Stressed Working Mom

That is the natural God given instinct in place. We live in a different society where people are shifting away from this or at least trying to. Moms are suppose to traditionally be the ones to take care of the kids. Men follow God, women follow their husband and children follow their mother. Things are shifting in this day and because women have changed so much, they end up getting emotional about the men and calling them selfish. It isn't selfish if we haven't worked out an agreeable alternative to our natural, innate behaviours and desires. Add logic and thought to it and our desires to care for the kids can sometimes turn into anger because the men didn't feel the same as we did, or give as much as we did, or even know what we expected, or how we wanted them to do something differently. Ask your husband if he even understands your frustration and I bet he will say he may understand part of it, but even if you both use the same words it can have different meaning....men truly are from Mars and women are from venus...haha. Men automatically expect we will take care of our children, but this is how their maker made them to be. We work completely different and unless we have seriously arranged something different, we will naturally go into autopilot....mom takes care of the kids, dad goes to work and expects all the details of the kids to be left up to mom. Talk to your hubby if you need his help. Hang in there and I hope you guys can find a happy medium.

This is coming from a happy mother of 3 beautiful children, and although I have had my rough spots in misunderstandings and communication with my husband I can honestly say I have been very happily married for 11.5 yrs!!! My husband and I trust that we will always try our very hardest to work everything out. This day and age it is easier for most people to just give up on the relationship, but we are serious about ours, we love the Lord and we will do everything to make it right. Our preacher once saidwhen talking about marriage that the way to keeping each other happy is to always be thinking of good things to do for your partner and not about what he is not doing for you, and he must do the same for you. If you both spend time doing this, there won't be a problem. Good luck and God Bless~

B. :)

I know what you mean! I have a 10 y/o, 3 y/o, and 5 month old and they are quite the handful. Plus I work full-time at night and am a full-time online student. I don't get much sleep at all because of this arrangement and usually I end up doing most of the kid-related stuff. Hubby works full-time and does most of the cooking. I'm sick of hearing him say he's tired, though!! He at least gets to sleep more than 3 hours a day! I don't agree with the "he's wired that way". Men can still make choices. Just because something is traditional does not mean it is impossible to go against the tradition.

I guess a lot of us can relate. i work full time and i guess since i attend an online college my guy doesn't look at that as a real school so my days are pretty long with my daughter. a typical day for me is working 9-6, bathing, feeding and bed by 9 and studying till 11 and it repeats. communication is very important and u just have to stand your ground with him. sometimes i'll just leave and make him do the bath and dinner just to get time away. when she's sick i'm usually the one to call it. he's a barber and his hours are more flexible, but unfortunately i don't trust him to feed her right and re-nourish her back to health. lol. i say just talk to him and let him know that you feel overwhelmed sometimes. u shouldn't have to sacrifice no more than him.

Hi L., I don't know your husband, but alot of men tend to be selfish. They just figure since your the "mother" you should sacrafice your needs. I feel it has been left up to the woman to maintain the family, house and her job if she has one. I really can't give you any advice or suggestions, but you could maybe get some free counseling. Or have you just sit down and tried to explain to him the situation? I know it may not be the best, but without getting too personal, its the best I can offer.

I don't think there is any way to make it easier. I do think you should talk to your husband and tell him that he too needs to be taking off work if you can't to take care of the baby. It's not just your child and your husband needs to understand that, he also needs to see that you are equal partners. Your job is just as important as his, and if you can miss a day to take care of a sick baby then he can miss a day also. My husband was the same way, his mother did everything and he had the same view of what a womens job was, finally after alot of talking and trying to convince him that it doesn't work that way anymore he did change. I hope this helps.

L.:

I know it is tough when you child is sick, and you are "forced" to be torn between your job and your child. There is no reason why your husband can't (and should) split the time with you. Fathers are father's NOT babysitters! It makes me cringe when I hear that. My husband and I either split the day, or he will stay home one day and I will stay home the other. I'm sure you are doing the best that you can do.
I also wanted to mention that women who work outside the home have many reasons for doing so, it does not always mean that they "have" too.

A. L

wow, i need to go give my hubs a special night apparently. He made sure we were financially in a position for me to stay home with our first because he know how important i felt that was. And although at first he didnt quite comprehend why I was so tired by the time he came home, a few hours here and there so I could get out of the house for a bit cured him of that very quickly. He gets her up in the morning so I can sleep in somewhat, and he gives her a bath every night.
Does your husband's entire income perhaps revolve around whatever his 5 appointments were that day? It sounds like he works for himself or runs the place, sometimes that puts more on your shoulders even though you're not answering TO anyone, you have alot ot answer for if things fail.

