Stolen Objects!

If it were me, i would tell the school principle and ask her/him how to deal with it. I would not let her get away with it. also put in writing what the distinctive markings are and if you have any photos of you in it that would help.

A. J

What a hard lesson for a 7 year old to have to learn! I'd talk to the principal, and if that doesn't work immediately call the police. Even if they are unfortunate and need it more than you stealing is NOT right. There are agencies to help the less fortunate. Teaching a little girl to steal will only make her a thief as an teenager and adult.

Your daughter may have given her the jacket and not wanted to tell you. Keep in mind that what you hear from your childrens' mouths are NOT facts, no matter how much you think your angel would never lie. They tell you what is least likely to upset you or result in further discussion.

This is a great age for your daughter to start resolving conflict on her own. Perhaps you want to suggest to her that, if the other girl took it from her, she ask for it back. If that doesn't work, she should go to one of the teachers who can act as the intermediary for the two girls. Assure your daughter you know she can handle it and to treat the other girl respectfully, but with firmness.

tough situation - you might try coming at it from another perspective other than outright thievery...

perhaps the girl found the jacket in lost & found the day your daughter's dad picked her up; she might have the (mistaken) notion that if it's in l&f then it's ok to take it. (? not unheard of, when i was a middle school teacher it was a common sentiment). say the girl wears the jacket the next day -- mom isn't lying, just 'supporting' her daughter's 'squatter's rights' on the jacket when questionned by the staff.
if i were to confront the mother myself, i would definitely have a staff member within ear shot (police presence might be intimidating & cause her to get unnecessarily defensive). then i would confront the mother in a way that helps her save face, kinda like this:
(i would hope a rational adult would respond well to your saying something to the effect of,)

"my daughter accidently left my old jacket in the cafeteria a few days ago. when your daughter found it, she probably didn't know who it belongs to, and it really has a lot of sentimental value for me and my girl. would you mind if maybe we bought a new jacket for your daughter & she could trade us back ours?"
i think something like that would do 3 things in your favor: 1) allow the mom to save face & not come out of it stinking like a liar (especially in font of other parents, the staff, and her own child) & appear to be the 'mother of a theif,' 2) play to her pride a bit if she takes as pity your offer to buy a jacket for her daughter, and 3) gives your daughter a chance to see how to resolve conflict with compassion (and, if it doesn't work out that she gets the jacket back, a chance to reinforce that it's truly the other party's problem in the long run; it would be an opportunity for her to learn more about the values important to you and your family).

HTH!

I am so annoyed at that woman I could spit. I work with delinquent juveniles, and from experience, parents have everything to do with it. I hope to hear your response soon.

I would formally go to the principal and tell her that you can identify the jacket by the stains and ask that she have the child bring the jacket so she (a neutral party) can check. I am a teacher and would have no problem being the bad guy in a situation like this. Stealing is taken very seriously in my classroom. Do not let it go- the child will learn that she can take whatever she wants and the adults will let her. Not a good lesson for her to be learning at such a young age. Good Luck!

I hope others have great advice, but it sounds like you are pretty much out of luck. If the girl's mom is aware and is not willing to help, then you are at the end of your options. I think marking your daughter's clothes was wise and was talking to the staff and telling your daughter what you did. My only other thought would be to get the principal involved and at least ask for the jacket to be returned to school so that identifying marks can be checked. I would ask the principal not to mention that it is blood stains or where they are located so that they cannot try to do anything to change them. My other thought is that if they "need" this jacket so badly that they are willing to lie and steal to get it, maybe they need something more than accusations, maybe they need our compasion? Again, if you really want it back, I think at the very least it should be brought back to school so all parties can examine the jacket. That's not to say that they wouldn't have found the stains and said they get there another way? Do you have a picture of your child and/or you in the jacket that would show it was in your possession at one time? Yikes! What a terrible thing! Good luck, and say a prayer for that family!

I am sorry that this happened to you and your daughter. The best thing I can say is that we cannot control what happens to us, only how we respond to what happens to us. "There is nothing wrong with accomplishing things and enjoying our stuff, but we should never center our lives on things, which in the end have no lasting value." Don't be a victim. "If who I am is what I have and what I have is lost, then who am I?" You are an individual that with strong honesty principals who should not be spending time labeling clothes with initials. Don't allow your daughter to worry about something that is out of her control either. Set a good example by not giving anymore energy to this experience that is out of your control.

