient. I know you are tired and frustrated, but you can't tell her not to be scared no matter how menial it may be to you. To her - it is terrifying. She is only 4 and this is very real to her. Kids do not have the thought processes we have as adults to understand the real from the non-real. Shoot, I remember when I WAS the Bionic Woman! I ran in slow motion and everything - it was real to me even though now it seems really stupid.

Can she sleep on a pallet in your room? Can you sleep in her room?

Keep comforting her and reassuring her...maybe let her watch/listen to cheerful movies/shows/music just before bed and have cheerful music playing in her room when she goes to sleep. This may be a game changer for a while. Good Luck!

When we have a strong emotional response as your daughter did, it actually gets wired into us. It's very real. Our brain then uses that to match to similar stimuli or situations which is why other things can trigger a response. Especially in something that has had such a strong emotional response, it is usually not something we can talk ourselves out of. Our body is responding from a strong emotional response which happens before the smart brain can react. It was our survival when we had to worry about tigers. Now our 'predators' are psychological but they still cause the same fight or flight response. There are specific tools for interrupting that cycle. - Hang in there!!

I feel for your daughter, I have a low tolerance for "scary" anything and honestly I couldn't go in the bathroom and do what you did. I "know" it's made up, but it scares me silly, and I'm going to be 30 with kids of my own.

Keep praying, keep her close and keep telling her it's all pretend. For her sake let her deal with it in her time though and don't force her, she will get past it much easier knowing you are there, than if she feels you abandoned her. (not saying that you would ever actually do that, but she's a little girl still, and it may feel that way to her if you push to hard)

I tell my kids, ages 4 & 5 that scary stories & tv & movies are make believe or pretend. I explain that some people think it is fun to be scared, so they tell scary stories or watch scary shows & pretend something is scary. Other people don't like it. I would bring mirrors back & go back to your normal routines. I may seem a bit cold when it comes to this, but I wouldn't "give in" to her in regards to moving mirrors or changing up normal routines as I feel that when you do so, you are letting her know that there is something to fear. I would explain that the mirrors have been there since the day she was born, nothing is different with the mirror, her room, or the bed. The only thing different is that she heard a scary story that is pretend. Tell her that how she is feeling is scared and that you will help her in any way possible, not to feel scared anymore, but within reason. Tell her that she is still scared without the mirrors, so taking them away didn't help. Let her know that we need mirrors to get dressed properly & living without mirrors is just not possible. Show her that the mirror is thin & a person can not be in a mirror. Then, continue with normal routines, let her know that when you get scared, you talk to God and then you feel better because you don't feel so alone. (course if this goes with your belief system) so far, my kids have worked through their fears pretty quickly. Hope this helps you. Just let her know that how she feels is normal and you know she will figure out how not top feel scared soon.

I don't know if you're religious or not but when I was little I used to have bad nightmares and my dad told me to sing a worship chorus when I was afraid and it really worked. Now if you're not religious, then I would suggest putting some soothing music in her room at night. Music is powerful and kids love it,

You have tried, your husband and your friends have tried. It is time to let a professional try to help her. I would suggest either her pediatrician(my kids will listen to him even when it is the exact same thing we are both telling them) or a therapist. Tell your daughter that this is what they do, they help kids and they are trained in this. Sometimes just M.D. at the end of a name is enough to instill confidence in a child. Good Luck.

do you have plenty of nightlights? we have them in all the bathrooms, hallways and her bedroom.

Well... a 4 year old is a TON different, cognitively, from those older kids. A kid this age does not 'know' the difference between fiction and non-fiction.
That sort of happened to my daughter too... while in 2nd grade!
Another girl, told them that 'story.'
My daughter was scared out her mind too.
But being 7 at the time, we "could" talk it out with her and rationalize it... and she understood.
NOT a 4 year old.
They don't have the same brain development or differentiating between pretend or not or real....

When that happened to my daughter, I told her Teacher. The Teacher, was not happy about it.. she talked to the ENTIRE class about it... and on the side, spoke to the girl who instigated it. My daughter, was not the only one, who was scared by that girl's horror story.