I know exactly how you feel!
I have a 17 month old and get stuck with the same decision. I am also a full time student...so if my daughter is sick I have to not only miss work (I work on campus), but I also miss class. My boyfriend also feels that it is my responsibility to pay for daycare...he works two jobs and makes more money than me...I have had to resort to state aid.
I just do what I can...try to avoid arguments with him, but there are moments where I tell him we need to talk. And that's what we do, talk...no fighting. Don't go in already pissed off.
If your husband continues to do this, especially since it would be easier for him to stay home than you, then maybe you should confront him about "if this is how you feel then maybe I should be a stay at home mom and you can work to pay the bills..." not necessarily meant to happen, but maybe he'll understand better how you feel once it's said.
Good luck with your stress.

A.

When I worked I had a co-worker that when she had a sick kid her and her husband split the day. One would stay with the child until noon and then the other would stay from noon to five. This way both could get some work done and when they had sick children they only burned a 1/2 day of personal time. I always thought this was a great idea. (It usually didn't work for me because my husband was out of town travelling a lot) Maybe you and your husband could try a situation like that. He could reschedule the appts to either morning or afternoon and then the baby could stay home where she needs to be when she is ill.

Hi L.. I have been in your shoes before many times minus the hubby not taking his share. I quit my job as a loan officer in March of this year to stay home with our 5 yr. old and 1 yr. old. We weren't financially able to do so until then. Anyway, I can remember crying from the time I left the daycare until I pulled into my work parking lot from guilt. There were times when I didn't want to leave my sick child at daycare but felt due to work obligations that I had to. My husband and I started a system of half days when one child was sick. One would take the morning shift then go to work at noon as soon as the other got home to do the afternoon shift. Even though my husband's job provided a much higher income than mine, my job was still important and me calling in all of the time was not fair to my boss or my co-workers. I hope you consider trying something like this with your husband. A sick child will always recover quicker if they are in their parents arms in their own home away from other loud kids. Good luck and I commend you for getting up each day and meeting the challenges of being a working mom. I did it for five years and quite often I wondered if I was going to make it until the weekend. Hang in there!!

The only advice I can give you is ,You need to set your husband down and discuss your concerns and let him know how you feel .If anything you will feel better.I am a full-time working mom and I am in the same boat ,I have no family here and my other half works all the time long hours ...The thing you need to keep in mind is that work will keep going with you there or not ,from past experiences when my daughter is sick ,she really needs me to be there for her and I have learned that other things have to wait ...I know it is hard but from this age to about 7years old ,they are sick almost all the time .

We have a five year old in school, but this is our system: I work part time and go to school full time and my husband works a full time job and a part time job. Who stays home depends on who can more easily stay home. We take turns. If I have something I can't miss at school, then my hubby stays home, even if it's for only until I get home from school. I agree that your daughter needs a parent home with her when she is sick. Do you have your own parents near who could sit with her in a pinch when she's sick? Can you work from home? You need to talk to your husband, enlist your mom in law's help if possible.

I totally understand. Why is it our "job" to watch our kids but when hubby does it he's babysitting or helping out. Shouldn't it be his job too?

Girl, for years on end, it has always dbeen Mom. But what pisses me off is when it's time to punish the kids all dad has to do is look at them and they cry. I don't know why they think their work is more important than ours. But it is called being responsible. Good luck Mom and I give you praises for doing what you gotta do!

Make your husband take her to daycare next time. See how he feels when he has to leave his screaming baby behind.

I stopped working when my first was born and only work part-time right now, but I know how you feel about being underappreciated. My husband used to come home and, when I told him how tired I was, would say "Why should you be tired, you haven't done anything all day". I think a lot of men really don't understand how draining it is taking care of children, doubly so when you work full-time on top of being a mom.

My husband occasionally agrees to give me a weekend by myself. He either goes to visit family or arranges for his parents to keep the girls over a weekend. Is there any way you can pack hubby and child off to see his family (when she's better that is...)? That would give them more bonding time together as well.

Even if my suggestions don't work for you, know that you are not the only one feeling this way. Even 5 minutes of quiet time (meditation, reading, etc) each night after daughter and husband go to bed might help you feel more relaxed. Meditation really has helped me get a handle on my emotions and I feel more balanced and better able to cope with the pressures of "only being a stay-at-home mom".