Stressed!!! NEED HELP!!! Maturity Level Hindering Learning...

I second Pam's advice. It does sound like ADD internal focus. In the meantime, I would start a sticker chart at home. Give her a sticker for every time she follows a direction or complies with a request. For every 5 stickers give her a small reward( like 3 skittles) Have her teacher do a home note with one thing she did well and rate her behavior. Give her a reward for each good home note ( a cookie or extra time with mommy or something else she likes but has limited access to).

I love how everyone automatically jumps to ADD and ADHD whenever there is any type of behavior issues. The truth is it may not have anything to do with ADD or ADHD, and as you said it may all be attributed to her maturity level.

My advice is to get the school counselor involved ASAP. The school counsel;or is there to assist children in adjusting. They are not just there for disciplinary or behavioral issues but are there as an advocate to your child and to help make sure they are well rounded. Set up a meeting with the counselor to discuss your concerns and get her take on it. If all agree your child should be held back, then it's probably the best thing for her. My niece was also held back in kindergarten for similar reasons. (and for the record she is not ADD or ADHD.) My niece is now 12 and is doing well.

Also a great book is Parenting the Strong Willed Child, it helped us a lot when my son was in kindergarten. It has a lot of great tips.

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child-Rex-F...

If you are concerned about ADD or any other developmental or learning disabilities talk to your pediatrician. If your health insurance also has behavioral benefits it may be beneficial to have her evaluated by a professional child psychologist or psychiatrist.

My son had a lot of issues in kindergarten, but now that he has finally matured 3rd grade has been great! Hang in there!

Just give her time! Very bright children don't necessarily learn to read in Kindergarten. And expecting many little ones to have the focus to do homework in Kindergarten is unfair. You're probably right that her maturity level is hindering her in school and there is no shame in repeating the grade. If given the chance to mature a little bit, by repeating Kindergarten, she will most likely be more focused, more confident, and a leader. Perhaps you can spend the rest of this year and the summer just letting her have lots of unstructured playtime- to expend energy and develop more social and creative thinking skills. In her downtime, give her supplies for projects (whatever interests her- art, blocks, puzzles) so she can develop more focus and attention. Try to really limit TV time, if you can. TV can have a negative affect on children's ability to focus and it acts as a stimulant, not a relaxer (contrary to what one would think). And read, read, read to her as much as you can! You can help instill in her a love of reading and learning. Plus it will help with her letter recognition and eventual reading. I just want to reiterate (my thoughts- LOL) on repeating Kindergarten. One year can make a HUGE difference. Instead of struggling, she may be leading! Best of luck!!

I went through the very same thing with my oldest son (now 9). His kinder teacher suggested we think about holding him back. We prayed about it, but still weren't sure what to do, so we sent him to 1st. His 1st grade teacher suggested we hold him back - he was passing, but he was very immature. After much discussion with the school, we decided it was better to hold him back earlier rather than later. Once they get past the 2nd grade and older, they have really made their friends. He still reminds me occasionally that he "should" be in the 4th grade. We remind him that it was our choice to hold him back. He knows that he was passing, doesn't really understand, but ultimately I think it was best for him. He fits in better. His 2nd time around in 1st grade, he suddenly matured and fit in better all the way around. You have to have confidence in what you know is best for your child. 1st grade is much harder than kinder. (Our youngest is in 1st - homework every night). If you choose to let her move on, just be prepared that you may choose to hold her back in 1st. I waited until summer to tell my son. After meet-the-teacher before school started, I came home and got him very excited about his new teacher. The kids I see that repeated kinder seem totally oblivious to the fact that they repeated. The further they get, the more aware they are. Good luck with your decision!! If you ever need to talk, please feel free to email me, K.

Hi Shelia,

I experience the same thing with my daughter and I wasn't too thrilled to hear that my child was immature. My daughter started daycare at 6 months because both father & i are working parents. My daughter learned a lot at daycare and she was spoiled from their care at the school.