I would file a police report and tell the officer that the jacket has been seen at school and they say it's theirs. Tell him about the hidden stains and have him check it out. You don't have to be with him when he does this. He will do it alone. And if it checks out to be your jacket, he will confiscate it and return it to you. (If the stains are blood, it will be pretty easy to determine if it is your jacket.) I certainly would not drop the matter until I had exercised all of my options.

If all of the above does happen, then I would make sure the school is aware of the charges and outcome too. They need to be more aware of this child, her mom, and their habits.

Good Luck!

If it's truly important to get the coat back, then talk to the school principal. To my understanding, the girl did not 'steal' the coat from your daughter, she 'stole' it from the cafeteria. Your daughter wil not be 'walked on' as others have suggested.

I have a teenage boy and I have been through similiar experiences. I know it is critical to look at the big picture. Talk to your daughter about how the other girl's actions made her feel. Would your daughter ever do this to someone else? (of course not, but talk about it) Talk about the difference between borrowing and keepting, etc. etc. etc. Then take a deep breath and remember...it's just a jacket. She will handle the situation the way she has watched you handle it.

You need to give them a graceful out. Go to the school before or after when the little girl is wearing the jacket. Say, "Honey, I know this jacket looks like one you own. But there has been a mistake. Here, take it off and let me show you." The little girl will take it off and then you show her the stains with it IN YOUR HANDS. Once it is in your hands you just continue to nicely say, "I know how it is when something looks like your stuff. But this really is ours. I know how mistakes are made. Have a good day!" AND WALK AWAY. Your daughter doesn't even need to be there.

If the little girl won't take the coat off, have a school authority come over just to watch. They can say, "Take off the coat and give it to Ms. J., she wants to show you something on the inside."

If the parent confronts you later, just calmly ask her what size and brand name the coat is. If she answers that correctly, say, "Show me a photo of you in that jacket and I will happily return it." Then just WALK AWAY. Don't engage in any garbage exchange because I can promise you, any woman who would encourage her daughter to steal will have no qualms about cussing and threatening you. Smile, wave, and walk away.

Good luck.
VickiS

I would go to the Principal about the situation. You reported it missing before you knew it was seen on another child..how else would you know what it looks like, Sz, etc. If they don't do anthing about it you can go to the police and file a police report. I would tell the principal in that meeting that is your intention so he can pass the news along to the other mom. I'm guessing she'd rather turn it in then get them involved. I don't agree with the advice to let it go, that's like telling your child it's ok to steal from her. I agree with teaching her about all that, not being ok, but some people still do it..and hope she makes the best choices for herself. And on the flip side if you let it go that also letting that other child think it must be ok to steal..her mom is telling her it is apparently and you let it go so hey..

If you are certain the item belongs to you, speak to the principal. Insist that they contact the parents of the child and have the item returned for further inspection. All public schools have police officers and theft is theft, no matter the value. You'll be helping both children.

You'll feel pretty silly if it isn't your jacket though and you'll have to be ready to apologize. It might not be likely, but I'm sure it's possible that there were two jackets exactly alike. (It's also possible that the XXL used to be an XS, I'm living proof of that :) Good luck!

Time to call the principal and set up a conference with the girl and her mother...if you can identify the jacket, then that's what I would do. If that doesn't work, I'd tell them that you plan to press theft chatges...call the police...if you can identify the jacket, those people don't stand a chance. Besides that, they're not going to want to deal with the police over the jacket...they'll probably give it back.

I would absolutely NOT give up on the jacket...it's yours, you know it's yours...go and get it! Some of the people on here are acting like you should just let it go. I wouldn't! I would agree that you should use this incident to teach your daughter, but I would also go and get what belongs to you...and teach your daughter about what happens to people who steal, and what happens to people who stand up for themselves.

That mother is setting a bad example for her daughter, you need to set a good example for yours.

Good luck,

S.

I hate that your daughter has to go thru this already at 7!! I think you have been given great advise. Please let us know how it goes. I just wanted to say that other mom will get hers eventually. It always comes around to bite you in the rear!

As horrible as it seems, let it go, teach your daughter to take the high road, not to steal and lie, and allow karma to take care of this other little girl. This kind of thing has a way of coming back around.

Hey J., sorry to hear about what's happening. It's so hard dealing with something like this but maybe you could tell the school to take the jacket and call this girls mom and tell her that the police have been called. Sometimes we have to teach these people that you just don't take what's not yours. Good Luck Girl!!

