Stop! Wait! Come Here!

For safety reasons, we bought a product at Target (also have it at Walmart) that looks like an animal (we have the monkey), is worn like a backpack (and has a small amount of storage), and has a tail that attaches to it for Mom or Dad to hold on to. I specifically bought it for my now 4 year old son when he was about 2. He wanted to walk everywhere especially in the mall. It was the Christmas shopping season. It didn't matter whether or not he listened (he did most of the time). I was concerned in that split second or two when he let go and took off, someone else would grab him. The backpack monkey we have snaps on in the front with two harness straps. He still loves the monkey and still wears it (usually without the tail now).

Anyhow, I hope this helps.

I agree with the safety harness. My son is 21 months old and he likes to walk. My mom bought him the harness and its the greatest thing ever.

Chantel, She is testing her boundries and you! The simple fix is to make her hold your hand until she can Stop! If she can't stop and wait then she can't walk on her own. Simple rules, simple consequences! I always made my girls "hook-up" when ever we were out or walking anyplace outside of a three house area of our home. Espically at that age. Hooking-up did include hanging on to me anyplace...even the corner of a jacket or my purse or the grocery cart. If they let go, I latched on to their hand! Keep it simple, stay firm and strong! Best wishes.

Dear Chantel,
My daughter will be 18 months tomorrow, and she recently began to do the same thing. I work from home but have to do drop-offs at my office. Often, this means parking and walking a block or two. Thankfully, there are nice, wide sidewalks. Naturally, she wanted to test her boundaries will we were walking. However, she quickly learned that when she did not obey (stop, wait) she lost the "privilege" of walking by herself. I try to make sure that I have plenty of time, so that she can walk & I don't "have" to carry her. She's very bright & very verbal, so initally, she'd have to hold my hand for a few "block/squares" of the sidewalk, then I'd stop & ask her if she was ready to obey. If she said yes, she was allowed to walk by herself again. If not, then she continued to hold my hand. If she was allowed to walk by herself & got to far (2-3 squares ahead) and didn't obey when told to stop, then I would put her in the stroller or carry her. However, if this happened on the way TO the office, she got to "start over" again when we left to return to the car.
At the risk of "getting my ears trimmed" I do not agree with the harness. It is a restraint that means the child does not have to learn to follow the directions. I had considered it with my son who is now 5. He has some special needs & is borderline ADD. However, I felt that he is capable of following the instructions, and understanding the importance of it. While your daughter may not be able to understand WHY she needs to follow your instructions, she can certainly understand consistent consequences, and that is the key ~ CONSISTENCY! It's hard, and not fun. However, it's worth it in the long run. It's easier to train a child well & correctly when they're very small, as opposed to allowing them to "run the show" or "do their own thing" for a few years, and THEN have to "re-train". I'll be praying for you AND your daugther. While what you're experiences is pretty typical, it's still frustrating, I know ~ we still have our moments, but that's what they are now~moments! :)

I guess it depends on the situation. Busy street--never let her get far enough that you cannot grab her in 2 seconds! Quiet woods with no traffic, etc...keep her in eyesight.
Can you teach her the green light/red light game? When you say red light, she has to FREEZE!
Good luck keeping up with your little explorer!

Chantel, I began a response about 10 minutes ago, had to leave my screen briefly, and my time must have expired. I hope it simply disappeared, and was not sent to you in its beginning stages.

Firstly your approach, "Stop! Wait! Come Here!" is a form of "rehearsal", with your young child, and sometimes with older children. Establishing special, repetitive,
"rehearsal" words in a warm, supportive tone, and repeating them in various situations, are likely to have a memorable impact on your walks outside. You might begin with special stuffed animals, pretending that you are about to go out.