I sent my daughter to Montessori at the age of 3 and this is where she experience most of her so called immature problems. She was stubborn and although she may follow the rules on day 1, day 2 she would make sure the teachers understood that if today is music, I don't have to go and I will keep up all sorts of problems. Why was this...? to do what she wanted to do in class at that time. Maybe Science was what she wanted to do all day or library but she would never follow the Montessori rules and will disrupt the class by kicking and screaming until she is able to do what she wanted to do.
This behavior changed when I moved her back to her daycare and they help me with a school that they thought would be better for her. She love the behavior of the teacher, the attention she gave her, and the principal attention towards her. Yes, she would have to remove her from class every now and then but she would be so quick to apologize for her behavior that i don't believe she really knew how difficult of a child she was. Very very sweet but she wanted to do what she wanted to do.
I was afraid of Kindergarten, her teacher was new and she didn't have any personality, this didn't work so we ask that she be moved. She ended up being outstanding in the new teacher class, she understood my daughter and she knew how to deal with a child such as my daughter. Was it hard & stressful...
Yes, but she is now in the 2nd grade very smart, different in her own way but I love her uniqueness.
Learn your child behavior, try to focus in on her and see what interest her more at school. Visit the school if not twice a week and sit in on her class, try once a week. They would love you for this. It makes learning exciting when a parent is in the room.

It may not have anything to do with who watched her, it may just be her in general and she is challenging when it comes to school. have you tried a Private school, most of the schools offer scholarships where you may have to pay less than $200 - $300 a month. Look into alternative's such as Private or Charter schools.

Good Luck!

She is awfully young. Staying consistent with teaching her and disciplining her (with extreme patience) is great but at the same time, she will most likely outgrow this. I homeschool all 4 of my children and Kindergarten was the age where I struggle with their attention span. My two older ones were in High School and my youngest was in Kindergarten plus a 3 grader and I'd always tell people that Kindergarten was the hardest...LOL I don't know why teachers can't be more understanding with 5 year olds. I know here in AZ they did away with all day public Kindergarten for awhile and brought it back because parents were upset. But they start older now... Keep working with her, have fun with her, hang in there, she will figure this out. Most likely by the end of the year, she'll show much improvement. Good luck!

Being held back in Kinder is much much better than being held back in middle school. There will be a huge jump in responsibility, remembering, staying on task, etc...from elem. to middle school.
I know of some families who tried to not hold back in K, 1 or 2nd and usually they had to do it in 3rd grade or after. That's very hard on the kids.
Kinder should not be that challenging if you have her repeat.

Don't get so stressed out about school and the work. It will make your daughter more stressed out and she might begin to dislike it.

I forgot to mention!!! Very important! Young kids must get 9 hours of sleep a night. If they are not getting lots of good sleep, they can't think and focus. Also, pull her off all the red, blue and purple foods she eats!!! Limit the sugar! I have good friends who had terrible problems with their kids for a couple years. Nutritionist told them the colored candies, cookies, treats have very bad effects of the brains of some kids. Get rid of the food dyes from the whole house.

You poor thing! I had the same issue with my oldest (7) when he was in pre-school. He was about 4, and his teacher said he would "zone out" and get distracted. I asked my pediatrician what to do, and she was a huge help. Make sure you're reading to her, every single day or night. Reading to her will give her the best base for her reading skills. My dr also suggested we play games where he has to WAIT for his turn. We played hi-ho cherrio, chutes and ladders and candyland. We also played cards - go fish and slap jack ( he loved that one, and he had to pay attention the entire time. You might also talk to your school's counselor and see what they can do.
As for homework, we set a timer, and he knows that if he doesn't get it done by the time it goes off, he loses a privilege or has to do a chore. He has grown to love that darn timer. Carries it around and times himself getting dressed, making his bed, brushing his teeth. Bought it at Target in the baking section - made my Taylor.

Hope this helps...

If the recommendation in the end is that she should repeat Kindergarten to help her catch up, I wouldn't let fear that she may get flack from other kids hold you back. Lots of kids are clueless as to this stuff at her age, and a little flack from 1 or 2 kids (maybe) isn't worth her being behind her peers for the next several years.

I know of 3 kids who were retained and their parents all said it was one of the best decisions they ever made. (A boy was retained in Kindergarten, a girl was retained in K or 1st grade and a boy was retained in 3rd grade.) They felt their child was more comfortable socially and able to learn better in the retained year and going forward. There have never been any regrets, and these kids are all in 6th grade now.