Talk to the school again about the blood stains and then ask them to take it back for you, if they find these signs. If they refuse then there is nothing you can do. If the mom will not teach her kids this lesson, then the school needs to step up to the plate. Clearly all the evidence points to theft and that is the part of the school to step in. If they refuse then there is nothing you can do, you should not teach your daughter to steal it back. Although that would be my first reaction. But the lesson would prevail. Your kids will learn the important lesson of how it feels when others do this and she won't want to do that to someone else.

I agree with Patricia. I don't know how to make the teacher check it over (if the girl even wears it to school again), but that is exactly what needs to be done. I would make sure the teacher knows that you feel it is necessary to just check to make sure it is not yours, and if it turns out to be yours then it needs to be returned to you not your daughter.

Hope it all works out.

I would inform the principal that he needs to have the mom bring the jacket in to check and see if it is yours or you will contact the police, and then do it.

Maybe you should just go directly to the principal. Tell the principal this kid stole your daughters jacket and why you know it is her jacket and you think the kid should be suspended from school if she does not voluntarily bring the jacket in for inspection by the principal.

You have really gotten mixed advice. I give one vote for going to the principal. If the principal dosen't want to push the issue, I would call the police while still in her office. If you trust that your little girl is telling you the truth, I would make the other little girls mom produce the jacket to someone and verify if it is yours or not. Your daughter should not have to worry that someone is going to take her things at school. This is a Safeplace and the staff is responsible for making her feel safe. They need to do their job.

Good morning, J.,
Unfortunately, unless you are willing to make a police report and go to this woman's house with an officer to confront her, consider the jacket gone. Theft like this is rampant at schools and unfortunately, unless your name or her name was in the jacket before it was taken, it's hard to prove ownership.
I learned the hard way over the years to never let my kids take anything to school that wasn't labeled unless we didn't care if we never saw it again. You would be shocked how much stuff "goes missing". My sister was a school principal for many years and always gave us great coats from the school "Lost & Found" for our kids at the end of the year from whatever had been sitting there for months.
I know it's not true in your case, but sometimes kids are ashamed to tell their parents that they were careless with their stuff and say "someone took it". Sometimes kids do take things and then drop them off anonymously at school because they feel guilty.
Good luck and go shopping together for another cute and distinctive jacket. Let your daughter pick what she wants and then label it IMMEDIATELY with her name, etc.
Good luck!

We had a similiar experience with my son's skateboard (Razor). I spoke with his teacher and teacher contacted the suspected boys parents. To my surprise, instead of returning the Razor, then sent us a check to cover the cost of replacing it. It's interesting what other parents do. We would have been fine to just have had the Razor returned no questions asked. I would suggest that you contact the Principal and see if she can contact the parents.

Since this took place at school, I would see if the teacher (of the other girl) would be willing to help - a mediator so to speak. If she could pull the girl out privately and question her about the jacket, she might be willing to tell the truth and return it. Usually kids have a good level of respect for their teachers and see them as an authority figure/friend. On that note, I would think the Principal could certainly get the truth from her! Other than that, I'm not sure what else to tell you - bad situation all around! Best of Luck!

I would use this as an opportunity to discuss integrity with your daughter. Unfortunately, there are people in this world that have incredibly low character and sadly, are going to teach their children to be that way as well. Your daughter is going to have to deal with people like that during her lifetime.

Personally, I would drill the leason home that just because someone else acts in a sub-par fashion does not give her (or anyone else) license to return the favor.

Beyond that let it go.

J.,

this is a tough one, it all depends on how far you are willing to go to get this jacket back. Obviously the other girls mother has no shame and doesnt care about what she is teaching her daugher, so I cant imagine her being easy to talk about this subject and I really dont think the teacher will get involved to the extent of taking the jacket herself and give it to you, if the other mother claims its hers this could get messy. I would be livid, but on the other hand I wouldnt want to get into a bad discussion with the other parent or the school. In the end it is your call, personally I would let it teach my own daughter a life lesson and teach her that this is NOT the proper behavior etc. Good luck to you.

J.,
This happened to my daughter at that same age, however, it was a 14k gold ring with 2 diamonds. My daughter did not tell me that she took it out of my jewelry box to wear to school. She just wanted to show the girls she had an expensive ring. Nevertheless, a young girl asked is she could see it and never got it back. When my daughter told me about it, I could not believe it. She told me that she had asked the girl numerous times to give it back and the girl never did. Needless to say, I called the teacher, told her about it and she wrote a letter to the parents explaining the situation and the importance of doing the right thing....still no response. My daughter asked the little girl about it again and she told her that the mother was wearing it and was not going to give it back, sad huh? After hearing that, the teacher wrote a letter to the parents and sent it home with the class mate that night explaining that if she did not return the ring in the next 3 days that law enforcement was going to be called in to resolve the issue. I never received a letter with an I'm sorry for the mishap or an explaination to the story, but didn't expect one either......but that letter did get me the ring back. Funny how things work themselves out. Good luck on this and dont give up.

