Sticker/Rewards Chart

I did a sticker reward chart with my son (I found a nice one on the SuperNanny website where you can move a person forward and backward for good/bad behavior). Anyway, before we started the chart, I had my son decorate a Fun Jar with stickers and paints. Then I typed up a bunch of fun activities to do together and placed them in the fun jar. Every time Adam completed his chart, he got to pick one slip of paper from the Fun Jar (look online for quick, fun ideas). One game was called Follow the Path. We took a roll of toilet paper and wound it around EVERYTHING downstairs. Then, we had to follow the path up, down, around things. When we were done, I let Adam collect the toilet paper into a big pile and we threw it up, jumped in it, and had fun. No fancy toys...but plenty of laughs. I am also a believer that when you spend time/have fun/laugh with you kids, they are LESS likely to act up. Toys don't give you that.

I started a chore chart for my 3 year old (and now my 2 yr old as well; she's wanting to help and get stickers, too!). I have a row of boxes for each chore, and each day she completes all the chores. She puts a small sticker in each box when it's completed (and I give her the "ok" that it's actually completed properly). I give her an allowance each week if she's completed all her chores. We give her money to help her start to learn that you only get 'paid' if you work for it. We explained about dad's job and how he gets paid if he works, but if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid. She's slowing getting it. We (because money is tight for us, too) give her $.25/day. I only make her complete the chores 5 days a week...she gets the weekends off because we're usually busy doing things or out and about. So far, so good for us. I, too, didn't want a bunch of dollar store toys piling up around the house. She puts her earned money in her bank, and she gets to decide when she wants to spend it and how, but she knows that if she saves it for awhile she can get something really big! :)

Hope this helps. Good luck with your kiddos!

Dear H.,

I think it's a terrific idea to start using a sticker chart to help your children get motivated to engage in behaviors, chores, responses, etc that might be somewhat challenging.

The most important thing, even before you figure out how many boxes to fill, is to define in observable terms what you want your kids to do. For example "Behave" is a bit too unclear. Perhaps try something like, "Use nice words when talking to others" (It's just an example...not sure what you are working on with your kids). It's very important that your kids understand what your expectations are so that they don't feel confused and/or angry when they might not earn a sticker for the day. If you do this, you will be able to ask them, "Did you use nice words today?"

Giving your children a sense of empowerment and ownership also helps with motivation. Perhaps have your kids decide something that they need to work on at home with you so that it doesn't feel imposed.

As far as the number of boxes, stickers, etc...start out small. Another important, perhaps key feature, of any behavior mod plan is to ensure the child meets with success almost immediately. If the task seems too daunting, the motivation to persist might not be there. Also, the whole point of using a reward system is to get a behavior to become part of someone's repetoire of skills. In order for that to happen, make the periods to earn the reward longer and longer. Generally what happens is that the behavior becomes part of the child's daily routine and the "reward" isn't so important any longer. You might also try using non-tangible rewards such as special time with Mommy so that your house doesn't start to become buried in stuff. Another key component is that what the child is working towards is of great importance to them. If your kids don't really care about the reward, there's not much incentive to engage in the behavior you're looking for.

Hope this helps!!

Best,
D.

We have a washed out jelly jar that my daughter puts rocks in every time she does something good or performs some sort of "positive behavior". When the rock jar fills up to the TOP, then she gets to go to the toy store or book store to buy a new book or toy (around $10-$25). Surprisingly, she always wants a new BOOK! ; ) This event happens about every 2 months or so.

It works like a charm! She loves the positive reinforcement! And it works really well for getting her to stop doing "bad behavior" as well because we tell her that we will have to take a rock OUT OF the jar if she doesn't listen well, and that makes her snap right to and stop doing that "bad behavior". (We have never actually taken a rock out of the jar, just the threat alone makes her start acting positively).

BTW - you can get a bag of smooth rocks at the DOLLAR STORE to start your reward system. People buy the rocks for filling up glass jars in decorating their house. (like flowers...).

Goodluck!!

As a teacher as well as a mom, I've learned that many children value the sticker, the extra book read, a craft project, strawberries in the middle of winter, that one-on-one time, a walk, flowers(my children would choose this and then give them to someone i.e. daycare lady, nextdoor neighbor), and the list goes on. Many children just want to be given the responsibility and to be/feel a part of something. I use the "stuff" only when absolutely the last option. The cost can be minimal but the rewards "priceless"

We started with the toy idea but then had the same concern as you - I don't want all this stuff. Now the kids have a choice - they can have $1 to use at the dollar store or save for something else, or they can choose to go somewhere. Typically they choose the library, bouncy bounce or out to dinner. We use 10 stars on a white board, they love drawing them themselves! Good luck.

I would start out with rewarding often so they buy into it, then gradually building up the time between rewards. At first give them stickers every time u catch them being good, then slowly not point out each time, only some and when they ask. This will help make it more intrinsic of why they are doing chores.

The stickers can be rewards and then they have to earn a certain amount to get a bigger reward. You don't have to focus on toys, material things. you can make rewards be a game they get to choose to play with mom/dad, a movie they get to watch, some extra tv/videogames/computer time. But do make it straight forward with them. Sit down with them and ask what they would like for rewards. But you are the one who makes the final decision. It helps the kids feel in control. And write everything down so its there for them to see (even if they can't read they know its there).

Hi H.,

I like the idea of earning special time with mom as opposed to racking up new toys. Sometimes simple things like a trip to the park, or going out for ice-cream is more memorable than a new toy because your kids get to spend quality time with you! Good luck!

Hi H.-

I do a reward chart with my 3 1/2 year old son for one behavior (going to bed with no problem and not waking us up in the middle of the night), and it works really well. We've used it on and off for almost a year now. We've changed and adapted it as we've needed to, but the basic idea is that he can earn up to 2 stickers per night (or smiley faces on a white board, which we do now). He gets 2 smiley faces for a perfect night, one if he gets up once, and none if he gets up more than that. When he earns 10, he gets his reward. When we started, his reward was to go to Chuck E Cheese. That started losing its excitement, so we recently changed the reward to getting $5 for a toy. I try to bring him to places where there are inexpensive things to look at, since he won't really understand why he can't have the $30 toy :) I always tell him that he can get a small toy with his money, or if he wants to save some, he'll be able to get a bigger toy. Sometimes he gets something worth $2 or $3, then saves the rest, which I think is a great lesson in spending and saving. Now that we've done both money and going places for a reward, I let him choose what he wants to work toward each time. I think that keeps him excited about it as well. Good luck!

Our chart has 8 things (clean, brush teeth, stay in bed, etc) for our almost-3-year-old and our 4-1/2 year old. When they get 20 stickers they get 1 hour of time alone with my husband or me (we also have a 1-year old so time is valuable around here).

I have tried this and love the idea :0) I did not want a million dollar stores either, so I offered an experience or larger toy for my four year old. He was still enthused even though he didn't get something often (when he reaches 50 stars he gets something, but he has 12 opportunities per day to get one.)He chooses to go to the arcade for a while. It is his favorite place, and it is a two for one deal, because he has to save his quarters to take with him. We play until he is out of money or is ready to go home. Good luck!

instead of toys, maybe you could take them out to a saturday afternoon movie or go for pizza or maybe some books, or maybe visit a musuem something like that, hoped I have helped