On the other hand, I know another family whose 7th grade boy has struggled since Kindergarten, mostly academically. The thought of retaining was tossed around, but not much testing was done to back it up. This first-time mother felt ill-informed and was confused. She thought it would help but was increasingly worried each year that it would affect him socially and his self-esteem, so much so that she was somewhat paralyzed and never did retain him. He has had special help in school, lots of outside tutoring, as well as summer school to help compensate, but as of the end of 5th grade, I don't think it ever really was enough to bring him up to speed where he should have been. Not sure how he's doing now in 7th grade.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Is she young? I ask because I teach-first grade, our youngest are generally the ones that have the hardest times. We had a late summer birthday child of our own, and even though he was acadmically ready for school we held him out fearing the maturity issue. I will tell you, though it is rough for you-if she is really having a hard time adjusting despite all the interventions, I'd say she isn't ready to move on. First grade is one of the most difficult years in elementary school, and she would be better being retained now, than moving on and struggling with much harder issues than getting along and learning early school skills. Also, since it is kindergarten, kids don't generally understand that everyone moves up anyway...they just know that next year they will be at school again, you would just prepare her that she will have new friends (is there a different kinder. teacher available?) new teacher. It's never an easy thing, for the teachers either-but it is the better time to get a hold of the whole situation. Best of luck to you!!!!

Dear Mom,
I had a similar experience with my son last year in Kindergarten, he to did not go to pre-K. The school should offer something extra to your child in the way of teaching. She needs to be tested and the teacher and you should discuss this and see what your school district has to offer...They called my son "an young 5 year old", he went into special groups throughout the day, but still stayed in his classroom, the school therapist met with him also. He did go to summer school to get acclamented for his next school year. IT WAS difficult for me to. You must remain calm, stick to a schedule everyday regardless, write it on a large poster board of when she gets up in the morning, brush teeth, have a great attitude etc...and she receives a star and have her receive some type of reward weekly. READ to her every chance you get. Especially at night right before bed time. I do this while he is in the tub even, now he asks to be read to even if I'm making dinner. I have books in every room. Reading is huge in their lives now. I would also tell him stories in the car, making dinner..Talk very simply to her, not necessarily about punishment, but why she did something and how did it make her or you or the classroom feel ...This is what you can do at home and I swear it helps. But the school and her teacher should be doing something too. Take time and find out what they have, set up appointments if necessary.

Good Luck!

Ok....the best thing really is to retain her. She will catch minimum flack if any. Kids aren't as mean and judgemental at this age. However, my sister had these same issues with my niece and every year the teachers would say the same thing....it's a maturity issue..... Well, finally in SEVENTH grade, she had to be held back. And, she is an AB honor roll student now with no problems.

As for keeping her on task on her homework, that one was a tough one for me with my daughter. I used to set a timer and if she finished her homework before that time went off then she was rewarded (extra TV time, or Nintendo time, etc.).

Hang in there..... it's frustrating as a mom because you feel to blame, but it's not because she didn't go to pre-k, it's not because you're doing it all wrong. It's because God gave all of us this little thing called "will"....and unfortunately, you have it from birth..... so, she is just using hers a lot!

You will get through it.... you may need hair dye to cover the gray by the time you do, but, it will all work out!

She may have some issues that are not related to learning- maturity is one thing but even then most girls don't struggle with that in school. I have been a teacher for many years and have 4 kids of my own. It is possible that you might need to visit an educational psychologist and have her tested. Not only can they pinpoint if there is a problem but they can also help in helping you learn what is best for your child. I am in no way saying there is or isn't but look at it as an opportunity to start implementing things in her world that will make her feel successful. I struggled in school and heard the phrase "apply yourself" too many times to count. It wasn't until college that I discovered that I was dyslexic (and there are several kinds of dyslexia not just the letter reversal). When I was 37 I discovered that I had learned to compensate very well for not only dyslexia but also Sensory Perception Disorder- very very common disorder that an OT can teach coping mechanisms for your cutie patootie. If you go through the school system it can sometimes take forever... but if you choose an outside testing psychologist... you can have it done with the results in a few weeks of testing. I did this with my son and wow- has it changed our world! There are lots and lots of kids out there (including mine) who didn't spend time in preschool and yet they do well in school. Be an advocate for your daughter and look for how you can best help her. You can do it mom! Good luck to both of you!