I think you handled it wonderfully from your description. I can only think of one other thing. Tell the 360 staff that you'd like to look at the jacket one last time to point out the blood stains. There's a good chance that if those spots have been there for years, they still are. That might get you your jacket back. If the 360 staff doesn't want to take it any further, call the police department, report it stolen and tell them you're about 99% sure who has the jacket. You could even tell the officer that you are trying to teach your daughter right from wrong and how officers are there to help us out. Just an idea! Good luck and God Bless! Keep us all posted!

If you see the mom I would confront her. Her daughter may be saying that your daughter gave it to her.

I think that, given you've given identifiers to the teachers, and the fact that it's a womans jacket that doesn't fit the other mom, the teacher should confiscate the jacket when the girl takes it off, check it for the identifiers, and return it to you - don't have the teacher give it to your daughter, as that would just be awkward for her. She may not want to wear it to school again, but at least you'll have it back. I can't imagine approaching the mother directly, but that's probably a last resort. Sheesh, some people do suck!

Hi,
I am sorry to hear about your jacket and your entire situation. Last year my daughter was in 8th grade and decided to take her new digit camera to school and it was stolen. We have never seen it again!
R.

Stealing is WRONG. It's your jacket and you should get it back. I would even go as far as getting the police involved. It is a crime to steal and the mother knows that. Go get your jacket, girl! Best of luck to you.

I doubt the kid will wear it to school again. If she does, the teacher should not be the one to handle the situation- too tricky when the other mom comes back up pissed because her kid was "violated" or whatever. The principal needs to take care of it from this point. But, sadly, I think it may be too late.
This situation would make me SO mad though!

J.,
If it were me I would be at school when the mother picked up the little girl and confront her. I would tell her that your daughter wore this jacket to school and said your daughter took it. You reported it to the staff as lost and they noticed she was wearing it, and had never worn it before. Tell her, to prove it is yours, you will show her where certain marks are on the jacket. If she still wont budge, just say you will file a report with the school police dept. and she will be hearing from them soon. This has happened me my kids before, and we got our items back

I second (or third or whatever number we're on) the suggestions about going to the principal first and then the police. If you do nothing, you empower this girl and her mother to continue stealing and lying. If they get called on it this time, maybe some other little girl won't have to go deal with what your daughter has.

I (as an adult) would not confront the little girl without a school official. That opens the door to more trouble and possible lawsuit. When your daughter sees the little girl wearing the jacket, then she can tell her teacher or the principle, and they can confront the little girl. Make sure that your daughter's techer knows the situation before hand. That would help your daughter learn how to deal with issues that will come up in her life. Excellent job taking the teaching moment and talking to your daughter about taking things that are not hers.

My granddaughter lost a coat on Kindergarten and I was so mad.It was so cute to me. I had fake fur with leopard inside and I have never seen anyone wear it. She did not like it because she thought it was bulky.She left it in the lost and found box and I drug it home again and it disapeared and gone forever. But also I made her an outfit that had the capri pants with beading on it and a top to match.
She tore off the beading and handed it to kids. I thought kids tore it off being jeolous but later the teacher told me my granddaughter did it. So I was hurt after working on it she never really enjoyed it. She did not like the beads and I did. I guess the lessons are that we can not do anything about those who steal but learn how much it hurts when we like something we have and someone is dishonest and takes from us and learn how we can avoid hurting others the same way. G. W

I would go to the principal and have them look at the jacket. If it is yours it needs to be returned to you. I know how you are felling. My son had taken his lunch to school one day last year and left his lunch box on the playground by the door that they go back into the school. We went to look for it right after school and it was gone. It had not been turned into the lost and found either. It had his name on it. I guess that the person who took it, thought that they needed it worse than my son did. I hope that this all works out for you.

Vicki S. gave you good advice. If you let this go, your child learns to be a doormat. To me, the only reason I would allow the other child to keep the jacket without challenging it is if the family were poor and even if the family is poor, it does not excuse stealing and that is exactly what the other child has done.

If you allow the situation to go this child is the one that suffers because her mother is too ignorant to teach her right from wrong. By letting it go, you then become a part of the problem.