Singing your "rehearsals" impacts children's enthusiasm and their memories. "Let's play go outside, with bear, doggie and turtle" for example. When we need them, we say (in a warm, loving supportive voice,) "Now, we stop! What do we do when we stop." Demonstrate the motions that reflect "stopping". Do the same with "Wait" Make it fun, memorable and repeatable. Then when you are ready to go out for your real walk, remind your son, before opening the door, "What do we mean when we say, Stop! (He rehearses it! ...... Wait! Rehearsal ... Come Here!"? Again rehearsal! This is done with smiles, a certain playfulness, words, many repetitions, and affirmation, as in "I knew you could do this!" Struggles around walks will become fun. Repetition and affirmation will turn this into a game, played inside and out, and then into the real thing. When this montra becomes 2nd nature, walks may turn into nature walks, seeing rocks, leaves, sticks, moving insects. The world becomes his laboratory of learning! Good luck!

About me: I am an educator why has been working with children and adults for many years. I have 7 grand children, ages 3 - 19, and have successfully modeled "rehearsals" in many contexts. I wish you success and am confident that you and your child will experience joy in your outings.

Best Wishes, "Nanasource"

I have to agree with the safety harness. They make really cute ones that work like backpacks--animals with a long "tail" that has a loop on the end for YOUR wrist.

She seems young to maybe understand the concept of why she needs to stop as soon as you say the word, but I think you should start explaining it to her. She needs to learn that there are reasons mom gives her rules, especially about stopping when you say to stop. Practice at home, make it a game. With my kids, when I say stop and they don't stop, we have to go home.

Start the red light/green light game and add in a "u-turn" option.

:)

Do you stop when she says, stop? Or come here? Or wait?

Those are important things to do, for us as moms as well as for our children. There are times they simply need to learn to obey for safety sake.

Why not let her explore with one of those backpacks on that has a leash on the end of it ? It puts Mom on a leash so Mom doesn't get lost. And maybe together, you can still take your walks in the country and have what Pooh calls going on a "big explore". Finding things in the woods, and seeing the bugs and animal footprints are wonderful ways to spark learning. But you don't want either of you to get lost from each other. It can be part of your "exploring clothes".

We live in the country, too, and there are lots of hunters in the woods -- starting this coming Saturday actually. . . . when we first moved here, when the kids were little, I wanted to buy summer jackets in hunter orange, to keep them safe outside -- but I couldn't find any. (my lucky kids !!) One year we had a coyote hanging around in the back field periodically, and I worried that the girls would be about the right size for a snack, so forages out to explore were very limited that year. You have to be wise to your environment, whether it's crossing the strees or poking around in the woods. I applaud your concerns. If your duaghter doesn't want to wear the leash, wear one yourself and make her hold the end. Either way, you are attached. You could even take turns being the one on the leash. But most of all, enjoy each other ! :-)

Buy a safety harness. That way she can explore a little without having to hold your hand. And, you can keep her safe.

I agree with the safety harness, too. We bought a Monkey Backpack/ Harness at Target when our daughter was about 19 months. When we went into a store, the zoo, or just walking around the block I would put the "Monkey" on her back and tuck the tail into itself and would tell my daughter (now 2) that she could walk on her own as long as she didn't run off. If she ran off then I would have to hold the monkey's tail and she also had to hold the monkey's tail. (I guess I hated feeling like I was walking a puppy.) I also explained to her that if we were in a busy parking lot or I felt it was unsafe that we had to hold the monkey's tail. We don't use the harness as often now and she has started asking me to hold my hand in busy areas.

At 18 months I started time outs with my son, he was old enough to know he had to listen to me so I figured he was old enough for time outs. Worked like a charm. Now if he doesn't listen or is really acting up all I have to say to him is "I am going to count to three" By the time I get to 2 he is usually doing what I want him to do. I don't use it for everything, just for big things like safety issues. I also used to tell him that if he didn't listen to me and hold my hand (or stop when I say stop) then we were going home. You may actually have to follow up and take your child home once or twice, after that they learn you mean business. And I also remind him if he is not listening to me (and I don't want to take him home) that he can go in timeout anywhere, b/c timeouts can be done anywhere. Hope this helps.