S., I didn't read the other responses as I don't have time. But wanted to tell you what we did with my 5 year old in kindergarten. She started kindergarten same as your daughter, last September. She showed immature as well (crying, and being upset if she was not called to answer the question, or if someone scored a goal in the gym, or if someone was chosen for a task she wanted...you name it she cried over it). I also kept her and her sister home for pre-k, and I know emotionally she was not ready. The teacher immediately noticed the behavior, and suggested a reward system. The way they had it set up was my daughter had to ear two stickers a day (morning-afternoon) for five days (she was allowed two misses). If she earned at least 8 stickers by Friday then the reward was my daughter gets to choose something: like lunch at friendly's, or a small toy, or get a snack which she usually doesn't (sweet stuff).
The teacher started this in October. My daughter did ok some weeks not ok other weeks. Come December, the teacher said she was ready to be off behavior chart because she had gone without any 'bad' behavior for 3 weeks. When school started after holidays my daughter was not on behavior charts anymore, and has had no outbursts. Academically my daughter is on top of her class. Follows directions fine (when she wasn't crying, did her class and homework without complaints, and socializes fine). The amiss part was her expressing unhappiness through tears and screams.
I don't know if the teacher suggested something like that to you. Main part for us was for my daughter not to disrupt the class. She is always fine at home.
Before you give up on your daughter, suggest something like this to the teacher. I would be ok to have kindergarten repeated if academically a child did not perform well, but behavior is something that can be altered. You guys have a few months left. Talk to the teacher. Actually, take charge. I would be surprised if the teacher didn't try to work with you from the get-go instead of waiting for all these months to pass and then suggest repeating kindergarten.
Good luck

I haven't seen any of the other reponses, so I apologize if this is a repeat. It sounds to me like your daughter has ADHD. Don't freak out - it can be controlled...sometimes simple diet changes make a world of difference, but sometimes medication is necessary. Your daughter isn't chosing to be disruptive, her just brain needs redirecting.

Don't wait - get her tested ASAP to get the answers and help you both need. I waited until my daughter was in middle school because I didn't think she had ADHD because she wasn't out of control all the time. I would get so mad when she wouldn't pay attention in class or when she wouldnt turn her already-completed homework in. I thought she was being lazy and defiant. She would always say "I don't know" when asked why she didn't turn it in or why she can't stop fidgeting. I had preconceived beliefs on what ADHD is and let my emotions and fear of her being labled delay getting her the help she needed.

Good luck and be patient with your daughter. It's a scary thing to act a certain way and really not know why.

Dont stress - Its part of parenting and part of your daughter learning and growing up.

My daughter did not qualify for a pre-k program in our area either... so this is her first year in a publis school and it is a hard lesson for her to grab onto. As much as she enjoys school and loves to learn I too am having issues with my daughter.

I am having notes sent home about my daughter hitting other students, not listening, not doing her work and even choking another student. Odd since my daughter at home has always been the ideal child. Always listened, kept her room clean, behaved in public and so forth.

now she is struggling with her sight words and not wanting to remember her numbers or letter when before school started we had all that down pat plus some!

Its llike she is regressing......

I am trying to stay patient with my daughter - when we get home at night we stick to a routine EVERY night. We fix dinner together - she helps. After dinner we work on some workbooks and flash cards for 30-45 minutes every night. then we watch tv for 30 minutes then she gets ready for bed and we either read a book for she gets to play her Leapster video game, read her TAG books or play her Computer Cool School Games - (everything is educational).... She is in bed between 830-845 every night except weekend - but even on weekends she does homework. She loves her workbooks - some are work finds, some are dot to dots others are like what they have at school that teach math and words and letters and so forth.

good luck and if you need to vent - we are here - I too am a single mother - who works full time so I feel your pain!