It will take TONS of time... for a mere 4 year old to overcome. In a sense, it is "trauma" to her poor little mind and imagination.

Be patient with her. She is only 4 years old. They can't cope... nor have 'coping skills' at this age, for emotional issues.

NEXT: I HOPE that 8 year old... has learned her lesson. To NOT tell such horrible things to a young child. It is mean. A young child, cannot handle that kind of story telling... and with Halloween coming up... well, I would REALLY comfort your little girl... as much as possible. Don't make her do things she is not comfortable with.
And I hope, that girl's Mom... realizes, the HARM it did to your ONLY 4 year old child.
The age differences between them.. .are simply not congruent nor complementary.

Bear in mind, that because of this and the older kid telling her things like that... it may take a LONG LONG time, for your 4 year old to 'forget' about it and the story... and to feel safe again.
I remember as a child, being scared like that... it does not just stop in 1 week. It can LINGER for a LONG time.
THAT is the legacy... that 8 year old girl.... has done, to your child.
And that happened to my daughter as I said... while in 2nd grade. It took my daughter a LONG time to get over her being scared. But she was allowed to at least sleep in our room, on the floor.

all the best,
Susan

how about making up silly things through out the day... like, if you do a summer sault and yell PANCAKE 4 x you will turn into a dog, and do it and laugh about how silly it is. after awhile you can tell her its just another silly thing. that seems to work w my 4 yr old boy : )

Poor kid. My daughter has a pretty active imagination, even as an adult, and can scare herself with spooky thoughts.

I agree with Molly. Since it isn't working to talk her out of her fear (that often doesn't work), try to draw your daughter into a gentle conversation in which you acknowledge her fear. "Oh, I hear you are afraid that _________ might happen. Hmm, that is a scary thought. What else are you worried about?"

Once she's been heard all the way through, and not had her feelings denied, ridiculed or dismissed (as she might see it), she'll be in a much better situation for dealing with her own fear. You might try brainstorming a list of what she can do this minute, or later this evening, or the next time she notices that she's feeling afraid. Write down every idea, even if it seems impractical or silly to you. Just get her brainstorming.

At the end of the list, make the suggestion that she pay attention to all the times that nothing bad happened, and that you could help her keep a diary of unscary moments. Once you can help her start to notice the "good" moments, they will probably begin to predominate, and the fearful ones may simply fade away.

Then ask which items on the list you/she can start with – which ones are immediately in reach or seem most practical. You might also give her an opportunity to set some goals for herself – like "By Saturday, I'll take a look in the bathroom mirror." Children often find this wonderfully empowering.

Good luck. You may get some more good ideas from a great little book I use with my grandson, called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. Emapthy is a watchword in this lovely little resource, and I have found it to be an amazing parenting tool.

I hate to tell you this, but giving her a bottle of "scary creature killer" just confirmed in her mind that you believe this is real. If it weren't real, she wouldn't need the scary creature killer.

Best wishes to you that you all can get past this.

I'm with Christy. I know it isn't true, but if I have to get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and I don't turn on the light...I will not look in the mirror! I don't know why! And, every time I do that, I walk out of the bathroom laughing at myself. I watch Ghost Hunters all the time...but...my hubby has to watch it with me and then for the rest of the night he has to check the bathroom or kitchen for me first! Man, it's kind of embarrassing admitting this...but maybe it will help.

I like Sue's idea. Make up funny things to say...that might help! Good luck!

Well say that boy was telling a fake scary story just to scare you tell her it was a fake do bloody Mary and say nothing happened this might word

Oh Wow! This is unreal. Our daughter who is 32 went through the exact same thing. Some boy at school told everyone the story of Bloody Mary and many of the kids were terrified. She could not have a mirror in her room. One day after dinner I was taking a nap and she opened my bedroom door and I picked my head up and she saw my face in the mirror and she went out of the room screaming at the top of her lungs. She thought she saw Bloody Mary! My husband had to convince her that it was me. The boy had to apologize to the whole class, but he didn't know how much damage he had already done. It took a long time for our daughter to get over this. It's amazing that this story is still going on after all these years. Good Luck with your daughter. Ours still talks about it occasionally.