It sounds like your child is ADHD. I have a stepson who had the same problem. He is now on a medication and he has gone from a D student to an A student. His behavior has improved all around. He used to tap on stuff, get up and down during dinner and never do his homework. Now, he is a serious student and does his homework. He doesn't argue with us as much either. He didn't get diagnosed until he was a Senior in High School because his Dad didn't want him labeled. But, he now is a believer. Before the medication, he got in a lot of trouble for being a fool.

I suggest turning learning into a game, my son also has a very short attention span but does very well in school and with his reading. He has a teacher that makes learning fun and when working on site words and other homework I turn it into a game. You can also looking into websites this is fun for the kids plus they are learning and it teaches them how to focus because using the computer requires them to sit still. Here are some websites that my son loves some are educational and others are just for online fun:
www.pbskids.com
www.starfall.com (this is good for reading)
www.jumpstart.com
www.sproutonline.com
www.abc.net
www.disney.com
www.nickjr.com

Hope this is helpful.

I know exactly how you feel! And I'm shocked at all the ameture diagnosis of ADD.

Maybe she's just not developmentally ready for kindergarten this year. There is no shame in developing at your body's pace. Maybe she just needs an extra year. I'd try that before jumping to conclusions about her mental health!

My dd went through a similar thing. I finally decided to homeschool and I realized (regretfully not sooner) that she's perfectly who she needs to be, I'm the one with the problem. It was important to me to make sure she's where I want her to be, not where she needs to be. Her hand-eye coordination was not where the other kids were, nor her attention span, nor her reading skills, even though I worked with her daily on reading and was a reading teacher. Sigh. Live and learn. WHen I allowed her body and mind to mature, and stopped belittling and punishing her for being young, she took off. I think I crushed part of her soul in the process, though.

No one is going to make fun of her for needing an extra year in Kinder. They're too little for all that. That's your fears talking.

Good luck to you

S. I feel your pain. I have a 5 year old son and we have been going thru similar things. My son did go to Pre-K, however his behavoir in the class has been a challenge. I feel like I live at the school. It's very frustrating but don't give up. I am also a S. so here is what I'm doing and I hope it helps. First I met with the teachers so we could get on the same page in regards to behavoir. Second, I took my son to his dr. to make sure there was nothing physically wrong (eyes, hearing & so forth) . All checked out ok. The dr. did tell me to contact the school and request an Educational Evaluation, which I have done. He is being monitored by the school therapyst weekly. It's amazing because since he has been monitored (3 weeks now) his behavoir has been almost perfect. I do not agree with everything the teachers have told me & feel they are over the top with some of the things he has gotten in trouble for. For example: He was lowered in behavoir for sitting criss cross apple sauce, which come to find out is sitting indian style. My questions was "Was he supposed to be in his chair?" The teacher said no. They sit on the floor during story time. When I said I didn't get it I was told, "Well he leaned over on his hand & he has to sit up straight" hmmm. My opinion is she could have simply said sit up straight & don't lean over but instead he was punished.

Now for what I'm doing at home. I went and purchased a behavoiral magnet board. He earns magnets everyday for doing chores, homework, & activities in school. There are consequeces & rewards. As an example, if he comes home with a bad color for behavoir he loses magnets & the number he loses depends on the color. To reward him, if he gets X amount of magnets by the end of the week, he gets something fun, like a play date or going to the park & sometimes a toy he has been really wanting but I don't do this one very often. We decide in the beginning of the week what the reward will be so he has something to work towards. My son also goes to day care after school & I have talked to them so when he gets there & done all the snack thing, they go over words, letters, sounds with him. That has really helped. As soon as he gets home, we follow the routine, Snack, homework, & then chores. He then has some play time left before bed & bath. I always go in and read to him at bed time. This seems to relax him & slows him down. We do not change this routine even on weekends. Stick to the schedule closely. That is the trick

It's really hard being a S.. There is nothing glamorous about it, however it is what it is. Hang in there & keep working with her.

You're in a difficult spot here as a working mom, S.. I am totally in accord with Margot B. and Jeanine R. I had the following immediate thoughts as I read your request.

1. I wondered whether your reward system was set up for a whole week before the reward could be earned. An immature child of even 6 or 7 would probably not find such "long term" goals reachable, and would lose interest. A more mature child might make it, but your goals might simply be too long for your daughter to think she has much of a chance of succeeding. So you might try daily goals for awhile and see whether that makes a difference.

It might also help if your daughter sits down with you and helps set the goal and the reward. It will be more meaningful for her.

2. Time outs are best not used for punishment, but rather as a period of calm to help children having emotional episodes. And time outs more than a few minutes after the fact would have little or no impact on the undesirable behavior.

3. I'm so glad you're not spanking your little girl. She's probably already unhappy about her school experience, and that would compound the problem. Plus, it's not a natural consequence, a direct outcome of the behavior. It's an act of force and imposing shame, and kids subjected to that kind of discipline may eventually start practicing force against others, or rebel, or break emotionally. (Not all kids, but you don't know until too late if your child is one who'll be so affected.)

4. Most educational programs, and the timing they impose on all children, are artificially "one-size-fits-all." Your daughter may truly be too young for Kindergarten. Some kids are. And related to this, too much focus on academics at this age, at the expense of time for free, imaginative play, has been shown to negatively affect children's love of learning. It can actually backfire, making kids even more resistant education. They no longer "own" their own free and natural impulse to explore and learn.

5. Having your daughter repeat probably won't scar her emotionally. If it is simply presented as an opportunity to learn more comfortably, and not to be pressured into trying to succeed where the work or social expectations are too much for her, she'll be fine. It might scar YOU emotionally, though, if you have dreadful thoughts about social stigma or lost opportunities. Those things are worst-case-scenarios, and are unlikely to happen. So if her being retained is a source of suffering for you, I hope you'll try reexamining your assumptions. Kids pushed ahead usually do much worse than kids appropriately held back.

6. Finally, your daughter needs someone to advocate for her, and you are the person in the best position to understand and act on your daughter's unique needs. Has she been evaluated for behavioral challenges, autism spectrum, or sensory disorders (even very bright kids can have these issues)? And I'm not a fan of medicating children for what is really natural behavior (for them), but I have known a few children who do MUCH better on carefully-targets meds. All this might be good to talk over with her pediatrician. If there is an actual problem, it's better to identify it early so you know what your options are.

7. It also occurs to me that your daughter could be completely normal, considering her particular genetics, early training, impulsivity level. This brings me back to point number 4. Kindergarten is really not a good fit for every child, and I wonder whether any optional programs are available for you.

Good luck, S..

I would talk to her pedi, and see if he or she has a recommendation for a behavioral specialist. If nothing else, they can help you rule out any physiological issues (ADD/ADHD, unbalanced nutrition, sleeping issues, learning disability, etc). Should she have any physiological issues, you and your pedi or specialist can create a plan to correct or improve the issue. Of course, the problem may truly be immaturity, or some combination of both. For us, it was a bit of both.

Had I known then what I know now, I would have held my daughter back. She is definitely smart enough to make the grade...when she does her work (and turns it in), she gets A's. She brings up points in class that make her teachers comment on her intelligence, perception, and creativity. But when it comes to the level of responsibility her grade levels have required, she has always been far behind. She is now in middle school...holding her back now would be the equivalent of social suicide unless we changed schools entirely. Even then it's a huge self-esteem blow. However, if she fails, she won't have a choice. (I would not for one second hesitate to let her suffer the consequences of inferior effort.) And if she fails, it will be because she was just not mature enough to handle the responsibility now required of her. Had I held her back in kindergarten, she might not be having the problems she's having now. Treating the physiological issues greatly improved the behavior problems (no more getting into fights or inappropriate outbursts in class), but nothing except time can help with maturity.

You know your daughter best. If you think that she's just not able to keep up with what is required of her, or if correcting any underlying issues just isn't enough, then by all means hold her back a year. Right now, she may just be too stimulated by everything that goes on in the classroom and hasn't developed the ability to deal with it yet. If she gets bored later and is ready for more challenging work, you can always put her in GT or maybe even have her skip a grade...it's much easier on the ego than being held back or failing later on!

Best of luck,
-M.

(And for all those so quick to criticize people for having their children tested for ADHD...if your child was diabetic, would you deny them treatment or coping tools (glucometer, insulin, etc)? How about austistic? Obese? Deaf? Walk a mile in someone else's shoes for a while...parents of ADHD children love them just as much as you love yours.)

The best thing you can do for your daughter is to retain her in Kindergarten. I speak from experienced, having 2 sons with summer birthdays. One repeated PreK due to the same type of symptoms you are describing. That one more year of maturity really made the difference- he graduated high school with honors! My younger son was in a preschool that would not allow a child to repeat PreK. He is now in 2nd grade and still struggling with maturity issues, particularly when it comes to independent work. I regret that I didn't give my younger son another year before expecting him to sit still and read. At home you can read, read, read to her. Point out words everywhere you go together- grocery store, billboards, signs, TV guide, etc. Get books on tape from the library and have a time every day when everyone in the house sits down to read. Less TV!

Hi S.,

First of all, don't panic! Calendar age is just a number - kids develop in different areas at different rates. Your daughter just might need a bit more time to learn the social and behavioral pieces of the school puzzle, which can be challenging to master in just one year. If you and the school staff think she needs a bit longer to be ready for first grade, then take action. You might see if you can offer her a year at a different location to keep her from feeling like she is "repeating" kindergarten.

Our very bright second son was an August baby and was going to be one of the oldest or youngest in his grade depending on which year he entered 1st Grade. After considering what fit him best at the time, we chose to give him an additional year to mature. He has been happy and successful - top of his class ever since.

Good luck!
Parent Coach J. B

Here are some good suggestions for behavioral issues by Dr. Pruett, MD with children at this blog - good luck!
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2009/10/30/...

I'm sorry, I didn't read the other responses either, but at first glance I think there is a good chance your daughter is ADD. I'd suggest you have her tested and maybe even consider an alternative school if the rest of the school year is so difficult, and you can afford it. Meds......maybe, maybe not. A personal choice. But she may not have the capability to behave the way that is expected in the classroom. Honestly, I doubt she does. She she is just feeling like a failure over and over again because she can't meet the expectations. This may really hurt her self esteem.

I was told I should keep my child from beginning kindergarten, but changing schools changed everything so it wasn't necessary. Small classrooms. Good nutrition. Finding some activity that really does it for her. Less focus on grades and more on her personal achievements. Help her to succeed would be the goal. Of course you are frustrated, but keep in mind she is confused and frustrated too. Try not too worry too much about a 5 year old "applying herself." Make her self esteem your focus.

It sounds like she may be having issues with ADHD or ADD. I would make a list of how she behaves when for about a week, then make a doctors appt and consult with him/her. My husband and I were against giving our son the narcotic prescription drugs when he was diagnosed. So, I went to the health food store and found a homeopathic drug to give him with all natural ingredients. It doesn't affect his growth or appetite. He takes the Attend combo pack which includes Attend, Memorin, and Extress. It has helped tremendously. It is not a cure all, but does work and we feel safe using it.

Don't think that her not going to Pre-K is the cause. Yes, it does give students a head start, but studies show that by the end of kinder, kids who did not pre-k have caught up with those who did.

Bless you! and all single moms!

I have watched my sister struggle as a single mom. Doing the best you can do is really great. Here you are stressing your self out so very much.

First, none of my three boys had all that much homework in K. I think that homework in K is just a practice in preparing to do homework in 1st grade. Try this: do one piece of homework!

Second, if is quite normal for kids born in the summer and in the fall to find that they need to start K at 6 and not at 5. As long as she doesn't get the same K teacher (which I think the school will see to), repeating K will not be onerous. I considered having my youngest repeat 1st grade and had the thought that he could really enjoy 1st grade especially on those parts he caught on to the first time and can show off a bit. A little "I know that word!" doesn't hurt! LOL

Third, what are the teachers' recommendations? Would they recommend some mentor program for reading? (or whatever) I think just saying "she has maturity issues" wouldn't answer my concerns at all! Dig a little deeper with the teacher. If you aren't satisfied with an answer, take it up with the principal or vice-principal.

Good luck and take a DEEP breath! Your beautiful daughter won't stay five-years-old: do find some time to enjoy her. I think that is more important than homework!